The blooming sunflower of my brother in law’s garden… the… sunniness it brought to the atmosphere, the… warmth, the pleasantness, the comfort, the future, the everything… every single thing my dear sister deserved since her birth, the one thing I can’t give nor even promise…

I’m sad that I can’t be the one to give her this, this luxury, this stability, but… I’m glad she could find this, she could forge a better life.

With a man who loves her too nonetheless, who cherishes her like I do, protects like I do, love… like I do.

I’m gladder now knowing how much he truly loves my sister, knowing too how he will love her daughter like no father ever has.

 

Dear Ioctoria, the apple that is golden in our eyes, the hope to her father’s legacy, the salvation for what her mother and I have done…

She is the light that will correct our mistakes, or maybe not, it is our mistakes, our faults, our disillusions. She will become a person of her own, a person that should not be chained by our mistakes.

And everyday I looked at her in the garden, whether it is to play, to learn, to train, to relax, or to grow with Mother Niviane. I always hope, always tries to pray to every god that has forsaken me and my sister in the past, every divine entity that has molested us, every single Betitari that has trampled us, for her to be better than us.

 

“Uncle?” She notices my long pause.

“Yes, our star?” I gave her a smile, while awaiting her question.

“It’s…” she looks disgruntled, not wanting to let out her question.

“Remember what your father has taught you?”

“There’s no stupid questions, only stupid responds.”

“So then, what is clouding your mind star?”

“I’ve been thinking… the stories mother has told to me about you and her, when you were young! When you were still in the streets, is it all true?”

“Why of course! It was harsh, yes, but me and her made it through, we persevere in every way possible.”

“Even the cruelties you two went?” She was… scared, not pity, the eyes tells me more she is scared…

“Yes… unfortunately… it is one of the many realities we had to face, we had to endure…”

“And will it be like that to me when I get out of here?”

“Yes.” I was blunt, it’s the first truth she must know without flowery words about the world.

“…” She was justifiably scared, but... “But is it only darkness in people’s heart?” There’s hope.

“No, people… are not simple, yet they too are not complex, they are both, they have a lot of layers but the outer layer too is enough to define what they are.”

“So that means there are good people out there!” She was hopeful.

“Yes and no. Goodness and kindness are always calculated, as evil and cruelty too, nothing is truly indiscriminate in this world Ioctoria, everything has a motion to it.”

“Huh… if uncle says motion, doesn’t that mean one can… manipulate it towards what people want.”

“Yes, one with enough will and wit can motion a person towards what they want.”

“So that means also… one can motion someone in darkness to light? Right?” Her question… her eyes… it was glittering with hope, with determination like her father’s…

“Yes… you could say that.”

“…” She was astonished.

 

I could feel there is something she want of this world, a demand she wanted to fulfil, a will of a thousand star that wants to see the world in her shape.

It’s… quite frightening, quite also… giving me pride.

 

“Then!” she then stood up “I want to see that light in people! I want to see the stars inside them like how father, mother, you uncle, and even Faolán sees in me! I want to motion it to every people!”

 

A thousand dream of a noble little girl, where every single one of them can be broken apart one by one by me right now…. I could show easily how flawed, how destructive, how damaging it will be for those who pass her and even to her…

I could, I might, and… I won’t.

Hope is scarce and will always be, the hope, the dream, the will to see the world change is so scarce that it creates this perpetual hell of nothingness… of cycling agony…

The world needs her type of dream…

But I’m also not a fool to not see the disastrous end she might go through, the pain, the disillusion, the misdirection… she will feel this, she will go through hell, but….

She is different, she is mine, Efa’s, Oisín’s, star… our star! She is the star from the fruits of our trials… and she will bring something much more to this damn world than us three have ever given.

 

* * *

 

The weather from before… is still the same, with the heavy downpour and non-stopping windy air outside.

But for one like me who is close with nature through Mother Niviane, I could sense and feel for certain of how close it will end. It’s not tomorrow or even the next, but it’s close, really close.

 

“How long do you guys think the storm will last?” d'Brueucol, lazing around near the window asked us.

“Not fo-”

“Probably overmorrow.” Téodor beat me to it and even gave a specific time.

“Overmorrow?” d’Brueucol asked.

“Overmorrow? Last time I check, we’re still in a French inspired kingdom.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” Téodor dismissed her like nothing. “Well even if the weather not supporting the mood, at least we got our golden boy back again!”

 

It’s a funny sight seeing them fight over something so trivial, it weirdly gives me the sense that their relationship is more deeper than what I’m seeing right now.

But either way, Téodor is right, the Golden Boy, Arthur is finally back. Though… the pace is very different.

 

* * *

 

There was a different lull to it that more or less stems to how Arthur interacted with the others here in the Académie.

 

“Good Morning Lord Svard!” A Norbionac Knight greeted Arthur as we were walking down the hall.

“Yeah… good morning…!” Arthur answered… a bit weakly.

 

It didn’t stopped on verbal exchanges, it went even further to physical ones.

 

“Ahh sorry Lord Svard! I didn’t paid attention to the road…” A Vin Côte Noblewoman apologized for accidentally bumping to Arthur.

“It’s… Okay…” Again, his answer was as weak as before, and his wondering eyes and shaky smile made him look like a reclused craven.

 

It was… I guess I know nothing will ever be the same or at least it will take a long time before we get Arthur to his previous state. But… it feels like I’m seeing another part of him, a part that I have mixed feelings about.

Because on one hand, it feels weirdly great to have him behind my back, being his unofficial guardian. Where he uses me as front against others and listens to me when I have something important or just an opinion I want him to heed.

It feels really great, this feeling of being needed.

The problem of course came soon after as this was too much for me.

 

“Alright see you two later! The Library as usual?”

“Yep.” Téodor said and gave a thumbs up while walking away with Lady d’Brueucol.

“Okay! and… why are still clinging to me Arthur?”

“I’m not clinging to you? I…” He looks at the sign of the class I’m taking. “I’m also taking lessons on Finance!”

“Really… remind again why you were sent to Académie in the first place?”

“To… Learn?” He was being vague on purpose.

“Learn what exactly?”

“Ehh….” And now he’s just avoiding it.

“Arthur, I can’t always, as much as I’m enjoying it, hold your hands forever.”

“…” From his silence and how his face looks, I could tell that he knows I’m right. “But…”

“No buts, de Maignory and the other knights are waiting for you!”

“Okay….” He said defeatedly.

 

Again, I am enjoying this, this… bear of a man that is curling up so cutely on my back, but I have a limit….

 

“It seems your infatuation with Lord Svard do have a limit de Caisoleán.” I turned around to notice it was Her Royal Highness that commented.

“Though… being treated like Kay? Did not expected that…” And Eleanna beside her, commented of how I took the elder sibling position by mentioning Arthur’s older brother.

“I am not infatuated with him, and I am definitely not his elder sister!” The last one is the most important one.

“Of course, but the way it’s going, and I don’t have to say about your a-” Her Highness stopped as my death glares pierced her eyes, and though high treason that it is to threaten a child of a sovereign, I. Do. Not. Want. To hear my age being brought up.

“What the princess is trying to say is, don’t be too blissful of this version of Arthur. I get it! I can say from experience that it’s nice to have one huge, giant, fluffy, huggable baby! But it’s only cute and funny for the first day.” Eleanna… has a point. “I’ll talk to you two later, I have a class to catch.”

 

Eleanna after giving her thoughts to us, left hurriedly.

 

“Oh yeah…” She suddenly stopped mid-journey. “Thank you for being there for Arthur!”

“It’s okay! I know that you’re not mad at him, but I understand that you need room from him!” I stated my understanding of her situation.

“Yeah… thank you Ioctoria! I’ll let you name one of my babies to be even!” I shook my head awkwardly with a wry smile to that statement she made.

“Why… did she said that?” Her Highness was rightfully confused.

“It’s nothing your highness… just a joke that I don’t really like.” Somewhat of lie, I of course don’t enjoy how often Eleanna is making them, but I do enjoy the thought.

“Hmm… anyways, you’re taking Aletta’s class aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry, but who Your Highness?”

“Professor van Lise.” Her Highness clarified.

“Oh! Then yes! I’m taking her courses on finance and land management.” I said to Her Highness. “But… if I may asked, you know or even perhaps are friends with Professor van Lise, Your Highness?”

“Know? She’s the bane of my existence when she was under my teacher’s tutelage.” And out of nowhere, Professor van Lise came out of the fray.

“Our teacher’s tutelage Aletta.” Her Highness corrected her.

“Do not jest Princess, a month under Magus Bernardino’s wing does not grant you the title of his pupil, besides… Magus Jan’s is your only true teacher.”

“Yes… yes he was…” Her Highness responded with a smile yet… one shrouded with grief and sadness…

“So, what do you want with my class?”

“To watch, as simple as that Aletta.”

“Again? You should really find a hobby Dela.” My eyes widened as I heard Professor van Lise said Her Highness given name, a nicknamed one even.

“Just let me in your class Aletta…”

“Fine… but like before!”

“I know, I know.” And as Her Highness said that, she quickly turned to a slim, golden yellow furred cat.

“Good! Now let me…” Professor van Lise suddenly crouch down and petted Her Highness in the head.

“Okay…. okay you can stop now Aletta…” Her Highness was clearly enjoying the pats from how relaxed her tail is, but… “I SAID THAT’S ENOUGH ALETTA” Her Highness… like any other cats… bitten Professor van Lise hand.

“Ow…”

“Now crouch down de Caisoleán.” She suddenly ordered.

“Why?” Though I questioned Her Highness, I instinctually lowered myself to her.

“To climb on your shoulder as I’ll be beside your desk to observe Aletta’s tutoring, it’s the middle row of the back right?”

“Yes… and…” I was actually not in the right mind space to be near with anyone, due to taking care of Arthur… but… it’s the Princess…

“And?” she was awaiting my other word.

“Nothing! It’s nothing your Highness… let’s just get to class!”

 

And went to class we do as after entering along with Professor van Lise, I went up the stairs to my usual spot in her class. Though now currently along with Her Highness in a feline form, that sat and slightly purred in a cute way beside me.

 

* * *

 

Hours passed and the papers of my notebook are slowly being filled more and more with words. The learning was as usual, nothing outrages nor out of the loop, some I quickly can get a grasp on and another that I need to re learn from the notes.

Though as mundane as it seems, there are still somethings of new that even surprises me sometimes.

For one, there’s a land management theory that Professor van Lise taught to us, where it conveys that dividing and equally leasing land to our subjects who lives in it, will be developed to a more valuable and prosperous land. She argued more that we should all do this to increase not only our riches, but also to bring more life and order to our fiefs.

It’s a very intriguing yet… somewhat order and structure breaking, as it means giving power to our subjects. And yes, her actual suggestion was to lease, not to give, but… what if they grew more powerful than us? What if they accumulated more riches than us? To the point that they can buy the leased land and be lawfully theirs!

Those were the questions in my head, the matter of power and order, as rightfully of course us the gentry and of high birth should be the one with them. We are after all the people that are born to rule and lead, and by giving power and authority to the lower ones, what will become of us?

 

“Her proposal is aching you, isn’t it?” Her Royal Highness remarked playfully.

“Well of course Your Royal Highness! As its stance, even if the positives is worth noting, the perfect order and law that has been built for generations can be easily threatened by what Professor van Lise is teaching us.” I gave my opinion on this matter.

“I do see your point, but same could be said against your kind, you know.”

“…” I was… confused by Her Royal Highness’ statement. “How does us the highborns… are threat to you? We will always serve the order that sovereigns like you establish, with our without rich lands.”

“True… tradition, values, all of that high societal agreements we made towards each other are what keeping things in check.

But those are words and they are as good as the person who vowed them, and from history we can already see that gentries like you can in fact break that perfect order you spoke of. Maybe out of greed, maybe out of personal vendetta, definitely too out of ambitions.

Now am I saying every single one of you nobles are like that? No of course, the reason why order is maintained is because the circulating trust that is idealized by both parties.

So, I ask you now, can’t the peasants, the blacksmiths, the farmers, the shoemakers, and much more of the lower class be seen to hold those ideals, we sovereigns and you gentries hold to a pedestal?”

“They… can’t! Yes they can’t! How would they know the meaning of the ideals we made between eachother? They are plebeians after all!” I retorted to a fundamental flaw in Her Royal Highness argument.

“What makes you think the lower class can’t have those ideals? Aren’t they a living being? A sentient and thinking being that can form their own opinions, dreams, and ideals of their own.”

“Do I have to really say it Your Royal Highness?” I’m really itching to just say it, but I know Her Royal Highness know what I’m saying.

“Because they’re stupid?” Her Royal Highness chuckled… “Just because they don’t have the same upbringing as us? The same responsibility, livelihood us as, you consider them poor and mere?” She chuckled between those sentences.

“Isn’t it?”

“Well… if you consider a life that is pretty much still tied to repetition to be bankrupt, than your life as a noblewoman de Caisoleán is the same. As… the only difference is the glimmers that you have and the live you live is year to year rather than day to day.”

 

She… has a point, but…

I know that live is full of repetition and never ending task of the day, but those are the perfections of life, to live knowing of what will happen, of what will you do, the certainties, the order…

Perfection is achieved by fixing the tiniest of mistakes on every step you left behind, to improved upon it is to want to see that star in you, to want to be the fullest you.

 

“But repetition is what makes it golden, yes… there will come a time where it will be its downfall, but it is but a misstep if you don’t remember the goal of your repetition.”

“That is?” Her Royal Highness was intrigued.

“Perfection…”

 

Perfection… I already thought of that before and now have finally said that… perfection.

I am not denying that I want to see the fullest of people and admitting that I am a perfectionist. But I… finally am seeing it… seeing what d’Brueucol have said to me.

Must I really admit that I seek perfection? In each person, in each people I love and care? Because what I truly want, is what my uncle, mother, and father see in me. A star, a star that can change the course of history...

I want that in people, I want that in Arthur…

 

“You’re awfully long in your thoughts de Caisoleán.” Her Royal Highness brought me back.

“I… do we have to admit what we truly are Your Royal Highness?”

“That’s quite the distant topic we landed upon haha…” Her Royal Highness pointed out. “But yes, one should accept what they’ve become in order to move.

To lie against one’s nature is a crime against oneself after all, and a crime committed can only be rectified by punishing it, and because of that I say, a lot of us who lie to oneself is locking oneself from their right to be one with their future.”

“True… one cannot improve if they only listen to lies after all…”

 

Maybe I am a perfectionist, maybe I do want to see the perfection in world.

But either way, I won’t forget the star that I want to see in people.

 

“If I may I ask Your Royal Highness, what do you consider as a life that is rich?” I curiously asked.

“I would say a life that has buried monotony in the ground, a life where you can learn new things just by existing the moment.”

“Learning by just existing in the moment… aren’t teachers like those dangerous? Haha…” I chuckled.

“Yes, but only if you forgot to keep your guard!” Her Royal Highness gave the answer with a smile to me.