I was by Damien’s side constantly for the next week. In fact, I refused to even go to school. Whether Damien was at home or at work, I followed him.

How the hell could I not? Every single time I think back to that day my whole body goes numb and tingly. I knew what he intended even if he kept denying it. But I didn’t speak it aloud, because that would make it more real and I couldn’t take that.

I was scared of what he might do when I wasn’t around, so I made sure that I always was. What made it worse? I knew damn well this was all my fault.

It all came to a head the next Monday. He stood in front of a mirror and dressed like usual. And like usual, I came behind him and held him. His back was broad and warm and I buried myself in it.

I felt his hand on mine. “Evie, that’s enough, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” I mumbled into his back.

“You can’t keep an eye on me forever, Evie.” He said, and I panicked.

“I can.” I tightened my hold. “I don’t need school or friends. I just need you to not leave me.”

I felt his body go taut. “And you don’t care what I need, I suppose?”

“If what you need is a drink and time apart, then no,” I told him. “I can’t trust you to be alone anymore.”

“Dammit, Evie, what do you want from me? What else can I give you that I haven’t already? Are you pent-up again? Is that it? Then tell me.” A tic formed in his jaw. “I’ll take care of it. I’m always taking care of you.”

The words hurt. He made me sound like such a selfish bitch. And I couldn’t tell him otherwise. Damien never wanted this. Not really. I knew he meant what he said about loving and wanting me, but he held back. He did it because he absolutely loathed himself for even having feelings like those.

But I pushed him. And as always, I got what I wanted. Made him lose control and do something he regrets. I failed in the one thing he all but begged me to do: Make him. Not regret this.

Now he probably hates himself, and I’m the one who made him feel that way.

God, he was right. I am selfish. The guilt ate away at me like maggots gnawing at my flesh. But I didn’t have time to feel sorry for myself. This wasn’t about me.

It was about Damien.

And I had to make him realize that doing what he tried to do that day just wasn’t an option. So over this past week, I showered him with all the love and attention I had in me. I didn’t bother him for sex, because I didn’t know if that would make him even worse.

But I could hold him. I could hug and kiss him. I hated that it was actually all I could do. It never felt like enough. Honestly? I just wanted to tie him up and keep him safe. Lock him in a basement, maybe. A long chain, some snacks, drinks, a toilet.

Devil Me was a hard advocate for this idea. Angel Me didn’t comment, but for the first time, they seemed in agreement. Of course, there was no way I could do something so crazy. But I wanted to. Did that make me a terrible person? Maybe. I just wanted to keep him from hurting himself, that’s all.

“I know you are. That’s what brothers are supposed to do. So you have to keep on taking care of me, alright? And...I’ll take care of you too.” My throat felt raw and I blinked back tears. “Okay? I’ll take care of you, Day. Please, let me. I won’t be selfish anymore, apart from this. I’ll do better.”

Her brother let out a frustrated sigh. “Evie, you don’t have to do that. My problems are my own, and I’ll deal with them on my own. I always have, and that won’t change.” He adjusted his tie. “This? It’s just a new problem to deal with, that’s all.”

Am I a problem to you, then?

 I wanted to ask. But that would just make it even more about me. Make it seem like I only cared about myself. Well, hadn’t my actions so far said as much? Even if I hadn’t meant it that way. So, no. I couldn’t confirm even more what we both already believed.

“You can rely on me, Day.” I stepped back. He turned to look at me, and I knew right there and then he didn’t trust my words at all. It made me choke on my next words.

He kissed my forehead. “I know, Evie.”

Liar.

He tried to walk out, but anger overtook me and I grabbed his arm. “No, you don’t,” The tone was biting. “You’re just saying that to appease me because you think you’re alone in this. But you’re not! What we did, we did together. We’ll handle it together.”

His face was a mask. “Part of that is true, but not all of it. You’re always been the impulsive one, Evie. Because everyone let you be, and that was wrong of us. So how do expect me to believe you? You’ve been gone from school a full week already. How is that showing me you have any sense of responsibility?”

I couldn’t believe him. “Because you were locked in a room, drunk, with a gun in your hand!” I shouted back. “You think you fooled me, either? I know damn well what you wanted to do, so don’t blame me for being like this! I’m worried what you’ll do if I’m not here!”

He scoffed. “If that’s all you’re worried about, then don’t be. It’s nothing new anyway.”

I felt like he’d just punched me in the stomach. “What does that mean, nothing new?" Then it’s happened before? How often? Was it since I got here, or even before? Exactly how long had this been going on without anyone knowing?

But he just waved me off. “Nothing.” He shut the door on the matter. “I’m going. Stay here. ” He ordered. “I don’t want to keep making excuses for why my sister is following me like a lost puppy.”

“No.” I quickly stood in his way. “You can’t just say something like that and then leave. I’m staying with you, and that’s final. Who cares if we have to keep making excuses?”

And all of a sudden he just blew up on me. “Fucking hell, Evie, I do!” He slammed a fist against the wall, the sound hurting my ears. “This is exactly what I’m talking about! Don’t you know people are already starting to talk about us? ’Why are they always together? Why is she always clinging to him?’” He pointed a finger in my face. “But of course you don’t notice this." He scoffed. "Why would you?”

His breath came rough, and he had to take a moment to calm down. He closed his eyes, took a breath, and when he opened them next he just shook his head at me.

His voice was quiet, intense.”I’m the one who has to worry about people finding out about us. I’m the one who has to worry about those questions turning into rumors, of what would happen to us if they do.” His eyes turned gentle. “But you?” He whispered low. “You don’t care about any of it. You already said it yourself. And that’s why you’re wrong, Evie.”

He pushed past me. " I am alone.”