I still didn’t have a decisive answer to whether or not gay dating apps were better than straight ones but, I could say the following with confidence: If you’re a lesbian, or just a girl I suppose, you’ll have a better time being yourself and dating than dating while trying to be a boy. Queer apps also briefly had Penny, but that feature has, unfortunately for everyone else, now been removed. Now, only me and Bella have Penny and nothing could make me happier.

I’d been told before that lesbians move fast in relationships, but when Penny suggested I move in after just five months I was more than a little surprised, not that I said no, but I was surprised. Besides, Bella thought Custard was almost as good as pancakes and she was very hard to say no to, especially once she started calling me ‘tall mummy’, which was a name I could definitely get behind.

Today, we’d been together just over seven months and we were going to bite the bullet and introduce my parents to Penny and Bella. I’d aimed to put this off basically until I married her, but mum and dad had wanted to visit and had been surprised to hear I had a new address. We spent a morning preparing Sunday lunch and using pancakes and bribery to keep Bella’s smart new dress as non-sticky as possible. I was busily plaiting her hair when my parents knocked on the door, meaning Penny and Custard had the chore of welcoming them in. I just listened anxiously from the other room, their visit was rather impromptu and I wasn’t exactly open about my romantic life with them so they still knew almost nothing about Penny or Bella.

“Mr and Mrs Riley, hi it’s so nice to meet you! I’m Penny, come on in, Amy and Bella are in the lounge.”

Mum, in a slightly strained voice asked “Hi, and are you the one my daughter is dating or is that Bella?” Oof, I may have only mentioned a girlfriend I lived with and of course mum had no idea how to act normally around queer people.

“Amy is my girlfriend, Bella is our daughter, now would you like me to take your coats?” I was immediately grateful that Penny was good under confrontation.

“I’m sorry, ‘our’ daughter? Amy doesn’t have any children, how long have you been together anyway?”

As Penny began to answer I was already sitting Bella down and heading to the front door. “We’ve been together for seven months now and Amy does have a daughter. Six years ago we spent a night together and I had Bella, but I never told Amy until we met by chance last year and fell for each other properly”

Mum was busy having a full body short-circuit and I’d arrived by now and just confirmed Penny’s story. “It’s a little more complex than that, but yeah, those are the broad strokes of it.”

Dad, eternally socially inept, missed mum’s small crisis entirely and piped up with “You hear that hun, we’ve got our first grandchild! I always thought it’d be Rob having kids first.”

Mum, finally composed half-snapped out “How could I not hear? We have a grandchild and how did we not know? Now, sorry if this isn’t PC or whatever to ask but is she doing okay without a father figure?”

At least mum’s crap was coming from a place of concern today, I bit back the urge to comment that I was fine despite how distant Dad had always been, instead I settled for the one thing that I knew would work. When I’d started transitioning I couldn’t argue mum into believing it was for the best, I’d just had to transition and show her that I was happier because of it. Once she saw that she got right on board. I was certain that any complaints mum had would falter immediately on meeting Bella, who’d just overpower their concerns by being an adorable little angel.

I led mum and dad into the lounge “Bella, this is your grandma and grandpa, why don’t you come say hello.” Bella a little shyly hopped off the sofa, wandered over and took my hand.

“Oh Dave, she’s got your eyes, just look at her, hi honey I’m your grandma.” It took all of one second for mum to come around, knew it.

Two years later and five years to the day since I learned I was a girl, we were married in a meadow by a river, surrounded by friends, family and love. Bella was a wonderful bridesmaid and Ben an excellent best man who, in hysterical detail, described how obviously I’d been a girl all along. The only slight pity was that we weren’t drinking, Penny wasn’t showing yet but was expecting again and this time I was going to be the most supportive wife I could be. Not drinking in solidarity was a small sacrifice for another wonderful baby in our lives and besides, I didn’t need to be drunk to have fun anymore, especially not when I was marrying the most wonderful woman in the world. I was gonna be a wife, Penny’s Wife! I’d never been so excited! Penny and I looked amazing in our matching dresses and we had two weeks of honeymoon ahead of us where we planned to make full use of being outside Bella’s earshot.

The first little hiccup to our domestic bliss happened four or so years later. I’d just picked Bella up from school and we’d been discussing her classes when I realised that for the whole conversation she’d been calling me Amy. She’d started calling me mum a few years ago when she’d decided tall mummy was too childish. “Honey, why are you calling me Amy? I’m your mum.”

“I’m twelve, not dumb. I know you’re really my step-mum and not my real mum, like mummy is. It’s okay that I’m half adopted. I still really like you, you’re really cool and pretty and nice.” Wow, twelve year olds could be blunt, I’d be upset if I wasn’t so excited at how her mind was about to be blown.

“Well actually, dearest daughter of mine, you’re not even half-adopted, do you know anything about trans people?”

She looked at me very doubtfully “Aren’t they people who were boys but are girls now, or, like, the other way?”

“Close enough, some girls are born with yucky boy bodies and that makes them sad, but they go to a doctor and get their bodies fixed so they can look how they’re supposed to. Similarly some boys have girls' bodies and they don’t like that either, so they get it fixed too. I’m transgender honey, so you really are properly my daughter.” She looked adorably confused.

“Wait, so you’re like, my Dad?” I giggled a little.

“Do I look like your dad honey?” She shook her head. “That’s right, I’m your mum. But before I had my body fixed I was able to have babies like daddy’s do and that’s how me and your mummy had you.”

She clearly thought hard for a moment before pointing to baby Beatrice asleep in her chair on the back seat and asking “So um, are you properly Triss’ other mum too?”

“Yes hun, I had some of my baby-making things saved in case I wanted more babies later, though little Triss will be your last sister so you better be nice to her, little miss.”

“Yes muuum, like, I was nice to her before and I thought she was only my half sister then.” Uhh, hang on.

“Wait, what? For how long did you think you were adopted?”

“Uhh, two years? I have two mums, what was I supposed to think?” I just had to try not to facepalm too hard, I’d never really considered explaining to my kids that they weren’t adopted.

“You were supposed to think that I loved you and that the rest of it didn’t really matter, but I’m glad to put you at ease, now if you’d really like to celebrate you can help me cook dinner for when your mummy get’s home.”

“What? Muuum, that’s not celebrating, I don’t wanna!” She’d fallen right into my trap.

“Well, if you’re sure, I suppose you can do homework instead.” Being a mum was some of the most fun I’d ever got to have, even if a big part of it was tricking your daughter into spending time with you.

“Fiiine, I’ll help cook.” I loved having a willing volunteer, and once Triss was a little older, maybe I’d have two. Either that or Bella would be too busy being a teenager to hang out with me. Frankly though I didn’t think teenage boys or girls were ready to handle my Bella. Penny and I were quietly looking forward to the terror she would wreak when she got to dating. Well, we were looking forward to that and to everything else too. It had taken a lot of work and struggle to get here, but life was wonderful and the future was bright.

Rewq

Thanks for reading! Writing this story was a delight and reading all your comments has been too. The positive feedback has been so lovely to receive, it honestly makes me smile, laugh and feel warm and gooey, so thankyou!

My final recommendation is All the marbles by MissJuniper. It's a wholesome and hilarious story about two dense eggs in a quirky fantasy world and I can't wait to see where the author takes it next!