Saturday, September 11th, 2032
I write this in Sylph’s bed, after waking up following the best sex EVER! She’s currently curled up next to me pretending to sleep. She probably knows that I know she’s pretending to sleep, but I can’t bring myself to dispel whatever this is as she’s far too cute. I will have to wake her up soon though as we have to leave for the airport in 2 hours if we want to make it in time for Cairn and Lilly's arrival.
~~~~AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! I get to see my friends again!!!~~~~
Also, so many plans. The Aliens worked out several ways to hook the grove up to the net with pretty good anonymity, so that’s gonna happen soon. It only needs a day to consolidate resources across the grove and then they are going to start forming the communication node. I just have to supply an old cell phone as a modem. It's amazing how much of our technology they already understand and are able to interface with, specially given how philosophically different all of theirs is.
I was rudely disturbed from my journaling by a greenish hand pinching my butt. “Good morning Sylph”
She leaned in and kissed the spot she had just pinched. “And good morning to you. We should probably get up and over to your house soon. Breakfast and a shower sound nice before what I presume to be a long drive.”
I nodded and pulled myself a bit closer to her, "Yes, that does sound nice." And with that we got dressed, cleaned up all the loaned picnic supplies, gathered Badger, and set off towards my house.
I had already grown to love the path that Badger and I had repeatedly trod through the aspen grove on their potty walks. The smells (those that weren't Badger excrement that is), the sounds, the way light worked its way through the leaves or the bare trees in winter. They were all dear to me as one of the few times I could truly get away from expectations placed on me other than those of my canine companion (theirs were very minor). At home, I was surrounded by the expectations of my mothers despite the lack of either of them in my life. At the library came the expectations of Jessie, Larry, and David. I even felt expectations from Cairn and Lilly in my Internet and game time with them. On that trail though, I had somehow miraculously found my way to a ritual where my thoughts could be temporarily free from all of that.
But now, the love I had for this path had shifted. Sylph had entered my life because of it. Sylph, who didn't place any expectations on me, and somehow I hadn't concocted any perceived expectations she had of me in my mind. In recognizing that, I think I had subconsciously started to question all the expectations I felt of others.
I had long since stopped caring about anything Janice expected of me. As far as I could tell, she both resented me for not having been assigned female at birth while also resenting me for daring to become something other than male. That conflict was hers to resolve and there was no way I was involving myself in that.
All Aria, the triad, and my friends ever wanted for me was my happiness. There was no way I could live up to that in the last three years spent attending my mother's transition into death and mourning that transition after it happened. They all held the conflict of wanting better for me while also knowing I needed to be here and couldn't be happier anywhere else (despite my obvious lack of happiness here). That conflict was also theirs to resolve, and they did so by supporting me in any way I allowed them to.
In allowing myself happiness with Sylph, in finally living up to the expectations and desires of those who loved me, something clicked and I realized it was never on me to live up to those expectations anyway. This walk had grown to represent that realization. With one hand on Badger's leash and the other intertwined with Sylph's, I could hold, without conflict, both the vicarious joy of knowing how my family saw my happiness, and also the freedom from being responsible for their emotions.
I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I was by no means cured of ever feeling that responsibility again, but damn my temporary state of transcendence felt good. I leaned into Sylph's shoulder, she kissed my forehead, and on we walked.
* * *
The walk home was lovely and uneventful, as was the shower and breakfast. When it was time to leave, Badger, Sylph, and I all piled into my car and I set my destination for the Denver airport.
It was formerly my mother's car… well van… bus I guess. It was an older VW hippie bus that she bought from Mrs Rosewood and had some kids from the high school work with a local mechanic to fix up into a full electric with some self driving capabilities on the highway. I was so glad for the self driving part because Cairn and Lilly would not stop pestering me the entire trip there. They were both so very bored and excited on the plane.
10:05 - CairnRocks🪨!: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, 3 more hours! This takes too long. Distance and the lack of teleportation tech is queerphobic😑
10:05 - LillyVale: Marin, I assume you are in the car already?
10:07 - Marinara: Yes! We have another 2 and a half hours before we make it to the airport.
10:08 - CairnRocks🪨!: Far too much waiting!
10:08 - CairnRocks🪨!: Also you should add Sylph to our chat so we can pester her too.
I looked at Sylph, "We might wanna try getting you a cell phone… Wait actually we can just get you access to things through the grove's Internet when that's ready!"
"A phone might actually be a good thing if I'm going to be out in public places more often. It seems not having one at my apparent age would be seen as weird and attract attention."
"Sorry to say Sylph, you're hot and you are gonna attract attention regardless of having a phone or not." I gave her a nice eyebrow waggle.
10:14 - Marinara: Sylph is weird and doesn't have a cell phone🤓 She's been kinda sheltered away from Internet stuff most her life, but I'm working on getting her hooked up to things.
10:16 - 10:08 - CairnRocks🪨!: No cell phone! Who does that?????
10:16 - LillyVale: I didn't think that possible for anyone our age to escape the evil interwebs. Somehow it worked out for her though, she found you❣️
My face reddened and Sylph, who was always entertained by my facial expressions while staring at my phone, chuckled. I showed Sylph Lilly's message.
"She's right, you know. I was very lucky. Tell Lilly I love how much your friends make you blush." Sylph smirked at me and my face only reddened further.
10:20 - Marinara: Sylph says you're right and she loves how much you make me blush.
10:21 - LillyVale: Well that's good to hear as I had planned on making you blush more when I'm there 😉
Oh gosh! One of the many reasons I missed having Lilly around. I thought to share this with Sylph as well, but I worried for a moment. Would Sylph feel jealousy?
“Marin, I see anxiety on your face.” Sylph placed her hand on my thigh.
“I uh…. My relationship with my friends… isn’t what what society would call friendship exactly. It’s something more.” I sat my phone down on my lap and turned towards Sylph. “We really haven’t talked much about what ‘relationship’” I finger quoted the r-word for effect, “looks like for me and how that fits with other people in my life.”
Sylph gave my thigh an encouraging squeeze, “No we haven’t, how do you see things?”
“I see relationships as fluid, open things. There are labels humans give this such as polyamory, or more specifically for me, relationship anarchy. To use your words, I want my relationships to be ‘generative and fulfilling.’” I did my best Sylph impression for those words and she giggled. “I’ve never viewed the idea of monogamy as very generative. It’s always felt like a closing off of possibility though I imagine some might not see it that way but to each their own I guess…” I trailed off sarcastically.
“Go on, I’m listening.”
“How I interact with Cairn, and especially Lilly… I don’t want that to make you feel like I value you any less, and even now that I’m saying it out loud I doubt you could even believe that given how many times I’ve shared with you exactly how much I value you directly brain to brain and all. Basically… just you being an alien with likely a whole bunch of relationship norms I couldn’t begin to understand.” I took a deep breath. “Um, you probably know what I’m saying now so I’ll just stop rambling so you can respond”
Sylph’s warm hand on my thigh and her warm laugh at me being awkward, (which I knew she loved) were very comforting now that I stopped focusing on what to say and could feel more of her. “You remember when I told you about how so much of this is new to me?”
I nodded.
“With how much I altered myself to better interact with humans, I don’t know how a relationship feels within me beyond how I feel with you.” She gave my thigh a very firm squeeze and looked directly into my eyes. “For you, I have nothing but a very large, barely restrained, reservoir of love. One that I’m pretty sure seeing you infatuated with your friends will only serve to fill further as you are so cute when you are infatuated with anything. I like it slightly better when that infatuation is directed at me though, but only slightly” she pinched her fingers not quite together, only a sliver of space between them.
I let loose an exaggerated pheeeeeww of air escaping from pursed lips. "Well that's another anxiety I don't have to worry about right now. Normally I'd feel inclined to say something like, 'How are you so perfect and where have you been all my life?' but I know you've come from outer space and somehow that also makes you perfect for me… so what does that say about me that an alien is perfect for me I wonder?" I paused to thoughtfully contemplate my somehow unsurprising extraterrestrial romantic compatibility.
Sylph giggled at me. "I love it when you ramble. It is very entertaining to watch. Also it makes it very obvious right now that you are nervous. I'll be with you the whole time, also Cairn and Lilly love you so much that I know you are aware of how well this will go regardless of the other things we have to talk about."
I nodded. "I am nervous and I do know this weekend will be wonderful, but anticipation of even the slightest possibility of things going not so wonderful is the problem and no amount of anyone loving me is going to 'fix' that part of my brain." I made scare quotes emphasizing 'fix.'
"If anything, you are capable of 'fixing' yourself completely on your own." Sylph also scare quoted, but then acknowledged the face I was making at her. "but I know how much of a messy subject that is to get into." She leaned over to kiss my wrinkled forehead. "But also I love how your brain work. it's just so… fascinating."
Her gaze at me was equal parts predatory lust and scientific curiosity, and it made my face turn a very lovely shade of red. I quickly covered, "So's your face… and your brain!" and stuck out my tongue.
"Beware, if you keep that tongue out for too long I might be forced to nibble on it." Now the look was entirely predatory.
I smirked back, "Maybe you should beware as I might just enjoy that."
The rest of the ride to the airport continued along those lines with lots of texting, flirting, giggling, and blushing.
excited for the impending introduction
Hehe yeah it's gonna be a lot😜