Haley’s POV ~ Four Years Ago

“Why are all of these books so fucking long!?” I whine to the empty chairs around the table I’ve claimed in the equally empty library. Is there anything in this world more pointless than studying ancient myths and legends? Honestly, who the hell cares how the people in ancient wherever-the-hell rationalized the sun moving across the sky? They were wrong! We don’t study a five-year-old’s math homework as something that can provide insight into human nature. There is no glowy dude in a flame chariot, and three times eight isn’t “thirty-ish.”

With a mighty groan, I spread myself across the table, letting my brown hair flop over everything in sight as I resign myself to another long night of slightly altering otherwise plagiarized essays from the Internet. “Damn, dramatic much?” A voice cuts through the serenity of my self-pity and I make the bare minimum effort to lift my head an inch off the table to see who it is.

At first, I don’t see the person who rudely interrupted what was about to be an impromptu power nap; all I see is a long black tail. Slowly, my eyes follow the scaley length to its source and… Oh, shit, she’s hot! The snake woman looks down at me with her bright yellow eyes and an expression that’s one part mockery, two parts genuine pity. “I’d ask if you’re okay, but obviously that’s a no.”

“Oh no, I’m fantastic, I love reading about defunct religions of the Mediterranean. How else would I learn about Diarrhea, god of wine and ragers; Hepatitis, the guy that makes weapons; and Aphrodite.” As I continue to spew my verbal god of revelry, the snake woman’s face contorts into legitimate irritation.

“Alright, you’re frustrated, so I’m gonna let those slide for now. Besides, you got the goddess of beauty and love correct, so all hope is not lost for you.” I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep or the abundance of story-driven games I’ve been playing that’s messing with me, but I literally see a display pop up in front of the now irate woman with two choices: A) Pleasantly introduce yourself. B) Twist the knife.

Positive karma runs are for wimps.

“Beauty and love? Oh, shit, I thought she was the god of awesome hair and samurai.” The snake woman groans as I bask in the warm glow of her passionate hatred. “Haley, by the way, my name is… Haley – Do you mind if I start over?” Acting about as naturally as a small business owner that insisted on being featured in their television commercial, I robotically extend my hand in the direction of the woman who still hasn’t processed my failed attempt at an introduction.

The woman’s shoulders shake as she tries to keep in a laugh at my humiliation. The gesture is nice, but I know what I did, embrace the moment and let the mockery begin! “The name’s Libby; don’t go finding some strange pun to replace it with, okay?” And so my extremely short-lived plans of calling her Libby-rachi die too soon. “You know, if you can’t even put together a cohesive sentence, it’s going to be really difficult for me to help you pass.”

Never being one for tact or smooth-icality, I blurt out, “Why the hell would you want to help me?” That’s right Haley, question a good thing, that’ll really help you in life. “I mean, don’t you have anything better to do? Any friends?” Oh, great, insult the pretty girl at the same time, why don’t you!?

Scoffing in mock offense, the lamia puts a hand on her chest and gestures theatrically to the stained ceiling above. “Damn your cruelty! Why must I endure such scorn!?” Libby pauses and I catch her eyes darting over to me. Chuckling at the adorable dorkiness happening before me, I cross my arms and cock an eyebrow, daring her to continue into a full-blown soliloquy. “Not buying this crap, huh? Ugh, fine, so I’m bored… Nobody I know has free period with me and I need to kill some time. Besides, if I hear you butcher the name of another deity I’ll be forced to ritually sacrifice you to appease their collective wrath.”

“You’re really into this whole gods and goddesses thing, aren’t you?”

“How can anybody not be!? The intertwined stories of the heroes and villains. Every country has its own champions and patron gods and the wars take place on every level from the divine to the human. Epic romances spanning thousands of miles and even trips to the underworld itself! It’s got everything! Even…” Seeing her start ranting about this stuff that she obviously loves, I can’t help but smile. When she finally pauses to catch her breath she notices my goofy expression and starts blushing. “I mean, yeah, it’s kinda cool so… why not?”

“You’re such a dork,” I can’t help but blurt out, finally breaking into full-blown laughter.

Libby stands taller on her tail than usual and proudly plants her hands on her hips. “You’re goddamn right I am. Can’t have you thinking I’m just a pretty face.”

Don’t do it… don’t you dare say it. I know a lifetime of not filtering anything you’ve ever wanted to say has primed you for this moment, just DON’T SAY IT. “When did I say you have a pretty face?” Fuck it! I quit! The Id has officially taken over. Ego, out.

The snake woman deflates into her own coils. “Wounded once more… my pride in shambles… et tu, Haley?”

“Oh, speaking of two, that reminds me. Before we start with the studying again, I have to go drop a wicked Zeus!” Standing up to go to the restroom, I’m blessed with a string of curses and boos at my latest attempt at ancient blasphemy. Somehow, I think I’m going to enjoy learning about mythology a lot more from now on.

*** Haley’s POV ~ Two Years Ago

Flipping through old pictures of Libby and me, the day we met plays through my mind on repeat. Pretty sure I had a crush on her from that first day, or maybe I’m just remembering it that way because it’s so hard for me to imagine not liking her now. Who can say? All I know is that I can barely recognize the girl next to her. It’s hard to believe these pictures are only a couple years old. I look… happy. I look… like I should. My hands stop moving as I zone out and eventually my phone’s screen blinks off, forcing me to see my reflection on its smooth black surface. Desperate to be rid of that image, I drop the device like it’s suddenly become molten hot. Even after getting rid of everything reflective in my room, that face still finds a way to follow me.

Libby was right, I’m not the same person I was back then. I haven’t been for a long time. Old me wasn’t perfect, by any stretch of the imagination… but at least I liked her. Libby liked her.

And what did I think of her? Hmm? You were nothing but a burden then, nothing but a burden now. You’re lucky I stuck around as long as I did.

A few gentle knocks on my door mercifully pull me out of my head. “Come in.” I call out before my door slowly opens. Aunt Mel pokes her head in tentatively, her coke-bottle glasses distorting her eyes and making them look truly massive on her head. “Hey, what’s up?” I ask, knowing full well what this is about.

Mel shuffles into my room, hands crossed in front of her like always, as she looks everywhere but at me. “I – I got a call from the school today. They told me what happened.” Aunt Mel’s voice is barely louder than a whisper, but at some point she finally manages to look me in the eye. “Why – Why did you hurt that girl?”

Now it’s my turn to look away. “Didn’t they tell you? I wasn’t the one who hurt her. Libby did that. Totally not my fault.”

Despite gluing my eyes to a wall on the other side of my room, I can tell when Aunt Mel sits next to me by the shifting of the mattress. “Haley… please don’t lie to me. Maybe she was the one that hurt her, but you did something too, right?”

Yeah, I told that dumbass that he’d never change. You don’t get to pick and choose who you are. If that shit was possible, I sure as fuck wouldn’t look like Helena. The world knew I was a shitty person from the start, so it made sure everyone could see me for who I am too. That’s what metamorphosis is, right? When you finally figure out your shit, you don’t get to hide anymore; from everyone else, or yourself.

At least you’re finally listening to your mother, dear. You’re nothing but shit. Always have been, always will be.

My teeth start grating against one another as I suck ragged breaths through a clenched jaw. “I did… There’s this classmate of mine. He wants to be a girl or some shit. Weird, right? I just told him that it’d never work. That he’d always be himself.”

“Sounds to me like being a girl is part of who this person is… How is that weird?”

She can’t be serious. I swear, Melly always had a soft spot for the freaks and losers. Must be why she cares about you.

“If it’s who they are, then I guess it isn’t weird. But he can’t know what he’ll be once he changes! I sure as hell didn’t think I’d end up like Mom! I didn’t choose this! Why would he get to choose what he becomes? How would that be fair!?” My last question rips out of me louder than I intend it to, and I hope Phoebe is sound asleep by now.

Always so worried about Phoebe. You shouldn’t have kept her away from me like you did. You’re a lost cause, but I could have made her stronger.

My meerkat aunt gently rubs one of my shoulders. “It isn’t fair. I get it. But dragging people down when you’re miserable won’t make you happier. It just lowers the number of happy people out there who might have helped bring you up later.” Then we can all dance around the bonfire and list ten things we love about one another. Thank you, Aunt Disney and your insanely unrealistic expectations of the world. The two of us go quiet for a few seconds. “You’re not her… Helena, I mean. You never could be. You are more than what metamorphosis did to you.”

“It’s easy for you to say. You got fuzzy ears and a slightly more skittish disposition. I’m the literal devil, in every sense of the word. Besides, I’ve already burned all my bridges. Nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. Not even Libby.” An all too familiar burning consumes my eyes. Never thought I’d miss being able to cry, but having literal fire in my head is obviously worse. “I know I fucked up, okay? I know I shouldn’t have taken out my anger on… Luna. I get it. I just… I’m jealous. It seems like everyone else gets to become something incredible and perfect for them. Something that they love and embrace as their true self… and here I am. Then instead of admitting this to Libby, I antagonized her, because if there’s one thing I’m incredible at it’s making things a million times worse. Luna’s going to get her happy ending while I rot in this crimson prison, alone. There, karma making the world right again. Whoopee.”

Aunt Mel slides closer to me, wraps a fuzzy arm around my back and pulls me close. “Hun, when I look at you, I don’t see my sister… I see my beautiful niece. A person who’s fallen and is hurting, who’s thrashing about right now, but who I believe is still an amazing person at heart. When Libby sees you, she sees Haley, not the demon you’ve been fighting your whole life. The only person keeping you in this prison is you. I’m very sorry that you and Libby are fighting, but I’ve seen how much you care about one another. I’m sure that if you give it time, you’ll get a chance to make things right. Just make sure you’re able to swallow your pride and seize the opportunity. You can’t take back what you did today, but if you ever have the chance… make things right with that Luna girl too, okay? You want to know how to beat that image of your mother? Be better than she ever could be.”

Yeesh, she really likes the sound of her own voice, doesn’t she? Why won’t she just shut the fu–

“Thanks, Aunt Mel,” I say, wrapping my almost comically smaller parental figure in a hug.

She’s right, obviously, but change is easier planned than executed. There’s a part of me that enjoys being the heel, enjoys the feeling of strength and control. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give it all up, especially not all at once. However, I never want to hurt someone I care about again. It’s not much for a first step, but at least it’s one small way to separate myself from her. A small change that might help me stop hating the woman in the mirror.