For a moment we all stared at the pile of stuffed animals on the floor. None of us wanted to be the first grown adult to get down on our knees and sort through the pile to find our favorite. But then I realized something, what if there was like this really cool animal in there and everyone wanted it. What if I was stuck as like, a cuddly silly looking goose because that was all that was left. Sure I could be a real trouble making son of a gun, but I couldn't see myself waddling around and honking at people. That couldn’t happen. No way, no how. 

As soon as that thought entered my head, I dove for the pile of animals in front of me and was immediately rewarded with intense pain. It seemed that Kev had the exact same idea as he was currently sprawled flat on his ass holding his head in his hands. 

“Dude, what the absolute fuck!” He growled. 

“What are you talking about man,” I winced, trying to ignore the throbbing pain. I’m sure that would leave a bruise, but I guess that wouldn’t matter, would it? “You ran into me.”

“You just wanted to find the coolest little guy in there and hoard him all for yourself, didn’t you?” Dammit Kev, you know me too well. I might have been! But he was trying to do that too! I could tell from the look on his face. 

“Maybe,” I sniffed. Trying to stop the tears from welling in the corners of my eyes. Stay tough, Justin. Don't show weakness for a second. Crying over stuffed animal injuries is so not punk. “I just don’t think either of you are cool enough to handle a possum, if there’s one in here.”

At this point Chris had slowly made his way over to the doll stack and began methodically sorting dragons from lions from seals. Right now, he was in the process of turning a pastel blue penguin over in his hands, inspecting the little guy from all angles. “Justin, I promise that you’re the only one of us who wants a possum.”

“That’s impossible, those things are the coolest. They eat garbage, like me. They scream for no reason, like me. They’re creatures of the night, sick. Momma possums carry their little babies around wherever they go and I for one think that’s pretty sweet. And nobody knows if they’re alive or dead. You have to understand, possums are pretty much nature’s perfect creature.” I tossed aside a hedgehog and continued searching for the best animal in the world. 

“I don’t know if all of those are entirely, like, good things dude?” There goes Kev again, always the eternal doubter. 

“Oh yeah?” I snapped, probably a little harsher than I meant to if I’m being honest. “Well I bet you’re looking through there for a cute little bunny.”

“And what if I am?” His cheeks took on a shade of red found more naturally amongst the stuffed denizens at our feet. 

“I’m just saying it’s a little… you know.”

“No,” Chris chimed in. “I don’t know. Please Justin, tell us about what Kev’s love of rabbits says about him?” 

“It’s just. Well. They’re so… cutesy and not punk…” Somehow this had been turned back on me. I wasn’t trying to say anything negative about Kevin or anything. He’d just always loved rabbits and I always thought that was a little silly. But now Chris was insinuating that it was something more. Ugh. I hated when they ganged up on me. 

“Rabbits aren’t cute! They’re fierce as hell! And I don’t have the time to go into all the reasons that rabbits actually own bones. Because I have this!” Kev raised the stuffed animal above his head as if it was the greatest prize in the world. Like that motherfucking drugged out mandrake waving Simba around at the top of pride rock, Kev was holding a possum KT in his greasy little mitts. “Now, I’m sure someone in this band would just love a possum, huh?” 

“You son of bitch. You horse’s ass. You fucked up Lynard Skynard listenin’, Coldplay singin’, Nickelback enjoyer.” I looked up from my place on the ground, seeing the absolute prize of a possum held in the arms of the enemy. “You don’t even want a possum. Gimme. Gimme gimme gimme."

“Hmm… I don’t know.” Kev smirked, tossing the little critter back and forth between his hands. “You’ve been saying an awful lot of mean things about bunnies. I don’t know if you deserve a possum, honestly.” 

“I deserve a possum!!” I shouted back, staggering to my feet. My face was flush with a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. “I think out of all of us you know that I truly deserve to have a possum. I got us this gig by talking to Stinky Terrence! I’m the one that truly embodies the way of the trash eater!”

“Yeah you’re a trash eater alright. I can smell it on your breath.”

“I don’t have dental insurance and you know it! That’s a low blow!” I shouted, closing the distance between myself and Kev. Internally I hated how quickly and easily I could get mad, but I hated when he criticized something that was out of my control. I could brush as much as I wanted but I was still self-conscious about my teeth and he knew it too.

“You’re right it is I’m sorry I really just got carried away! I’m not even that mad at you and this is going in different directions than I expected! And now I’m just frustrated, and I don’t know WHY!” Kev’s voice was straining a bit, a gravely yell that I know frustrated him. 

“It’s okay!” I shouted back. “I got carried away too, but mostly because I really, really wanted a possum to be my physical representation and I was so mad at the idea that it didn’t happen!!”

“WELL HERE!” With one fluid motion Kev shoved the little gray baby into my arms. “Take your marsupial, jackass!” 

“Thank you very much! I’m sorry for my actions!” I was torn between the joy and appreciation for my new possum friend, and the heightened emotions of this current screaming match. The emotions won out, but I still held the scruffy little guy close to my heart.

“You’re welcome and I’m sorry TOO! Can we stop screaming at each other, this feels weird and I don’t know why I’m doing this!” Kev broke down into a sputtering laugh and I joined in.

“Here, dumbass.” We both turned to see Chris holding a pink rabbit plush in Kev’s direction. For a moment I thought he was going to turn it away because of the color but he quickly snatched it up and held it close to his chest with a bright smile. While Kev was distracted by his new fluffy friend, I noticed that Chris had a KT of his own in his arms. 

"Really dude? Of all the animals in the pile that you can pick, you go for the most boring of them all?" I scoffed, giving him a cocky smile. 

Kev, sensing blood in the water, joined in. "Ooh what did he pick? A normal brown teddy bear? Really? That's so basic. That's more than just basic. That's like 'I pay all of my taxes on time.'"

I nodded. "You're announcing to the world that the only thing you listen to in the car is NPR."

"Your favorite band is Imagine Dragons."

"Nacho cheese Doritos are too spicy for you."

"You pick Mario in Smash Bros because he, and I quote, 'looks like a friendly guy.'"

"I only did that once, okay?" Chris sighed, “Do y’all always have to be like this in public? It’s kind of embarrassing.” 

“Chris you have to understand,” I said, punctuating my words with a wave of my new possum pal. “We’re dudes and driven by rock, cock, and egos. Y’know. Typical Rockstar stuff. It's just so weird to see you choose a normal ass animal like a bear. Even Kev's doing a whole David Bowie fuck with expectations by choosing a cute rabbit. Where's your wild side? Where's that impulse to smash up a dressing room if they don’t have a bowl full of only green M&M’s cuz they taste the best.”

“Actually,” Chris sighed, “that is a prudent move on the side of the bands and agents. It was entirely to test and see if the venues read the contracts the entire way. It’s wise to check and see that the people that you work wi-“

“Green M&Ms taste the same as regular M&Ms, dick.” Kev interjected over Chris’s explanation. 

“No, no. They have this green flavor.” I waved him off.

“What? No, they all just taste like chocolate.”

“You want to make sure that the people you’re working with will have the lighting and the effects right and if they can’t handle having the M&M’s right.” Chris was now pulling up his phone to try to find sources to back his ideas up. “I’m pretty sure that's mentioned in the memoir of-“

“They taste like green!” I said, cutting Chris off again. “You look and you see green and your brain says ‘mmm yum yum, good green taste.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“I can’t hear you, I'm eating imaginary green chocolate. Mmmm, delicious.” I mimed popping one or two pieces of candy into my mouth. “Wow what flavor!” 

“Okay, y’all. This was entertaining to sit back and watch for a while, but this has gone into very stupid so I’m cutting in.” Baph walked up to the three of us and clapped her hands on my shoulders, causing me to shiver with some mix of fear and excitement. Fuck, I forgot that we weren’t just in our house. Oh God, other people could see us. Oh God, I looked like a jackass. Stupid guy, getting so focused on pissing Kev and Chris off that I ended up just looking like a moron in front of new people.

Candy walked up next to her, a satisfied smile on her face as well. “Aww, did you really have to stop them? It was kind of cute. They’re squabbling like siblings.” 

Chris shook his head. “Please keep me out of this ‘they’re’ when I’m but a hapless victim drawn into their orbit of madness.”

“Yeah, but you love it too don’t you, big guy? Admit it?” Baph had a wicked gleam in her eyes and a sharp smile on her face as she looked between the three of us. “You have to adore their weird little shenanigans, or you wouldn’t still be hanging around with them.” 

“Yeah, you’re right. Just don’t tell them that.”

“Hey!” Kev shouted, “We’re right here y’know. We can hear you.”

“Oh, shit I forgot they can understand us. Everyone act cool.” Chris said to glares from me and Kev. This got a small chuckle out of the group which led to that weird small bit of silence when nobody is sure who’s supposed to speak next. If it was just the four of us, I’d try to step in and say something, but Candy being there brought a new element to our dynamic. Now there was an outsider, and I’d be more likely to make a fool of myself even more than I already did if I opened my mouth again. 

Ultimately it was Baph who broke the ice. “So, while you gremlins were tearing into the stuffed critters in order to find the just right fit, Candy and I were talking a little bit. As much as we all love diving into things without thinking about the consequences-”

“That’s unfair!” Kev interjected.

“Spaghetti night Kevin. Spaghetti night. Anyway, like I was saying, because we don’t exactly have proper discipline when it comes to our impulse controls, I thought I would walk you through the plan? Okay?” We all murmured our okays until Baph took that as good enough and kept going.

“These things don’t just give you new bodies, they also give you a bit of time where you are disconnected from most of your physical needs. Food and drink are good and are converted directly to energy for the process, but if you really needed to, you could skip out. Sleep is mostly psychosomatic, where at least according to some of the resources it’s more based on what the person experiencing the transformation wants. If you want to rest, you can. This is taken with a giant caveat of knowing that magic of this scale 100% works on a case-by-case basis depending on the final result. You might not be up for 24/7 playing guitar, but at the same time knowing y’all I know that won’t be the case. Regardless, this means you all are little mostly unlimited batteries, ready to practice at any time without feeling the physical consequences. That means plenty of time to learn some good habits and practice without your mortal flesh holding you back.” 

“Okay,” I said, thinking it over. “But what about our instruments, those are going to be too big for us.” I held out my floppy little possum that I had decided was named Jazz Ripley. I had already established her whole backstory. Jazzy was a private eye in her spare time when she wasn’t a head brewer at a local distillery. When the cops were too corrupt to do their jobs, she'd take on cases to bring justice for those shunned by society. She was confident and cool and oh gosh I needed to actually finish my statement. “I mean look at the size of her. She’s so teeny compared to my bass.”

Candy excitedly bounced up and down in place. “Ooh, ooh! I will help with that. There are a few spells that I’m going to try out to make things easy for you to practice. But it’ll be better to see and experience that than have me go and explain about spatial manipulation.” 

“Awww,” Chris looked bummed about not getting a magic lecture. He wasn’t the only one. 

“Okay fine, I’ll explain it to you later once the whole process is done, okay? God you’re all super curious, aren’t you.”

“We might be stupid,” Kev said, puffing his chest up with pride. “But we at least like pretending to learn about things.”

After that the conversation drifted again, we asked a few more questions about what needed to be done. The preparations for the ritual were already all drawn out. Apparently, they were “simple enough to be done in a grave emergency, like a car accident or dark magic disaster” according to the pamphlet, which felt weirdly specific. We took a little bit of time to stuff the rest of the KT’s into the garbage bag covered with runes and symbols and once done followed Candy and Baph into another backroom where the KT transference was going to take place. 

Candy led us to a table with three stacks of paperwork on it. She took a moment, fingers playing with the hem of her shirt, before addressing us. Her tone was more serious now, the bubbly nature put aside for business. “Before we begin, you three, I was just wondering if you wanted to donate your bodies to help further my magical research? Some higher-level rituals could use components taken from the human body and it’s a much more humane, and cheap, path to get these. Pretty, pretty please it would really help me out!”

I gulped, thinking over what she wanted of us. “So, basically, we’re donating our body to science? If I’ve got that right?”

Candy nodded, “Yes absolutely! And trust me, I’m not reanimating them or anything. There are just some bones and other elements that are great for bargaining with lesser planar beings. Your bodies will still be disposed of in a humane way. There’s just… Well I’m not going to list them all out for you but magic is old and from a time where the dignity of human life wasn’t entirely high on the list. But I can use this to do more research to find more humane ways to do things.” 

“Does that mean you won’t turn my body into a zombie?” Kev frowned. “But that would be the coolest thing that my body has ever done.”

“I…” Candy tried in vain to try to read anything from his facial expression to see if he was joking. “I mean I guess if you want I could turn your body into a zombie.”

“Yes!” 

“But… why?” 

“I dunno, it would be kind of sick.” Kev shrugged. “It’s not like it would be me anymore. Waste not, want not, or whatever it is that the old people say. If I get lucky I’m going to look completely different than this meat mecha that I’m piloting, and that’s a good thing. If you want a zombie research assistant to, I dunno, make you tea or something. Far be it from me to stop you. For me, you’re doing this rad thing and I don’t mind just letting you do whatever you want to my corpse as long as I don’t need to see it.” 

Candy’s eyes gleamed for a moment, “Can I get that from you in writing with your signature and a signature of a witness?”

“I don’t feel comfortable giving you my body.” Chris sighed, “It would be weird knowing that you’re doing research using it. I’m sorry Candy. It’s not that I don’t trust you or anything.”

“No, I get it,” Candy nodded, sorting through a file folder on the side of the desk with other kinds of very official looking paperwork. I’m talking DMV kind of nonsense. Something that IRS employees have wet dreams about. I’m talking as if there were a whole alien race that was dedicated to bureaucracy. And then have that alien race get taken over by a different floral alien race that was also in love with paperwork, these are the kinds of forms that Candy was fucking with. “Honestly a reaction like his is much more outside the norm compared to yours. I came into this expecting all no’s so I’m kind of thrown off a little bit. Give me one more second Kevin and you can swear your oath of non vengeance and give me a claim to your flesh that will be made eternal.”

“Rad.”

While they were having this conversation, I looked over the normal paperwork in front of me. It was basically your standard organ donor forms, the same that I filled out when I got my driver’s license. I checked off the boxes and quietly just put it back down on the table, not wanting to throw off the vibes of whatever was happening. 

“Justin check it out dude, I’m gonna sign a contract in blood. This is so absolutely metal.” Kev was beaming from ear to ear, and I couldn’t blame him. This day had already gone strange, so why not dive in and make it a little stranger. 

“Alright,” Candy said, moving around some more of the pages until the new contract was the only thing in front of her and Kev on the table. “I am going to need you to read this contract out loud, and then sign it with as true a name as you possibly have. Got it?” After Kev nodded at her she turned to me. “Justin, Kev said you could be his third party for the oath. All you need to do is vouch for character.”

“That’s going to be really tough,” I deadpanned.

“Asshole.” 

“Fair enough.” Candy said, “alright time to get the ritual ready and- Grandpa what are you doing here? I thought you were manning the shop?”

“Eh I just wanted to see my baby girl do some hocus pocus. And I brought some drinks since I figured you all might wanna have a last hurrah in your body before you get all spirited away and such.” The man held up a six-pack of New Belgian’s Voodoo Ranger which I guess he thought was ironic or funny. But hey at 7% I will drink whatever it is he puts in front of me. 

“Grandpa, you are so embarrassing me. I’m about to do this really important contract,” Candy huffed.

“Just pretend your pop pop isn’t here and keep doing what you’re doing sweetie.” He pulled one of the cold ones out of the six pack and snapped the bottle cap off with just his fingers before taking a big swig. Noticing the shocked look on my face he just winked and took another sip.

“Can I sign away my body now, please?” Kev got a signal from Candy and picked up the page. “I, K Anderson, being of sound mind and body do hereby pledge my current earthly body to Candy Garcia to do whatever the hell she wants with it. I promise that this isn’t the set up for some elaborate prevenge. I promise that I shall not try to reclaim what was once mine, but now rendered unto her. I understand that the body that I now inhabit shall soon no longer be my own, it would have faded into the dirt like all bodies do, and I am happy to see it be put to good use. So, I swear.” With that Kev put down the paper and, in a flourish, jabbed the pin into his arm, wincing as he did so. He took the pen, shook the few drips of blood off, and signed an approximation of his name. 

“Perfect Kev! And I liked that bit that we added about the impermanence of your body. Really poetic.” Candy gave him one of her big smiles. 

“Well, I do write most of our songs.” He smiled back. Was the cheeky bitch flirting with her after giving her the rights to reanimate his body? Wow. Just wow. 

“Okay, and now Justin I need you to just give a quick statement about Kev’s character and sign right under his.” 

“Um.. I’ll try not to make this too long and sappy or whatever. But I’ve known Kev for like, almost a decade now. He’s my best friend and someone I can always count on to be there for me and cheer me up. And most importantly, he’s basically my brother. He’s someone who I know will have my back, no matter what life throws at us. I always want to be family with him and Chris and Baph and oh my God that’s it. Where do I sign?”

Candy tapped the spot underneath Kev’s signature. Or is that K’s signature. The blood was a little blurry, but it looks like he didn’t write out his full name. After using the pen to draw my own blood I gave my own John Hancock and watched as the blood also blurred so all that remained was J. King. 

“You know,” I said, “most guitarists sell their soul at the crossroads to the devil in exchange for magical powers. I feel like we should be getting a little more from this deal.”

“Shut up you,” Kev reached for one of the beers that Tony was offering, watching in awe as the man popped off the cap with the little crook of the hand between his thumb and pointer finger. “Did you feel that electricity? Did you feel the magic? Do you believe in life after love? Do you believe in miracles? Am I ranting all crazy-like? This shit is legit, bro. It was like a static shock passed between me and Candy. This isn’t a hoax and they aren’t lying. They’re going to give us bodies that we could never even dream of. That’s so fucking hype!” 

Not having felt the magic, nor sharing his wild enthusiasm, all I could say in response was, “Poggers.”

“I like my body though,” Chris said, also accepting some alcohol. “So, I doubt I’m going to change all that much. But it will be fun to see what happens with the two of you.” 

“The two of us?” I sputtered, trying for a moment to even imagine what I would look like. Maybe I’d have red hair? A slightly different nose? I couldn’t really see why Chris would even think my changes would be that interesting. “Whatever Chris, I’m just in this to try to get as much practice time possible. And to write some cool new songs so we don’t fucking suck at the Halloween show.” 

Baph and Candy were chatting among themselves again, but at this point had joined the rest of us. “You know guys, I know you don’t like getting your pictures taken. Satan knows I’ve tried to get you to pose for a group photo so we could put something out there on social media.”

“No social media until we’re a real band!” Kev hissed.

Baph waved her hand in his direction. “Yeah, yeah. I get it. I get it. But can we at least get one final group photo with the four of us before you go through this? You’re not going to get this chance again and I think it was Halloween two years ago when I last was able to convince you to take a picture. So how about it? One more pic for old time’s sake? That way we can look back, however you end up, and laugh about the changes and how much cooler you are now?”

I never really know how to pose for photographs. There’s something that feels so incredibly fake and phony about cheesing a real big smile for the camera. Who are you trying to fool? People aren’t happy in their bodies, nor do they even like seeing how they look. So, when we all bunched together for a selfie I tried to look as into it as possible. I gave a little cool half-smile that said, “see I’m participating but I’m also cool.” Then the group selfie turned into Tony taking a couple of pictures of us. And then that one beer turned into two as we all sat around drinking and trying not to think of the plush sized elephant in the room. No, not the one that was shoved into the bag. It’s a metaphor, fool.

***

You can only postpone the inevitable for so long, however, before the inevitable reminds you of how it got its reputation. When Semisonic wrote their massive hit song “Closing Time” their lawyer called them up and told them “Congratulations, you finally wrote something stupid enough to be a hit.” And yeah, it’s a stupid song. But all the same it’s got a little nugget of truth in it. You can’t stay in a bar forever. The bartenders have to go home. The people that you’re with have jobs that they need to slink off to, hungover and bleary eyed in the harsh light of the morning sun. The children of the night, the ones who only seem to open their eyes when the sun goes down. Well, they go off to whatever it is they do at 2-3 in the morning. Probably nothing good.

Tony had taken the last beer out of the last six pack and everyone was nursing the remaining few drops of drink. Everyone except for Candy who had spent the last half-hour checking the floor to make sure everything was set up to get the magic in order. Eventually, one way or another, the three of us were going to have to face the music in order to make the music. Kind of convoluted if you ask me, but Baph was sure that the plan was going to work and I had faith in her. It’s not that I was nervous, or whatever. But the longer we talked about it, the more real it felt. 

Kev’s insistence that “this magic shit is gonna change our lives forever” certainly seemed to get him excited to take the plunge and have his energy or soul or whatever shoved into a stuffed animal. But I was nervous. Did I like my body? Fuck no. But it was all I knew. Sure, I tend to be all impulse, but that’s because it’s worse to just sit down and actually think out your actions. Who fucking lives like this? 

“Alright! Who’s first? I’ve got some studying that I need to do and Grandpa has to shut the store down eventually so let’s get this show on the road.” Candy was brushing the chalk and whatever other dirt from the floor off of her jumpsuit and eyed the three of us. “Do we have any volunteers?”

“Ooh, ooh, me me me me me!” Kev was bouncing in his seat, holding his right arm up with his other hand as he was waving it around. 

“Make me a bunny please!” 

“Well, you’re not going to be a bunny forever. You understand that, right?” Baph chimed in. 

“Eventually your KT will grow out of its animal features as you mature into your true self.”

“Pfft haha that’s probably not going to happen.” Kev smirked, “I have a feeling I’m gonna be the bestest bunny out there.” 

“Sure you will K, I believe in you.” Candy smiled and grabbed his hand, helping yank him up out of his seat. “Okay, I’m going to need you to lay down here, yeah like that. Cross your arms over your chest, just makes it easier than having your corpse do it.” I had a feeling that she was talking more to be soothing to Kev and the rest of us watching. Which I genuinely appreciated; her voice was helping keep me steady and I was just the spectator. 

“Now If I was more powerful, I wouldn’t need these runes. But I’m still relatively a newbie so thanks for flying Candy Express. I’m going to put you to sleep and when you’re out I’m basically just going to reach into your head and grab your essence. Any last words before I do the swap?”

“Umm. Smell ya later?” Kev gave us one last grin before Candy started to do her thing. I was afraid for him. I didn’t want her to mess this up. But what could I do at this point besides trust that she relatively knew what she was doing. 

There was a slight glow that even I could see as Candy put her hands on Kev’s forehead. For a moment, nothing happened. The entire room collectively held their breath. It was like when you go to a show and they’ve finished doing the soundcheck after the last opening act plays. Everyone knows that at any minute the headliner is going to walk out and do their thing. The lights go out and there’s just this collective rush of anticipation and excitement. 

And then, after another loaded second, Candy’s hands began to sink slightly into Kev’s head. Just enough for her to pluck out… Something. I couldn’t tell what it was. Static energy buzzed from whatever it was that she cupped in between her hands. The more I tried to focus on it the more my head felt like it had just gone three rounds in a Dropkick Murphys mosh pit. Gently, slowly, Candy moved her hands and released the static into the stuffed rabbit. Once every last drop had been poured in, she did a few quick movements over his head and picked the plush up carefully. 

“He’s in and bound to the KT. It was a success!” The entire room breathed out a collective sigh of relief at Candy’s announcement. “I gave the sleeping spell a little more oomph than it says you need to, just so he doesn’t wake up and distract us with bunny mischief while I get the rest of you set up with your KT’s. I’m going to leave him in your capable hands for now, Baph.”

I watched as Candy deposited the twitching stuffed animal into Baph’s arms. I could see the little thing’s chest rise and fall with every intake of breath, more like a fragile animal than the bombastic presence that Kev used to be. Meanwhile, Tony hefted the corpse that used to be Kev up onto his shoulders. 

Tony gave one look at the group and grunted as he shuffled Kev’s deadweight on his shoulders. “Little flower, I’m going to take the corpse down under to our storage rooms, alright? Keep it nice and preserved for you. You’ve got it from here. I’m so proud to see you at work. Worth every penny of those magic lessons, wow.” The old man kept muttering to himself on the way out the room. It made me wonder just for a moment what my life would have been like had I had any family who took interest in any of my hobbies or interests. 

What if my parents had realized that I was struggling in school? What if they took me to therapy instead? I’m sure that I would still be some weirdo playing rock music with my friends, but maybe I’d have a boatload of student debt connected to a music degree. Less trauma would be nice too. But everyone has trauma from their family. Tony and Candy might seem nice, but my parents would put on a good face in public too. Chris seemed to have nice parents from the few times that I’ve met them, nerdy but in a cute way. He was always the most stable out of the three of us anyway, so I’m not sure that he counts. Baph said her parents were, like, diplomats or something. That it gave her great joy to know that they seethed with frustration about her drug dealing but could never really do anything to stop it. Good for her, honestly. 

“Justin? Justin, hey? Are you good, man?” I shake myself out of the foggy brain space that I had spiraled into and realize that there’s only three of us left in the room. Baph’s looking over at me with that combination of curiosity and concern that I always have a hard time parsing. In her hands she’s cradling a little snoozy teddy bear and rabbit. Which means one thing.  

I’m next.

“Oh, what? Yeah I’m fine. Sorry got lost in my head for a second. Magic’s just kinda weird, y’know.” Lying is the most fun a boy can have without taking his clothes off, Panic! taught me that.

“Well Candy’s ready for you. Knock ‘em dead, okay? I think you’re going to be really happy with this. I mean no pressure you can always back out as well and do it later if this is really fucking you up that much.” 

“What?” I shot up from my seat, my heart suddenly pounding at the idea of losing this opportunity. “I can’t pussy out on my friends like that. Both Kev and Chris already did this, which means it’s only fair to them that I follow through as well. If anything, for their sakes, so they know they aren’t going through this alone.”

“Seriously, Justin. If this is too much for you, it’s not ‘pussying out’ to be afraid. This is big. And you can’t really take this back. You will wake up, eventually, as a different person after this is done. Yeah same you, but different packaging. I know I was scared before I did something like this.” This was a Baph I knew existed but rarely had seen. There was a soft warmth to her voice that usually was hidden by a gruff determination. This was the Baph of midnight chats and shoulder tears. This was the Baph that I never wanted to let down. 

“No. I need to do this for me. I need a change. And I think this will be good for me.” I turned to look at Candy. “Are you good? Do you need a break or anything?” 

The muscular magician shook her head. “Nah, the runes and KT does most of the work. I’m just giving it all a little push.”

Like a sleepwalker, I made my way to the circle of runes on the floor. I saw the stuffed possum sitting there. Jazz was waiting for me, and soon that would be my temporary body. This was it. The point of no return. And the worst of it was, I had fucking “Closing Time” stuck in my head. It had basically been playing nonstop in the background ever since I first thought about it. It was so cliché. How annoying! There had to be a better song to do magic to. “I Put a Spell On You?” “The Big Sleep” by Streetlight Manifesto? “Magic Man” by Heart? “Black Magic Woman” by Santana? Nope. Semisonic it is, I guess. A one hit wonder who decided that subtlety is for cowards. 

“Hey.” I opened my eyes and saw Candy looking down at me. “I know you’re nervous. You don’t have to pretend to be brave for anyone. But trust me, you’re going to be amazing when this is all done. Even if you don’t believe in yourself, your buddies sure do. I’ve met people who have used a KT, and it’s always the ones who are nervous about the process and aren’t sure about taking the leap that sometimes bloom into the happiest, proudest people out there. And I’m proud to help you out with this. Now are you ready to have a really fucking good sleep?”

I nodded. I didn’t even remember closing my eyes, but the darkness took me nonetheless.