After rounding up the village for any loose ends and setting everything on fire I left.
I traveled a good bit away from it, but I could still see the light in the dark night sky and smell it burning.
*POV-Lily 2.0*
After the encounter with my step-sister, and after her village massacre message reached us, I could feel that my life turned upside down.
Father started to treat me colder than he used to, and everyone in the church looked at me like I was cursed, whilst saying stuff like.
“Don’t get yourself involved with her, the Devil has marked her as her target and shall kill everyone in their way.”
“Yeah, I heard her elite squad got wiped out and only she survived.”
“It’s in your best interest to not get involved with her, unless you want to die so badly.”
Everyone started to look at me with such looks.
‘Stop it, I’m not a Devil.’
‘Yes, you are not a Devil my darling.’
“Who just said that?” I asked.
‘It’s me.’ The voice again resounded in my head.
‘Who are you?’
‘Aww, can’t you remember me? Given what the Gods did to you, you wouldn’t remember.’
‘State your business or leave.’ I told the voice to.
‘Okay, then you can come over to my realm then.’ The voice said, and I felt that I collapsed.
“Welcome to the realm of the gods!” a cheerful voice of a man welcomed me.
“To where?” I asked.
“To the realm of gods, the only place where a god lives.” He explained.
“And why am I here?”
“Because you have been chosen as a hero to save the world of Nightfall!”
I just stayed in place dumbfounded like I was just offered the whole world’s worth of gold.
“If you can’t understand anything, let’s, go to the court room then.”
Just like that he took me, to the court room as he called, it was more like just a big room than a court room.
“So, she is the hero.” A really beautiful lady spoke.
“Oh, isn’t she a flattering one.” A big muscled man stood up.
‘What in the world?’
“Let’s skip the details and go to the main part.”
“Girl, you’ve been chosen as the hero for Nightfall, you will gain the powers needed, to defeat the Demon lord.” The man said.
“But aren’t Demon lords normally defeated by the church?” Because that’s what we’ve been told.
“Normally, yes. But this time the Demon lord is not normal she is a vampire and a Devil in one person, two of the most vicious races combined into one should not exist. That is where you come to play, with our blessings you will be able to kill her.”
“Looks like our time is up, you will see a symbol of a white rose shining on your hand, it will be your hero mark. Good luck.” And everything went white.
*Back to the reality. *
When I woke up, I felt a warm feeling in my right hand, I looked over to see a white golden shining rose open up on my hand.
“No way, don’t tell me you’re the hero?” A priest that was in my room at the time, probably to check up on me, asked me.
“Umm, yes, and the gods told me to kill the Demon lord.”
“Then that shall be your duty, and our duty is to assist to the hero.” He told me.
*POV-MC* (a couple hours before the whole hero stuff.)
After checking with the map, I set off towards the Demon country to become the Demon lord.
‘Only now I can go to my main task, which is to rule the demons.’
‘Finally, I was thinking that maybe you tricked me about your plan.’ Nox popped up.
‘I never forgot about it, just got sidetracked by all these events.’
‘So, what is your plan?’
‘I will have to think one up front when I get there, but I’m going to have you squeezed dry of any information you have.’ I told her with an evil smile.
‘L-L-Lythia please heeelp meee!’ She started crying for help.
‘I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. You have the information necessary from me.’ Lythia immediately backed out.
‘Okay, I will start then, listen.’
‘There are six types of Demons: normal demons, vampires, children of the sun and moon, dwarves, beastkin.’ She started going.
‘But I already know that, you told me that one time before.’ I told her.
‘I know that, but your plan should be to go to a beastkin clan and get them to answer your questions about how to become the demon lord.’ She told me.
‘Wait, aren’t you trying to just get out of the situation?!’ I immediately realized.
‘Uhhh… No…’ she reluctantly spoke.
‘Yes, you are. Now spill the information.’
‘I don’t know anything! Okay! It was my husband who became the Demon lord not me, plus when I married him, I was only told that he is the Demon lord then, you could imagine my reaction. And then there I was Nox Daemonium a Demon royalty. And the most important part is, that he would do the work! He wouldn’t even let me help him, so I just took control of the army.’ She started going on about her past.
‘Okay, no wonder the vampires lost the great war. This is no place to start reminiscing about the past, old lady.’
‘Hey, I’m not old! Anyways carry on with the plan.’
‘Yeah, and I’m a fucking saint then.’ I said.
‘You should go for the clan near the lake first, so if you meet their leader just introduce yourself as Liliana Daemonium, and if he still remembers the last name, he will help you surely, also if you show him your left hand, he will have no choice but to help.’
‘What is special about it?’
‘Wait didn’t I tell you? Your hand bears the mark of the Demon lord, it’s that Black and purple shining rose on your hand when you took the sword, I remembered him saying that only the qualified one can use it fully.’
‘I’m afraid that this is as much as you can tell.’ Suddenly another unknown voice intruded.
‘Who are you, you god damn fucker!?’ I immediately asked.
‘Now, that is no way to talk with a god.’
‘If you are a god, then I am a saint then.’ I responded the same.
‘But I am not lying, anyways let’s go to the god realm.’
It looked so divine that I almost thew up.
“Now, please don’t throw up, I need to take you to the upper gods.”
“Wait, Nox, Lythia you are here also!?” I looked at them, they looked way different from how they appear in my mind, Nox was a bit smaller than usual, about 160 centimeters, and had tanned skin, something you wouldn’t expect from a vampire, but Lythia looked like your default saint from any anime you can find (she looks like Kaori from arifureta but blonde and more ARA ARA-like.)
“FOLLOW ME!” the supposed to be god, shouted at me after being tired of waiting.
I followed him to the big room where I saw three gods standing.
‘Are they really supposed to be gods, they look more like neets to me.’
“This one is pretty brave, calling us neets in our presence.” One of them spoke.
“Then you shouldn’t read minds if you don’t want to hear what they think about you, don’t you think?” I told them.
“No thought shall go away from us unheard!” a man stood up now.
‘Then I’m not being the least bit sorry for you fuckers.’ I thought with a smile.
“Let me get to the point. YOU SHALL NOT EXIST IN THIS WORLD! WE WILL DESTROY YOU!” Someone was starting to get a bit angry.
“Then come at me.” I purposely told them, because I knew that they can’t do shit to me.
“We will send down a hero far stronger than you and he shall kill you! Now begone you stupid Devil lord!”
And just like that, I woke up with Nox and Lythia inside my head again.
Off towards the lake clan of beastkin.
*Visibly twitching* Let's get started then~! (Insert blood thirsty smile here)
I traveled a good bit away from it, but I could still see the light in the dark night sky and smell it burning.
Note: You mean the village on fire or the light from the fire?
After the encounter with my step-sister, and after [her village massacre message] reached us, I could feel that my life turned upside down.
the message of her village massacre
whilst saying stuff like.
Replace . with :
“It’s in your best interest to not get involved with her, unless you [want to die so badly].”
have a death wish
‘It’s me.’ The voice again resounded in my head.
The voice once again resounded in my head. / The voice resounded again in my head.
‘Aww, [can’t] you remember me? Given what the Gods did to you, you wouldn’t remember.’
don't
I guess you wouldn't remember
Well, given what the Gods did to you, I suppose you wouldn't remember.
‘State your business or leave.’ I told the voice [to].
Remove to
‘Okay, [then] you can come over to my realm [then].’ The voice said, and I felt that I collapsed.
Remove one of them. Doesn't matter which, just remove one of 'em.
“Welcome to the realm of the gods!” [a] cheerful voice of a man welcomed me.
The
Note: is "The Realm of The Gods" a title or name?
“If you can’t understand anything, let’s, go to the court room then.”
then let's go to the court room
Just like that he took me, to the court room as he called, it was more like just a big room than a court room.
Just like that, he took me to the court room as he called it.
“So, she is the hero.” A really beautiful lady spoke.
Remove ,
“Girl, you’ve been chosen as the hero for Nightfall, you will gain the powers needed[,] to defeat the Demon lord.” The man said.
Remove ,
“Normally, yes. But this time the Demon lord is not normal[] she is a vampire and a Devil in one person, two of the most vicious races combined into one [] should not exist. That is where you come to play, with our blessings you will be able to kill her.”
Add ,
Add that
“No way, don’t tell me you’re the hero?” A priest that was in my room at the time, probably to check up on me, asked me.
Note: this isn't a correction so much as both a question and a suggestion.
Is he surprised about the hero thing? If so then making him stutter or pause a bit would be better imo (in my opinion). Ex:
No way, don't tell me...you're the hero...?
*POV-MC* (a couple hours before the whole hero stuff.)
A couple hours before the whole hero thing / ordeal/ remove "whole"
Yes, I'M NOT LETTING YOU OFF EVEN IF IT'S THE POV PARTS.
‘There are six types of Demons: normal demons, vampires, children of the sun and moon, dwarves[,] beastkin.’ She started [going].
Replace , with and
Remove going
‘But I already know that, you told me that one time before.’ I told her.
you told me it once already/before.
‘I don’t know anything[!] Okay[!] It was my husband who became the Demon lord not me, plus when I married him, I was only told that he is the Demon lord then, you could imagine my reaction. And then there I was Nox Daemonium a Demon royalty. And the most important part is, that he would do the work! He wouldn’t even let me help him, so I just took control of the army.’ She started going on about her past.
Remove the !
Replace ! with !?/?! (you can add more ! and ? if you wanna)
‘You should go for the clan near the lake first, [so] if you meet their leader just introduce yourself as Liliana Daemonium, and if he still remembers the last name, he will [help you surely,] also if you show him your left hand, he will have no choice but to help.’
Remove so
surely help you.
It looked so divine that I almost [thew] up.
Threw
“Wait, Nox, Lythia [you are here also!?]” I looked at them, they looked way different from how they appear in my mind, Nox was a bit smaller than usual, about 160 centimeters, and had tanned skin[,] something you wouldn’t expect from a vampire, but Lythia looked like your default saint from any anime you can find (she looks like Kaori from arifureta but blonde and more ARA ARA-like.)
you both are here too!?
Replace , with .
“FOLLOW ME!” the supposed [to be] god, shouted at me after [being] tired of waiting.
Remove to be
getting
“We will send down a hero far stronger than you and [he] shall kill you! Now begone you stupid Devil lord!”
You mean she? Or is Lily 2.0 a trap? Lmao.
Done.
‘I will have to think one up front when I get there, but I’m going to have you squeezed dry of any information you have.’ I told her with an evil smile.
‘L-L-Lythia please heeelp meee!’ She started crying for help.
This has me cracking up for a good few minutes. Nice.
(she looks like Kaori from arifureta but blonde and more ARA ARA-like.)
You have some nice taste my guy.
I had the urge to f*ck up the story a bit while doing this. Don't worry, I could restrain myself long enough to complete it without f*cking it up.
about the 'trap' situation, no, the gods specifically didn't specify who they were sending, they just said he, because that was the spur of the moment. Lily2.0 is a girl.
And I see you've watched arifureta as well. (current season is fire but confusing as f*ck, like, what the f*ck is happening on the hero side?)
Please don't f*ck with the story, as you are my only hope on repairing my English that is already in pieces.
yes, I adapt pretty quickly to my mistakes and then yeet them out the window.
@green_ink @green_ink Don't worry, I won't mess with the story since I like reading this.
I haven't actually touched the 2nd second of Arifureta yet, but I've read the manga and the entire light novel. Yeah, even the after stories.
I wouldn't say I'm your *only* hope of repairing your English, I'm just the most direct about it. Plus, I read this like a yandere stalking their love- okay maybe not that extreme but still. I've gotten used to fixing the English in these chapters.
@Ambly and that is my point
since you are being direct af, it makes it very easy for me to know that my English is either sh*t or getting better.
@green_ink It was really good in the last few chapters but suddenly turned to sh*t again in this one.