Hi, it's me, the fourth-best darts player in the Madeleinesmansion household. The three people better than me are Merida, Mel, and Myka. Merida just knows the perfect throw, Mel is a ranger, and I'm pretty sure Myka cheats. I don't know how you cheat at darts, but Myka cheats anyways. In fact, she cheats in every game we play. I should stop playing games with Myka, but she's the only one who plays with me. Except she shouldn't be playing with me, she has maid duties. I don't have maid duties since every time I attempt to do a chore that isn't tea making, a shadow clone rises from my shadow and takes over for me. I actually had to fight them to do tea making. It doesn't make sense, but somehow one me was enough to beat five mes. So yeah…

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Did I mention where I am? I'm currently waiting in this line, a really long line. I've been in it for around five hours. I tried talking to the others in the line, but none of them even make sounds. Seriously, I tried to make one of them flinch by fake throwing a dagger at them, accidentally letting go and hitting them right between their eyes, and not even a groan of pain came out of their mouth. It's still there. I'd grab my dagger out, but it's kind of funny…

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I feel like there's something with this line that just makes you want to stop thinking… the longer I stand in this row, the less thoughts I have… and… and… the people… are they… huh…

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CHICKEN SOUP!!! Oh shit… my mind really is… fuck…

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"You are not supposed to be here. How did you get here?" Eh?! Who's there?! I felt something on my shoulder, only to see a decaying grey hand. Huh… I wonder what it tastes like. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't harbour such thoughts. I do not like the idea of losing my hand." I turned towards the source of the voice to see a floating, decrepit cloak with two corpse-like hands coming from under it. Reminds me of Croen.

"Oh… I have no idea how I got here. Where is here? The queue into the afterlife?"

"That's exactly what this is. At the end of the line is the Judge of Souls, who weighs your soul to determine where you'll go. Sinners go to the countless Punishment Realms, the virtuous go to Reward Realms, and everyone in-between enters the Cycle of Reincarnation. Don't tell anyone I told you this, but since our world has a very low budget, the Gods send the dead to the afterlives of other worlds."

"That doesn't sound legal."

"It's the world of Gods. Anything is legal."

"Maybe I'll become a God, then."

"Please don't. You'll end up in this line if you do."

"I'm already in it. By the way, can I see the Judge of Souls?"

"Sure." The cloaked figure turned around, took off its hood, put on a hat, and then turned back to face me. "Hello, I'm the Judge of Souls." It's just a floating hat with a cloak under it…

"So, where do the hands come from?"

"Nowhere." It took its hand off my shoulder and pulled me out of the line by dragging my dress. 

"You could've just dragged me by the arm. Pulling on someone's clothes hurts, you know."

"I'd rather not accidentally kill another soul."

"Oh, that makes sense. So where are you taking me?"

"To the Land of the Living. What world do you come from? Mendass or Nytias?"

"Nytias? Where's that?"

"Oh… unfortunate you. I'll send you back to Mendass. Just keep following. As a side warning, don't look behind you."

"What happens if I do?"

"Your wife dies."

"NOOO!!! NOT MEL!!!"

"You actually have a wife?"

"No, but I can invite you to my wedding."

"That would be pleasant. I have yet to attend a wedding." 

I kept following the Judge, and eventually, we reached a door just standing out in the open, quite some distance away from the queue. I looked at the line, seeing the lifeless bodies continue to shuffle forwards solely. I feel like there are a lot of questions I could be asking here… but whatever. The Judge opened the door, which led to what looked like the Void. Just an empty white space. Speaking of the Void, "Oh yeah, since you're part of the afterlife, do you know Croen?"

"Croen… Croen… Croen… hmm… sounds familiar. The God of the Undead, right?"

"Probably, he's a skeleton. I'm not good at remembering what God does what, the name of what Gods, and which Gods fuck who."

"That would be a terrible thing to remember."

"Also, why are we in the Void?"

"Due to budget constraints, the Office For Soul Judgement isn't directly connected to the two worlds it governs, instead being connected through the Void."

"I don't see how that's cheaper."

"I don't either. I'm just an employee. We'll be walking through the Void for a moment, and soon we'll find a doorway to Mendass."

We walked through the Void, and let me tell you, it's very wacky. It feels like I'm walking on sunshine… am I? Is sunshine white? Actually, no, I'm walking on nothing. Before I could finish my thoughts on the Void, we reached a set of two doors. One was a proper, stable door, and the other was highly damaged. I'm going through the latter one, huh.

"Yes, yes you are. Before you go, let me just conjure up some eyes."

"Eyes?! For me to lick?"

"No, to look."

"Good enough." 

Quickly, eyeballs appeared under the hat. Just eyeballs… a lot more disgusting than I expected. I had to circle around the cloak since the eyeballs were created backwards. I didn't know eyes had that much red. I kind of like it. Anyways, I look into the eyes.

Soul Weight You can make people feel the weight of their souls. Side Note: Heavy soul, darling.

Oh, now the eye thing makes sense. I thought they just knew about my eye fetish, which I think is a thing now. I guess that rant the more lustful demons go on about acquired tastes was right. 

"Now that that's over, I'm returning to my job."

"Oh yeah, what name do I write on your wedding invitation?"

"No idea. I've forgotten who I was."

"So should I just write Judge of Souls?"

"Yeah, sure. Good day, Madeleine."

"You too, Judge."

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Character profile: [DATA MISSING]

Sacred power: Soul Weight

Hobbies: Farming, drinking tea, and appreciating life.

Description: The Judge of Souls, whose true identity has been recently deleted. Not a soul can tell you what they are, and even less can tell you who they were before. The Judge was initially a wandering soul found in Mendass. Unlike many wandering souls, which tend to exist out of spite, regret, a combination of both, or cursed by necromancers, the Judge had no memory of who they were, no tether to the world. The Gods were going to send their soul back into the cycle, but something about it made them decide against it. Croen suggested that they let this soul be the Judge, which the Gods allowed, due to Croen's reputation as a slacker in almost every aspect of work as a God of Death. 

Chapter namesake: Where Are We Going? by Kevin Sherwood for Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 (Specifically for the Zombies map Mob of the Dead. Mmm... prison zombies.)