“Do you know how screwed you are, Marshal Ashbrook?”

And there it is…

“Yes, I do.”

She let out a dry laugh, her composure had completely changed from earlier at the dining table. She wasn’t joking and there was no pleasant expression on her face. The person in front of me was the Countess Armein. The one I’d only met before on the battlefield almost a decade ago.

“No, no you don’t. IF you did, you wouldn't be here right nowl. Either you’d already be in Clotop or you would be VERY far away. In another kingdom– Or on another damned continent!”

She pulled back her hair nervously before taking her seat.

“For Steihnner’s sake, Marshall! What were you thinking? You’ll get yourself and your pretty little ‘daughter’ killed!”

She said giving a strange intonation on the word daughter.

“What are you insinuating, Evelyn?”

“What? Am I catching on a little too well to your games?”

She said with a sneer.

“I’ve known you since you were a wee babe in your crib. You might have grown some hair on your chin since I last saw you but you won’t take me on the same ride you’re planning to take the rest of the damn kingdom!”

She pointed a stern finger toward me.

“That girl is no more your daughter than any child I will ever have with Isola.”

I stood up sending the chair tumbling down behind me.

“Take. That. Back. Now.”

I said as I felt the blood boil in my veins.

A wave of unease ran through Evelyn’s eyes, but she quickly recovered and held my gaze.

“Look, Marshal. I love you like a brother, I really do, but this girl, Silika, is NOT your daughter. And if you think it’s a good idea to pretend it’s also the grand-daugther of Duke bloody Norland: you, sir, are insane.”

I continued to hold her gaze, but I knew that no matter how much I didn’t want to, I needed to hear what she had to say. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, picked up the chair and sat down in front of her. I did my best to avoid her eyes as I poured myself a glass of wine from the carafe sitting on the desk.

“It’s not what it looks like.”

I grunted.

“Oh really? Because I’ll tell you what it looks like: the young lord, who has as many petitions against his hereditary right as a bird has feathers; comes back home with a pink-haired bastard daughter in tow to prove is not a damned eunuch. What’s more he claims she’s the daughter of the recently deceased heir apparent to the whole bloody Duchy!”

She took the carafe from my hands and began to pour herself another glass.

“Now, I’ll spare you the countless rumours of you bringing back the result of some ‘foxy’ affair that are bound to endlessly occupy the place of prime topic of tea parties for decades to come. Instead, please, please, please! Tell me…”

She sat back on her chair and took a long gulp.

“...That you’re not thinking, to do what it VERY MUCH looks like you’re trying to do.”

She looked away toward the fireplace in disgust as I attempted to gather my thoughts.

It’s not that it hadn’t occurred to me that this wouldn’t come up eventually, but I was truly hoping it wouldn’t be so blunt.

Everything she said WAS, at least partially, true, but it was never what I intended…

“Lilica was truly pregnant with our child…”

“Oh don’t give me that bull– “

“...When she died.”

Evelyn's expression froze, her mouth still in a twisted fashion as her eyes glazed up and the anger drained from her face; leaving the words that she had meant to follow forever unspoken. Instead she only uttered a single sound.

“Ah.”

She closed her mouth and leaned back against her chair as she quietly took a sip from her crystal glass.

I rubbed my face, feeling uncomfortable twitches and tingles run through my skin.

“It was a miscarriage.”

I began explaining as I turned to the fire.

“It happened so quickly, you know? We were together that night, talking about something silly. Names for the baby or something like that. Gods, you should have seen her, she was so beautiful laying there. Round belly just starting to poke out. And then it happened. Out of nowhere she howled in pain. She screamed and twisted… And she just kept calling for my name as I looked at her like some stunned idiot, holding her as hard as I could while maids swarmed around us, trying to get the sheets out of the way.”

I looked up into Armein’s eyes.

“There was so much blood. More than I’ve ever seen on any battlefield, Evelyn. It was everywhere. On the sheets, on her dress, on her skin… On my hands…”

I looked down at those same hands.

I could still remember how they had felt that night, warm, sticky… And almost soon after turned cold and shrivelled. The mere memory made me sick, but what truly stuck was what I saw in those last moments.

“She died, Evelyn. Bled out in my arms. There were no wounds to press on, no tourniquet I could make. She just bled and bled and, in less than an hour, she was gone.”

The countess was silent for a while after that, slowly sipping on her glass of wine as I dropped my head into my palm

“And Silika? Who is she then?”

I lifted my head and looked up at her with a pained smile on my face.

“She’s my saviour.”

She arched a brow at my answer.

“A seven year old mute, supposedly orphan, girl saved you? You? Count-to-be Marshall Ashbrook?”

“Laugh if you want, but that’s how it was to me. If it wasn’t for Silika… I would still be rotting away in Evergreen, waiting for the inevitable… And she’s no mute, believe me.”

“I didn’t take you for the poetic type.”

Evelyn said with a dry laugh.

“Me neither, honestly.”

I said with a sad chuckle.

“So apart from the whole adopting her. Making her your and Lilica’s daughter was…?”

I shrugged.

“Something I needed to do. Circumstances, yes… But also my own selfishness.”

“I see… Didn’t want people thinking you had an affair?”

“If you were to put it simply, I guess that would be it…”

“There’s another way to put it?”

She asked with legitimate curiosity.

I nodded.

“I can’t quite explain it, but that day, when I met Silika, it’s as if I was meeting my daughter’s spirit. You’ve never met her, but the similarity between her and Lilica are simply…”

I shook my head.

“If Lilica was still alive, if she had given birth to a daughter, I know she would have looked just like Silika.”

Evelyn was silent for a while as she spun the wine in her glass. Thinking.

She placed the glass down and looked up at me.

“And what do you think would have come of your daughter if she had lived?”

She said with a strange smile.

“This isn’t funny.”

“And it’s not supposed to be a joke. Answer.”

I looked at her, puzzled.

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

“You see Marshall, there’s one thing you fail to understand about all this, Marshal. You’re not some nobody. Your Lilica was not some nobody. You both came from some, if not the, most powerful families in the whole of the northern part of the Kingdom.”

She put down her glass, all warmth having left her eyes.

“Listen to me, Marshall; people will go after your life.They will go after your daughter’s life. Hell, just from the fact that we’re friends and that we’re talking about this, they might go after mine! But that’s not even the point, whether or not it was part of your ambitions, your daughter is not only heir to the much coveted county of Clotop, but potentially all of Norland. Do you grasp the sheer insanity of this? “

I stayed silent.

“By associating yourself to the Fauger, by bringing a child into this world sharing both of your families’ blood, you’ve created a catalyst for potentially the worst conflict this part of the kingdom has ever experienced! Give it ten years, when the old Fauger is finally ready to kick the bucket, what do you think will happen? Silika will be of age by then, whether or not she wills it, she will be considered an heir! Do you know what that means? There will be war, Marshall! War! Do you grasp exactly the magnitude of what you’ve done?”

I felt my fist tighten.

I knew this. I always knew this and yet I had decided to ignore it.

I hadn’t done any of this out of any kind of grand ambition. I had done it for the love I held Silika, for Lilica, but no one cares about love or even hate. They care for the only thing that will always govern mann; power.

“Say something, Marshall! What’s your plan? What are you even doing here?”

I felt like a deer staring at an arrow flying toward his neck. Frozen. Unable to even flinch.

Evelyn was right, I am a fool...

“What do I do, Evelyn? I don’t know what to do…”

She took a long look at me. Drew a long sip from her glass and placed it delicately on the table.

“You grow a gods damned spine. Stop fleeing. Stop avoiding. Stop pretending that everything is fine, because It. Is. Not.”

She drew a long breath and after holding it in for a moment, a smile drew itself on her lips.

“But don’t worry, it doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. There’s no need to pussyfoot around the subject, you’ll be Count of Clotop before winter ends. My wife told me about your father’s condition. It really isn’t good. You need to gather allies, friends, people willing to back you up because right now Norland is a wolves’ den, and you’re a sheep. They hate your guts and they’ll tear you apart at the first opportunity.”

Friends… To protect Silika.

I nodded.

“Thank you, Evelyn.”

“You’re welcome, Marshall.”

She said with her familiar warm smile.

“Now, if you don’t mind me, it’s growing late and, I, weary for a good night's sleep.”

She stood up from her seat.

“Goodnight, ‘brother’. I hope night brings you wise counsel.”

“You as well, ‘sister’.”

She smiled and left the study.

I stayed a while longer, spinning the bit of wine left in my glass, I never ended up drinking any of it.

I considered downing it, but simply put it down instead and headed back to my room.

I was surprised to find Silika, sitting cross-legged on the bed holding her insignia tightly in her hands with her head bent forward and eyes closed. Praying as she did sometimes.

She looked at peace, a fleeting smile on her lips. I slowly approached her not wanting to distract her. She looked so different than she typically did right now. She looked composed, serious, proud, and so much like Lilica. I could feel a tingle at the corner of my eye, but whisked it away.

I slowly approached the bed and sat down at the corner. Silika opened her eyes, realising someone was in the room with her beamed strongly when she noticed me in front of her.

-Your back!-

-Of course I’m back, did you think I disappeared?-

She raised a dubious eyebrow.

-Obviously not, but I know adults loooove drinking until kids are asleep.-

I chuckled.

-That they do. Did you have fun with Fiora?-

She made a strange face, but simply shrugged.

-Well she showed me around for a while, but when went to the stable, she tried to climb on a horse. I think she wasn’t supposed to because a maid immediately dragged her back to the room and me back here.-

I raised an eyebrow, but didn’t ask anything more. I wonder why the girl tried to ride a horse at night.

-Well, that sounds fun, too bad your exploration was cut short.-

I looked down at her hand still holding her insignia.

-What were you praying for?-

-Oh nothing really. I just wanted to thank Scorn for everything. I hear gods often get requests for things, but I was thinking maybe it must be nice to just receive nice words sometimes.-

I smiled.

The mind of children was truly fascinating. Praying to simply say thanks. Not for guidance, or help, but simply to tell them that they are happy.

-If being a god is anything like being a father, I’m sure Scorn is very happy right now.-

-You think?-

-I know it. Now, what do you say we get that reading done?-

Silika made a sour expression.

-I thought you forgot.-

-Well, parents, like gods, never forget! Come on let’s get tucked in! You still need to read that big book about scorn before your communion.-