The Grandmaster of the Grey

 

The fall.

The subconscious mind deepest depth where thought and reality align to something strange, something terrifying. It is a place well known by the Grey Order's apostles. A place feared by them, a place where they store their knowledge. 

The Archive.

 

Nizzal sat up in her bed, and looked around. It was dark, she likely woke up in the middle of the night and she felt dazed for some reason. She waited for a while blinking frequently hoping for the strange haze to clear out of her vision naturally. Minutes have passed since she woke, and minutes have gone by just the same. She has not moved or said anything else, since her initial statement. She thought back to those words and fell into a deep mindful state of pure thought. 

Something was different. Her feelings, her senses, her mood... She had this scary sense of doom, it was just ominous. This... this feeling of slow but constantly growing sense has horrified her, her solid understanding and views of the world she believed to know to detail were shaken moments ago, in the time she was surrounded by the Mist of Time. Now she saw different things, sensed them, heard them, things that she didn't recognize. She felt as if she had stepped into a swamp that was moving under her feet, never knowing when it would finally suck her under its surface. 

This sense of uncertainty began to grow in her, until the moment she could not will herself to leave the warmth of the bed that she felt was becoming the only stable thing in her life. She understood, that something vital had changed in her, while she was in the mist. She gained back something she lost, or maybe she only believed it to be lost... This something, had shaken the foundation of her psyche, and now, her ego was vulnerable. She recognized the signs, since it was not the first time, such an old being had gone through this. 

Her personality, had melted at least partially and it was time to recreate it into something better, something new. Such an experience, was always horrifying as the result was uncertain, but it needed to be done. The process had begun, it couldn't be stopped anymore. This was how solidified personalities were only able to create major changes inside themselves. They were the result of a shock as a need for survival, or the after effects of mental awakenings, personality growth or major changes in beliefs. 

Nizzal, clutched onto the hem of the blanket as if it were her only lifeline. 

-This, never gets less terrifying... 

She mumbled to herself as she closed her eyes once again, and began her breathing control, after some time she began her descent into the depths of her vulnerable psyche with a somewhat calming breathing. 

Soon she began her slow descent into the darkest pit of the mind, into her own personal oblivion. The place all intelligent beings dread to visit the most. Some may even call this place, Hell.

As her fall continued she began to hear a series of familiar sounds. First the sounds of clashing and ripping apart wood and rock were heard. She opened her eyes and looked around, she saw as incredibly heavy wooden bookcases slid on the floor and walls crashing into each other violently. Each of those bookcases were different in size, but all of them were huge and incomparable to real bookcases, also their design was different, when you looked at them more carefully, some of them wasn't even made from wood. There were every possible type of imaginable bookcases, like a museum of them but larger. She looked at it with the same awe she felt when she came here first, the physical manifestation of the Archive. This was it, the place she feard the most, her own subconscious space.

The memories surrounded her, she was in the middle of a labyrinth. A labyrinth made out of bookcases holding her own memories and also, the other master's memories. It was certainly beautiful, yet all Nizzal could sense at that moment was pure dread.

At that moment a familiar voice spoke up behind her.

-Funny this one thinks: trapped in the mind, scary, real scary, that's the maxi truth.

I whirled around and looked at the person standing next to a slowly sliding bookcase. It was a particularly old gungan, one that I recognized immediately and felt relieved.

-Master Cil-Cil Muz, so it is you this time. 

The gungan's eyes looked at me emphatically. 

-You were the one, who pleaded for me to come, youngling. 

Said the gungan, as his tone changed to a much more serious one, losing most of the playfulness usually associated with his race. 

My face turned grim as I nodded silently, acknowledging his statement. 

I stepped closer to the old gungan with the intention of hugging him, but I stopped myself forcefully halfway through the action, as if I was expected to do so. It was very hard to stop, so incredibly hard... I just wanted to get some reassurance, even if it was nothing more than a soothing lie. 

-I... I am afraid... master... this time, I am truly terrified... I lack the power, I am weak, vulnerable... what if... I am not strong enough... 

I was too lost in my own fears and, terrors, and didn't notice master movements. Before I knew it, there were two large arms hugging me close in a tight embrace. I couldn't hold back my feelings anymore, and I broke down in a sobbing mess, grasping onto the cloth of the aged master, or more like, its imprint imprisoned in my mind, at the state of his passing.

His force spirit lived on free, and it continued to experience new knowledge, therefore the two entities could not be treated as the same. While in truth, neither one of them was entirely the same as the original master was, and also they were the same in a sense. 

Most in the order believed that these presences were nothing, more but an incredibly complicated imprint of his mind created at the moment of death by the ritual itself. 

Some believe it is nothing more, but a desperate attempt created by our own mind and sent out to guide us through the process. That was what I thought too, but I am not really sure anymore. In reality, we don't know what they are, but of course our egos would not allow it to be stated like that. Because, it would unknowingly remind us of the fact, that we are so uncertain, fragile and small.

Master Muz hugged me close, while whispering into my ear protrusions.

-There is nothing to fear, little Nizzy, death is not the end, it is just another step to grow beyond yourself. It will pass through you as easily as the warm sunshine passes through the little openings between the leafs of old trees or the warm crystal clear water of Naboo.

His eyes at that moment, held a mysterious longing, so alive, and so genuine that my heart pained for the old master. He saw my sad expression.

He smiled at me and said with radiating warmth.

-Remember young one, this technique was not created to escape death, but to learn to embrace it when the time comes. Every one of us was always alone in our passing, and we could not reassure anyone from the other side. Yet now, this technique born from our dedication and love has created this miracle, now we can help you and others along the way.

My throat felt dry as I asked.

-... Am I going to die? 

I stared at him as a new wave of doubt seeped into my mind, but the old gungan only laughed. 

-Yes, but not just yet.

I felt my shoulders shake with my relieved dry sobs. Hearing those words felt so good, it made me relax a bit, as some of the pressure left my body as I said.

-I know... but still... 

He patted my head, caringly without a second thought. 

-You are still young, there are many things waiting for you, even if... a part of you will never leave this place.

I continued to cry silently. 

-It is what we call change after all, isn't it young twi'lek? Something needs to give way, for something else to take its place. You will die today, Nizzal the Grey as you have been known, but you will be reborn, as someone new. Trust in the Archive, trust in the Force and trust in us. 

The last word, echoed through the endless corridors of the slowly changing library, through the thousands year old halls, of long forgotten whispers and lost deeds, all recorded in the soul of this small child. 

The still shaking form of the girl nodded with a new determination as she separated herself from the master, and slowly distanced herself from him. 

Master Muz nodded, and he began to speak an ancient mantra, it was told in a long forgotten version of the Sith language. Slowly other voices began to join in the mantra saying it with the same mystical zeal, as echoes of the chanting filled the emptyness.

 

"Sesie ijul's, sesie luvûts's, sautumas kash ijuitso, jena'tes, kad niekada uzmirsti.

  Tapti', tapti', tave valan kash ijuts, kraujas witsudz's, kisai's, sizizodzow's!

Basas witsudz, basas witsudz vi tave kitok Kichsizizodzow ikkichil!

Tave qy visa midwanas, azinimas iv tu'iea, tave vaisius iv tu'iea kuwi dzâzkchluzizodzo ir aukotis.

Zhol mulas's, zhol kash kosh kia ichlvûts tave tvarka, ir mes aras kosh, kia ichlvûts zhol.

Tapti' ziur, suy, basas witsudz kia tave ijukis, tave stigma lasutss isuls tave wo anas meo itsotskch!

  Tave Migla iv Amzi, tsiluwi ji âhayonts!

  Tave itsok deptok, lasutss chikchs tave memorsuzi, sichikûdz anas, lasutss tsuli nenx zinot tukodi sichikûdz.

᠎Tuti sikiy!

TAVE ZIL TVARKA KASH VISAS DARVAL!

BA-BA-DUM!

BA-BA-DUM!

     BA-BA-DUM!"    

 

Of course I understood all those words easily, and listened to them with extreme concentration and focus. These were the words, spoken, and roughly translated to galactic standard.

 

"Lost souls, lost lives, waiting in silence and darkness, but never forgotten. 

Come, come, the hour is due, blood witnesses, apostles, ancients!

Bear witness, bear witness as the new Grandmaster appears!

The force all powerful, knowledge of yours, the fruit of your wisdom and sacrifice.

It forms, it is born to serve the order, and we are born, to serve it.

Come see, hurry, bear witness to the signs, the stigma which shows the one that was accepted! 

The Mist of Time, clouded her eyes! 

The deep depth which takes the memories, changes that, which could not have been changed.

Rejoice!

THE GRAY ORDER IS WHOLE AGAIN!

BA-BA-DUM!

BA-BA-DUM!

 BA-BA-DUM!"

 

While the ancient words filled and echoed through the halls, the library came alive on a different scale. Every bookcase, every book, moved clashed, some broke down, some recreated itself from the broken pieces of wood and ripped apart paper, metals and rocks. It was an organized chaos, that filled every corner of the place. The depth of my mind. It was mesmerizing, like small pieces of a huge machine all of them falling into the right places in a violent yet also peaceful storm. There was destruction, and from the ashes of those clashings, new books and new bookcases formed almost immediately. Light and darkness, working in tandem as a whole.

At that moment I felt goosebomps all over my body as I understood. This was, the true nature of the Force. I knew this even before I came here... but now, it was different... Until now, I knew it, on a theoretical level, but now, as I witnessed the scene. Now I finally believe it. As I consciously witness the metaphysical happenings of my own unconscious mind I finally believe it.

There was no more fear.

Stillness.

I felt complete peace in the middle of my own soul surrounded by horrors and destruction. Now I smiled lightly, looking at the chaos reinforced in my own beliefs. If the force were able to create peace and order in this chaos, than it can create it anywhere. 

Suddenly all the movement, and all the crashing sounds stopped at the same time, filling the place with a mystical and religious stillness and complete silence. In that stillness a series of words, sentences have appeared in my mind as if a curtain has been pulled aside, they burst into my mind with a burning blazing power. I fell to my knees, as the wave of force energy washed through my entire body. 

 

There is no fear, only the truth.

Through the truth I shell rid myself from fear.

Without fear, I will find peace. 

In peace, I shell accept myself. 

With acceptance I shall find my weakness.

Only by knowing myself, can I grow beyond myself.

 

I repeated those words, as they came to my mind, with unyielding clarity and religious fervor. At the end I stood up, and the tall bookcases felt no longer that tall, I sensed no more ominousness, or threatening pressure from them.  Now as I stood again, it seemed, that even the tallest of bookcases were bowing down to me. Accepting their new master. Yes. This is how it should be. Knowledge is what frees the soul, but knowledge without humility poisons it. I stood on the top of the Archive above all the towers of books at that moment. Yet, I kneeled down again, down to the floor which I was standing on, bowed my head and kissed the dusty marble. 

The moment I kissed the floor, a thundering roar engulfed the hall. It was filled with the sound of hundreds if not thousands of voices in different tongues, all shouting with emotion in their own language, and I understood all of them. 

LONG LIVE THE GRANDMASTER, CHOSEN BY THE FORCE! LONG LIVE THE GRANDMASTER, CHOSEN BY THE FORCE!

At last, I stood up once more, and sensed the vibration of the energy in the air around me. The force in its purest raw form, was surrounding me, both the darkside and the lightside united in harmony around and inside my body. I could feel that there was no more rivalry between them. They were at peace. I looked to my side, and saw them, both versions of me, standing on my side, smiling at me with acceptance. 

-I always believed in you, I knew that you were the one, the one who will become the new Grandmaster.

Stated the older version of myself, with a warm smile. While the other one also showed me a hesitant smile as she said. 

-Well, it seems you were right for once... It is bound to happen here and there... eventually, but don't get used to it sis.

-Did you just call me sis? You never said that before... I am so happy! 

-What? NO! You are beginning to turn delusional... just stop... what a drag!

She rolled her eyes, as the older one hugged her close with pure unhidden happiness. However, this time, neither one of them were hurt. 

-Oh don't be so damn surprised... It is not that big of a secret, that the Grandmaster of your boring order can use all force techniques without any type of negative side effects. Be that from the light or the darkside at any time... But don't get too cocky, girl! I am still watching you... It would be a shame to fall from this height to such... OW?! Are you seriously pinching my face get off me!

-You are always so cute, when you become this ominous and all... I can't help it.

-GET OFF ME!

-Say the magic word.

-I will kill you.

-Wrong!

I watched them act around me like extremely pampered children, and I began to laugh. I laughed from the very heart of my being, and that laughter, filled the entire place with warmth. Their fighting soon stopped as they began to look at me with wide eyes, but I couldn't stop laughing. 

-Sis, I think we lost her...

-Should I start searching for the next one then? But, it's so boring... 

Hearing those words, only made me laugh harder.