It was two days later when I knocked on her door. The time between then and now had been awkward and uncomfortable for them both. She hadn’t been able to meet my eyes at all and averted her gaze each time we were together. Breakfast had been silent, the drive to and from school filled with a heavy atmosphere neither of us knew how to dissipate.

Finally, it came time to talk.

I waited, knocking again. After a moment I heard her softly called out. “Come in.” And walked inside. Her room was a mess with clothes thrown haphazardly across a chair, a few tissues scattered around her bed.

She was quiet and small as she sat there, sitting up with her legs covered. She kept looking down at her hands and playing with her fingers.

I took a chair and sat it next to her, taking a seat. I just looked at her for a moment. Again, a familiar restlessness settled into my bones. I didn't know how to start...

But eventually, I leaned forward and took one of her hands. “Evie," I called. She stilled, like a frightened animal. I killed me that I made her scared like this, but I had to do this. "Even, look at me,” I called again gently, insistently. “There's something I need to tell you.”

With a clear struggle, she lifted her head to meet my eyes. Something was going on, and she knew it. I could tell from the apprehension written all over her face. The fear.

Having caught her attention in full I leaned back again and folded my arms over my chest. Shit. Why was this so hard? It shouldn't be this difficult...it's for the best, dammit. For her, me, our family. Everyone. I know damn well it is. So why didn't it feel that way?

After a long silence I sighed and ran a hand over my hair, not at all comfortable being here or with what I had to say next.

“I..." Sure enough, my throat almost refused to let it through. But I powered on. Even though every word felt like they cut on the way out. "I can’t... have you living here anymore, Evie.” I finally ground out.

Her eyes went wide. “What?” She asked, confused. No, in denial “I don’t understand...what does that mean? You're kicking me out” Fuck, but her voice sounded so fragile and desolate.

I loathed every moment of this. Fuck, Evie...why couldn't you have just bottled everything up? Why did you have to open your mouth that night?

I tightened my body, trying to steel myself. “I mean that it was a mistake to let you come in the first place. You being here, it’s just not working out.” Did my voice sound as cold and dispassionate as I felt? As empty? I couldn't tell. I don't know if I even cared. “I’ve talked to mother. She’ll make a trip here personally to pick you up, she should be arriving in week or so.”

Evie stared at me in shock. “No.” She shook her head. “No, you can’t do this! If it’s because of what I said, I already told you I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean it, so everything’s okay!”

I saw her rising panic and knew couldn’t do anything to reassure her. I wanted to, God did I want to. But if I did that, I knew I'd give in. And I couldn't afford to do that, not with her. Not with this.

“Evie, you can’t take something like that back.” The words made her wince. “Something like that, its not...natural. You can’t have these kinds of feelings for me.”

Hot, angry tears built along her eyes. “Why not?” She demanded. “Why can’t I have these...these feelings for you? Who says it's unnatural?”

“I do,” I responded with as much emotionless calm as I could muster. Somehow, it came easy. It was familiar, this numbness. "Can’t you understand something so simple? You’re my sister. Evie. We can’t have that kind of relationship,” I told her with a dangerous finality, but I'm sure if I was actually speaking to her or myself. Either way, it only made her flare up more.

“I don’t care!” The girl screamed back hatefully. “I’m tired of pretending I don’t feel what I feel for you! I’m tired of watching you be with other women and being expected to just be okay with it when I’m not!" Tears streamed down her face. " I love you!" Her voice broke. "I want to be with you!”

I don't know why, but that? Those words right there? They're what did it. I couldn't help it. I broke.

“Well, you fucking can’t!” I finally exploded. Every part of me felt full now. But only with anger and pain. “Think, Evie! Do you honestly think we could ever have a proper date in public? Or could ever tell our friends, our family, about us? We’d have to lie to everyone we know, because they damn well wouldn’t understand and they sure as hell wouldn’t support us! If anyone found out, that’s it. We would lose everyone. The incestuous Gage siblings. Fuck, I can see the headlines now. A family like ours, the whole goddamn world would know!"

Their family was far from obscure.

Gage Industries is one of the largest vehicle manufacturers in the world. Recently their uncle had even wanted to step his foot in the military. Besides that, they own several other large companies too.

All it took was for one tiny leak of him and Evie sharing a kiss and all hell would break loose. Losing his job would be the very least of his concerns. The internet would have a field day.

Neither of them would be able to show their faces in public ever again. And Evie, she was so used to being the center of attention. She was their uncle’s little darling and had attended numerous banquets and galas since young. People knew her.

There’s no way either of them would be able to escape the shit storm that would come if this kind of news got out.

Evie’s hands tightened. “I don’t care.” She spoke quietly, harshly. “I want them to know. I want everyone to know. That you’re mine, that you belong to me. If they judge us, so what. I’ve worried about that for a long time, too. That’s why I never said anything about my feelings for you before, not to anyone. Not really. I could’ve come to see you sooner, but I was scared. Of rejection, or people finding out, of what mother would say. And I am just so damn sick of worrying. I may not have meant to tell you how I felt, but I’m glad it came out!”

I scoffed. “Are you? The last few days you’ve avoided me like a plague, so don’t fucking lie to me.”

“That’s...that's only because I didn’t know what you were thinking." She looked away. "You never said anything to me, about any of it. I thought maybe you’d ignore it. But you want to send me away without even answering my feelings? I won’t allow that. I can’t.” How it was possible for a single word to contain so much heartache, I didn't know.

I fought my sympathy, my instinct to rush over and comfort her.

“God dammit, Evie. This is about more than just our feelings! How do you see this working out in that little head of yours? Marriage? Don’t make me laugh. Come on." I shook my head. "Be real, Evie. You really think you're prepared to lose everyone for this?”

Evie gave a sad look, like she’d just wilted a little bit inside. It damn near broke me. “If it means I can be with you, then yeah. I am.”

I set my mouth at a grim line. “Well, I’m not. Even if you ignore everything else, this is just...it’s sick, Evie.” And so am I. They both are. “We’ll never be together, understand? Not that way. So find someone else. Someone who can be good to you, for you. Because I can’t. I'm not.”

If they were nobodies, maybe they could’ve been together. Move somewhere no one knew them, have a life together.

But Evie wasn’t the only reason I left.

The kind of life she enjoys, I despise.