I did it. I stood up to my mother and made her flee, but at what cost? The darkness had swallowed me once more and I couldn’t start to imagine what I would wake up to. Will they whip me harder? Break my arms? Rip out my nails and hair?

As my mind settled back into my body, the pain was excruciating. I felt as if my whole body was on fire. I had gotten used to that from the continuous beatings of the last few weeks, but now my face, my throat and my chest also felt on fire. Something was hitting me repeatedly on the back.

They didn’t even wait for me to wake up to beat me...

I opened my eyes, but, to my surprise, I was in Goldie’s arms, wrapped up in some kind of sheet. The rhythmic thumps I had felt were simply her arms holding me as she walked briskly through the estate. I looked up and saw tears streaming down her face.

[Goldie? What’s…?]

She looked down surprised and put a finger on my lips as if to tell me to be quiet.

My ears were still ringing and my face felt sore, so the simple pressure of the finger was enough to make me wince, but I held it in. It hurt, but I felt safe in her arms.

She looked around the corner of the hall furtively.

Is she.. Sneaking me out?

She rounded the corner and quickly went down the stairs in the darkness. Instead of going down the next hallway, she took a servant door and headed into the courtyard. We strayed off the path and stuck to the forested areas of the courtyard.

A light came our way and Goldie hid us behind a tree while covering my mouth. The pain made me tear up, but I stayed quiet.

Once the light disappeared, she released her hand and the cold stung my face.

Through the leaves, I finally spotted our destination, the servant building.

Instead of the main door, Goldie circled around the main body and headed for a small wing. She spotted a low window, opened it with one hand and slipped us in.

The room was dark, but I could tell it was a bedroom, Goldie’s most likely.

She sat me on a bed, took out a match and lit a candle by the bedside before shutting the window behind us.

She then faced me.

I could now see her more clearly. Her tears had dried up, but her face looked gaunt. My eyes were a bit blurry, but I could tell she had lost weight.

Gently, she pulled off my dress, ripping painful scabs that had fused with the fabric in the process. I winced weakly, but this was nothing at this point.

I saw my own naked body for the first time in weeks. I was covered in bruises, scratches and wounds. My skin was no longer an even peach colour. It was a pudgy mess of purple, yellow and green stains dancing under the warm light of the candle.

Suddenly I felt a cold sensation which almost made me let out a yelp.

Goldie was wiping my body with a wet cloth. It hurt but felt good as the dried blood and dirt was wiped away.

It also made the things that happened to me so much more real.

What my parents… No, what my whole family did to me wasn’t a nightmare. It was real.

By the time she was done, many of the blisters had reopened. She applied an ointment and wrapped them in bandages. It stung, but it was soothing in a way.

Once she was done covering my body in bandages, she took a brown dress from her closet and dressed me.

I felt refreshed but exhausted. The pain was still there, but it somehow felt more sanitary.

I looked up at Goldie. As I had noticed before, she did look much thinner. A bit more on edge than before with large dark circles under her eyes, but she still smiled at me.

I looked up at her, having difficulty keeping my eyes open, I could see she was trying to hold herself together. Just as I could tell her smile was breaking, she hugged me.

It hurt, my whole body hurt, but it was comforting at the same time to be held again. She let go of me and said something.

She stood up and went toward her closet. She grabbed a large cloak and something else. She extended her hand to me. I didn’t recognise it right away. It was soft and dark. Although my eyes were blurry and fatigued, I finally remembered.

Darkie!

I hugged him strongly.

[I missed you so much…]

“I missed you too.”

I looked up at Goldie, but, before I could say anything, she placed a finger in front of her mouth.

I nodded. I guess someone could hear me.

She made me lay down on the bed and tucked me under the blanket. She then put on the cloak and waved at me lightly as she headed out the window, leaving me alone in the room with the dancing candle.

I held Darkie tightly as I waited for Goldie to come back.

As I felt the comforting weight of the blanket, I closed my eyes.

It had been a long time since I had been covered by anything but that disgusting blue dress.

Blue and pink… Images of my mother and father surfaced in my mind.

I suddenly felt short of breath and cold sweat ran down my back.

Please don’t find me... Please please please… Just leave me alone.

“Silika? What’s wrong?
I squeezed Darkie harder

[It’s nothing. I’m ok now.]

I think I’ve seen enough of those colours for a lifetime.

The warmth of the blanket calmed my mind and I closed my eyes again.

I suddenly felt the ground shake. I opened my eyes and I was back on the cold marble floor of my room. I saw the shadow of feet filter through the bottom seam of the door. I tried to run away, but they caught me. I tried to scream but they covered my mouth. I struggled and struggled until I noticed the light of the candle.

I was back in Goldie’s room. She was holding her hand over my mouth while insistently signalling me to be quiet as she looked at the door in panic. I stopped struggling and stared at the door too. She said something toward it and then waited for a moment. She turned back to me and insisted on the finger in front of her lips. I nodded.

She released my mouth and made me stand up.

It was still pitch black outside and the candle had only lost a bit of its length. Only a bit of time had gone by since she left.

Goldie dressed me in a dark green cloak similar to hers and picked me up once more. We left the servants building through the window once more.

We walked through the gardens until we reached the walls of the estate. There was a ladder already propped there.

She climbed it while cradling me.

There was no ladder on the other side and so she dropped roughly on the ground, while still holding on to me.

This was the road around the estate. On the other side, a coach waited in the shadow of a tree. A man was leaning on its side wearing all black with a hat covering his eyes. When he spotted us he motioned us over.

Goldie jogged across as the man opened the door. She sat me on the bench of the carriage and handed the driver a bag that had been hanging from her side all this time.

She looked back at me and hugged me tightly. Kissing my forehead tenderly.

She looked at me one more time before closing the door of the coach.

Without leaving me time to say anything, the horses took off at full speed, throwing me against the back of the bench. I stood on my knees and looked back through the rear window at the dark shape of Goldie under the moonlight. Seeing for one last time her golden eyes shining in the darkness.

We sped down the road and as I was staring out of the window we passed the front gate of the estate where two men stood guard.

I reflexively dropped into my seat.

Did they see me? Oh gods... are they coming after us?

The coach driver kept going into the night.

We reached a dark forest and the coach came to a sudden stop.

The driver came to my door and picked me up from my bench as I held on to Darkie. Outside, I saw a tree fallen across the road, and, on the other side, another coach and a driver waiting at the tree.

The driver carried me to the other coach driver who was dressed much less suspiciously and handed me to him above the tree. He also handed the bag Goldie had given him. They nodded at each other and went their separate way.

The new driver smiled at me warmly and sat me at the back of his carriage. It was much smaller, with only enough space for two passengers at the back and a driver’s bench.

We departed again just as the sun rose ahead of us between the ears of the horses.

As I looked at the sky, I saw tiny glitters reflected in the waking sun’s light.

I poked my head outside the window just in time for something cold to land on my nose.

[Snow…]

“It’s so pretty!”

[Yes. Very pretty.]