Chapter 6 – Wants and Desires.

Fraser woke to a loud banging on the door. It stopped, Fraser rolling back over, quite happily preparing to fall back into the sweet embrace of sleep, and then it started again. Solid, purposeful knocks, of someone who wasn’t going to go away. Groaning, he fumbled for his phone. Eleven in the morning. Okay, it was a bit late, and he should have been up hours ago. But, he had every excuse. Dragging himself out of bed, he made his way out of his room, through the lounge, and to the front door. With any luck, whoever it was would have given up and left by the time he reached it.

They hadn’t. A quick glance through the peephole in the door showed them still standing there, arms folded across her front, giving off a very different vibe from when he’d seen her yesterday evening. Not that he knew her at all, or what was normal for her. Nor were they late for leaving. The dispatch information hadn’t come through yet.

Opening the door, he gave Julia a confused look. “Umm, morning?”

She looked very different from how she’d been at the dinner. Gone was the dress and the formal air. Her hair was still tied up in a ponytail, but her lips were now a soft lavender, quite a nice colour actually, Fraser feeling a pang of jealousy that she wore it so well. Her hoodie was just a little loose, a soft blue, and paired with a pair of black exercise tights and light blue exercise shoes. She could have passed as just one of the many girls that he’d seen in town sporting that look. And it looked good on her. Suited her more than the dress, anyway. He had to admit that she was beautiful.

She almost looked shocked as she gazed at him, and then somewhat confused, her eyes openly tracing his entirety. Yes, well, he’d only just gotten out of bed, and was only wearing a large oversized t-shirt that ended around his thighs, and the mess that was his arms was on full display.

“I think you’ll find that I am nothing like how my parents described me. Nothing like whatever you expected me to be. They do not know me.” Well, neither did he, it seemed.

Julia opened her mouth, but it was a moment before she actually spoke. “What happened to you?” she asked, her eyes on his arms.

He looked down at them, before looking back up at her. They were still seeping blood, and looking rather red. “Old wounds. Tangled with a predator-grade after losing the use of my magic, and then a few too many encounters with a knife. Wounds and magic do not mix. They’ve never healed properly.” Not something that he really wanted to talk about in the hallway though. There were reasons he always wore long sleeves when outside of his home. “What is it that you want?” he then asked, perhaps with a little more force than he’d intended.

“To learn a bit more about my fiance, about you. Last night was more than a little embarrassing.”

“That’s entirely their fault,” Fraser growled. “And no, still not marrying you.”

“Umm, can I come in? This isn’t really something that I want to talk about in public.”

“Sure, I guess?” he replied with a shrug. He agreed with her on that point at least. “I hope that you don’t have any expectations though. This is my place, not my parents’. No servants, and a lot smaller.” Motioning for her to enter, he stepped off to the side as she walked in, and then closed the door behind her.

“I knew that you didn’t have any staff, but um, wow,” Julia said as she entered the lounge, stopping and staring. “It’s really tidy. Who keeps it clean then?”

Another shrug. “It’s not like we’re messy people in the first place, but I do.” He walked past her, to his room, turning as he reached the door. “Have a seat. I just need to, you know, get dressed.”

And then collapsed onto his bed as soon as his door was closed. This was not what he needed today. In any way. But, perhaps, it wasn’t all bad. Knowing something more about her before they went to the anomaly would help. Being able to work as a team was still important, even if he really didn’t want anything to do with her, and it might help him work out how he was going to worm his way out of the engagement. Her seeing how he was, that really, he was nothing like what his parents had pitched him as, could quite possibly help there.

Pushing himself back up, he threw some clothes on. The pants that he’d worn last night, and a t-shirt from out of his drawers, after he’d cleaned his arms again. She had already seen the scars, and they could do with being left uncovered. Less bloodied clothes for a start. He already had enough to wash.

“Tea, coffee, something to eat?” Fraser asked as he emerged from his room again. “I haven’t had breakfast yet, so I am going to make something to eat.”

“Coffee?” Julia had taken a seat, perched nervously on the edge of one of the single seater sofas that they had off to one side, near the bookshelf, that they never used, both of them sharing the larger one that was a bit more centralized. Some of her confidence seemed to have gone now.

“Black, white, something else? We might be a little limited in options though.”

“Black’s fine. No sugar.”

Fraser nodded, moving over to the kitchen bench. It was an open plan style layout, the kitchen, lounge and dining area all integrated. It had taken a little getting used to at first, but now he rather liked it, and would probably never go back to having them separated. Coffee was made for Julia, and Uriah, when he eventually woke, just a glass of water for himself. He could tolerate the smell, some blends were even quite nice, but he hated the taste. He took her the coffee, and then returned back to the bench to make some food as she tentatively sipped at it. Yes, it would be hot. That was half the point wasn’t it?

Toast with mashed eggs, tomato, salad, and a sprinkling of pepper and salt, an extra serving for Julia as well, even though she hadn’t asked. It felt kind of rude to eat in front of someone else, even if she was the one intruding. Then some sandwiches for Uriah as well, with sliced egg instead of mashed, and the addition of some shredded chicken. The plate was then covered with some cling wrap and left on the bench beside the coffee. He’d know it was for him, and would mean that he’d eat something proper for his first meal. Some of Fraser’s habits hadn’t rubbed off on Uriah, but it did mean that he got to do that for him instead.

Shifting one of the coffee tables over, he placed a plate in front of Julia, then collected his food and drink, and sat down in his usual spot, placing his own share on the one in front of him, shifting his book off to the side. He still needed to finish reading that one. And start on the myriad of others that he had on the ‘to read’ shelf. A sip of water, a bite of his toast, and then a curious glance at Julia.

“How long have you been living here?” she asked, then picking up the toast in an elegant manner and taking a bite. Yup, definitely of one of the founding families.

“Seven years.” It was very much home, more so than his parents house had ever been.

“Always with,” Julia paused, obviously trying to recall his name. “Uriah?”

“Yup.” Fraser nodded, and ate some more of his toast as he looked at her hand. Her mark was fairly simple, well, if you knew what it was that you were looking at. Three concentric circles, with a spiral flowing through them all, and the faint outline of a page behind it all, its words bleeding out into the circles. It wasn’t that large, covering about a fifth of the back of her hand, but still larger than many others. She had some talent and control over her magic.

“So, what really happened, that night?” she asked once she had finished the toast and coffee.

“Straight into the personal stuff huh?” Fraser sighed, and finished off his own food, washing it down with the water. “I don’t really want to talk about it. I lost the use of my magic when facing off against a shadow creature. Felicia died as a result, and I gained these scars as a reminder of that.”

“Wasn’t it a young man?”

“Felicia is a girl,” Fraser growled. “What does it matter what she looked like at the time? That is who she is.”

“How do you know that?”

Fraser stalled. ‘Cause she told me’, while the truth, would just raise more questions. And he didn’t want to be talking about this at all.

“Just because she’s dead, doesn’t mean that she’s gone.” Uriah emerged from his room, still looking somewhat sleepy, for a change, but fully dressed. He’d been awake a little while then. She’d woken him up too, hadn’t she. He’d just been biding his time. “While Fraser here seems to be the only one here who can talk to her, I can sense her presence when she’s around, so she certainly exists.” He then headed over to the kitchen bench, grabbing the food and coffee that Fraser had put aside for him.

“And don’t you even dare think of trying to find her or do anything to her. I don’t take kindly to people messing with my friends.”

Julia pursed her lips. “Yes, you made that abundantly clear last night.”

“Uriah, I assume?” Julia then asked, her eyes on his flatmate as he came back over and sat down right beside him, shoulders touching.

“Yes, this is Uriah. Uriah, this is Julia.”

“Well, you certainly have good taste in men. He’s cute.”

Fraser felt himself go red as Uriah coughed, having almost choked.

“Dammit lady, you trying to kill me already?” Uriah grumbled, as he drank some of his coffee and glared at Julia. “You can’t have him,” he then added, taking another bite of his sandwich.

Fraser went even redder, though part of him was rather happy at that declaration. “Look, he’s my best friend. We’ve been together for pretty much forever.”

“Your parents don’t seem to be too happy about your ‘friendship’ though,” Julia commented, still looking at Uriah.

“I don’t care what they think.” Fraser glared at Julia. “Uriah means more to me than they ever have.”

“Are you sure there isn’t more to it than just that? You two seem rather close...”

Yes, they were sitting right up against each other. But so what?

...he’d kissed Uriah last night...

...it’d been nice too... ...even if...

“I meant what I said to you all. I’ll marry Uriah if you try and force me through this.” He was still glaring at her. Or trying to.

“And I’d quite happily do so,” Uriah added, a perfectly serious expression on his face. Fraser blushed again.

“Your parents...” Julia paused, looking deep in thought.

“How much do you actually know about them?” Fraser asked.

“Not much really, truth be told.” Julia shrugged. “That was the second time that I’ve actually talked to them. Mostly it’s just been seeing them in passing. They are well known. Your family is.”

“Famous from circumstance.” Fraser couldn’t hide the contempt in his voice. “Aristocrats before it all happened, and then in the centre of it all when it went down. Inherited money and blood money, though I will admit they are both talented and skilled in their own way. Father, a former military general, mother, a conniving business woman. But like us all, the magic was a gift. Not earned or deserved, but still gained, propelling them even further.”

“But you have benefited from all that as well.”

“Yes, I know that,” Fraser growled. “Doesn’t mean that I’m happy with that, or have to accept that.”

“And your magic, do you think that you earned that?” There was a mean glint in Julia’s eyes that was irritating him. She was pushing him. There was more to her too than met the eye.

“Can a five year old earn it? I’ve had it for as long as I can remember. But I would also be the only one who has lost the ability to use it as well. But if I never earned it, or am not worthy of it, then woe to almost everyone else who is blessed.”

“Whether or not we accept what we have, or where it’s come from, it is still up to us to make the best use of what we have, for our own benefit, or that of others.”

“Classic, coming from a pampered foundling.” His magic was starting to rage again, his emotions starting to slip. His arms would start bleeding again.

“I won’t deny that.” Julia shook her head. “Why are you so against this?”

“How could I ever not be?” He said that a lot louder than he’d intended. “If I am to marry, I want it to be for love, not for some power manoeuver. Irrespective of all that, I don’t want this. I just want to be left alone. To live my own life, the way that I choose. To be myself.” There it was again. Plaguing him. “I don't know what it's been like for you, but my parents have been controlling every aspect of my life for a long time. Or at least trying to. For as long as I can remember. What I studied, what I read, where I lived, who I associated with. What sports I played, that I had to even play them in the first place, what jobs I could do, what training I've had here. They even tried to dictate the development of my magic, in their ignorance.”

“And your friendship with Uriah?”

“They’ve tried to control that too. And failed, labelling it as tolerating.” To be honest, he was surprised that they hadn’t gone to more drastic measures, given their distaste for Uriah, but yet, they’d never been able to. Never had. Like there was something else protecting their friendship. Not that he was complaining about that at all.

“Yeah, I do get that. You wouldn’t be the only one. But for those of us with privilege, that’s just normal. The cost of our way of life.”

“Well, I don’t accept it.” Fraser sighed. “I've had a lot more freedom since I lost my magic though. Like I was worth less now, even if they still kept interfering. But then they threw this at me. A different potential for a damaged piece. They have no clue at all. They have no love for me. I’m just their son, to be used in their power schemes. And I will not be used in that way.” That all left him with a rather sour taste.

Fraser picked up his book, and stared at the cover. It was mildly suggestive, in a tame way. Hiding the true nature of the story within. Not that it was that bad. It was a good tale, reflecting his own life and struggles in small relatable ways. But it featured a female lead, who was sexually attracted to other females, and acted upon that as well. Almost every book that he read had female leads. He just couldn’t connect with a male main character. Never had been able to, even when he was a little kid. Back then, he hadn’t had a lot of choice. But after he’d moved out, the bookshelf had quickly filled up and he’d indulged in a lot more reading.

“They don’t know me at all Julia,” he reiterated, putting it back down again. “Hell, they’d have a heart attack if they knew what types of books I read.”

Julia leaned over, and pulled a book from the bookshelf, blushing slightly as she looked at the cover, and then giving it a brief peruse. And blushing a bit more as she put it away. “Yes, well,” she said with a mild shrug that was betrayed by the state of her face.

Fraser leaned into Uriah as he sighed, still looking at Julia. “What is it that you want from your life, Julia? Where do you want to be?”

“My family...” she started, stopping as Fraser glared at her.

“I didn’t ask about your family. I asked about you.”

Julia shook her head. “I don’t hold the same views as you Fraser. I can’t. Irrespective of what they have done, my family, my parents, are important to me. You may hate your parents. I love mine.”

“And if they were out of the picture? If you didn’t have to worry about them at all?”

“They’re not though. They never will be.”

Fraser growled again, Uriah chuckling beside him, amused at his frustration. “You’ve been asking about me, share something worthwhile in return. We are going to be stuck together on this little expedition, after all.”

“Use your imagination if you need to,” Uriah added in, standing up from the couch with empty plate in hand, forcing Fraser to right himself. “Even pretend that the marriage goes through, if it helps, though without any kids. Fraser isn’t father material.”

“Hey!” Fraser protested, Uriah giving him a cheeky grin back. Though he didn’t disagree on that. He could never, would never, be someone like his father. It made his skin crawl. Nor his mother either, but for different reasons. There was no way that he would be anything like his parents at all.

Julia sighed, leaning back into the chair, finally relaxing a little and losing her stiffness, as she watched Uriah walk to the kitchen and back again. “What about you? Would you make a good father?”

Uriah looked at her a little surprised, caught off guard. He then shrugged, revealing that he did not, in fact, have anything on under his t-shirt, and sat back down. Right where he had been before. “Maybe? Can’t say I’d given it any thought.” A surprisingly serious answer from him too. “I’d happily be the father of Fraser’s kids though,” he added, his grin back.

“Uriah!” Fraser went all kinds of embarrassed, his mind suddenly a royal mess. What... what...

Uriah laughed, and then Fraser could feel his breath against his ear as Uriah leaned his head in and whispered. “I’m being serious there too.”

Fraser closed his eyes, trying to steady himself. He was still feeling off, lost, and, well, yeah. But his magic had settled down again. “So?” he then asked, looking at Julia, who was looking a bit red again.

“You know what, I’m jealous. Of what you two have.” She shook her head, a smile on her face. “It’s kind of cute, and also a lot weird. For...” She shook her head again. “If I was to pursue something, it would probably be what we have. The gift of magic.” Julia held out her hand, the air seeming to visibly condense around it. “What it truly is, where it came from, and so on.”

“You never tried getting access to Archives?” Fraser asked. That look, that desire, it seemed genuine.

“Oh, I tried. Instantly rejected. On multiple fronts.” Her voice carried the hint of bitterness. “I’m not their son, or a son.”

Fraser flinched. “I don’t think anyone truly understands its true nature. If they did...” He held out his left arm, tattoo facing him. If they did, then he’d have his magic. Or Felicia wouldn’t have had to die. The scars, they were all just a part of that.

“Fraser.”

Fraser focused back on Julia. Her expression had gone serious again. And a little sad. “My parents are desperate. They really want this. Need it. Neither they, or your parents, are going to let go of this easily.”

“And you would follow them to hell if necessary? For the success of your family? Even if it meant your own unhappiness?” He’d said that with a lot more spite than he’d intended.

“I...” Julia stopped, and stared at the floor. And then back up at him, a look of determination on her face. “Are you treating Uriah like a tool in this too? Acting just like your parents? Declaring your intention of marrying him just to rebel against their wishes?”

“Hey, I said I was quite willing!” Uriah protested.

Fraser was only half listening. Her words had stung. Was it because they were true? Was he just acting like his parents here? Seeing Uriah as an avenue out of it? Even if Uriah had declared his willingness to do so? Fraser could have just outright declared that he wasn’t going to, even without the threat that he knew his parents would abhor. He... he did not see Uriah that way. Never as a tool or a pawn. He was his best friend. And perhaps a lot more. Uriah... Uriah meant the world to him. He really did. He couldn’t imagine life without him, without being with him. He cared about him. Far too much. The way that Julia was looking at him, it... it made him kind of jealous. Like he didn’t want her to have anything to do with Uriah. Was he scared? Being possessive of his best friend? Uriah was free to make his own choices. Be with who he wanted. But they had always been together. And he wanted Uriah to be with him. Always.

Because...

Because...

He wasn’t ready to face that answer yet. He couldn’t.

“I am nothing like my parents,” Fraser growled. Not the best answer at all. He knew that he was just avoiding the core of it all.

“Then why?” Sharp and blunt.

“Cause.” Fraser stared at the floor. She was making things difficult. “If I marry you, that is the end of all of this. Of my life here, thrown back into something that I hate. Of my being able to be with him. It’s another one of their attempts at severing our friendship.” That at least was the truth, his understanding of it all. Even if it wasn’t the full reason.

“You look at things through stained vision.”

Fraser looked back up at her. “Perhaps I do. From all the experiences that I have been through. That they are the cause for. But, everyone does.”

Julia sighed again. “Can I have another coffee?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Fraser got up, collected her mug, and went about making another one for her. She just sat there, lost in thought, while Uriah watched her, arms folded across his chest.

“I thought you’d be training with the rest of the spellswords?” she asked Uriah as Fraser poured the hot water into the mug.

“Slept in,” Uriah replied matter of factly. “They won’t be missing me. My place is here though,” he added, his face breaking into a dangerous smile.

“For one of the elites, you seem rather lapse.”

Huh. Fraser hadn’t heard that term in ages. “Neither of us are elites any more. Not since then,” he said as he put the mug of coffee down in front of Julia, and returned to where he’d been sitting.

“Fraser, was that a women’s t-shirt that you were wearing earlier?”

“Yes?” She’d noticed that. What of it though? It was nice and comfy, and he liked the image on it.

Julia picked up the mug, and took a sip of the coffee. “You were right on at least one thing. You are very different from how your parents described you. And very different from the man that I saw last night. You are kind and considerate, sweet even, even with the hurt that you still carry. That makes me want this marriage even more.” Julia sighed, and took a big drink. “But what you have here with Uriah, that’s special, even if you’re in denial. I’m jealous. On many levels.”

Fraser was at a loss for words. Uriah just grinned.

“I do wonder though. What is it, that is hiding underneath all that?” Julia gave him a curious look.

Hell, he’d love to know that too.

“What do you know of this mission?” Uriah asked, going all serious again. “And who’s in charge?”

“Not much actually? I’m surprised that I’m being sent along. I’m not a spellsword, nor am I part of Archives. I’ve only just been assigned to the enchanters. Third child, and a daughter at that. I know that we’re being sent along as VIPs to the actual exploration team, though you’ve done this all before?”

“Yes, though not for a while.” Fraser answered. He had always enjoyed the exploration missions that he’d been sent on with Uriah, but this one, he was conflicted on. Because of everything else that went with it.

“I guess though with Uriah going along as well, that’ll be extra muscle. We’re not expecting much trouble?”

“There are always shadow creatures present during the tainted moon, especially in anomalies. As to how strong they are, that depends on the nature of it.” Uriah gave a shrug.

Julia pulled out her phone, and fiddled with it for a bit. “Burt’s in charge.”

Both of them grimaced. He was not a good choice. At least, in his opinion. But as VIPs they were somewhat outside of his authority, and Uriah would not take any flak from Burt. That had been demonstrated before.

“We’ll have our own car at least. There is no way that I’m travelling in the same vehicle as a bunch of spellswords, especially given that almost all of them are guys.”

Fraser was certain that she had ulterior motives as well, but he wasn’t going to fault her there. He didn’t want to travel in the same vehicle as a bunch of spellswords either. “Do we know when we’re leaving?”

“Tomorrow I assume? I haven’t heard anything official, but that is what your parents said.”

“That’s official enough. Especially since they’re the ones arranging it.” Fraser slumped into the back of the sofa and leaned into Uriah.

Julia looked at her phone again, and sighed. “I need to head back.” Downing the rest of her coffee, she then stood, Fraser reluctantly standing as well. “Thank you for your hospitality. I’ll see you both tomorrow then.” She turned, walking over to the door, Fraser following behind her.

She turned one last time, as she stepped out of the apartment. “Fraser...”

He gave her a curious look. He had to admit that she wasn’t as bad as he’d initially thought. Still wasn’t going through with the marriage though. That would never happen.

“I can only hope that somehow, out of all of this, we all get what we want.” And then she was was off down the hall.