Varewulf

This chapter and the next are going to be a bit shorter than the previous couple. When originally writing this three years ago I just wrote until I felt like I had accomplished what I wanted for that chapter, no matter how long, or short it turned out.

"Lataille!"

I look up from my studying. There's only one person who would call out to me like that.

"That's Lady Lataille to you, Valleroy." It feels like a tired line at this point, but it's still my gut instinct to say it.

He stops by my table. "Sure, Lady Lataille."

I narrow my eyes. "I don't appreciate your sarcasm."

"And I don't appreciate your personality."

Paul Valleroy is basically the only highborn boy I don't bother concealing myself from in the least. With anyone else I at least try to hide my worst tendencies, but between him and me there only exists spite, and hostility. I suppose in a twisted sense that makes us closer than I am to almost anyone else. And I know that simply telling him to go away won't accomplish anything.

"What do you want, Valleroy? I don't have time for your childish grudges."

I'm trying to remember what scenario this is. It shouldn't be too hard, since there's not a lot in this game the player gets to see where Emma isn't present at all. Actually, is she around? No, I don't think so. Hm... nope. With the messy state my mind is in now, I can't think of anything like this. Wait, maybe there is one where he shows up to tell me to stop bullying Emma? That has to be what this is about, even if I don't remember exactly how it goes. But even without a script, I know how to treat this boy.

"Fine, I'll get right to the point then," he says. "You like Emma, don't you?"

My heart stops. That... I didn't expect him to say that. How...

"What on earth gave you that idea?" is all I can think to say.

"You take me for a fool?" he asks.

Why yes, I absolutely do. Yet for some reason I'm not able to say it out loud.

"I've seen the way you light up when you see her, even if you're quick to hide it," he continues. "How you go out of your way to get close to her. The dreamy look you have when she falls victim to one of your attacks. At first I thought it was just because you really hated her that much, and took perverse pleasure in tormenting her, but then I realised it's worse than that." His disgust is obvious.

I scowl at him. I didn't think he was that observant, nor that I gave away such tells, and I'm not happy about either.

"Let's say, purely hypothetically, that you are right. So what?" I ask.

"So stop harassing her," he demands. "Can't you see what it's done to her?"

I grit my teeth. Of course I have, but I'll be damned if I ever admit it to him. "Mind your own damn business," I growl.

"Emma is my business. She's my best friend." He smacks a hand onto the table. "And as her friend, I'm telling you now: If you truly like her, then stay the hell away from her. For her sake."

I lean back in my chair, and fold my arms. He might not intimidate me physically, but his words cut deep. "Why bring this up now?" I ask. I don't like anything he's saying, but curiosity compels me. It's been months in-game. If he really wanted to scare me off, shouldn't he have tried to do so sooner?

"When I thought you hated her, I figured that confronting you would only make it worse," he says. He might be right, too, if he was talking to my old self. "And so long as she hated you, and feared you, I would rather do my best to protect and comfort her. But lately..." His expression turns almost pained, even though he's clearly still angry. "She's started to express interest in you. Even talking about how you supposedly 'saved' her. She asks me for ideas for how the two of you can become friends. When I try to dissuade her, she just says you 'can't be all bad'."

Emma... I find it hard to breathe all of a sudden. Why... why would she...

"I don't know what sort of twisted thing you did to make her think you're anyone worth anything, Lataille, but you'd better stay away from her."

"I am under no obligation to do anything you say, Valleroy," I hiss at him.

He straightens back up. The way he glares at me makes his eyes look like two scorching suns.

"Then consider this. After everything you have done to her, do you really think you have the right to be anywhere near her? If there is any shred of decency in that black heart of yours, if you care for her at all, you will leave her alone. She doesn't deserve anything you have done to her, and you don't deserve to be close to her."

I am unable to think of any response or rebuttal before he turns around, and leaves. I am fuming. How dare he? No... the worst part is that he is totally right. He shoved a knife right into the heart of the matter. That's what really pisses me off. Emma has the wrong idea. I am all bad.

I've gotten so desensitised to all of this from just riding along with the script, that I've stopped thinking about what it is I actually do. I've just thought about how cute she is when she gets angry, or embarrassed, or looks like she's about to cry. And conveniently ignored the parts I didn't like, because I knew that so long as the player didn't screw up, there was a happy ending waiting for her. It was no one's fault, we all just played out our roles.

But now... now we're in uncharted territory. I no longer know what the future holds. The idea that I might have somehow become a route for Emma terrifies me. Valleroy is right. She doesn't deserve that. What sort of happiness could I ever be able to give her? And we are rapidly approaching the route lock, assuming the game rules still apply. Am I simply following a new script now? Is all of this unavoidable? Or have I been granted free will?

If there is any shred of decency in my black heart... there might not be, but I need to find a way to get her to abandon any ideas of wanting to be friends with me before it's too late. And once that is done, I will just stop... no more bullying. No more harassment. She will be free of me. But how do I scare her off? I have already done so much to her. What could I possibly do at this stage that's even worse?

* * *

"Lady Francine!"

I turn around, and see a familiar figure coming towards me down the hallway at a near-run. Bella and Eloise come to a stop next to me.

Here it is. I channel every part of my old self that I am able. "What is it, milkmaid? Haven't I told you not to address me in such familiar fashion?"

She stops in front of me, and takes a moment to catch her breath. Apparently she pays no heed to my cold words.

"Have... have you seen my case? The silver one?" she asks.

"Why would you come to me about something like that?" I ask back.

"Uh... because..."

She hesitates. But I know exactly why. I tried to take it once before, and she has probably not forgotten about it any more than I have. Or she remembered while searching. Same difference.

"Oh, come to think of it, I have seen it," I say. "Last I saw it was heading to the bottom of the pond. After I threw it in there." I smile cruelly.

Her eyes go wide. "You what?!"

"Well, upon giving it a closer look, it wasn't as nice as I first thought it was. So I got rid of it." I make my tone as casually venomous as I can. It's distasteful, but I need her to realise...

She stares at me in disbelief for a moment, before she starts tearing up. "H-how... w-why would... that was..."

She's crying. What... what is this feeling in my chest?

"My m-mother... she... g-gave it... h-how could you..."

Oh God, she's sobbing. This...

Didn't I want to make her cry? Didn't I want to break her? Wasn't this my grand plan?

No. Not like this. I've never seen her this broken. This betrayed. I don't like it. This feeling... I don't like it. It hurts.

I glance towards Bella and Eloise. Their expressions make it clear they think I have gone too far. They don't like it either. I can only assume they think less of me now. But they would probably never say so out loud.

"N-no, I lied," I say quickly, and try to open my bag as fast as I can. My fingers fumble, but I manage to pull it open. "It's right here." I quickly extract her precious silver case out from among my belongings, nearly dropping it in the process as my hands feel unsteady. "Take it." And push it into her hands. Some of her tears drip onto my fingers.

She goes quiet as she realises it's actually there, and then hugs it close to her chest. She looks up at me, tears still rolling down her cheeks. There's a hiccup, and a sniffle. "W-why are you so mean to me? Wha... what did I-I do?" The words are more confused than accusatory, but they still stab directly into my heart.

"I..." I like bullying her. That's how it has always been, even if the reasons for it have changed. But I've gone way too far. Wasn't that the point of this, though? I needed... I need her to... no... not like this. It's too much. I can't take it. Can't handle it.

And it's not like I can tell her the truth. That it's the script that makes me this way. That I'm written to be like this. She wouldn't understand what I'm talking about. Not that I have that excuse any longer. There was no pre-written event for this. This was all me. I know how important that case is to her, and why. And I still did it.

"I..." But what can I tell her? What excuse can I come up with? Probably the best I can do is something non-committal, like 'isn't it obvious, farm girl', and then walk away in a huff. That's the sort of thing I'm supposed to do, right? Then she can finally be free of me. I'll leave her alone for the rest of the game. Maybe next run I can do things differently. If it lets me. Be kinder. She deserves better. Maybe then we could... get closer... oh, Emma.

"I... I only do it because I love you."

... What?! What did I... why did I just tell her that?! No no no, this can't be happening. It didn't happen. It's not possible. I didn't actually say it. That's it. I was just thinking it. It wasn't out loud.

But the shocked expression on her face immediately tells me otherwise. I said it, out loud, right to her face. This is a catastrophe. This isn't supposed to happen! None of this was supposed to happen! Why is the game doing this to me?!

I turn on my heel, and leave without a word. Just walk away as quickly as I can without outright running. There's no salvaging this.

"L-Lady Francine, wait!" Bella calls out behind me.

"Wait for us!" Eloise joins in. They're probably both hurrying after me, but I refuse to look. I can't.

Valleroy's words really shook me. My own actions have shaken me. We are so far outside of familiar territory that I don't know, or understand anything any more.

Am I truly acting on my own? I always thought I wanted freedom, but I can't handle this. Why can't things be the way they were?

I thought doing something this drastic might somehow put things back to how they're supposed to be. She's supposed to hate me. I'm supposed to ruin things. I had intended to follow through on it. Actually throw it in the pond. Just... later. I hadn't gotten around to it yet. She figured it out too quickly.

But... could I truly have done it? I know how important it is to her. She carries it with her everywhere. There really would have been no coming back from that. Could I still have done it? Maybe. It would have definitely made her not want to have anything more to do with me. It would have been what was best for her. Then I could have just stayed away. Maybe one of the professors would have been able to retrieve her case for her. But now I've just made it into an even bigger mess.

I can feel something run down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away. I'm a despicable human being.