“Found anything?”

I ask Matta, who’s inspecting the stones. Like the previous two times, nine stones surround a bigger one placed in the center.

“Um, no, there’s nothing here either.”

“There was nothing the first two times, what made you think there would be anything this time?”

“I don’t know, I feel they hide something… Must be my imagination.” He shrugs. “Let’s cross to the right side.”

We safely reached the island in the lake. We had to take a detour to evade another turtle that Berta didn’t see, but other than that, we didn’t find any trouble. Now that most turtles have gathered on the left half of the cave, we should have an easier time moving forward, as we’re aiming for the opposite side.

The first one to cross the bridge is Matta, as usual. Berta might be the best one at hiding, but Matta is the only one who knows how to spot hidden traps and enemies.

He says he can feel something’s wrong when they’re close, like a sixth sense. No game skill works like that, so, if what he says is true, I’m sure it’s yet another skill he developed by obsessively playing with his Goblin Champion. Being weak and fearing death all the time sure is a good recipe to polish your skills, it seems. Not that I want to try it.

“You can come.” Matta waves at us from the other side. “There’s nothing here.”

“There won’t be a hidden turtle, right? I don’t want to be eaten alive…”

Berta hides behind me as we walk. She’s been like this since the turtle she missed tried to bite her whole. I don’t think the turtle could truly swallow her, you need a skill for it, but since Berta’s so small and the turtles are so big, she felt it was possible.

The stupid part is that it wouldn’t have happened if she were looking ahead instead of taunting me. She turned the corner while looking behind… The turtle just opened its mouth and she almost flew inside.

Luckily for her, I was ready and saved her on time. I grabbed one of her arms and pulled her away from the turtle. Really… What would she do without me?

We follow the path between the giant mushrooms.

After a while, I can confirm my theory: there are no turtles here. I’m sure they all moved to the left side after our two encounters with them. Their AI must make them go towards the light beams when they see one. I’m sure they will scatter after a while, dispersing through the whole cave once again… We won’t be here when it happens.

We do find a few groups of those Goblin and Imp monstrosities, but their hiding and stalking behaviors are useless against Matta’s supernatural sense and our flying abilities. We dispatch them quickly and move on.

Matta stops when the path and takes out the map. “If we go right we’ll go back to the entrance or return to the left side of the cave. We can take this path or this other one…” He points with his finger as he talks. “...if we take this one, we’ll reach the next area very soon. What do you think?”

“Let me see…” I get closer to him to inspect the map.

As he pointed out, we’re at a crossroads right now. Sort of. If we go right (west) we’ll find a bridge to the left side and a path to the entrance. If we go forward, we can go to the next area after a downward slope, or take the roundabout path above the cliff. We can also go left (east) and take the shortest path to the last tunnel that leads to the next area.

“I don’t think we need to take the long path around the cliff,” I say, pointing at it on the map. “Since we can’t fight the turtles, I don’t think there’s any reason to stay longer than needed. But there’s no need to leave yet, we can–”

“Why can’t we leave this place already?” Berta interrupts me, still hiding behind my back even after more than ten minutes without seeing a single turtle. “I don’t want them to come back…”

“Shush, stay quiet while the adults talk,” I cut her.

“I’m not a child!”

She puffs and pouts, but this time she doesn’t touch my horns. She doesn’t want me to run away and be left alone, without ‘protection’. I’m her ‘sacrificial shield’ to use in case of emergency, and she doesn’t want her shield to run away.

“Whatever…” I turn to Matta. “What do you say? The turtles won’t catch up if we go west. Maybe we can find something interesting.”

Matta quickly agrees to my proposal. “You’re right. We came to explore the unknown! It’d be lame to leave an area unvisited when there’s no risk involved. Let’s go west. To adventure!”

“To adventure!” I repeat.

“I just want to leave this place…” Berta grumbles and follows after us.

 

---

 

“Hey, look there!” Matta enthusiastically points at another of those rock formations. “Do you mind if we go there? I want to check if there’s something hidden in this one.”

This time, the rock formation is placed very close to the cliff, almost hanging over the lake. Given the uneven terrain and obstacles, it’ll take us some time to reach it and come back.

Berta flies in front of him. “Wait a moment! What are you thinking, you fool?” She says in a stern tone. “Don’t you know we don’t have time to waste? What do you think will happen if the turtles catch up? And what if it’s a trap, and we have to fight whatever is there plus the turtles at the same time? Are you crazy? Do you want to kill us!?”

“No, but… we came to discover the unknown, we can’t miss this opportunity…”

“No buts! Even if we survive, what do you think will happen if the turtles follow us into the next area? Isn’t it filled with narrow tunnels? We won’t be able to avoid the light beams once inside.”

“You’re right, but…” Matta lowers his head, downcast.

“Don’t worry, Matta,” I pat his shoulder. “There was nothing the first three times, I’m sure this is yet another fluke. We’re sure to find something interesting in the next area.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything.

“But man, what a surprise!” I make a nasty grin and approach Berta. She raises her guard but doesn’t run away. “Nice reasoning, Berta.” I put my hand on her head and tousle her hair. “Ow, our cute baby is growing up… Hahaha!”

She glares at me. “When are you going to stop treating me like a child?”

“When you grow up.”

Her face contorts in anger and pushes my hand away from her. Then, she makes a weird shout and rushes in my direction. “Aaagyeaaaaa!”

“Wait, it was a joke. A joke!” I run away, following the path, and she chases after me. “Not my horns! I hate it!”

“Aaaaamngyeeeaaaa!”

“Shit. Matta, do something!”

Matta sends one last glance at the rock formation before turning around and following after us. “I can always come another day… It isn’t the end of the world.” He shrugs.

“Berta, calm down. Let’s talk it, like proper adults.”

“Ah, so you treat me like an adult only when it’s advantageous to you, huh? I’m older than you, I’ll have to discipline you as a real adult!”

“No! Not my horns! I get dizzy every time you move my head like that!”

“Repent for your crimes!”

“Aaaaargh…” My life flashes before my eyes as she angrily twists my head around.

Why do I keep picking on her like that? Ah, yes… it’s because it’s too funny to see her reactions. She’s got a complex because of her flatness and short stature in real life, and every time I point out that her Champion is like her real self, she gets really angry. But she always smiles when she ‘punishes’ me, so… maybe she doesn’t hate it?

Now that I think about it, most female players who are obsessed with their looks would never pick a fairy as their Champion. They'll pick an elf or a demon because they can make them as beautiful and sexy as they want. Or an angel, I almost forgot about them.

But certainly not a fairy, which all look like kids. If you have a complex about your lack of chest, picking a child-like Champion isn’t going to solve it any time soon. This is why I never expected Berta to like this one.

Dwarves are too short and orcs are too muscular. The undead have parts of their skin and meat rotting or falling off, not a very pleasant sight. Humans can also be sexy and beautiful, but since most of their units wear heavy armor, it’s hard to notice when they wear their helmets and thick breastplates.

Then there are the animal-like characters like the werebeast, the dragonborn, and the mermaids. They can be beautiful and sexy if you want, but if you get attracted by their animal parts… you have another kind of problem.

As for the other factions, don’t get me started on stuff like the Abyss or the Amorphous. They barely qualify as humanoids!

So yes. I’m surprised Berta doesn’t want to play as one of the three ‘beautiful’ races instead of using a fairy.

As I muse to myself while being tormented by her, we reach the entrance to the next area. A natural hole in the wall, surely excavated by water a long time ago.

“Berta, stop!” I shout. “We’ve reached the entrance. We must focus now.”

“Alright…” She reluctantly releases my horns and stands on my side. “Where does this purple light come from? From the walls themselves?”

See this? She’s trying very hard to hide her smile. Is she doing everything on purpose? To feign having a complex so she can ‘punish’ me later?

“Who knows?” I shrug. “This is a dungeon, so it’s possible. Mine too has parts with ambient light.”

“Heee… heee…” Matta pants as he comes closer. “Why did you run so fast? I had trouble keeping up…”

Berta sends his fat belly a pitying look. Don’t be rude, lady! You didn’t move a finger either, as you were latched on my horns the whole time. If you had to fly that fast all the time, you too would be panting like him!

Matta takes a long breath before taking his map out. “This part is extremely convoluted. I hope we don’t get lost…”

“Keep an eye on the map, Matta,” I say. “Berta and I will take charge of everything else.”

“Yes, leave it all to me, the oldest one! I’ll keep an eye on our surroundings and on the blockhead.”

Annoyed, I knock on her head. In response, she sticks her tongue out and smiles at me. “Why? Did I say a lie…?”

This girl… I clench my fist one more time, but she’s quick and hides behind Matta.

“This is where we are now, so this means we can go this way…”

“Before we continue,” I interrupt his thoughts. “Matta, you wanted to find something interesting, right? This is where there were those warnings about mushrooms, right? We can start by solving this mystery.”

“You’re right!” He exclaims. “Then, the shortest path to one of those signals is… This way! Let’s go, team! To adventure!”

“Oooh! To adventure!” I repeat.

We start walking in the direction he points.

Berta waits for us to get a few steps away until we can’t see or hear her anymore. Then, she says, with a face distorted by shame. “... to adventure!”

 

“It isn’t a wise decision to explore every single corner of a dungeon the first time you go inside it. Unless you don’t fear death and don’t mind being screwed over a bad decision, the first time you go into any dungeon you should keep to the path and fight your way through the normal encounters.

Then, after clearing it once, go back into it and search for every possible secret. If it’s a good dungeon, you’ll be amazed at how different it feels. And since it’s the second time you go inside it, you won’t have to worry about the basic monsters and traps, or the dungeon layout. You’ll be free to explore as you wish.”

- Tip from an experienced DMA player to newer players.