Chapter 35: Sorrow

Zaine lay in his bed, Nico clutched to his chest. He could still see the trusting eyes of the lambs. Hear their panicked bleating, when he slit their throats. The image haunted him throughout the night, and he had not a wink of sleep.

It was sunny outside, and he knew he should get up. Not once had he felt the bloodlust come over him. He knew that it would hurt the animals unnecessarily, and so he had kept it reined in.

The berserker tried to tell himself that these animals were going to die that day either way. If it had not been him, then it would have been Edward who butchered them.

The butcher had just come back to carry the bodies back inside, and hang them on hooks. There had been a feast in the village's center that night. With plenty of lamb chops and stew. The lambs were going to die either way, and yet...

"Nico, I feel like shit," Zaine told the raccoon, who just curled more into him. Nico had been a shaking mess when he got him out of the cage. He had not wanted to be picked up by the bloody Zaine. So, Edward had let him pick up the cage and leave with it.

"But this is my life, you know? Sooner or later, I will have to kill again," Zaine's breath hitched in his throat at the prospect. Monsters he could stomach. Maybe, he was not so certain. But humans? Caved in heads, broken limbs.

Zaine was out of the bed and rushing to the waste bucked as fast as he was able. He emptied his stomach inside, and began to heave over it.

Normally, the bucket was there just for paper. Now, the old sketches he had made of different things that awoke his fancy and had been only half-done were covered in barf.

"How am I going to be an adventurer, if I don't?" Zaine asked himself. The empty room echoed his words. Throwing them back at him. He knew the answer. He couldn't be an adventurer. Not like this.

Standing up, he wiped his mouth on a napkin, and then went and picked up Nico. With shaky steps, he made it to the grand meeting room. Filarion was on his throne. There was a chair next to it, and Johnny was sitting on it.

Finally, Zaine saw that there were a couple of farmers in the room. They all looked at him with risen eyebrows. He looked like a mess. His fine clothes in disarray. Probably, he also stunk.

"Zaine, are you well?" Filarion asked, and Zaine went to him. It hadn't been long, this period where Zaine could call Filarion father. But it had been sweet. The berserker was sure that the elf would not think less of him, if he quit the adventurer's life.

"I can't be an adventurer," Zaine told his adoptive father with certainty. Clutching Nico, he took some of his courage. He needed it desperately.

"Why?" Johnny asked, and Zaine turned to him.

"I can't kill. I... those people, those lambs," Zaine began to heave again, and suddenly, he was wrapped in a hug. His face was pressed against Filarion's strong chest, and he felt a little better.

"Zaine, if you don't want to be an adventurer, then," Filarion began, but Johnny shook his head.

"He needs to learn how to protect himself. Little leaf, we both have enemies. He is now a target, as long as he carries our names," Johnny argued, and Zaine could feel Filarion stiffening.

"I can assign him protectors," Filarion argued back, but his heart was not in it.

"Adventuring is more than just killing," Johnny said, more to Zaine than to Filarion. "I know adventurers who have gone their entire careers without killing."

"And they did just F ranked quest?" Zaine asked, shaking his head. "I would be happier on a farm."

"Do you know of Fafnor Ironside?" Johnny asked. Zaine nodded. Everyone had heard of Fafnor. The dragon shape-shifter that had become the greatest adventurer there was. Instead of becoming the calamity of an age.

"He is still alive. He owes me a favor. You can do a couple of quests with him. See that it is not so hard to be peaceful. I am sure he will teach you how to capture and not kill," Johnny allowed himself a small smile. He was glad that Zaine, unlike many other berserkers, didn't want to kill.

"Just give this one last chance to the adventuring life, Zaine," Filarion murmured, and then kissed his brow. "Just this one last chance. If you can't stomach even that, I will make sure there is a farm with your name on the welcoming mat."

"Ok. I just, can I take Nico?" Zaine asked Johnny, who grinned at him.

"Fafnor likes all kinds of animals," the tank assured him, and then stood from his chair. "Well, I think you should see what your father usually does. Come sit, I will go and train."

"Johnny, do you want to spar later?" Filarion asked, and Johnny nodded.

"Sure, you just finish your job here," the tank waved, and he was off. Zaine felt himself getting lowered in the chair, and then Filarion turned to the farmers again.

"You are saying that a hydra is moving in into your territory, and the adventurer's guild is demanding too high of a pay from you all?" The elf's voice was all business now, and Zaine blinked at his father.

"Yes, lord Elathana. We simply don't have the money for an S ranked quest. If you don't help us, we will have to abandon the farm," one of the farmers said, and Filarion nodded.

"You will still pay, in some other way than money. When I decide how, I will tell you. My husband and I will take care of the hydra. Now, is there anything else?" Filarion asked, and the farmers shifted in their places.

"Well, we also want barrier stones. If it is not too much to ask?" The same farmer as before asked, and Filarion became thoughtful.

"I usually don't deal in those," the elf said, and the five farmers wilted. "But I suppose I can get them for you. Provided you charge them up yourselves."

Zaine watched as the farmers became jolly, and a small smile crept up on his own face. Now, he felt proud of being an Elathana. For, his father had done a full change, and was now helping people, rather than sowing chaos.