Azalea

I gasped and sat up, shuddering, suddenly wide awake and clutching at my chest. Beads of cold sweat ran down my body and my heart raced a mile a minute while I inspected the spot between my boobs. As I sat looking at my chest, I could have sworn that I was injured there, but there was no mark.

Glancing into the sky gave me pause, as a giant storm of darkness covered the entirety that I could see, from horizon to horizon, nothing but black inky darkness caught in a violent maelstrom, giant arcs of lightning flashing across the sky, the eye of the storm centred directly on me. Noticing that let me see that the entire world’s colour was dimmed, like someone had set the TV screen darker than it normally would be. 

My breathing was short and shallow, so I focused on taking deep and slow breaths until my heart slowed to a more respectable rate. I tried to remember how I got here, but all I got was dim flashes of a memory – last thing I could remember was talking with Grams and Gramps – but nothing else. Sweat stung my eyes and dripped off my forehead as I kneeled over in pain.

So how did I get here? Wherever here was, and more importantly, how do I get back to Kelcie? To home. Just as I thought that, I suddenly thought I could see Kelcie leaning over me, her hands glowing a brilliant white as she shouted at me, tears streaming down her face, her pink hair wild and unkept. As suddenly as it appeared, it vanished.

Grimacing at the persistent pain in my chest, and finally able to move again, I looked around at where I was. At first all I could see were trees, trees and just to add a flavour, even more trees. Clearly the location of the world's most boring place to play I Spy.

Do you remember when we first met?

Just as I was about to pick a random direction and head that way, I heard a screech nearby and rushed towards it. Pushing through the trees, I burst out into a clearing. A clearing that I recognised as the spot that we had stopped at on the night we’d left West End the first time. 

I could see Ryel running through the small camp that we had set up and, causing a shaking of my head and rubbing of my eyes, another me, chasing after her. I vividly recalled this scene, Ryel had stolen a glow fruit from me, threatening to eat it and I had given chase. 

“Hey! Give me that back! That’s my last glow fruit!” Past Me shouted. 

Sitting back and giggling at our antics were Callie and Raya, while the dwarfs, elves and Olivor we were travelling with to Eidencrag watched silently. From this perspective, I could see some didn’t approve of our shenanigans, others didn’t seem to care either way, and the last lot had small smiles gracing their lips. 

Eventually Past Me cornered Ryel and got the glow fruit back, promptly eating it in front of her, including the next one, amidst Ryel’s uproar that I had lied about that being my last one. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory, although seeing it like this, I could see the pain in the little half orc’s eyes that she was doing her best to hide. At this point in time it had been only a short time ago that she had learned of the loss of her entire family, after all.

I didn’t know what to think at first.

It was shortly afterwards that Kelcie appeared from setting up a small lean-to that she’d had. Calling Ryel to her, she sat down and began heating up some of the rations we had scavenged for them to eat. I watched as Past Me flew over and landed on Kelcie’s shoulder, bold as anything, and yet I knew how nervous Kelcie had made me. Which was a fairly new experience, if I was being honest. From the moment I had met Kelcie, I had been fascinated by her – mainly from her being a magical girl at first – which only grew as time went on. Never before had someone so attracted my attention like she had, not even Sarah when I had been human, although to be fair, I had been far too consumed with my transition at the time, before everything went downhill.

As the scene played out with the three of us in domestic bliss, a sharp twinge flashed in my chest and the world blurred around me. Gasping from the shock and the pain, I checked my surroundings to work out where I was this time. Immediately I flew up high to avoid a Wright that had lunged behind me. Instinctively I raised my arm and fired a pulse at it, only for the blast to ripple and vanish when it hit, having no effect. It seemed that the Wright hadn’t noticed me, it was attacking my friends.

“What the?… Well, that’s just rude!” I huffed, floating above the small battlefield while my friends and Past Me fought the stray undead that had managed to find us several days after we had left Wests End. It took me a moment to notice but everything seemed slightly darker – my vision taking on a slight grey tone – even the flashes of bright magic from the fight. The only one who didn’t seem to look any different was Kelcie – if anything, she seemed brighter, more full of life compared to the others, but I usually thought that anyway.

How could I know? It was an unusual situation after all.

I watched Kelcie blast an undead that had been sneaking up behind Past Me, then as we got into an epic movie moment with our backs turned to each other, Ryel in between us while we fought off the undead. Callie and Raya were on the other side of the enemy, aiding the others we had been escorting. I winced when the final moment came, a massive undead dire bear, even larger than the one my boulder sensei had killed, charged into the fight, barreling straight for an unprepared Kelcie. Past Me threw herself in front of Kelcie with my [Psychic Shield] up, I had attempted to reinforce it with [Fairy Magic] but hadn’t had enough time before it hit me, slamming me into the ground and shattering my shield. Looking at the scene now, I could easily see how if I had of just placed the shield on Kelcie instead, I wouldn’t have been in that position, but I hadn’t been thinking, just reacting.

I think that I still don’t. Everything has been so different since then.

Kelcie fought the bear and, with the help of the others when they arrived, destroyed it while Past Me lay there hurt and bleeding from the bear. Raya rushed over and began healing me, Kelcie moving and scooping me up when Raya had finished, clutching me to her. Hovering over them all, and watching it like it was a fantasy drama series, allowed me to see the bond between Kelcie and I beginning to form. Tears shimmered in her eyes when she looked down at my dirty and bloodied body.

“Why did you throw yourself at the bear like that?”

Past Me shrugged in her arms. “I couldn’t let you get hurt,” she all but whispered.

The magical girl shook her head, but I could see she had a small smile, even through the tears. “You silly girl. I’m wearing armour. It might not look like much more than a dress, but it actually has the same properties as plate armour. Out of the two of us, you are – what did you call it? A glass cannon?”

I chuckled as Past Me winced. “I just reacted, I was in the zone.”

“And what zone is that? The dead zone?” Callie asked, coming up to stand beside us, looking down at Past Me, shaking her head. “You’re gonna be the death of yourself one day, Azalea.” She smirked. “That is not the way a proper princess acts!”

“I can’t believe I didn’t see that you were a princess all along, Callie,” I sighed while I watched Past Me argue with Callie that she wasn’t a princess.

What do you say to someone who looks at you like you did? Like, really looks at you.

I still maintained that I wasn’t one. Fairies don’t have a government like most people would understand it as, and it was a fact that so many people didn’t seem to understand about the fairies. We didn’t have an economy, the closest thing to anything like a government is the guardians and even that was a stretch. In a lot of ways, Fairy is a paradise, a utopia, it was just unfortunate that some parts of it seemed incompatible with me. Although I did have to acknowledge that my grandparents had far more authority than I had ever thought, especially seeing them take control of the fairies recently. I frowned as that thought hit me. When have I seen them in action recently? A memory of some kind flashed through my mind, forgotten too quickly for me to fully comprehend, but I do know it involved Grams and Gramps.

Shaking myself, I looked around and noticed that everything had changed again while I had been introspective… a new thing for me.

Looking around, I didn’t recognise where I was for a moment, before I saw the small village that we had stayed at along our trip to Eidencrag. The village was so small that it only had a single inn because it was not directly in the path between the town and the city. It didn’t even have an official name, at least not one that I heard.

Not just what you, or your family can do for them.

Smiling fondly at the memory that this place invoked, it took me a moment to realise that my surroundings had gotten even dimmer, this time with a slight blurring around the edges like a video camera not focused correctly. Shaking my head at the strangeness, I went looking for Past Me and my friends, finding them in the inn, ordering food from one of the waitresses, a young half elf girl – probably no older than fifteen since she didn’t have a class yet, who had taken a shine to Olivor, and had loved listening to all of his boastful tales of his many adventures. Looking at the girl now, I was reasonably sure she was just enamoured with the adventurer lifestyle, not Olivor himself – who I was pleased to see was a perfect gentleman, entirely courteous and respectful. I briefly wondered what the old man was doing now, and whether or not he was well.

The inn had such a classic fantasy look to it as to be almost laughable. Wooden chairs and tables, wooden floor, stone walls and a wooden roof. Heck, there was even a stranger sitting in a dark corner wearing a black cloak. The only noticeable difference between that and a movie was that this person was eating what looked like a six person feast all on their own with no massive tankard of ale visible. 

After the waitress took our order and gave it to the cook, she went over and ducked her head down to talk with the stranger. I couldn’t be sure from my failing vision, but I would swear I had seen bright red hair fall down out of the cloak, before a slim hand tucked it back underneath her hood, before the figure stood up, throwing several overly large gold pieces on the table and left the inn. Watching the cloaked figure – distinctly feminine now that they had stood up – I had a strange feeling that I had met them before, but I couldn’t tell from where. I also noted that they paid zero notice of our party, despite it being unusual, especially with a fairy in the mix.

But as a someone to that person. An actual person, rather than a means. But more than that. You not only saw the woman inside, but helped me see it too.

Turning back around, I was just in time to see Past Me savouring some type of berry that I had forgotten the name of already. It wasn’t one I was familiar with, and the name was a hard one to pronounce. Past Me watched everyone else eat their lamb stew – another classic fantasy meal – and look longingly at the lamb. I couldn’t blame her, while I can’t stand eating any of it anymore, I had plenty of memories of enjoying a good steak, or one of my mum’s fantastic roast lambs, before she died that was.

“Azalea, you should slow down, you’ll make yourself sick!” Kelcie warned, watching Past Me pig herself out on the berries. 

Once again, the only one who looked the same was Kelcie, everything and everyone else was still in that darkened grey tone.

I will always be grateful for that.

In my defence, they were very yummy berries. Not to mention, a nice change of flavour since I had barely eaten anything more than what I had brought with me – various seeds and nuts, and the glow fruit and papples. It was nice to have something different for a change.

Past Me stopped shoving berries into her face long enough to look up at Kelcie and held one out to her. “Do you want one? They’re yummy!”

“I’ll have one!” Ryel exclaimed immediately, reaching over to grab it from Past Me’s hand.

Pulling back, Past Me poked her tongue out at Ryel. “I didn’t ask you, you glow fruit thief!”

Ryel pouted. “Hey! I gave it back, didn’t I?”

“Only because I cornered you!”

Shaking her head, Kelcie held her arm up, blocking Ryel and Past Me from seeing each other. “Enough you two, children who bicker don’t get dessert.”

Finishing her dinner first, Ryel asked to be excused, running outside as soon as Kelcie had nodded her head.

Kelcie finished her dinner, and asked the waitress about dessert.

“I’m sorry, but we only have some of the berries left that your friend is eating,” the young half elf said with an apologetic grimace.

I had been surprised at how easily she and her village had accepted seeing me with my group, and I had to chalk that up to either they saw some strange things being so far away from civilisation, or they couldn’t afford to alienate anyone who visited them with gold, or maybe both, who was I to judge, I had lived in a forest in a tree for most of my second life.

The fact that you are always unfailingly you is the best thing about you.

Holding up several berries in both hands, Past Me waved them in front of Kelcie. “No need to order more, Kelcie, you can have some of mine.” At Kelcie’s nod, Past Me flew over and fed her a berry, much to her surprise. Watching it all now, I saw the amusement in people’s eyes as they observed us interacting together. In my defence, I hadn’t considered what I was doing, I just wanted to share the tasty fruit with my friend. I will maintain that argument until the day I die.

Past Me and Kelcie giggled when some fruit juice dribbled from her mouth and she nearly spat out some half chewed fruit. “Gross!” Past Me giggled, patting Kelcie’s cheek as she blushed.

“You little rat! You deliberately did that,” the pink haired girl exclaimed after she cleaned her cheek, still blushing.

With a shocked gasp, Past Me shook her head. “I did not! And you can’t prove it either! But forget all that, they were good, right?”

Glaring at my past self for a moment longer, Kelcie smiled and shook her head. She had never been able to stay mad at me, it was one of the reasons that I loved her. “They were quite nice, yes,” she admitted.

And getting to know you has been a genuine privilege.

Quickly picking up the rest of the berries, Past Me landed on Kelcie’s shoulder, and started feeding them to her one by one slowly, maintaining lots of eye contact the whole time. As the night progressed, I could see a new closeness in how we had interacted that hadn’t been there earlier. I felt a twinge of pain from my chest, and everything blurred then changed.

It was later that same night. Ryel, Kelcie and I had gotten a bedroom together, since it was cheaper. Not that it mattered to me, as I had my own bed and could sleep almost anywhere.

All three of us sat in the large bed together, with Past Me on Kelcie’s shoulder and Ryel tucked up on the other side of Kelcie. We hadn’t felt like sleeping just yet, so Kelcie had taken out one of the very few books she had on her, an old book about fairy tales and read them to us. It had been a peaceful evening and instead of sleeping in my little portable nest like I usually did, I fell asleep on Kelcie, waking up in the morning cradled in her chest, with her hugging me closer to her. I watched as Past Me fell asleep, nearly falling off of Kelcie’s shoulder before she caught me, and hugged Past Me to her as Ryel slowly fell asleep as well. Kelcie’s eyes glimmered with warmth and tenderness as she looked over me, before she closed her eyes and relaxed into the bed too.

You aren’t perfect, gods know that’s the truth, but that makes you perfect.

The pain in my chest returned, stronger than ever, causing me to bend over as I yelled out. As I struggled to breath, flashes of memory assaulted my mind, Kelcie kneeling over me, panic stricken and glowing as bright as the noon day sun, a dark jagged knife, a terrible explosion, followed by pained silence. What felt like fire in my chest spread to my limbs, before dulling as the world around me blurred once more.

Looking down at my chest, where it hurt had turned black with dark veins spreading across my body like the roots of a tree. Failing to rub some of it off, I winced from the pain of touching it, and decided to leave it for the moment.

What was happening to me? What is this dark stain on my chest? And why can’t I remember what I was doing before this?

At first I thought it was night time since it was so dark, but soon I realised that it had just gotten so dark and grey toned that it was starting to become hard to see. Like an old black and white movie on a dim screen.

Because you were brave enough to show me your imperfections, you gave me the strength I needed to show you mine.

Once again I watched my past self interact with my new family, teasing Ryel, flirting with Kelcie – which I hadn’t realised I was doing at the time – getting to know Raya and Callie as we travelled. I watched again and again Past Me getting to know Kelcie, the long walks riding on her shoulder and talking about anything and everything, to falling asleep together a few more times reading stories. The world grew darker each and every time, the dark veins grew worse, but Kelcie was the only thing that didn’t get darker, as before, she started to glow and get brighter each time.

I was laying on the ground, curled up into a ball, groaning after a particularly bad shift when I finally sat up and looked around, it took me a while to recognise where I was. We were back at West End, helping clear out the undead threat and I saw that Kelcie was in our cabin upset.

“What’s happening to me?” I groaned out, struggling to stand.

The glowing, crying Kelcie suddenly flickered like a failing light, one moment she had her head in her hands, the next, she had turned to look at me, but it wasn’t like you would expect her to. Her head created a ghostly image of itself to turn towards me, while the rest of her stayed still, continuing to cry. “Azalea! Please fight it, I can’t hold on much longer!” Her voice echoed like three of her spoke at once, but it was coming from within my head, not out of her mouth.

I never thought I would feel about another person as I feel about you.

My head hurt as more memories flashed through my mind. Kelcie glowed a bright white as purple light violently spun around us which looked like it was attempting to choke her, while Gramps and Grams fought to break through a maelstrom of energy surrounding us.

“What was that? What’s happening?” I mumbled, holding my head.

Purple light filled my vision as a voice full of love, warmth and desperation echoed through me. “You’re dying, Azalea! Fight it and come back to me!”

I knew that voice anywhere, Kelcie, I simultaneously felt and heard it through our bond as clear as glass. I realised now that she had been calling to me for some time, helping combat whatever was happening to me.

The visions dulled as pain flashed through my chest, the dark veins spreading further through my body, burning their way in my very being. Wherever the veins had spread, my skin had turned pale and cold, like I hadn’t seen the sun in a decade.

From the bottom of my heart, my soul, my everything, I love you.

Fiery warmth poured into me when I felt our bond surge with our love. Bright white light speared from the wound in my chest, blindingly bright, searing away the black veins that had spread their spiderweb of corruption throughout my body. I scream as flames burnt away at my body, seemingly consuming everything in its path. After what felt like an eternity, blessed cold darkness welcomed me into its embrace. 

The most beautiful vision of my life appeared in front of me. Kelcie, sweaty and exhausted, her hair windswept and dirty, the ground around us swept clean and flat of everything but dirty in a large circle. As the darkness embraced me, I felt Kelcie catch me in her arms, whispering that everything was going to be okay. Snuggled up in her warmth, her love, I knew that to be the truth.

My beautiful little idiot, I will never let you go.