1 - Wetted His Pants

Two players, a man and a woman, find some monsters in front of them as they turn around the corner.

“Aah! Monsters!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of them. Hm!”

The woman cowers behind the man. He, after enjoying the woman’s reaction, smiles and assures her before combing his hair back with his hand. He calmly unsheathes his sword, without forgetting to wave his cape to look the best he can.

“Ha, ha, ha! Come at me, let’s dance!”

“Oww, you’re so cool, Brima!”

The man smiles. “Heh, of course I am.”

The combat starts. As disgusting and pompous the man’s attitude is, he does show skill with his sword. In fact, the group of Stitched only manages to hit him twice before they’re all defeated.

“This was… easy.” Says Brima, with the same smile as before, combing his hair yet another time. “Don’t worry, dear Ele. As long as I’m here, you’ll be safe. After all, I’ve already cleared this dungeon three times.”

“I’m sure you did! Those monsters didn’t have a chance against you!”

“Heh!”

The stupid duo continues the dungeon invasion. It doesn’t take long for them to find a door leading to a chaotic and messy laboratory.

“Now a laboratory… I wonder what will be inside…” Mutters the man.

“Did you say anything, Brima?”

“It’s nothing, Ele. I was talking to myself.”

“Ok!” The woman inspects the area. “Are you sure you don’t need my help? This looks dangerous.”

“Nah, it’s fine. This’ll be easy-peasy.”

The man makes the same cheesy smile as before and confidently walks inside the room. Inside, he finds a weird deformed humanoid wearing a white lab coat.

“Hah, you want to defeat me with a pencil? You shouldn’t underestimate your seniors!” But when the combat starts, the man frowns. “This one is a lot stronger than the others…”

“Hey, are you sure you don’t need my assistance?”

“Nah, if I get serious, I can easily deal with this monster.”

“Oh, Brima. You’re so cool!”

The man takes some distance from the monster and starts chanting. “Geiser!” He shouts, loudly.

At first, nothing happens, and the Lab Assistant takes this chance to go closer to the invader. But then, two seconds after Brima finished chanting, the ground below the Lab Assistant bursts open and a stream of boiling water hits it from below.

A large chunk of the Lab Assistant’s HP vanishes.

“Heh, so easy to predict.”

Ele starts cheering for him. “Go, Brima! You can do it!”

In response, Brima strikes the coolest pose he can, and the battle resumes.

“*Tsk!* this is taking too long…”

Unhappy because the battle is taking too long, Brima decides to retreat and prepare another Geiser spell.

But he doesn’t know now is the worst time to do it. Because, as he casts the spell under his feet so that when it activates the Lab Assistant is on top of it, an ice nova comes from the Lab Assistant and encases him in ice.

“N-no! This… why?” Brima looks around in a panic, but he can do nothing to stop the Geiser spell from firing right below him. “Aah, this is bad…”

*Pshhhh!* The water bursts from the ground and hits him on his royal jewels, sending his body flying. And thanks to the damage he took from the fire aura, he dies as he hits the ground.

“Brima!” Shouts the woman as she runs in his direction. “Hahaha! That was so ridiculous! Weren’t you supposed to protect me, huh? How are you supposed to protect me if you’re dead?”

She kicks his body. A nasty grin appears on the woman’s face as she moves her hands around, manipulating some menus.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll take a screenshot of this, and also of the moment you attacked yourself, and send it to all my friends! Hahaha!”

“Nooo, please, anything but that!”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk! This is your punishment for lying to me. Do you think I’m stupid? If you had cleared this dungeon a few times as you said, you would have known about the monster’s skill. I won’t be able to show off to my friends about clearing the dreaded The Mad Rat’s Lab, so accept your punishment!”

The man, in his phantasmal form, starts moaning in despair. “Aaah, I want to crawl under a rock and die…”

The Lab Assistant is still alive, but it looks like this is more important for the woman... She doesn’t even defend herself as she is beaten to death.

 

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2 - Mobbed

“Hmm… where could my support mobs be…?” An orc is looking around as he roams the tunnels. “Since I got eaten by the worm, I haven’t found a single one of them… I’m sure they scattered after losing track of me. Who knows where they might be.”

He turns right to avoid a patch of poisonous mushrooms.

The tunnel gets more expansive, and he can see an overhead bridge in front of him. “This must connect to another tunnel… but I can’t reach it, it’s too high.”

The man stops for a moment as he inspects the area.

“Huh? Wait a moment… Isn’t that…?”

He notices a small green-skinned humanoid hiding behind a rock. The little creature is close to the bridge but doesn’t seem to notice the orc player.

“If only I can catch his attention… Hey, goblin, over here!” The man starts shouting and waving his hand. “Tsk! Not enough?”

*Thump! Thump!*

He hears heavy steps coming closer. “Is this the famous Monster Train? Shit! What a bad timing… Let’s try this. If the goblin doesn’t react, I’ll leave it here.”

The orc grabs the bow behind his back and aims at a spot close to the goblin. Startled, the goblin looks around, trying to identify the attacker, and finally sees his ‘owner’. It leaves its hiding spot and moves as close to the player as it can, which is right next to the edge of the bridge.

“Yes. Now, jump!” Orders the orc.

The goblin complies and jumps to the tunnel below. Usually, this height would be enough to kill any low-level goblin, but the orc catches it, reducing the fall damage they both take.

“Now we have to run.”

The man releases the goblin and gets ready to leave the place when the stomping stops. Distracted by catching the goblin, the player doesn’t see the huge shadow looming above him until it’s only two meters away.

He raises his head and tries to avoid the monster.

“What the…!? Noooo! Stop, you fool! Why did you jump, too!?”

If only it were a goblin instead of a troll, he could have avoided it. But it isn’t easy to avoid a three-meter object falling on top of you when you’re in a narrow tunnel.

*Baam!*

The troll squashes both the orc and the goblin. As the only survivor, it stands back up and stays close to the corpse of its ‘owner’ with a stupid face.

“Fuck! That sound, it was you? And why did you jump? I never gave you any order!” The orc, in his phantasmal form, starts to complain about the absurd situation. “Ugh… this stupid AI…! And the fucking poison mushrooms… If only I had higher HP, I would have survived the hit...”

 

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3 - Deadly Jumpscare

“Why is this so quiet?” A heavily armored man advances through a rocky tunnel. He trembles and shivers. “This is weird… Everybody says there’s a lot of noise and cries coming from random directions, but it’s been five minutes since I last heard anything or I found any monster. Only mushrooms…”

The man reaches an elevated passage. He looks around with his eyes wide open, searching for something.

“This is it, I’m sure there’s something here… Will something crawl up from the cliff? Or maybe flying enemies?”

He lowers his head, trying to see what’s on the bottom of the cliff.

“I don’t see anything…”

“Ugyaaa!”

Just at that moment, a weird cry resounds through the tunnel and the man jumps, surprised. But he does so with such bad luck that he slips, falling to the bottom of the cliff.

“Uaaaah! What the hell was that!” Shouts the man as he falls.

A message appears in front of him. “I died…? Well, I was at low HP because of the poison, so it isn’t a surprise... But what the hell was that? Nobody told me this was a horror dungeon! Liars! Everybody is a liar!”

 

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4 - Man-thing Brainwash

“Baaaahahaha! Guess who’s on the menu today!”

“I can’t… continue, anymore…! Please, help me!”

“You monster! You’re so hideous, my eyes are going to rot!”

A group of human-headed sheep slowly tread through a partially inundated passage.

Following them there’s a green-skinned child, or at least it looks like one. He’s walking on four legs, imitating the hideous sheep he’s tailing.

“Baaaaaaahaha! Guess who’s on the menu today!” Says the green-skinned child. “Hehehe… like this, they won’t attack me and I’ll safely explore and map this area… What a good idea to imitate and follow the harmless Mansheep!”

The group continues moving through the abandoned laboratory.

When they get close to another group of enemies, they turn around to avoid the sheep’s group. As long as the monsters don’t see the camouflaged green-skinned child, they seem to avoid each other’s paths.

The player and the monstrous sheep continue walking, shouting random things and screaming from time to time.

In fact, the player is so absorbed in his roleplay, that he doesn’t notice his MP being depleted. Finally, he dies, but he doesn’t change his behavior either.

“Give it baaaaack, you thief! Give it baaaaaack!”

Imitating the Mansheep, the green-skinned player, now in his phantasmal form, continues his roleplay… leaving his dead body behind.

 

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5 - It’s soo cut– Aagh, save me!

“Look, look! Eliza! It’s sooooo cute!”

“Yeah… I saw the first twenty times, you don’t need to point it out anymore.”

“Hehehe, but they’re so funny and squishy! Also, this one is black. It’s the first time we see one that’s black.”

“Oh, you’re right. Wow, amazing…!”

The woman, made literally of fire, rolls her eyes around at her persistence. She looks at the other player, a wererabbit woman, with a mix of exasperation and amusement.

“Pam, I know you like cute monsters a lot, the same as me. But do you think it’s really necessary to show them to me every time?”

“Yes, I do!”

*Sigh!* Eliza suspires. “At least, let them go once you capture them. There’s no need to bring them with you…”

“Never!”

True to the fire woman, the wererabbit is covered from head to toe with gummy-like geckos with all the imaginable colors. Almost the only parts that aren’t covered are her feet and hands, so she can move and grab more monsters, and her head and rabbit ears.

“I can’t understand why the other players are afraid of this dungeon with so many cute mon– Oooh, look at that, Eliza! This is a new one!”

“Hm…? Hey, wait for me!”

Pam suddenly starts running, and Eliza follows after her, curiosity etched on her face. She might be trying to dissimulate and act calm, but she likes the cute monsters as much as her friend.

“Ooh, look at this! It’s a cute cat and octopus mix! Oooh, so fluffy!”

“Let me touch it too, Pam!”

“No, it’s mine! Also, weren’t you complaining about it a second ago!?”

“...come on…”

Eliza extends her hand and tries to pat the cat-octopus, but Pam squirms around and does everything she can to avoid it. In the end, the Octocat ends up on Pam’s face, grabbing her head with its tentacles.

“Aaaah, help me, Eliza! I can’t see! I can’t see!”

“Stop running around, I can’t help you otherwise!”

“No, I’m sure you’ll steal the cat from me if I do.”

“Then, how am I supposed to help you!?”

“Just help meeee! Eliza, help meeeeeee!”

Pam runs around like a headless chicken. Eliza tries to catch and help her, but every time she’s close to grabbing her, Eliza suddenly changes direction and slips away.

“Aaah, help me!”

“Then, stop running around, you fool!”

“Help meee!”

The shouting and chasing continues until the wererrabit woman accidentally falls into the river. The Water Ants nearby immediately rush at her and start biting.

“I-I’m being eaten! Do something, Eliza!”

“You can save yourself, you just need to use one of your area spells.”

“I can’t, I don’t want to damage the cuties…!”

“Then I won’t help you either. You need to learn your lesson.” The fire woman then adds, in a lower voice so the wererabbit doesn’t hear. “And I don’t want to hurt them either…”

“You traitor! I thought we were best friends! I won’t talk to you ever again!”

The fiery woman waves her hand in dismissal. “Yeah, yeah… whatever you say… Let’s see if you really do it this time. How much time will you last? An hour, maybe?”

 

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6 - Minotaur Bowling

A miniature minotaur with wings and a crown slams into a chubby and deformed humanoid. 

As a result of the clash, the tall humanoid flies away, leaving disgusting body fluids on its path… fluids coming out from its hanging entrails. It hits a cloaked skeleton with bright blue fire inside the eye sockets and explodes upon contact.

*Boooom!*

The room shakes and lots of silhouettes fall to the ground as the damage spreads. They fall one after the other, like bowling pins, after receiving the explosion of the big, chubby, fleshy humanoid.

When the dust settles, only the miniature minotaur remains alive, standing still where it collided with the chubby humanoid.

“Fuck!” The skeleton, in phantasmal form, starts shouting profanities. “Why did I have to believe him? I knew it wouldn’t work! I wasted so much time and effort to reach this place!”

The man turns around and watches the destruction caused by the explosion. Not only him but all his support minions also died.

“Stupid fucking useless guidance! I’ll never believe what he says ever again! Bring a bloated zombie with you and give it self-destruct, he said. It’ll kill the Minitaur Queen upon impact, or at least inflict a huge amount of damage so you can easily kill it later, he said. Fuck you! The only thing I achieved with it was killing my own team and ruining the dungeon invasion!”

 

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7 - They’re Everywhere! EVERYWHERE!

“Aaah, this is bad… they’re getting closer! As much as we run, we can’t shake them off!”

“Wooohooo! Huhuhu! This is so much fun! Bronn, we must repeat this later.”

A short and stout dwarf, with an impressive beard, is running through a rocky passage. There’s a small fairy too, flying and tumbling through the air. She sometimes spins around the dwarf as if to make fun of his slow speed.

“Fun!? This is too much for anyone, I can’t understand how are you enjoying this, Silly!”

“It’s because you’re jinxed! Also, you didn’t bring any poison resistance skills as everyone suggested. Look at me, I’m having a blast! Huhuhu!”

“Well, you’re right about the poison… but it isn’t the problem!” The distinctive sound of thundering steps from the Monster Train gets closer as they talk. “The problem is with the monsters, they coordinate too well.”

“This is precisely why this is so funny!”

The dwarf groans in annoyance. “If only you could help me… It’s your fault all our minions are dead.”

“No thanks! I came for the spectacle! Huhuhu!”

“Ah… why did I think it was a good idea to bring you with me…?”

“It’s because I’m cute! Hehe!”

“...”

Pissed at her, the dwarf doesn’t reply.

They continue running and finally, the sound from the Monster Train starts to fade away. But the dwarf doesn’t relax his expression yet.

“I’m sure this isn’t the end. Every time I think we lost them, we meet them again from the front, coming after us…”

“You’re right! It’s so entertaining, watching you run away in fear! It’s like watching a cat chasing after a mouse.”

“Silly, shut up! If you’re not going to help, at least stay quiet!”

“Huhuhu! Bronn got angry at me…! Huhuhu!”

Silly makes a sad face and wipes her tears, as if she were crying, as she laughs. In response, Bronn raises his hand as if wanting to strangle the stupid, annoying fairy.

A few Goblimps start attacking the duo, forcing them to retreat into another passage.

“Why are they so smart?” Complains Bronn. “They know how to ambush, they coordinate between groups, they use the gap created by any trap we activate… They know how to surround us so we can’t escape!”

“Yes, isn’t this why it’s so funny?”

“I said shut up!”

Running away from the Gobimps, the two reach a place with several tunnel mouths. There, as if waiting for them to come, groups of enemies appear from all the entrances, blocking all the exits.

Goblimps, Braindeads, Hauntlings, Demonic Swarmers… Even The Tunnels’ Nightmare.

And as if this wasn’t enough, an avalanche of Stitched starts pouring from above as if they came from a broken faucet. The first ones to hit the ground die from the falling damage, but there are so many of them, that the others use them as a cushion to soften their fall.

Bronn looks aghast. “Oh, come on! This is ridiculous!”

“Hey, Bronn… Good luck there! Huhuhu!”

True to her word, Silly activates her innate fairy skill, Trickster, turns invisible, and flies away. She hides in the best spot she can find. A spot from which she can properly see Bronn being swarmed to death.

“Come back here, you stupid fairy!”

These are Bronn’s last words before being swallowed by an unending stream of monsters. The outcome of the fight is evident.

The dwarf, now in his phantasmal shape, starts talking to himself.

“These monsters are too smart… They’re everywhere! EVERYWHERE! You turn a corner, monster. Defeat one, there’s another! Escaped from a group? Here’s a few more! This is impossible… Monsters, monsters everywhere! Monsters! Hahahaha!”

The man starts laughing like a madman. His mind, even if only momentarily, completely shattered.

Silly waits for all enemies to leave the scene before abandoning her hiding spot and flying toward the other player.

Then, the little fairy starts poking Bronn’s corpse with her stick-like staff. She chuckles. “Hey, Bronn! Let’s do it all from the beginning!”

But Bronn the dwarf ignores the little fairy’s words as he continues to laugh.

 

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8 - Slimy Benny Hill

From one tunnel, a weird blue human-like slimy creature appears, running. From the several tunnels that connect to this place, it chooses one and goes inside.

Soon after, a heavily armored man enters the scene, chasing after the slimy creature. There are several more humanoids chasing after him.

He looks around. “Fuck! Where did it go, now?”

He chooses a random tunnel, which, luckily, happens to be the one the slimy creature chose, and runs into it.

Both the man and the blue creature come into the same intersection once again but from different entrances this time. There are fewer creatures chasing after the man than there were before.

The two meet in the middle. The blue creature spits blue goo into the man’s face and quickly runs away into another tunnel.

“Not again! Stop running away!” But the man doesn’t give up, raises his sword in anger, and chases after the blue creature.

A very well-known music starts playing as the action speeds up.

The blue creature and the heavily armored man start appearing from different entrances, coming and going without any logic or sense. Three more slimy creatures join the chase, their colors green, red, and yellow. They sometimes appear in groups, they sometimes spit goo of their respective colors at the man, and sometimes they simply appear from one tunnel before quickly disappearing through another.

The man, from time to time, manages to strike one of the creatures with his sword. But he can’t deal the finishing blow because there’s always another creature that appears from behind and slows him at the critical moment.

The chase continues. The only thing that truly changes is that the units behind the man are slowly dwindling.

Finally, the man grabs the blue creature, the first one, and is about to do the killing when a yet not seen creature enters from the side.

At the same time, the music stops.

The man turns his head to the intruder. It’s too late for him to do anything. “Oh, no, not again! It’s already the third time! Why can’t you leave me alone? I just want to kill them so I can move forward!”

The new monster, a pitch-black, horrifying wolf-like creature, releases a howl and the man starts running away in fear. The humanoids that were chasing after him are affected too and scramble away, each one choosing one of the multiple tunnels.

“Ok, this is it! You made me angry, this is personal now! Even if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll make sure to kill you all! Just wait and see! Hahaha!” These are the last words the man says before he disappears.

Then, the chasing scene starts once again and the music resumes playing. A long time later, the man finally dies, exhausted.

 

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9 - -100% Damage. ‘Am I healing my enemies!?’

“Wahahaha! What’s this, this is all too easy! Whahaha!”

A horned man stands on top of a wererabbit-orc’s corpse as he laughs. He wears next to no armor, all of it consisting of a big shoulder pad. His uncovered bulging chest, his bat-like wings, and the colossal sword on his back give him a tremendous presence.

“But this is getting annoying, there are only weaklings everywhere... I heard this dungeon was extremely dangerous, but it was a lie. And I didn’t bring any support mob on purpose! I’m tired of this! Where does a demon lord like myself need to go to have an enjoyable time?”

The demon looks around in annoyance. He only sees more rabbits.

“Weaklings! Only more weaklings! Agh… let’s deal with this all at once. Eat this! Wahahaha!”

He casts a spell and soon the whole area is covered by black flames. The rabbits, as the weaklings they are, soon die.

Except there are a few of them that don’t die and instead transform into more of the same wererabbit-orc he’s stepping on.

“Hm? They didn’t die yet? Well, it won’t change anything…”

The demon waits for the monsters to die in the fire, but instead, they run at him and start attacking him all at the same time.

The man tilts his head to the side. “This is weird. Maybe they’re resistant to fire? Then I’ll just have to deal with them with melee attacks, like I did with the first one.”

Sword slashes and claws fly everywhere. The battle continues, but there’s no winner even after a minute.

The demon furrows his brows. “This doesn’t make any sense… why won’t they die? Not even dragons can survive this long inside the fire while I attack them!”

If the man wasn’t so proud, he would have noticed that the hybrid monsters hadn’t taken a single point of damage since he first used Hellfire, and only from the first damage tick. But he’s too proud to take a look at his stats while fighting weaklings.

“Something’s wrong. Is it a bug? Or maybe…” The demon finally inspects the monsters he’s fighting. “It isn’t them… Then, is it me? The fuck!? -100% damage!? When did I get this debuff!? Does this mean I’m healing my enemies instead of dealing damage!? Well, I only need to wait until the debuff disappears.”

The demon, surprised, doesn’t notice another thing. He doesn’t notice that his HP is getting dangerously low. He usually relies on his damage drain to survive prolonged fights, but since he’s not dealing damage, he isn’t healing either.

Another minute into the fight, the demon’s corpse falls to the ground. He only notices after the ‘You have died’ message pops in front of him.

“WHAT!? WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED HERE!?” Shouts the demon, now in the translucent phantasmal form.

 

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10 - Poisoned Dreams

An extremely pale human with bright blue eyes rushes into an empty cave. He looks around, checking for traps and enemies, and only relaxes after making sure there’s nothing dangerous.

The only slightly suspicious thing is some tiny bluish particles floating around, but they don’t look dangerous.

“No monsters, traps, or poisonous mushrooms. Finally, a safe place!” The man happily goes inside. “That was close… I have to heal myself, and fast… Meditation is very useful, but can’t be used in dangerous situa–”

In the middle of speaking, the pale human’s body falls to the floor.

“W-what? The poison shouldn’t have killed me yet! I should have a few seconds!”

In the temporary translucent shape that appears when the champion is incapacitated but not dead and can’t be seen or heard by other players, the man quickly opens the status screen and sees that his champion is sleeping.

“Sleep…? I won’t survive this, the poison will kill me before the sleep goes away. If only status effects counted as damage, then the poison would break the sleep…”

The man stops talking and waits for the inevitable to happen.

About thirty seconds after his death, the pale human opens his eyes again. He stands up.

“Thank god I’m a revenant and this isn’t the end yet.” He dusts himself and starts walking away. “I don’t need healing anymore, so let’s leave this–”

The man falls to the ground for the second time.

“Sleep!? Again!? What the hell’s wrong with this place? I’m a fucking Revenant! After resurrecting, all the debuffs should disappear! There’s literally no enemy or trap that could have inflicted sleep upon me!”

“This is bullshit! A hack! I’ll make sure to report this once I come back…”

The scene speeds up. It takes about eight minutes for the revenant to die again, this time because of its own resurrection skill, so it takes a while even with accelerated speed. During this time, he doesn’t stop complaining and spouting insults.

Covering most of the screen, a text with all the things he says appears, coming from bottom to top. It’s amazing how much cussing and swearing, as well as how many profanities, can somebody say when they don’t have anything else to do.

It isn’t until the message of ‘You have died’ appears in front of him that he stops his ramblings and leaves the dungeon.

But not before swearing revenge.

“You’ll see! I’ll find your real ID and make sure to make you pay for this, dungeon owner! Whatever it takes, I will!”

 

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“Pffft, hahaha! They’re so stupid!”

“Yes, they are. But why are you laughing? Isn’t it you in this video?”

“Nononono! You must be confused.”

“But didn’t you tell me you were called like this?”

“...No. My nickname is with ‘e’ instead of ‘a’. Yes, this isn’t me, it’s somebody who has a similar name. It definitely isn’t me. So… Which one did you like the most?”

“If you say so… I’m not sure which one is the best, it’s hard to decide… Hey, can I put the video again? I want to see the face you make when you die another time!”

“...”

 

“This video drove countless men out to sea… Huh… I mean… This video drove countless players to ‘The Mad Rat’s Lab’. This is the main reason the video series called ‘The Mad Rat’s Lab Top Deaths’ never ran out of juice: it fed itself.”