Holding Onto Happiness

by yohwa

Content enticements/warnings:

🎇

Daybreak had only just begun to rouse in the cloudless night sky when the inhabitants of Fengling Island began to stir, hopping to life with vigor and fresh energy.

“Good morning!” said a man with horns on the street, opening the doors to his liquor shop. Despite the sun not even out yet, he had a sheer layer of sweat covering his brow, and the sleeves of his light cotton robes were rolled up.

On the second floor of the building complex, a girl with scaly skin and a forked tongue waved down at the man as she hung round windchimes up on the balcony rails, their long paper tails swaying to and fro. “Good morning!” she replied.

It was the first day of the seventh lunar month, also known as the ghost month, where all kinds of undead beings were free to travel between the underworld and mortal realm to play. Fengling Island was one of the most popular underworld attractions to visit. It was no wonder every being on the island was vigorously bustling about, trying to make their shops and attractions as enticing as possible for business. And just like the visitors, every being on Fengling Island was non-human.

Summers on Fengling Island were especially momentous. The transcendent lotus ponds were in full blossom, the azure beach waters were clearer than glass, and best of all, the underworld-renowned Hibiscus Hotel was open for such supernatural entities to lodge in.

Lu Xinyue ran down the halls of the north wing with a tower of silk blankets in his arms. He could barely see in front of him, but he had been working at the Hibiscus Hotel for so long that he didn’t even need his sense of sight to tell him where to go. He wore the classic mint green robes that all Hibiscus Hotel employees wore, and his long hair was twisted into a bun barely keeping itself together. His delicate face was rosy with life, and his dark eyes were aglow with excitement.

“Xinyue!” a girl with three eyes called from across the hall. “I need help polishing the rest of the doors!”

“Okay!” Lu Xinyue quickly smoothed out the silk sheets in one room before passing the stack of blankets to another worker to deal with. He rushed back outside with a rag and some wax to buff the mahogany wood of each door and window frame, rubbing until each surface shined.

“Xinyue!” a man with hooves for hands hollered from down the stairs. “The people in the dining hall need help setting up!”

“I’ll be there!” Lu Xinyue tossed down the rag, leaving the half-polished door for someone else to pick up while he weaved through the red lacquered columns to pass through the courtyard downstairs on his way to the dining hall. Inside, other hotel workers were arranging low tables and cushions. Lu Xinyue barely moved when a woman with seaweed for hair approached him.

“Xinyue, can you go check to see if we have enough dishes planned for dinner? The guests will be here any minute!”

She didn’t give Lu Xinyue any time to respond before pushing him in the direction of the kitchen. He dashed off again, following the enticing aromas of soups and sweets to push open another set of doors.

All of Lu Xinyue’s senses were immediately engulfed by the sights and smells of food. A number of other people in the kitchen chattered amongst themselves, speaking too loudly to hear properly over the crash of pans and sizzle of oils.

A man who looked more like a turtle than a man noticed Lu Xinyue come in. “Xinyue? What are you doing here? Is the north wing finished setting up already?”

“I wanted to see if you needed any help setting up for dinner,” Lu Xinyue replied, only slightly out of breath.

The turtle-man crossed his arms and pondered. “Well, we have a bunch of different dishes lined up. My personal recommendations would have to be the cucumber salad, the pickled cucumbers, the cucumber stir-fry, the cucumber soup, the—”

“Xinyue!”

A young man with heterochromia pulled Lu Xinyue away, walking away from the kitchen. A pair of wolf’s ears peeked out of his unruly hair.

“There’s tofu pudding for dessert!” the turtle-man called as the kitchen doors closed behind them.

“Xinyue, what are you doing?” the wolf boy said, walking briskly. “I thought you weren’t supposed to be working this morning!”

Lu Xinyue was feeling a little dazed from running around, so he let the wolf boy drag him wherever he was going. “But everyone called for me as soon as I woke up…”

The wolf boy shoved Lu Xinyue out the front gate onto the stone path that would lead from Hibiscus Hotel down to the shore where visitors arrived by boat. The sun was fully up by now, and the entirety of Fengling Island was doused in bright warm sunlight. “Everyone else can learn to work without you for a few hours. Hurry up! The boats are arriving!”

Looking down the path before him, Lu Xinyue suddenly became nervous. His heart trembled, and he found himself hesitating in building anticipation.

“Go!” The wolf boy shoved Lu Xinyue, giving him the kickstart he needed to move his legs.

He leaped across the steps through the lush front gardens of Hibiscus Hotel, passing by colorful flowers and flourishing foliage that adorned the sides of the road. Dragonflies sped by, gently scratching the sides of Lu Xinyue’s face to say hello. Once past the street shops and vendors, Lu Xinyue ran across bamboo bridges that spanned flowing lotus ponds, finally arriving at the shore where colorful boats had already started to dock. Manned by noone, the boats inexplicably floated to where they were supposed to, stopping at just the right angle for their passengers to get out.

Ghosts and ghouls of all kinds flooded the piers as they joyfully set foot on Fengling Island. Others who were waiting on the island greeted strangers and newcomers with open arms, and friends who were reuniting with old friends loudly crowded together. But none of them were the one that Lu Xinyue was looking for.

The one Lu Xinyue was looking for happened to just be getting out of a boat as soon as he arrived. He was a tall man, easily standing out from the rest of the crowd with his handsome face and hazel eyes. He was dressed in luxurious robes of cobalt and gold filigree that flowed like water. Jet black hair streamed loosely down his back, save for a section that was secured by a hair crown made of mutton fat jade. A folding fan was in one of his hands, and from the bottom of the robes near his boots, a long train of azure blue feathers fanned out like streamers.

The man had been languidly scanning the crowd, so he noticed Lu Xinyue before Lu Xinyue could even muster up the courage to call out first. He grinned at the sight of the other, revealing a set of pearly teeth. “Xinyue!”

Lu Xinyue smiled back without being able to help it. “Yin—”

Yin Yao ran towards Lu Xinyue in the blink of an eye, tackling him into a suffocatingly affectionate hug. Being the shorter one, when Yin Yao wrapped his arms around him, Lu Xinyue found that his feet no longer completely touched the ground.

“I missed you so much,” Yin Yao chuckled, his warm breath tickling Lu Xinyue’s ear.

Heat radiated from Lu Xinyue’s face, and not because it was summer. He flailed his legs to kick Yin Yao in the shins. “Put me down!”

But Lu Xinyue’s struggle didn’t have any real harmful intent in it, and he even started to giggle, which just egged Yin Yao on to nuzzle him even more. It took the two a good few minutes before they finally separated, both their cheeks flushed pink.

“I missed you too,” Lu Xinyue said softly.

Yin Yao and Lu Xinyue walked back to the Hibiscus Hotel together as Yin Yao documented everything he had seen on his travels in the past year. Yin Yao was a luan—a mystical bird—who made a name for himself by singing wherever he went. Eight summers ago, he had come to Fengling Island to perform, and it was at the Hibiscus Hotel that he had fallen in love with Lu Xinyue at first sight. Since then, every summer, Yin Yao would stay at the Hibiscus Hotel in the north wing rooms where Lu Xinyue was assigned, never missing a moment to spend time with him.

“Here, I got something for you.” From within his sleeve, Yin Yao pulled out a little red orb, placing it in Lu Xinyue’s palm. It held weight to it, and for a moment, Lu Xinyue wondered if it might’ve been filled with blood.

“That’s a flaming pearl,” Yin Yao explained. “I was wandering near a river one day when I saw two dragons fighting each other. This happened to be in the water at the time, so I guess they were fighting for it, but since they were too busy to notice me, I took it for myself.”

Lu Xinyue’s eyes widened. “Is that okay?”

“Of course it is. It’s not like it belonged to either of them while they were fighting. Anyway, now it’s yours to keep.”

Holding it up to his eye, Lu Xinyue peered at the pearl curiously. “Why would they fight over something like this?”

“Besides the fact that they’re pretty, I suppose it’s because flaming pearls are said to grant wishes.” Yin Yao leaned towards Lu Xinyue and lowered his voice, grinning. “If you could wish for anything, Xinyue, what would you wish for?”

Lu Xinyue raised his head to look at him, blinking.

I wish…I wish…

But after a moment of consideration, he lowered his eyes, tucking the pearl into his lapels. “I don’t know.”

Yin Yao was quiet for a moment before he next spoke. “Xinyue, I wish you could see the world with me.”

He always ended his tales like this. For the past eight summers, he always said the same words, and Lu Xinyue always knew the hidden intention behind them. But Lu Xinyue knew nothing of the world beyond what Fengling Island had to offer, and he was also afraid, so he always responded with the same thing:

“I’ll consider it.”

And Yin Yao wouldn’t press it any further.

Back at the Hibiscus Hotel, as soon as Lu Xinyue crossed the threshold of the entrance gates, a handful of people bombarded him out of nowhere.

“Xinyue, did you finish polishing the doors?” asked the girl with three eyes.

“How about setting up in the dining hall?” asked the man with hooves for hands.

Someone plopped a stack of silk blankets into Lu Xinyue’s arms. “Here are those blankets for the north wing!”

“How are things in the kitchen?” inquired the woman with seaweed hair.

The turtle-man from the kitchens held out a bowl of something white and gelatinous. “Tofu pudding!”

Lu Xinyue gaped at everyone, his eyes darting around before finally landing back on Yin Yao.

Yin Yao smiled understandingly. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll check in and find you later.”

Lu Xinyue nodded. “Mm.”

He ran off again, speeding back to every half-finished task he had started. Yin Yao watched him go, a little amused at seeing Lu Xinyue’s figure practically fly around just trying to get things done, but beyond his gaze, there was a trace of sadness in his eyes.

“Xinyue,” he mumbled to himself, “when will you be done considering?”

🎇

At dinnertime that evening, all the guests who had arrived earlier in the day finally settled in. A myriad of dishes were presented for the Hibiscus Hotel’s opening feast, including many that thankfully didn’t comprise cucumbers. The window panes against the wall were open, allowing in a fresh breeze and a perfect view of the dusk sky.

At the front of the dining hall was a stage. A woman with feathered arms sat on a stool holding a pipa while Yin Yao sat across from her, singing a beautiful tune. His voice was silvery and melodic, enchanting all the guests in the room who were listening.

Lu Xinyue was no exception. He listened as if in a trance, admiring Yin Yao’s grace and poise, almost forgetting that he was supposed to be serving rice wine to the ghost sitting in front of him until the ghost cleared his throat.

“Oh, my apologies,” Lu Xinyue muttered embarrassedly, tearing his eyes away from the stage.

The ghost was an old man who had recently passed away. He looked no different from a normal human, save for the fact that his skin showed signs of livor mortis, and that his entire body was just a little bit transparent. “Not a problem, young man. It’s been so long since I’ve properly savored the taste of good liquor. When I was alive, I didn’t have the money. But had I known there was going to be a place like this in the afterlife, maybe I wouldn’t have been so bitter about leaving so soon, hehe…”

Lu Xinyue didn’t know what to say, so he merely smiled and filled the ghost’s cup.

After downing it, the ghost man examined Lu Xinyue from head to toe. “I say, young man, what kind of ghoul might you be? Perhaps it’s because I haven’t been in the underworld long enough, but you don’t seem like any other creature around. In fact, you hardly look different from a living human.”

The ghost man hadn’t been speaking particularly quietly, so several pairs of inquisitive eyes turned towards Lu Xinyue. Some of the other Hibiscus Hotel employees nearby also paused to eavesdrop, unable to quell their curiosity.

Lu Xinyue felt his skin prickle from all the attention on him. He chuckled awkwardly and refilled the ghost man’s cup. “I…I’m a ghost, I think. I’ve been told the reason I look so human is because it’s been so long since I’ve died. That’s…that’s probably why I don’t remember anything, either.”

The ghost man didn’t knock back his cup this time, gawking at Lu Xinyue. “Surely you can’t be a ghost! If you’ve been dead so long, why haven’t you entered the cycle of reincarnation? And you don’t remember anything? Isn’t there anyone else on this island who knows how you got here?”

More and more eyes were turning to look at Lu Xinyue, making him more and more uncomfortable. He absentmindedly poured more wine into the man’s cup, causing it to overflow, but nobody seemed to notice.

“I…” Lu Xinyue swallowed. “Nobody knows how I got here. I’ve always been here.”

The dining hall was excruciatingly quiet as Yin Yao and the pipa player finished their previous song. Even the creak of the floorboards felt loud. But the ghost man must have been inebriated to some extent, because in the same vocal volume, he said, “What a weird one you are! You must have done something outrageous in your previous life to have landed you here!”

The room suddenly felt just a little too small for Lu Xinyue to bear, like the walls were creeping in on him. He pointedly avoided looking into anyone’s eyes, including Yin Yao’s, as he stood up.

“You’ve run out of rice wine. I’ll get you some more.”

Lu Xinyue walked out of the dining hall, not even taking the empty liquor bottle he had been holding moments before.

The air outside wasn’t much cooler than inside, but it was far less stuffy. Lu Xinyue let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. After closing the doors behind him, the noises of chatter muffled to an indistinguishable hum, replaced by the chorus of cicadas and crickets from all over. Nobody else was around. Walking alone around the premises, Lu Xinyue headed towards the north wing buildings. He went around the back end to climb a set of dingy stairs that led up to the tiled sloped roofs.

From the rooftops of the north wing, one could see just about every inch of Fengling Island; the gardens full of flowers, the storefronts illuminated by lanterns, and the expansive sea that went on and on for what seemed like eternity. The sea below reflected the sea above that held an ocean of stars, winking in and out of view.

Lu Xinyue hugged his knees and sighed. He could feel it—that niggling tug of curiosity that grew stronger every passing year, stemming from his desire to know more about himself.

He wanted to know where he came from.

Who he was.

What he was.

He was content with working at the Hibiscus Hotel, wasn’t he? It was fun meeting new people every year, and he even got to meet someone as special as Yin Yao. But Lu Xinyue knew that the external forces keeping him on Fengling Island were about as strong as rice paper. What was really stopping him was a thick layer of his own fear of the unknown.

Thinking about it some more, it was Yin Yao who had started this whole thing. If it wasn’t because he kept sharing his travel tales and bringing back presents for Lu Xinyue, if it wasn’t because he kept charming Lu Xinyue with his beautiful face and voice, Lu Xinyue wouldn’t ever have even considered caring about life beyond Fengling Island.

He took out the flaming pearl from where it had been tucked away and clenched it in his palm.

Do you really grant wishes?

If so, I wish…I wish I could make a decision for once in my life.

A really important one.

Lu Xinyue somewhat expected something to happen, but the pearl in his hand remained the same blood red, the cicadas kept chirping, and the stars above kept shining. He sighed.

“Xinyue.”

Startled, Lu Xinyue looked behind him to see Yin Yao climbing up the stairs to take a seat on the rooftop next to him.

“What are you doing here? Don’t you need to perform? You…”

Lu Xinyue trailed off as Yin Yao reached out to pluck the tie from his hair, unfurling the twists that had already been coming undone. “There’s something far more important in front of me right now.”

When Lu Xinyue didn’t say anything, Yin Yao took a deep breath. “You know you don’t belong here. Whether you’re human or not, you know you’re different, and you won’t find the answers anywhere on this island. You’re afraid, and I can tell.”

A lock of hair fell in front of Lu Xinyue’s face. Yin Yao brushed it aside to meet Lu Xinyue’s eyes with a serious gaze. “Xinyue, I want to say this to you clearly one more time. I want you to see the world with me. Leave Fengling Island with me. I want to be together with you forever, not just one summer month a year.”

Lu Xinyue’s heartbeat quickened, but he was much calmer than he imagined himself to be after hearing such words. He fought to steady his breath and not break eye contact. “Yin Yao, I…I’m not good at anything. You’re right that I’m afraid. I just about never follow through with anything I start. I have no idea who I am, and I’ve never known.

“Even so, I think if there’s ever been anything for me to feel confident about, I think…” Extending a hand, Lu Xinyue laced his fingers through one of Yin Yao’s hands, finding comfort in the warmth there. He looked at the other man, dark eyes aglow with hope. “I want to be together with you forever, too.”

A cricket chirped for two beats before realization dawned upon Yin Yao, and his eyes grew wide. “Really?”

Lu Xinyue nodded, squeezing Yin Yao’s hand. “Yes.”

“And you’re sure? You’re willing to leave Fengling Island…with me?”

“Yes.”

“Xinyue,” said Yin Yao, face breaking into a toothy grin, “can you repeat what you just said to me earlier?”

Once again, Lu Xinyue couldn’t help but mirror the expression. “Mm. I want to be together with y—”

He didn’t have a chance to finish before Yin Yao leaned in and cut him off with a kiss. It was a little clumsy, though sweet nonetheless, and it made Lu Xinyue feel like he was floating. Lu Xinyue closed his eyes and tilted his head to kiss him back.

There weren’t a lot of things he was sure of in the world.

But he was more than certain that he loved Yin Yao.

🎇

Two days later, after Lu Xinyue finished saying goodbye to everyone he knew on Fengling Island, he left for the docks with a wooden suitcase in one hand and Yin Yao’s hand in the other. Sunlight streamed down through puffy white clouds, and the faint aroma of hibiscus flowers wafted through the air. The sea was as calm and clear as ever. Visitors were still coming and going, but at a much more leisurely pace than on the first day.

For once, Lu Xinyue wasn’t dressed in the mint green robes of the Hibiscus Hotel. He wore a set of white cotton robes, simple and perfect for the summer. His hair was tied into a neat ponytail, courtesy of Yin Yao’s help, adorned by a ribbon with a flaming pearl fixed to one end.

“Are you ready?” Yin Yao asked, boarding a boat.

Lu Xinyue turned to glance behind him one last time at the place he had called home for as long as he had known. The beauty of Fengling Island had never really grown old for him; the lantern-lit streets, flower gardens, and Hibiscus Hotel were all still exquisite.

But there was more out there to be seen.

“I’m ready.” Lu Xinyue followed Yin Yao onto the boat, using him to balance himself. The unfamiliarity of the wobbly surface made his heart pound in anticipation.

Once the two of them were safely seated, the boat broke away from the shore by itself, accelerating to a comfortable speed towards the horizon. Lu Xinyue watched as Fengling Island grew smaller and smaller until it was no bigger than a pinprick. He let out a sigh, and Yin Yao clasped his hand encouragingly.

Lu Xinyue turned to smile at Yin Yao. “You know, I think the wish I made worked.”

Yin Yao fiddled with the end of Lu Xinyue’s ponytail with his free hand. “What wish?”

“The wish I made with the flaming pearl you gave me. I made a wish with it right before you asked me to leave with you that night.”

To Lu Xinyue’s confusion, Yin Yao froze, looking more embarrassed than anything. “Xinyue,” he started slowly, “that wasn’t really a flaming pearl.”

“What?” Lu Xinyue frowned. “But you said you found two dragons fighting over it.”

Yin Yao coughed awkwardly, looking away. “Well, I actually found the pearl in an accessory shop that purposefully made replicas as mementos, not when I was watching dragons fight.”

Lu Xinyue felt something crash in his brain. “You were lying?”

“It wasn’t all a lie!” Yin Yao quickly retorted, face pink. “It’s just that the two dragons I saw were fighting because of a child custody squabble, and I really wasn’t involved, but I wanted to prepare a story that you would find interesting so…”

Instead of being upset, Lu Xinyue burst out laughing. He angled his head up to peck Yin Yao on the cheek, leaning against Yin Yao’s shoulder to relax. “From now on, you don’t need to prepare stories to tell me.

“I’ll be there to see everything with you.”

Summers on Fengling Island were momentous. Ghosts and ghouls of all kinds traveled there to play, spending the entire seventh lunar month bouncing between the underworld and the mortal realm. As for the two lovers named Lu Xinyue and Yin Yao, summers on Fengling Island were what brought them together.

🎇

 

Author's Account:

yohwa

Author’s Note:

The “xinyue” (心悅) in Lu Xinyue’s name means happiness!