I looked back to the elven woman on the bed, my new mother. Suddenly tears sprung up in my eyes as I remembered my real parents and my big brother. I had died and been thrown into this world so suddenly that I never got to process me being unable to see them again. I began to wail and the flustered elf began to rock me.
“It's okay, come on my little Kova, you're alright,” She said gently.
Kova? Was that my name?
“Why is he crying?” The odd person said.
“Hes a baby, all they do is eat, shit and cry.” The stout man said moving closer to the elf.
“Deion, don’t curse in front of the baby.”
“He aint gonna remember, boy’s just been born.”
They both turned to the odd person and bowed slightly.
“Thank you Teshgar so much! We never thought we would be able to have any kids,” The elven woman said.
Teshgar smiled their too wide smile again. “Hey, no need to bow, you guys helped me and I helped you.”
Teshgar moved up to where I was and looked down on me fondly. “Aww what intelligent eyes he has, I’m sure he’ll grow up so well, especially with my blessing. Will you bring him to your god for a blessing?”
“Nah, we decided to let Kova decide what he wants to do. Most boys want to become adventurers and pick up a few chicks,” Deion, a dwarf I now realized, said. “But, perhaps he’ll want to join me in the forge.”
“Or maybe he’ll want to be an herbalist like me,” the elf said, turning her nose up at Deion.
“Herbalist my arse.”
A quick slap sent the dwarf into the floorboards. Damn she was strong I only saw a blur.
“Well, I’m excited to see what will become of him, make sure to call me back if you ever need me.”
“Of course, and thank ya again.” Deion said.
Teshgar just smiled, then right before my eyes silver leaves began to peel away from Teshgar slowly dissolving the body. The leaves flew softly out the window and into the forest outside.
…
-Two years later-
I stood in the kitchen of our little house looking into the bowl of water at my face. I still had the baby fat that any two year old would, and my skin had an olive tone to it, but my hair had grown a lot and mimicked my dads with the wild black tangle. My eyes were like my moms though light blue to where they were almost silver, I also got my mother's pointed ears, though a bit shorter and more rounded.
It had been difficult to accept the changes in my life. Not only had it taken nearly a year to start referring to myself as Kova Nact (it would be awkward if someone asked me my name and I said Miles.) It was also hard to start thinking of my parents here as well, my parents. Even now they were above really good stepparents that I had known for a few years but below real parents.
“Kova, grab me the tongs will ya, I left them at the grill?” my dad yelled from his forge.
“Yes Da,” I yelled out with my young voice.
I ran outside where my mother was doing some work in the garden, and grabbed the tongs on the grill of the patio. Then I ran down the steps and around the house to where my fathers open forge was.
“Here ya go Da,” I said.
I had adopted a bit of his dialect over the past two years. It was hard not to, ya and Da were just faster than you and dad.
“Thanks boy,” Deion said, taking the tongs and using them to pull a heated metal bar out of the forge.
I stayed, watching him work, making sure to step back so the sparks didn’t hit me. Last time they did, mother was so angry that she threw Da into a tree, as in he was stuck in the tree.
In my past life I had loved to work with metal and wood as a hobby, so I could tell that my dad was an amazing smith, even if he said he was mediocre. The metal and wood seemed to be eager to go into the desired shape.
A tug on my shirt made me notice my mother Relias.
“Come help me in the garden for a little alright Kova?” She asked gently.
I hid a little smirk, from the moment I was able to speak my parents had competed on which of them could make me more interested in their profession. I was actually half convinced that Da had left the tongs out on purpose, seeing how he hadn’t grilled food in a week.
“Alright Ma,” I said, following her out.
An annoyed grumble echoed out from behind me and Relias chuckled.
She guided me by hand to the garden and started telling me about the plants as she used her clippers to prune or harvest. I listened with interest, I had never had any desire for herbology before, but in a fantasy world that had potions and magic, it was hard not to be interested in every little thing. It also might have to do with my bloodline, my parents had told me many times to always just say I was a half-elf, because there had never been any half-dwarfs and half-elves that they knew of.
Apparently it was impossible for most demi-humans to have kids with other demi-humans, them only having the ability to have kids with their own race, humans, and amazons which were apparently their own race in this world.
I had been told that if a God found out about me they might want to take me away and ‘collect’ him. I didn’t know how they thought a two year old was going to be able to understand them, but I nodded along anyway.
“See the ridges in the stem of the leaf? That marks it as Spineleaf,” Ma said while running a finger down first the stem of the leaf then down the center of my back laughing while I squirmed from the sensation.
“When mixed with Alder sap and the roots of a young Red Altenian Shoot, with one part spineleaf three parts sap and one part shoot. It will become a mixture that you can put in a soup that helps the body repair broken bones.”
I nodded along smartly, storing the information along with the many others I had tried to remember from the past lessons.
About half an hour passed of tending to the garden when Da rushed up to us.
“Kova go inside for us will ya? And don’t look through any windows,” He said, his voice serious.
“What's wrong? Is someone here?”
“Ya, Mein from the Familia.”
Ma frowned, I had known that they were a part of a ‘Familia’, the Borvo Familia in particular, which wasn’t a god that I recognized from my past life, though I was never really into theology.
“We’re retired, they wouldn’t be here unless something drastic happened.”
“Aye, come on Kova go, listen to Ma and Pa.”
I nodded, running inside and closing the door. I listened to my parents footsteps circle around the house and followed from inside making sure my head didn't peek over any of the windows. I heard talking and stopped trying to listen in.
“What happened Mein? Is the familia okay?” Ma asked.
“No-no the familia is fine, it’s not that,” an unknown voice said.
“Did Altena go to war?” Da asked.
“No, it’s Orario.”
“What? Unless Babel has fallen then it can’t be that big of a deal right?” Ma asked with a tinge of fear.
“Not that bad, well, maybe. Dark times either way. We just got the news and Borvo said you guys should know too. Its Zeus and Hera, their entire familias were wiped out by the One-Eyed Black Dragon.”
Both of his parents gasped in obvious horror. I was also surprised, sometimes my parents would tell me about the heroes of Orario, the center of the world when I was falling asleep. They said that the Zeus and Hera familias have been some of the strongest familias since the Gods descended 1000 years ago.
They told me that recently the two familias had killed two other great beasts that roamed the land, the Behemoth and the Leviathan, and were surely going to finish the last Black Dragon, apparently they were wrong.
I really didn’t have much information about the Danmachi world, the only Gods that were mentioned in the single chapter I read and what little I’d seen online were Loki and Hestia. Ais, who I guessed was the heroine, was a part of the Loki Familia and seemed to be powerful based on what I remember, but my parents had never mentioned either of them. So I really had no idea where I was in the timeline of the world in comparison to the books.
Either way, one day I wanted to go to the center of the world myself, I had already died once, I didn’t want to live my second life in fear of dying again.
-A/N-
Like it? Tell me about it in the comments.
Think its dog shit? Tell me about it in the comments.
--
I'm a bit late.
Thank you for the chapter! Keep up with the hard work.
One more thing, I couldn't help but notice that you've written the entire chapter on the first person except this paragraph.
It had been difficult to accept the changes in his life. Not only had it taken nearly a year to start referring to himself as Kova Nact (it would be awkward if someone asked him his name and he said miles.) It was also hard to start thinking of his parents here as well, his parents. Even now they were above really good step parents that he ha
This is it, till next time.
Ah shit. Hestia won’t show up for at least 40 years if I remember the timeline right. So where is the guy gonna go? Also bell won’t be born till around 20-30 years from now
👍
https://danmachi.fandom.com/wiki/Races
For those interested.
I also got his mothers pointed ears, though a bit shorter and more rounded.
You get those wrong a few times. Your mindset when writing these must be bad. my* -his
It was also hard to start thinking of his parents here as well, his parents. Even now they were above really good step parents that he had known for a few years but below real parents.
Like this? Really dumb. They are LITERALLY his parents. Birthed him. What an odd attitude. They are raising him? 😆 This was a bad mindset to keep for both the character and you when you wrote. That's probably why you get those his and him wrong so much. Where you switch to third person sometimes? The punctuation was also wrong in places.
I was actually half convinced that Da had left the tongs out on purpose, seeing how he hadn’t grilled food in a week.
Lmao! You don't cook with blacksmith tongs! They're like four to five feet or more long! 😆 That was unintentionally funny. You should at least watch a bit on this though. If you're going to have a guy so important doing blacksmithing, but know nothing about it yourself then you'll make mistakes like this.
Try this machinist; https://youtube.com/c/mymechanics
That guy is an amazing Swiss machinist that uses modern tools to restore and create some amazing things. Not only that, but it's oddly satisfying to watch.
Then for a blacksmith? It's more difficult because you've got this Danmachi world that has an already established level somewhere in the 1800's style, despite the Tudor, Gothic, and Roman style architecture we see in the manga and anime.
So try this video;
https://youtu.be/UBf6TCuO4Pc
Twenty-five minutes.
For herbology? Much more difficult. My advice? Lean on the established alchemy items in danmachi, but look into chemistry, herbology, etc to make original things. Sounds harder than it is. You just take something that already has medicinal properties and make it magical. "Anything can be toxic given the dose." Most people think we get all our medicine from plants, but we get it from modem chemistry. Some things are totally artificial. Not found in nature at all. Some we get from venom, poisons, and other toxins we find in nature. There is a powerful blood clotting agent we got from a type of venom for instance.
You can read up on that sort of thing here;
https://health.howstuffworks.com/medicine/modern-technology/plants-used-in-medicine.htm
You probably already have the list of all the known Danmachi items, but here;
https://danmachi.fandom.com/wiki/Items
Things like oil or alcohol? Definitely an alchemist responsible in some way. Common sense stuff.
I had been told that if a God found out about me they might want to take me away and ‘collect’ him.
me* Not him. See? 😉
"Lmao! You don't cook with blacksmith tongs! They're like four to five feet or more long! 😆 That was unintentionally funny."
It was actually on purpose, and blacksmith tongs come in a wide variety of lengths dependent on use, unless its for giant machinery parts I havent seen a tong longer than two or three feet.
I've read all your comments and I agree with a lot and you've made me rethink a few things, but I'm not also really planning on doing too much research for something that I do for fun. I'll be doing more when it comes to stuff like herbology and alchemy in general when it becomes more important to the story however.
@IronOwl
Ah. Well, it was a good joke. Blacksmith tongs for cooking. 😆
As for "research" I think you'll find a lot of that is also just good entertainment. I watch My Mechanics to reset. Just zone out. Every time it says I make a new one I can't help but smile. As for chemistry? Well, I was not very good at it myself. I did enjoy making aspirin and things like that in the lab. However, you wouldn't really need all that. It sounds like I pointed at days of research for you, but it was altogether less than two hours even if you squeezed out every little detail. You're thinking about research wrong. Research in writing is like going to a bar to meet strange new people who you can then base characters off of. It's the fun part of writing. The unfun part is the bureaucracy part and quality assurance.
Your work is okay for a fan fiction. You're interacting with your audience and I've seen much worse than this. I was mostly trying to help with my comments. The only definitive thing I could notice was that you could do more storyboarding and outlines to reign in that creative writing chaos.
Thanks for your time in reading my replies. They're really just my opinion and you should just think of it as feedback. I didn't intend to make you feel pressured or anything? 😄 Good luck, man. Keep having fun with it.
@Ouroboros
There was a bit of pressure, but it was the first time there was any heavy critiquing of the fanfic so you're all good. As for storyboarding / Outlining it sometimes makes me lose a bit of my drive because I feel like I've already written it, so I just keep the general ideas in my head and type them out.
Thanks :)
@IronOwl
No problem. I just like to help out sometimes when I see writing I like. It's my way to engage I suppose. 😁
Best mindset for an author. “I’m doing this for fun”. Love it so far but am a little sad it’s taking place so far back compared to when the series takes place.