The sound of water echoes around Blake and I as we walk to Theo’s house. It’s a gray rainy day, much like the few days since I had my big talk with Blake about my feelings. And since Theo kissed me. I’m more of a fan of sunny days myself, so all of this gloomy weather hasn’t been doing that great for me. At least it’s been an appropriate backdrop to all the introspection and thinking I’ve been doing since then.

Talking with Blake and Alissa has given me a lot to think about. Thoughts about gender, thoughts about my body. Thoughts about the future, too. I’ve been paralyzed for so long, trapped in this state of longing for what Blake has, that I haven’t really had time to think about what I’m even going to do about it until now. Or about what I even want to do in the first place. 

I know I want to be a girl, that much is obvious. Well, live as a girl full time, I should say. I already am a girl. That much was made clear after the whole conversation with Alissa and Blake the other day. Or at least, I guess it was. Everything they said made sense, but I’m still having trouble wrapping my head around it. I feel so dysphoric with how my body currently is that it’s still really hard for me to think of it as “a girl’s body” or “my body.” It’s so easy for me to think of everything I hate about myself, that I can’t really think about any of the things I actually like about myself and my body. And maybe that’s kinda the whole point? If I already have a girl’s body, then it can’t actually be all that bad. It’s just a work in progress, I guess. Which sucks because I definitely didn’t ask for this, but here I am, I suppose. 

That said, medically transitioning definitely seems like a good fit for me considering all the problems I have with my body courtesy of vitamin T. What to even do to address all that seems like a huge hurdle, though. I have to talk to a therapist, then a doctor, and worst of all: my parents. Even the thought makes me shudder. I don’t really think they’d be unsupportive. Heck, they’ve been really supportive of Blake since she came out. But I dunno, some part of me worries that it’d be different if it was me. It’s probably just my anxiety getting to me, but I’d rather put off that conversation for as long as I possibly can.

But then again, there’s that thing Blake dropped at the end of our last conversation. Copy her curse, onto me? And Theo? Is that even possible? The idea of getting to magically transform like she did makes my heart do somersaults in my chest. Right now, it feels like it’d be such a quick fix to all my problems. I’d be able to avoid so many hurdles and roadblocks, all the shitty gatekeeping that gets in the way of so many other trans people. Although I’d still have to explain all of this to my parents, as well as the existence of magic. Which I know for a fact there’s absolutely no way they know anything about. 

“Well, looks like we’re here,” Blake says matter-of-factly, stirring me out of my rumination. I look up to see that we’ve arrived at Theo’s house. It’s an older house, painted a dark gray that matches the clouds in the sky above us. The siding is showing wear with the paint faded in some places. It definitely gives a very “northeastern 90s” motif. Both of us move quickly underneath the front porch roof in front of the door to get out of the rain.

“You prepared to talk to them?” I ask, closing up my umbrella.

Blake nods. “Yeah. I think I’m ready to say what I have to say.” She lowers the hood of her raincoat and looks to me. “What about you? You’re the one they kissed, after all.”

I bite my lip, then nod back. “Yeah. I mean, I’m about as ready as I can be, I suppose.” I laugh nervously. “At least I don’t have to worry about coming out to them again, since they already figured that out on their own.”

“Heh, yeah,” Blake says softly. She stares at the door for a moment, then grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Ready?”

I nod. “Let’s do it.”

Blake raises her hand to knock on the door, only for it to open on its own instead. “I’ll be back later, Mom!” Theo yells into the house as they step outside, only to stop as they bump right into the two of us. The door shuts behind them, already caught in the motion of closing, leaving the three of us standing awkwardly together on the front porch. In the pouring rain. 

“Oh,” Theo finally says, their face pale. “What are you two doing here…?”

“We, um, we,” Blake stammers, trying to catch her train of thought.

“We came here to talk to you,” I finish for her. “About what happened the other day.”

Theo exhales and closes their eyes. “I knew this would happen,” they mutter. With a sigh they turn around and re-open the door. “Well, come on in, then. Let’s get this over with.” Blake and I look at each other nervously, then follow Theo past the threshold into their house. Theo shuts the door loudly behind us after we step in.

“Back home already?” a voice yells from the living room. “I thought you weren’t going to be back for a while?”

“Change of plans, Mom,” Theo yells back. “Blake and Angel are here instead. Is it okay if we go upstairs for a bit?”

The sound of someone struggling to get off a recliner greets our ears. A couple of hobbled steps later and Theo’s mom walks into the entryway. Or rather, walks about as well as she can with a crutch. She’s always had a bad leg, for about as long as I’ve known Theo, so she stays home most days. I used to wonder how they ever had money to afford anything, but then I learned about disability income. Of course then I also learned how little that actually gave, so there’s still a slight mystery there. I haven’t learned the answer to that, though. Theo’s never really been one to talk about their family much.

Theo’s mom looks over the three of us curiously. “Blake and Angel, huh? Haven’t seen you two in a while.”

“Hello, ma’am,” I reply with a wave. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Y-yeah, um, hello,” Blake greets, albeit more nervously.

Theo’s mom looks at Blake curiously. “You seem different, Blake. From the last time I saw you.”

“That’s because she transitioned, Mom,” Theo says with a sigh. “I told you about this a few weeks ago, remember?”

“Oh. Right.” She looks at us for a few moments in silence. Blake squeezes my hand. The air grows awkward.

Then she nods and gives us a warm smile. “That outfit suits you very well, Blake. It’s real cute!”

Blake blinks with surprise, then smiles back. “Th-thank you!”

Theo sighs again. “So is it okay if we go upstairs then?”

“Yeah, yeah, just don’t make too loud of a noise,” Theo’s mom replies, waving us off. Turning around, she walks back into the living room. “Have fun, you three!” she calls back to us happily. Then the sound of the television resumes.

Theo mumbles something under their breath and then takes off their shoes. “Shoes off. Or not, whatever you want.” Then they start walking up the stairs. “I’ll see you both in my room.”

Blake and I follow Theo’s lead and take our shoes off. “Well, that went well at least,” I comment. “With Theo’s mom, I mean.”

“Yeah!” Blake giggles happily. “I love it when people call me cute.”

I lean over and kiss her cheek. “Then I’ll have to make sure to call you cute more often!”

Blake blushes bright red. “A-Angel!” She shakes her head, hiding her face a little. “I love you, but, um, let’s stay focused on what we need to talk about today, okay?”

I nod grimly. “I know.” 

When we arrive at Theo’s room, we find it just as messy as ever. Scattered clothes and assorted items litter most surfaces and the floor. Some leftover cups and plates are still at Theo’s computer desk. Theo themself is sitting on their bed nervously and looks up at us as we walk in. “Shut the door behind you, if you could?” 

I shut the door behind Blake and I and take a look for anywhere to sit. That search ends up fruitless. “Um…”

“Yeah, I don’t got anywhere in here for you both to sit,” Theo admits with a sigh. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Blake replies. She walks over to Theo’s bed and hesitates. “Is it okay if I sit here then? Near you?” 

Theo nods. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

I plop onto the ground and face them both as Blake sits down. “So,” I start, only for Theo to cut me off.

“I’m assuming you both are here to talk about what happened the other day? In the woods?”

Blake and I share a surprised glance at each other, then we nod in response. “Yeah,” Blake confirms, “That’s right.”

Theo crosses their arms. “What did you already tell her?” they ask, looking at me.

“Well, I told her that we left school together, talked about… gender things. And uh, then you kissed me and took off.”

Theo frowns. “Hopefully you were a bit more detailed than that.”

“I mean yeah, obviously! I’m just summarizing here.”

Theo sighs and turns to face Blake. “So then Angel already told you why I kissed her?” 

“Yep.” Blake holds her hands together and rests them on her thighs. “She said it was because you hoped… it would transform you too? Into a girl, I mean.”

Theo looks back at me, a conflicted expression on their face, then turns back to face Blake. “Yeah. I knew that you transformed after kissing Angel, and I thought maybe Angel was magic or something and I’d transform after kissing her too.” Theo falls back onto their bed and stares up at the ceiling. “‘Course now I know it’s because you have some sort of dumb family curse that apparently is hyper-specific on gender identity or something.”

“Um, I guess?” Blake replies with a confused tone. “It’s pretty simple, honestly. You see, like a long time back my great-great-great--”

“Yeah, I don’t care, you don’t need to give me the whole long-winded story.”

Blake frowns. “Okay…”

Theo groans and covers their face with their hands. “Sorry. I’m not trying to be an ass. It’s just, what else am I supposed to say? You’re obviously super special and have this sort of magical destiny with Angel, like something out of a Disney movie. Meanwhile I’m over here as just an intruder in everything and messing with your dynamic, hoping some magic will splash onto me.”

Blake fiddles with her thumbs. “It’s not like that. I mean, I don’t think I’m some sort of Disney princess or whatever.” Her cheeks light up with a small blush. “Although that would be pretty cool…”

Theo turns their head and drops one of their hands to look at Blake. “See, case in point. You’re even sweet and kind like one. A princess, I mean.” Blake blushes even more, but this just makes Theo rotate and face away. “Meanwhile I’m just some rude, shitty troll at best.”

“Theo, you’re not--!” I start, getting up onto my knees to see them better. “We didn’t come over here to chastise you or be angry!”

“Yeah,” Blake agrees. “We actually came here to say that we forgive you.”

Theo is silent for a few seconds. Then we hear a sniffle and the sound of a small, quiet cry. “Um… thanks,” Theo says, their voice a bit choked up. “I thought for sure you were both here to say you hate me or that you don’t want to be friends anymore…”

“No, nothing like that,” I assure them. “Although you have to promise not to force yourself upon people anymore and kiss them like that. That was really uncool.”

“Especially people who are already in relationships,” Blake adds. 

Theo nods their head against the bedsheets. “Right. Yeah. Sorry about that. I was just… desperate, I guess.”

Blake reaches a hand over and squeezes Theo’s leg. “Yeah. I get it. I’ve been there.”

“It just sucks, you know? Like, seeing all that happen in front of me. Everything I’ve ever dreamed about.” Theo sniffles again, still refusing to look at us. “Although I guess you’ve probably heard a lot about that from Angel at this point, right?”

I grimace. “Yeah. I shared with her what I told you when she and I talked things out the other day.”

“I’m sorry,” Blake says sadly. “I didn’t mean to make you or Angel jealous like this. I didn’t realize how badly you both were hurting.”

Theo shrugs. “It’s fine. Not like I was going around telling anyone.”

Blake nods. “So… you do want to be a girl then? Like Angel? And well, like me too, I suppose.”

Theo stays silent once again for a few seconds, then answers back quietly, “Yeah.” 

Blake squeezes their leg again. “That’s okay. You’re allowed to be one, if you want, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And Angel, she’s going to start trying out things herself, right, babe?”

“Yeah,” I confirm. “Maybe you and I could do some stuff together Theo? See how it feels?”

Theo sits up suddenly and shakes their head. “No. I can’t.”

“Theo…”

“Look, I know it’s okay for you two and all, but it’s different for me, okay? Like, even if I try and do other things, it doesn’t erase or change the kind of person I am. The asshole I’ve been for like pretty much my whole life at this point.”

“You don’t have to be like that anymore! You can change, stop doing those things, be the kind of person you want to be! Be the kind of girl you’ve dreamed of!”

Theo whimpers and shakes their head again. “No. No I can’t. No matter what I do, I’ll always be haunted by this… boy that I’ve been. The life and experiences I’ve had up to this point.” They hug themself and look away, hunching themself over almost like they’re trying to take up as little space as possible. “I’ll never have had the life a normal girl would have had. I’ll always just be this.”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

Theo looks over at me, confused. “What? Well, everything, of course. I want to be a girl.”

“You can still be a girl.”

“Yeah, but then I’d have to be--”

“Trans?” I stand up. “What’s wrong with being trans?”

Theo starts to look uncomfortable. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being trans! You two are fine with it and everything. It just… it wouldn’t be for me.”

I cross my arms. “So you want to be a girl… but not if it means you have to be trans?”

Theo now looks really uncomfortable. They avert eye contact with me in shame. “I… Yeah. I guess.”

“Theo…” Blake squeezes Theo’s leg again sympathetically. “You already are trans. You know that, right?”

Theo doesn’t say anything back. They look at the ground silently.

“Theo, there’s nothing wrong with being trans.” Blake rubs Theo’s thigh gently. “There’s nothing wrong with who you are.”

“Of course there is,” Theo mumbles. “I’m a broken person.”

“Theo, you’re not broken!” Blake insists. “You had to deal with a lot of rough stuff in life. All three of us have. But we can get through this together. And things don’t have to stay this way any longer. They can get better.”

“Being trans isn’t a death sentence, Theo,” I continue, sitting down in front of them. “It’s not the end of the world. I know, I thought it was too. And it’s definitely gonna be hard, but… It can be a good thing too. There are people out there just like us, who will accept us. We get to experience something so few other people do. And, I dunno, it also means we don’t have to be boys anymore. We can just be girls.”

Blake nods in agreement. “Angel and I have been talking with Alissa, and learning more about what it means to be queer and trans, and… it’s a beautiful thing. It can be a really beautiful thing, Theo.”

Theo looks up at both of us slowly, their eyes wet with tears. “Beautiful? How is this beautiful?”

I rub the back of my head and look at Blake. “It’s beautiful because, well…”

Blake looks toward me and grabs my hand. “Because we’re beautiful.”

Hearing Blake say that makes me blush real bad. “Yeah. Trans people like us… we’re b-beautiful.”

Theo looks back down at the ground. “I don’t really feel beautiful.”

“You are,” Blake insists. “And you’ll be even more beautiful once you accept this about yourself and start taking steps to be the girl you want to be.”

“...I don’t know if I can,” Theo whispers.

“Of course you can,” I reply. “And Blake and I, we can help. Alissa too. And all our friends. You don’t have to do this alone.”

They sit there quietly for about a minute. Blake and I share nervous glances at each other. Then, finally, they take a deep breath and look back up at both of us. “Okay. Then, um, can you both call me Terra from now on? And I guess I’d like to try out she/her pronouns…”

I smile widely. “Absolutely!”

Blake squeezes my hand. “Yeah, definitely. Terra is such a pretty name!”

Terra blushes. “Th-thanks…”

I sigh with relief. I’m so glad we managed to patch up things with Terra, as well as get her to accept that she wants to transition. Of course, there’s still a lot we have to figure out moving forward, but at least this is a start.

“Also, since Angel mentioned getting help from me with all of this,” Blake suddenly says, standing up and holding her hands against her chest nervously. “There’s something I wanted to tell both of you while we’re here.”

Terra and I look up at her curiously. “Babe? What are you talking about?” I ask, confused. “Wait, is this about what you said the other day?”

Blake nods. “Yes, it’s exactly about that.” She takes a breath and exhales calmly. “So! I’ve been thinking, since Angel first told me about everything that’s been bothering her and her dysphoria. And I’ve been thinking about you, Terra, and just about how lucky I am to have gotten the transformation I got, and how I want to help the two of you. So, as such, I have decided that I’m going to research my family’s curse and see if I can’t find a way to duplicate it for both of you.”

Terra and I are both silent for a few seconds. Then, simultaneously, we both go, “What?!”

“I know, I know,” Blake giggles, “This might seem kind of crazy. But I figure if my family managed to get cursed in the first place, maybe I can learn more about the sorceress who cursed us, and possibly track her down? Or at least a descendant or something.”

“Would she even still be alive?!” I exclaim. “I mean, your great-great-great-grandfather had to have been cursed, like, over a hundred years ago!”

“I know,” Blake agrees sadly, “And it’s probably a bit of a long shot. But I figure it’s the best chance I have of getting help for both of you. If magic could transform and help me, maybe it could do the same for you too.”

“Blake, I--”

“I’m in,” Terra says. She stands up off her bed. “When do we start?”

“I, huh?” I look at her confused. “You’re going to agree to this just like that?”

Terra looks down at me like I just asked the dumbest question in the world. “Uh, yeah? Of course? I said before that I’d love a magic fix to all of this, and damn if I’m not going to do whatever I can to find one. Even if the odds aren’t that high.”

I sigh. She does have a point. I’m still hesitant about just relying on medical transition to solve all of my problems, and the thought of being able to use magic to get a dream body for myself like Blake did is a super enticing prospect. Plus, I’d be lying if I said I wasn't curious to learn more about Blake’s family and their curse.

“Alright,” I say, standing up too. “Count me in as well.”

Blake relaxes and smiles. “Great!” She steps over and hugs the both of us. “I just know that together we can find out the secrets of my family’s curse and discover a way to transform you both!”

I hug her back, and Terra also does, albeit a bit more awkwardly. “I really hope so, babe, although I have my doubts. Where do you want to start looking?”

“Well, my mom has some old stuff left behind by my grandparents after they passed away, so I figured we could start there?” 

“What kind of stuff?” Terra asks.

“Eh, you know. Old family albums, letters, memorabilia, stuff like that. Just a whole chest of hand-me-downs and such.”

“You think there might be some journals or diaries in all that junk?” 

“Maybe!” Blake answers happily. 

Terra sighs. “Well, I suppose it’s as good a place as any to start looking.”

“Then it’s settled! Starting tomorrow, our research into my family begins!”

A quick flash of lightning lights up the room, followed by a loud bang of thunder. All three of us jump in surprise. The house shakes slightly and the lights flicker.

“Creepy…” Terra whispers. “And uh, slightly ominous.”

“I-I’m sure it’s fine!” Blake reassures us, a nervous smile on her face. “This just means that it’s probably a good idea if Angel and I stay here for a bit until the storm calms down. If that’s okay with you, Terra?”

Terra blushes again, then nods. “Yeah, that’s fine. You both up for some games?”

“Oh absolutely!” Blake responds eagerly, plopping down onto the bed and grabbing a controller. 

“Yeah, I’m down too.” I sit down next to her, but I look over the house nervously. Everything’s calmed down a bit, but I still feel a bit on edge from that thunder. I hope it’s not a sign of things to come.