How I Met Your Mother
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I screamed.  Did I scream?  It didn’t sound like my voice.

 

My senses were overwhelmed as a cacophony of howling horrors reached my ears.  I opened my eyes to find absolute chaos erupting around me. There were creatures of all horrible shapes and sizes chasing down the robed figures.  The creatures didn’t seem to be fully present; they were translucent and glowed with a faint blue-green aura. A hound-like thing that had more teeth than seemed physically possible tore into one of the robed people, severing their torso and leaving the legs behind spread eagle in a shower of blood.

 

Amidst this carnage, the woman I had inadvertently “rescued” stood, seemingly unharmed, and gawking at me.

 

“W-why are you not running?” I asked.  My voice sounded weak. Perhaps I had lost it from screaming?

 

“They don’t seem to be coming after me,” she replied, her voice as shaky as my own.  She had an accent, but I couldn’t quite place it. German, maybe?

 

We remained there, in the eye of a storm of monsters for what seemed like forever.  After a time, all the robes were dead, and the monsters just… vanished. Gone with the wind and rain.

 

I was still too shocked to move.  I couldn’t imagine what strange hell I’d found myself in, and I hadn’t even considered standing up.  It was this strange woman who took the initiative.

 

“My name is Arey,” she said, holding out her hand to help me up, which I shakily accepted.  Standing up, I felt lighter on my feet than before. Reaching my feet, it suddenly became apparent why.

 

“Holy shit,” I exclaimed, suddenly understanding why my voice sounded so strange.  My entire center of gravity was off, partially because of the weight I now found attached to my chest.  I was definitely shorter, too, by a good six inches at least. My jeans drooping over my feet could attest to that.  I squeezed my legs together. Oh yeah, definitely a lot more roomy down there.

 

Arey looked at me quizzically.  “This has got to be a lot for you to take in.”

 

No shit, sister!  I giggled. What? No.  Why would I be giggling at a time like this?  “Uh, yeah…”

 

“I know a safe place we can go, if you’re willing?” Arey offered.

 

I was hesitant, but considering the circumstances I now found myself in, I didn’t think I could find myself in a much worse situation.  “Um, okay…”

 

Arey made a few odd gestures with her hands, and they began to glow.  Oh, okay, I guess this is where she finishes me off. I winced, and there was a sound like thunder and paper being torn combined, but I didn’t die.  I opened my eyes to realize there was a hole in space.

 

“Normally, I’d be very confused, but at this point, I might as well just roll with it.”  I stepped into the portal and found myself in what appeared to be an ancient library, filled to the brim with books, all apparently written in a language I didn’t recognize.

 

Arey followed me through the rift, then closed it like it.  It appeared that the portal was connected to some sort of golden archway covered in runes.  There was a console nearby with runes displayed on it.

 

“What’s going on in here?” asked a voice from behind me.  I turned to see a woman dressed in a night gown and holding a candle.  Her face seemed eerily unmarred, as though there were no markings of age despite seeming as though she should probably be older than she looks.  “Arey, is that you? By the gods, I never thought I would see you again!”

 

Arey’s eyes lit up.  “I thought I’d never see anything again, Astveig,” she exclaimed as she dashed to the other woman and embraced her.  “The Disciples very nearly had me. It would have all been over if not for my savior,” she gestured towards me.

 

I was taken aback.  “Me? Savior? You give me too much credit.  I just kinda fell over and the entire world turned upside down.”  I gestured toward the stacks around us. “Um… if you don’t mind me asking… what is this place?  For that matter, who are you? What the hell is going on?”

 

“Oh, dear, you must have so many questions,” answered the woman whom Arey had called Astveig.  “Come. I will make us some tea. This is surely going to take a lot of explaining.”

 

Astveig shuffled past me, then led us to a small kitchen area in the corner of the library.  She set a kettle on a small stove. Strangely, the stove did not appear to be powered by any power source I was familiar with.  It simply seemed to glow with blue white patterns that seemed to work as efficiently as a gas stove.

 

Arey looked at me curiously.  “I never got your name.”

 

“Oh, yeah,” I said, contemplating whether it was a good idea to give my real name to these strange people.  After a moment, I decided the truth, or at least part of it, was probably best. “Chris. I’m Chris.” I couldn’t help but think it sounded a little absurd with my new voice.

 

Astveig turned back towards the little table we were sat at.  “Well, Chris, welcome to the Library of Sigurgeir,” she stated with a grand gesture as she took a seat.  “This place has been a bastion of mystical knowledge for millennia, and you need not fear, for it has been a sanctuary protected by the Guardians of Yggdrasil for nearly as long.”

 

“Guardians of… Iggdersal?”  I felt as though every bit of explanation I was giving was just making me more confused, as though my ability to comprehend the language was being depleted.

 

“Oh, honey,” Astveig said as she pulled me into a hug.  She was warm, and for some reason my eyes felt moist. “You really have no idea what you’ve stumbled into.”

 

“Maybe you could just start at the beginning?” I proposed.  “Maybe just your names, for starters?”

 

Arey spoke up this time.  “Well, as I told you before, I am Arey.  Arey Elisdottir. And this is Astveig Kolfinnursdottir, Keeper of the Library.”

 

Astveig seemed a little insulted at that introduction.  “I should think I’m a little more than that, given I practically raised you myself,” she said with mock annoyance.  I thought I almost saw her wink.

 

Arey’s cheeks went red.  “Yes, Astveig.” It was a line I’d guessed she’d used many times over the years.

 

“Okay,” I said, “now where on Earth are we?”

 

Astveig seemed amused at my question.  “Not on ‘Earth,’ darling. Jötunheim!”

 

“Yoterwhat?”  I was clearly out of my depth.

 

Arey came to my defense.  “She doesn’t know about the World Tree, Astveig.  She’s not going to know what Jötunheim is. She’s only been a jötun herself for about 15 minutes.”  Being referred to as “she” felt… weird, but I didn’t really feel like correcting her.

 

Astveig’s eyes went wide.  “She’s only been…” I thought she was pale before, but I’m pretty sure someone upped the saturation on her face.  “How is that even possible?”

 

“She stumbled into the betrothal ritual, Astveig.  If it weren’t for her, we’d all be doomed, and we still might be if Loki gets his hands on her.”

 

It was my turn to go pale.  “D-doomed? What are you talking about?”

 

A high pitched whistling signaled the water was boiling and Astveig shuffled over to the stove, pulling it off and setting it aside to cool.

 

Arey closed her eyes in a pained expression.  I could tell what she was about to tell me brought up very difficult memories.  “I was born under a red sun, a rare occurrence here in Jötunheim. It’s cold here, snowstorms are common, and clouds are ever-present.  Our Seer’s saw this as a sign that I would be the bride of Loki, the God of Mischief, and that I would be the… mother of his brood.” She winced saying that last part.  “Our children would spill out across the nine realms and Ragnarök, the final battle, would commence. Even the gods would die, and all that would remain would be one mortal man and one mortal woman.”

 

I can only imagine the look of horror on my face.  “That is terrible!”

 

Arey looked at me with what I thought might be… regret?  “But for that to happen, I needed to first be officially betrothed to Loki in a ritual that would prepare me to bear his children.”  My heart sank as I had a feeling what she was going to say next. “That was the ritual you stumbled into.”

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