The Spiderfolk village was destroyed when we arrived. We searched, but there weren’t any survivors. But our target, the sandstorm, was about forty miles to the east. Instead of pushing it into the mountains separating the desert from the ocean, I saw fit to cancel it out by force.     

Mary assisted me in calculating the rotational force, but we didn’t have enough information or anything to compare it to. Instead, we decided to overpower the sandstorm with overwhelming force. Or perhaps it was more apt to say that the plan was to ‘absorb’ the sandstorm into something much fiercer, and then I could end the spell forcefully by cutting the flow of mana.  

[Soul Duplication], my latest ability, came in handy. It split my soul into ethereal copies that could fight with me. The four of us used Whirlwind Tome’s ultimate spell to summon a hurricane that was the sandstorm’s opposite. It was so powerful that tons of sand below us were sucked into the raging winds.   

Without [Temporary Flight] from the Wing Tome and a few barriers, we’d have fallen into the abyss I created.    

But…   

The dark, deep crevice called for me, reminding me that I’d forever be nothing but a slave to my summoner.    

But after I left the spell go, it rampaged across the horizon, covering the forty miles in seconds while leaving a gash in the desert that reminded me of Moses parting the Red Sea.    

It smashed into the target, causing an explosion that made a crater 10 miles deep. Sand blocked out the sky, making it seem like it was night.    

The mission was complete, but Remy left us alone. We expected this, so we started to walk back after I ended [Soul Duplication] and [Hurricane].  

And now we’re camping. It should take us four days to reach the mountains. Maybe we’ll be lucky and run into the twins and Team Salim.    

Out of everyone, Lori, Ann, and Team Salim were the ones I harbored the least hatred for.    

And I don’t hate the common folk. Like the people at the bar. Or the restaurants. Or the ones that come when Elly’s doing an impromptu concert.     

But the others?   

Damon could die in a fire. I’d never forgive him for Shuuta’s treatment. I’d hate him until the end. Although I didn’t stand up to him on the plane. But I hated myself, so I was punishing myself.    

Carter was a voyeuristic bastard who deserved death. Who cares if he’s Meruria’s most accomplished spy because he can summon a drone? He’s a sick bastard.     

Tokko and Mia… I hated their ‘might makes right.’ They see people as resources to be manipulated. And Mia was downright nasty to Shuuta. I still don’t know the 'use' she had found for him. And I don’t think I ever want to. I sense my heart wouldn’t survive it.     

Charlie, Raylee, Hatay, Sera… Those three sluts that hang around Damon... The other members of our class that I couldn’t give two ounces of thought to even try to remember them…   

If my life was a story, I probably wouldn’t have given them more than a page before forgetting them.    

They were insignificant. They didn’t matter. I didn’t care about them. They were probably rotten, so I hated them. Until they did anything else, I’d always hate them. No. I'll always despise them. Nothing could change my mind. Nothing will change my mind. 

But Remy… I hate her most of all. She’s called me out to kill 77 times in the 157 days we’ve been here. The largest group numbered 44. The smallest 11. All in all, I’ve ended over 2,000 lives.   

But some were innocent. They had to be unless Meruria imported criminals from other countries. Remy and Meruria couldn't keep their word. You had to assume they spoke nothing but lies.     

And this was my sin to hold. My curse to bear. I… wanted to die. If I wasn’t so sure Meruria wouldn’t find a way to bring me back alive to terrorize me after death, I probably would’ve fallen down the massive abyss that opened below me after I used [Hurricane].   

But dying would mean leaving my friends alone. I love them. And they love me.    

But…   

It still feels like there’s two people inside me. One believed defending Shuuta was the morally correct choice.     

The other hated everything she stood for. She hated Shuuta, despised her weakness, and knew everything that had befallen her only came around because she foolishly spoke against her summoner.    

She was filled with regret. And she wanted nothing more than to…just scream it at the top of her lungs. But this Quella only emerged when it was time to kill.     

I’m in a dark place. I really am. I don’t even know how I’m surviving this long.    

A common trope in my beloved books often had the protagonist come face to face with their darker, evil side to further grow. It was a requirement for character development—to show that they were learning from their mistakes.    

But…   

I mean, I’m not a protagonist. Yes, I’m powerful. [Hurricane] took a mere 13% of my mana, but…   

I’m…just so tired. So very, very tired. Elly’s looking at me funny, so I’ll end it here. I hope things get better, Diary. I really do…    

I hide it well. If I keep everything restricted to the other Quella, this Quella can harbor an innocent mind about not needing to call for a Rule 1 or use Rule 2.    

Yes, it’s deceptive, but…   

What else can I do?   

Being with my friends… It kept the other Quella away. Yes, the smile I wear is fake. It would probably be false until the day I die... I’d smile out of genuine happiness to rid myself of this awful world.    

I can’t wait to die... I really can’t... I hope it’s soon. I don’t even care how it happens... Just let me die.  

I closed my diary and stretched, offering a ‘friendly’ smile to Elly, who sat back-to-back against Keeth. The campfire’s flames were warm on this chilly evening.  

I should’ve written in my diary the first night after leaving the desert, but I didn’t find the inspiration.   

A day later is better than ignoring it... 

“Hey, Qutie, look at this!” Elly proudly held up a sketchbook she had been using, and she showed me... “It’s you! It’s cool, isn’t it? See the sandstorm?” 

“It’s beautiful. Thank you.” 

“Hehe! No prob! Hey, I’ll draw the rest of us next time.” 

But before I could say anything…  

Disaster struck in the form of a voice that spoke from the heavens.  

A limit placed on the world has been broken. Repeat: a limit placed on the world has been broken. All those who have achieved an evolutionary level of Lord or higher now have access to the power of [Conferment]. Repeat: all those who have achieved an evolutionary level of Lord or higher now have access to the power of [Conferment]. 

---

The [Conferment] notice left us bewildered and unsure. 

We had no idea what was going on. For a moment, we thought we imagined it. A voice from the sky… This world had things only found in fiction, but that was hard to believe. 

What if it...was the voice of a god? Or some other divine? Just what was happening?!     

Everyone stopped what they were doing and quickly packed up the camp after I gave the order. What we couldn’t neatly stow away was thrown into Mary’s storage monster.     

And then we waited for Remy.   

Logic dictated that Junsa’s—no, Cridia’s citizens were panicking. There would probably be riots. Or maybe a neighboring country would panic and attack another country, believing them responsible.  I wouldn't even rule out a false flag attack to take advantage of the chaos.  

Anything could happen.  

But Remy never came to pick us up. She was absent when morning arrived.    

With no other choice, we started running towards Junsa, traveling nonstop. The people we passed by were scared out of their minds during the first day, but the discomfort and nervousness vanished by the third. We asked why, and they said if the voice was preluding an invasion or something else, and nothing had happened, their lord must’ve protected them.     

“Can that be true?” Greggie asked, jogging beside me. He kept pace in his heavy armor, sword, and shield, only appearing partially out of breath. There was a thick layer of muscle beneath his fat. He was looking exceptionally well.     

“There’s no way to know. Just keep up the pace.” I wanted to use [Temporary Flight], but a few of us couldn’t handle the wings. It’d slow us down in the long run, so we needed to work on that.     

We had reached Junsa Forest and chose to run straight through it instead of following the windy path. It was paved and safer, but it snaked around the forest and would’ve taken us longer.     

---

As we approached the town an hour later, the ramparts were filled with guards. The skies had knights riding hippogriffs. With their sharp eyes, they immediately had us surrounded.    

I told them my name, and they escorted us to Meruria’s church, where we found her in the primary worship room.   

Of course, Remy was with her.     

“You’re late. I’m very disappointed.”   

“Shouldn’t you be pissed at Remy? She left us. We ran all the way back, you know. But I guess it was for nothing because the world’s not ending. No one’s attacking. I haven’t seen any riots, smoke, or chaos.”   

“You can thank my soldiers and your fellow Soul Warriors. Tokko and Mia handled it all without a problem. While I cannot say the same for our neighbors to the north and west, Cridia has not received a report of a single casualty resulting from the event. Aren’t you proud?”   

“I guess. Suppose we didn’t need to rush.”   

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong.” I raised my eyebrows. “How much of a coincidence it is that I can use this moment to celebrate two momentous occasions. Someone important and dear to me is returning to Junsa, and I will throw him the most lavish ball Cridia has ever seen. And it will celebrate our strength and unity—for emerging through this unheard-of event with strength and determination—ferocity and tenacity. I shall proclaim that I have mastered this new ability.”    

She went on to say that all Soul Warriors were required to attend. It was to be held in the church's largest, most expensive ballroom. Its doors were only unlocked once or twice a year.    

If all Soul Warriors are coming back... That means Will… He’ll be here if he's still alive. Are Greggie and Keeth ready to see him again? Am I?  

Meruria said Elly and Melusine were going to be the entertainment. They were to come up with songs and dances that would dazzle everyone.    

Greggie would work with her head chefs to develop an exceptional menu that took inspiration from our world.    

“I hope your hands are well-rested, my dear Keeth. It does not matter how abstract or outlandish your clients’ requests are. You will craft for them everything they wish. Return to your mansion and rest, for I promise you will have no other tasks until one week after the ball has been held.”   

That was probably a big lie. You couldn’t trust that rotten bitch as far as you could throw her.     

“Ah, but before you leave…” Meruria spoke in a language we couldn’t understand. But I understood a single word.    

[Conferment].   

She had used it. A strange, gray light flowed from her hands as she pointed to Mary. It swamped around her and launched into the sky, exploding into colorless particles that rained on her. She flinched when they danced across her skin, but Mary said it didn’t hurt.    

Meruria told me we didn’t deserve to know when I asked.   

"What about the rest of the world? How did they take it?" I was curious. I didn't expect her to tell me, but she did. As soon as the voice appeared, Lord Enele rushed into action. Every lord held an emergency communication crystal connected to the one Lord Enele harbored in his office in the Kingdom of Aquanis. It was severely limited because it was meant to be used in extreme emergencies, and this was one.   

He organized a telepathic group call between the Divine Countries and discussed what had happened. Meruria said things were...calming. People were rightly alarmed-- she said so much herself-- but it became clear that this [Conferment] wasn't an attack from the Spirit or Demon Realm, and it wasn't an attack from any other Holy or Dark Lord. The lords unanimously decided not to push the Lord Conference forward. They wanted to reassure their citizens that things were fine, and hurrying and making accommodations to travel to Aquanis would be antithetical to that desire.   

Although...  

They probably wanted to use and master whatever [Conferment] was before showing up-- if nothing else but to have an 'edge' over their peers.  

I knew Meruria well enough to know that was her plan.  

But...  

Meruria seemed to be someone who had to be in control...so why...was she so accepting of [Conferment]? She must've panicked during the announcement, so why did she look so...calm? 

Unless that was…an act? I was so sure she was caught unaware of it—like we all were— and that bitch was pretending to have it under control to secure the illusion she wished to impart.  

Right?  

My stomach churned as we left...  

I hated that feeling.  

I despised it. 

---

Four days later...   

I sat in the mansion’s living room, watching Elly and Melusine practice their routine.   

The past few days were…serene, quiet, and peaceful.  Meruria hadn’t done anything, and Remy, presumably, hadn’t left her side since we returned.     

Mary said she felt fine. I used a few healing and cleansing spells, but Mary wasn’t affected by anything.    

Why did Meruria do that? She never did anything for no reason. It all had a purpose.     

I still couldn’t sleep. Anything more than thirty minutes forced me to power through nightmares.    

And they had gotten even worse, which probably reflected the growing struggle between the two Quellas. I didn’t say it out loud, but I had already written myself off. But…the last three days somehow…brought a faint smile to my lips.   

I found myself growing more involved with the routine. It was a delight to practice. I’d once dabbled in lyric writing, but it was nothing to what Elly came up with. The idol was a musical genius—a pure joy when doing what she loved.    

Greggie’s cooking seemed more cheerful, too. The lengthy reset was doing us all some good. We even left the mansion and celebrated at our favorite bar.     

The commoners loved Elly. They celebrated her singing over her status as a Soul Warrior, which extended to us. Melusine was dazzling for a different reason. She was easy to talk to. Her endless stories and tales from a thousand years ago were regarded as fictional truths since no one believed her, but she found that comforting.      

To her, it didn’t matter that they found it fake. If her stories were told, there was a chance Faedornia would be remembered until the end of time.    

It was a very royal-esque way of thinking about things.    

They chanted Elly’s name every time and wanted an encore, and our beloved idol just had to give them one before we left.    

---

We were relaxing in the living room shortly after dessert on the seventh night. It was getting chilly, so I tossed a fireball to the fire pit and did my best to pretend it was Christmas. Someone knocked on the door. Elly jumped out of the chair and danced to the entrance hall in her canine-themed pajamas Keeth had made her and Ami after overhearing the ones they used to have in our world.  

All my friends were in a good mood. So many days of uninterrupted peace…   

We didn’t have to kill…   

We didn’t have to perform…   

Sometimes, the best medicine was…nothing at all.     

“Hey, guess who came to visit?” Elly asked as she bounced back into the living room. Lori and Ann walked behind her and wished us a good evening. “Ta-da! It’s twins!”   

“Long time no see, Lorie, Annie!” Ami smiled and waved after pulling back the hood on her oversized dog-eared pajamas.    

“Forgive us for the intrusion,” said Ann, waving.   

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Greggie replied. He asked if they wanted a slice of the coconut pie he had made, and the two thanked him. Mary and Melusine joined him and prepared some tea as we just talked.    

Ann had always only had eyes for her sister—rumors around the academy suggested the two were conjoined twins who had been separated at birth, which explained their closeness.    

But I didn’t buy that hearsay.    

We learned about their mission and what happened to Renata. Meruria and Remy didn’t inform us about this, so we heard it for the first time.    

The poor girl was still asleep. Benedict was always at her side, and Shiku and his Dogfolk maids visited daily with Shiku.    

“It’s difficult to believe that our crude summoner has ceased giving any orders,” Ann said, crossing her legs. She was always so dignified in everything she did. “I hope you’ve been enjoying your peace and quiet.”   

“We have, but Melly and I gotta come up with the entertainment for the ball. I’ve always been good at that, but it does feel weird to be given free rein. Everything I sent in has been approved. It’s odd. They’re like… I dunno if they’re even looking at it.”   

Greggie said he had worked with Meruria’s chefs to develop an exceptional menu. “It’s the same with me,” he added. “I suggested a basic taco, and the head chef nodded without even wanting to know what else he could add. Or even how it tasted. I don’t want to say something’s up, but…”   

“There is no telling with that woman.” Lori sipped her drink. I sighed and wondered what was going through Meruria’s ugly mind.    

If this ball was so important... Why was her directorial control so light? Shouldn’t she have checked everything and ensured it fit her standards?   

Or was it a test?    

What if it wasn’t good enough in her eyes, and she publicly blamed us for a disastrous turnout? That would reflect more on her than us, but it felt like something she’d do to throw us under a metaphorical bus. 

I raised my concerns with my friends, and they mostly agreed.    

When it got late, we asked them to stay the night, and the two accepted after exchanging a look. Elly was happy to have a sleepover, and we probably didn't return to her rooms until after midnight.    

I was about to write in my diary when two synchronized knocks rattled my door.     

“Is something wrong?” I asked the twins after opening it. True to their visual styles, Ann’s pajamas were like something a conservative grandmother would wear, yet her sister had shorts and a tank top with a loose robe that matched her colorful nails.    

“You.”   

“Me? Did I do something?” Ann nodded and asked to enter. I stepped away, and they walked to my bed.    

“How long have you felt this way?   

I wasn’t ready for this conversation, so I played dumb, but the twins weren’t fooled. “We saw it in your eyes the last time we met. Truthfully? We hesitated about coming here but decided to approach. Your potential is vast. We don’t want to see it squandered. Help is here if you need it.”    

The uncomfortable silence was nauseating. I couldn’t take it.    

I told them what I couldn’t tell my team—about what Remy forced me to do… And about how I pushed everything to the Quella that could harbor those regrets and hatred while absolving the real me from making a crucial mistake.    

“Your intentions are noble,” Lori said after cursing Remy under her breath.    

“But you know this isn’t healthy. Secrets beget distrust. Is that what you need?” Ann finished her sister’s sentences.    

“No. Of course, it isn’t. Team Quella isn’t built on them, but how can I ever reveal this? They’d hate me for enduring it all. It goes against Rule 1 and Rule 2, but I’m in too deep,” I admitted, groaning. “But I’m the leader. I must protect them because… Because I…can’t have them regret… I’m fine with being kicked down and spat on by Remy and Meruria. I’m—”   

“This notion of self-sacrifice doesn’t fit you.”   

“What?!”   

Ann crossed her legs. “You aren’t dumb. You’re bright. You’re smart. You’re letting our summoner play you like a violin. Refusing to trust your team is the same as proving Remy correct. They have a hold on you, but it does not have to be permanent. Do what they think you’re incapable of and remove the hand gripping your neck.”   

“I… But…”   

“Do not hesitate, Quella.” Lori narrowed her eyes. “The final choice is up to you.”   

I asked what I would do if they hated me. It was one thing to reveal it all the way back then, but after betraying the two core tenets that kept our group going?   

A new type of fear had taken over…   

It was probably what the twins had suggested. Remy and Meruria had organized everything to railroad me into feeling this way. And I couldn’t see it…   

Lori and Ann comforted me. They said acknowledgment was the first step. It would be scary. The twins knew what I felt, but they said they would support me if I continued to foster the potential they saw in me.   

But the nightmares still arrived.   

I called for a Rule 1 after breakfast the next morning…and revealed what I should’ve declared over 140 days ago.   

Elly was displeased. She called me a selfish brat before raising a hand, but she suddenly stopped herself after I flinched and instead threw her arms around me.    

“I can't believe you, you stupid, dumb head!” Elly's voice broke through the moment, her frustration evident. "Keeping everything locked in like you're the only one who can handle it. We're a team, idiot!"  

Mary’s face saddened because she didn’t even realize I was holding so much in. But it wasn’t her fault. It was mine. But they wouldn’t hear any more of it. My friends swarmed around me.   

We hugged it out. We truly had a Rule 1 and let our deepest worries out.   

I…learned I wasn’t the only one with potential regrets...   

Elly had them...  

They crept up in Mary’s thoughts.  

Melusine even wished she could’ve done something.  

Greggie and Keeth felt like failures at letting Shuuta die, but they were trying to remain strong.   

We...  

We...needed this.   

I needed this…   

I hated…fostering that other Quella inside of me. Lori said she wouldn't be destroyed. Now that I had given form to her, she’d always be there, lurking in the darkness—ready to accept whatever negative emotions I would throw her way.    

She’d devour them and grow stronger. The resentment would be nurtured like a babe feeding from its mother until it was in control.    

It was up to me to keep her at bay. I couldn’t do it alone—even attempting that would’ve been too much. That proved how stupid I used to be.    

I could blame it on Meruria and Remy-- it was their fault, but I seriously should’ve been better.   

I was tired of making mistakes and failing the ones I cared about.    

Just what did it say about me that it took the twins for me to see it?   

No. That’s… Just please stop thinking like that, Quella. It’s not needed… Not anymore…   

 I looked at Lori and her sister. They fondly smiled my way and mouthed their congratulations and one last piece of advice.  

Be sure to remember the feeling.   

Etch it into your mind.    

And never forget it.    

Those two...  

Without them, this would not have happened. I was so blind to everything that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Just...a headstrong brat so determined to make it all about her. A desirable emotion to let the shit continue to pile upon her shoulders until she far exceeded her breaking point.   

---

By the twelfth day, I was feeling substantially better. Ami and Elly didn’t want me alone after dark, so they developed a plan. I bunked with them one night and then with Mary and Melusine the next. I would then spend time with Keeth and Greggie throughout the day whenever they were available.  

“Everyone needs a little Qutie in their life,” Elly had said at breakfast when she told us about it. The bubbly idol was more perceptive to the heart and emotions than others realized. She may have looked like an airhead, but she was an intelligent, beautiful woman.     

But lately, the guys had been leaving at dusk to handle the preparation for the upcoming ball-- on Meruria’s orders, of course. The two rarely returned before morning. And they slept until noon to recover from burning the midnight oil.  

We asked, but they said everything was fine. Meruria wasn’t being bitchy. She hardly showed up. It was just like overnight preparation work they would’ve done in our world.   

Greggie said the normalcy was almost uncomfortable, and Keeth echoed it.   

But they still spent time with me.  If their schedules had allowed it, I wanted to share their bed like I did the girls because I trusted the guys. We had fought and survived and created this unbreakable bond. And I regarded them as my brothers. And Mary and the others as my sisters.   

No—my family… That was what they were.    

There was no one I trusted more than them.    

“So…” Elly whispered, slipping into bed in her animal onesies, facing me. The moonlight faintly illuminated her soft blue hair. Ami was behind me, with her hands wrapped around my stomach—Elly said her cousin couldn’t sleep without holding onto something. Her touch was welcomed. It was…more proof that I had valiant comrades to count on. “I was thinking…we can have a big sleepover once this ball’s behind us.”  

“With everyone?” I whispered back, trying not to wake Ami.   

“Yeppers. Me, you, Mary, Melly, Keeth, Ami, and Greggie. We can push the beds together and have a mega sleepover. I mean, you’re still having the nightmares, right?”  

I didn’t answer. They knew about the night terrors, but I didn’t know how to stop them.  I felt like shit because they shouldn’t be there—it said a lot that I didn’t want to recognize.  

Suddenly, Elly lightly popped me on the nose and said I couldn't think like that anymore.  

“I’m still a little mad,” Elly whispered, my fingers gently betwixt her soft hands. “But... I understand you. I know...you’ve always had a lot on your shoulders, but know that I love you, Qutie. Ami does. Keeth does. We all do. We’re all we have in this awful world, and...”  

Her words made the emotions blossoming in my chest tight. How could I not shed even more tears at hearing that? Elly almost regretted speaking, but she hugged me tightly.   

“I know you’re sorry. It’s okay to be sorry. Remember what I said?” Her voice was like a guiding light in the darkness. I...was afraid that I’d be forever lost if I stopped hearing it, so I even ceased breathing to ensure I understood every word. “We all have those thoughts inside of us. Even me. And it hurts to acknowledge that part of you since you don’t want it to be true. But it is true. We aren’t perfect,” she continued. “Sometimes... We regret what we shouldn’t regret. Those thoughts cross our minds because we aren’t meant to be perfect. Deluding ourselves to think we’re better than we are... That road leads to agony.”  

“But...”  

“But nothing, Qutie. Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to be this superwoman. You’re our leader, but you’re still just a girl. The world’s too heavy for your shoulders. And I know you know this. Melly and Mary talked to you last night. But you need to hear it because you are loved. You really are.”  

“… I love you, too. And Ami…” The tears wouldn’t stop.  

I softly sobbed into Elly’s chest as she rubbed my back.    

“I wished I would’ve done this earlier... I wished I wouldn’t have waited so long...”  

“I know you do. But hey, you’re doing it now. It’s better late than never, so... Let it all out, Qutie. Just let it out. We’ll get through this world together. We’ll survive... We won’t let this stop us, okay?”  

I didn’t know when I fell asleep. Or even when I stopped crying.  

But I knew the nightmares continued. Elly’s sweet words did little to kill them. 

---

Remy appeared before lunch the following morning and reminded us about the deadline. She also took our sizes for the dresses Meruria wanted us to wear for the upcoming ball three days from now. She didn’t try to strip us naked and take the measurements by force.   

She didn’t even try to spy on us. It was more than that-- Remy just left and didn't return for the measurements until later that night. “Oh, yeah… You probably spilled the beans, didn’t you?” she asked, yawning.  “That’s a damn shame, ya know? I liked having something to hold above that pretty head—to keep you in line. Eh, it was fun while it lasted. I hope you enjoyed being a murderer, Cutie Qutie. Bye bye!”  

I knew…that was a possibility. No. It was true. It was impossible for there to have not been innocents.   

And I slaughtered them.    

But I wouldn’t feed Fake Quella if I could help it.   

If I were alone? Yes. I’d give it to her.   

But I wasn’t. I had my loved ones beside me.  

But they couldn’t stop the nightmares that arrived that night.    

The other Quella… The Shadow Quella...  

The dark desires that taunted me so much were even worse than before… That bitch still showed up to torment me in the one place where she reigned supreme. She had conjured the ones I had killed on Remy’s order and sent them to kill me as I ran through that flesh-colored maze. 

I didn’t keep it a secret. I told my friends what I saw when I closed my eyes, and they vowed to help me through it until that awful witch wouldn’t show up. 

But she did the following night, and the night after.  

Greggie and Keeth were free the day before the ball, and the seven of us hung out at our favorite spots, ate our favorite food, and slept together after arranging the room and furniture. But even that...wasn’t enough. I lost track of how many times I screamed myself awake, begging for forgiveness that would never come my way. The dead couldn’t absolve my sins. 

And I couldn’t forgive myself... 

Just how could I? 

And the morning of the ball arrived, with it imparting an ugly, twisted churning that pressed against my stomach, creating knots instead of butterflies. 

I wasn’t ready for whatever Meruria had planned.