If you can hate me and I gladly accept it, I even hate myself for doing this.
To make a long story short I decided to abandon this (for the time being) until I can improve my writing and world building as I feel I did a lot of things wrong, plus college is harder than I originally thought.
I appreciate all the support I got from these chapters and I regret from the bottom of my heart just turning my back on them after so long.
The story got out of hand at one point I just tried to go with the flow but couldn't see how to develop the story further, possibly due to my inexperience writing.
Although thanks to this I've been able to realize many things, like that it's better to have quality over quantity, that I shouldn't put out a chapter a day as it will only exhaust me in the long run and how to correctly write some character personalities, among many more things.
Someday I will do a rewrite of this with the whole series, seriously don't create too many ideas and then just waste them....
I'm going to do a short summary of the story from chapter 32 onwards.
After Astrid takes Sofia away from Amanda's flower field, Sofia wakes up in the hospital to find that there are many injured and mistreated people, apparently Nemu died from a blood exsanguination.
Astrid actually kidnapped Nemu to make her apart from her crazy gang. Nemu accepted but in truth he did it simply to gain strength and then betray Astrid.
Many things later...
Flora is confronted with a 16 year old Sofia, Flora seems to be controlled by Astrid but this is just an act of Flora to trick her grandmother.
Astrid was puzzled that Flora did not kill Sofia, but Amy explains to her that it is because Flora did not live the same life experience as Astrid and Amanda so she has no reason to kill Sofia.
Many things later
They manage to free Amanda and she cures Sofia's eye disease.
Together they go to fight Astrid, Nemu and Amy but Nemu betrays them by killing Amy but she dies in the process.
After an intense fight Astrid "dies" but releases what was inside her body.
Corrupted Mana or Cursed Mana, this begins to infect the world destroying it little by little, when all seems lost the Gods of the world come down to guide Sofia to save the world.
Sofia sacrificing herself completely destroys Astrid and saves the world but she herself is erased from existence, although not completely.
It seems that Sofia's sacrifice led a lost soul to be reincarnated in Sofia's world...
This soul is called... Sofia Flumin...
End or something like that, that's what I had planned but I realize that there are some holes.
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In my opinion, I think you have something interesting here. I was really enjoying it quite a bit since I'm really hungry for reading a blind protag story. Looking at what you had kind of outlined for the story, I see a few problems I'd like to offer my advice on.
I don't think I would have introduced Astrid as an antagonist quite so fast. I would have kept a slower pace for a while, build up the relationships she'll need to lean on. I probably wouldn't have kidnapped Flora quite so fast in the story either. Because we've only ever heard how strong Flora is, we don't understand the implications of her kidnapping. There really isn't anyone looking for her? With how strong Flora is said to be, just how strong was her opponent and why couldn't anyone get away. There is to much there that leaves you scratching your head that a readers focus will instead turn to focus on something else. Making Flora's kidnapping and reappearance a bit mute.
I think you really hit the nail on the head with, "quality over quantity". You were beginning to jump into a main story line before ever finishing or sometimes hardly starting a side story. Keeping Astrid in the beginning as a foreshadow of her being the antagonist later is fine. Dropping hints that Sofia is being monitored I think would be good too. Keeping Flora kidnapped for so long is a no go, it doesn't make sense in reality or even in the context of the story setting you have here. More than likely, I see Sofia's family allowing Flora to go on adventures only if she took something that could a. track her in emergencies, or b. send a signal when she's in danger. Sofia's family has the clout and money to arrange for something like that, and I don't see them as being negligent at all. Especially if there mom knew just how devious Astrid is, which seemed like she perfectly understood.
Healing the grey eyes, I'm not sure about. I can see how you can have fun with that in the ending chapters. But I think it would be far more interesting in seeing her experiment in ways to see the world or at least navigate it. Reading books up on the theory of sound magic and such. Sofia sacrificing herself and then somehow coming back is a little, no offense, "eh". I would give the grey eyes a specific power instead, to seal away corrupted things like corrupted mana. That grey eyes are part blessing and curse from the gods. Put a back story in that grey eyes were originally in ancient time periods agents of gods to help purify the world from corrupted mana. But they became arrogant with there strength and power. So the gods cursed them to be blind to the world. Using this power, she seals away and purifies the corrupted mana. Maybe at this point you can bring back her sight, since she's fulfilling gods mission for the grey eyes. Maybe that's a conditional for restore a grey eyes sight, but it eventually will begin fading unless they purify more corruption.
These are some of my opinions and thoughts on the story and where you could have taken it. I think you have some awesome ideas, but need to slow down the story. Make meaningful connections between characters. Actually show how strong Flora is, maybe a quick arc about Sofia going to the academy to watch a tournament that her sister is in. I look forward to seeing you write more in the future :)
Thank you so much for reading my novel or draft or whatever this is....
Well, I've given you some ideas and others that I had already thought of but discarded came back to my head :p
Thank you very much for the suggestion, I hope you enjoyed the trip even if it didn't have a happy ending.
Hope to see you at the rewrite!
And another of my favourite novels dropped... I wish i couldve done more for you than writing silly comments from time to time.
Well remember you.
You will never be forgotten
Im really not the best or most sentimental comment writer so ill make it short.
From the bottom of my heart i thank you for the series so far, i have been enjoying it ever since i found it and every evening before bed i was happily reading the new chapter.
Thank you so much for what you habe done and ill be seeing you in the rewrite sometime in the future...
Do ping me with an @ tho if possible and ill be summond to enjoy this series once more.
Thank you for making my evenings so much better.
And remember, ill always be waiting for your return.
Sincerely, a reader who truly enjoyed the journey you put me through.
I wish you the very best and i hope youll have a good time
Yours truly
Nykuro
You will always be remembered
Thank you for reading my novel! or rather the draft or something like that.
I will wisely use the @ to summon you when necessary....
I really liked the novel a lot, it's a shame you decided to abandon it, although I understand why, it's still sad
But I'll wait for the rewrite, I could notice some weird things in the novel and sometimes it felt too rushed
Some time ago I saw that you commented that you had several ideas for novels in your head, could you tell me some of them?
Well, I can't reveal too much because they are just ideas but here are a few that have crossed my mind:
Dragon Ball fanfic but with a twin sister of Gohan who likes to fight.
Futa novel (Because a little heat never hurts).
Reincarnated with a curse.
Apocalypse novel
And that's what I have so far, there are some things in the idea box but these are the ones that have come to my head and the ones that I've been giving shape to the most.