Fortunately, the Kittpey situation resolves fairly easily. …Well, you do end up having to hold her back a little, but when you explain again that Umeso isn’t the one who bullied you and that they were in fact comforting you, Kittpey finally eases up. She still tries to interrogate the two of you (as you thought, she cannot see Ruem) about who actually did it, but Umeso is able to claim that they were not around to witness it, while you insist that you don’t know the person’s name. This clearly does not satisfy your protective friend, and after a begrudging “thanks'' she dismisses Umeso with a “now get lost, nerd.” Something tells you the real Ruem would’ve cackled at that.

Once Umeso is gone, Kittpey frets over you a while longer. You imagine the real Ruem would be irritated by this, but you find that you don’t mind a very cute girl touching and worrying over you, even if you are also a cute girl right now. Well, in the body of one, anyway. Would it make a difference if you were in a guy’s body? Of course it would, she wouldn’t be touching you at all then because why would she, why would anyone. Why touch men when you can touch women, right? Though it’s not like she’s touching with like, romantic intent or anything, she thinks you’re her friend of many years and— Ugh, this situation is a lot and always throws your head for a loop when you dwell on it. Time to stop thinking!

Eventually Kittpey asks if you feel up to attending your afternoon class, and you figure you might as well, if only to get your mind focused on something else. You only recently dropped out of college back on your own world, so getting back into the rhythm of daily classes should prove easy enough. Kittpey is kind enough to escort you to said afternoon class, and though you consider holding her hand again, you decide not to push your luck. The two of you are just friends, afterall, and if she knew who you really were you wouldn’t even be that and oh no you’re spiraling again.

The afternoon class ends up being a math course. Apparently even magic school students have to learn math. You’ve always been decent, if not great at the subject, but also this is alien math, and though it’s similar to what you know, it’s just different enough to trip you up time and time again.

Hours later, after Kittpey escorts you back to your room and finally says her goodbyes, Umeso returns, and the two of you (plus an unhelpful Ruem) form a gameplan going forward. You will attend classes and learn what you can from them, and in the evenings Umeso will teach you the fundamentals of magic, eventually working up to astral projection. Umeso does not actually know how to use that specific kind of magic, but Ruem claims she can teach them. The look you and Umeso share makes it clear that neither of you actually expect the little orb to be a remotely useful tutor.

Your only worry about the plan is Kittpey, given how clingy she had proven to be. But the next day proves your fears unfounded. Your blonde friend’s attitude cools significantly overnight, and for the rest of the day she seems to land somewhere in the middle between how she was when you first met and how she was after you cried in her arms. You miss the kinder side of her, though it does occasionally poke through. And having talked to Ruem yourself, you can understand why Kittpey would be slow to fully trust again.

The week, which apparently comprises six days in this world, passes quickly. With a search through Ruem’s room, you’re able to find a class schedule, so you don’t have to rely on Kittpey to get everywhere on time, and over the course of the next few days, you also allow yourself to explore campus more thoroughly. There are many buildings scattered across the nearly kilometer-wide campus grounds, separated by fields of grass, rows of bushes and pathways of cobblestone. Trees also dot the landscape here and there. Aside from your dorm building and a nearby cafeteria, most of the buildings house classrooms and teacher offices,  though there’s also a library and a theatre on the other side of campus. Smack-dab in the middle of campus, a giant building sits, filled with a welcome center, study rooms, meeting spaces, and even ballrooms. This building in particular is ostentatious in design, with gothic architecture, stain-glass windows, and towers more appropriate on a cathedral than a school building. Outside of your curiosity, you haven’t actually had much reason to go there so far, but from what you can tell it is the central hub of the whole school, and perhaps the town next to it as well, given the number of people passing through the front gate to access it.

But for the most part, you’ve spent your time in the smaller buildings, attending various classes. You have, however, struggled to learn from those classes, even if most of your teachers are better at holding your attention than Professor Spakle managed to be. Instead, your main fount of knowledge proves to be Umeso, both in regards to magic, and other matters.

The magic you have found surprisingly difficult. Beyond the effort required to do it in the first place, there is also the fact that most spells involve complicated and precise hand movements. The magic thread has to be looped around itself into patterns for most spells, and that’s before you get to the fact that you can use anywhere from one to four fingers, which affects the amount of energy you put into the spell and how powerful it can ultimately be. It’s not like she’s even teaching you anything super cool, like how to make a fireball. No, for that you would apparently need to go to a ‘martial magic school’, which this is apparently not. Instead you are putting all this effort in just to learn things like… changing the color of a leaf from green to purple. Kind of neat, but not terribly impressive. And it still takes you like five tries and leaves you sweating!

Less frustrating are the things Umeso has told you about themself, the world, and the spirits they see everywhere. For instance, you learn that the big burly guard you occasionally see stomping around campus is named Karvin, he is a construct made out of stone, and he exists to prevent students from messing around with the sorts of magic that might hurt themselves or others if used improperly. You learn that unlike you and Kittpey, Umeso actually lives off-campus, in the town outside, which is apparently named “Gillicurt.” But most importantly, you learn about the spirits that Umeso can see and interact with. Though a small number of spirits have always existed in Idresta, there has been a huge influx of them the past few years, apparently hailing from different worlds. All of those worlds were destroyed, just like yours.

Hearing Umeso state that so clearly makes it more real to you, which breaks a dam you didn’t realize you’d built inside. The tears come fast and hard and Umeso is very kind to let you sob into their shoulder a little bit. Ruem even has the good graces to keep her mouth closed. Afterward you feel a bit irritated with yourself, though. You swear you didn’t cry so easily in your old body.

On a different day, you ask if it’s always loud for Umeso, with all the souls around. After they make a deadpan jab at Ruem’s expense, getting a laugh from you but not the grumpy ball, Umeso explains that no, actually, most of the souls are silent. They say that most of the lost souls are “inactive”, just drifting around with no rhyme or reason, and ignoring any attempts to interact. Umeso speculates that they are not “aware” in this state. As for the souls they have talked to, they hail from many different worlds, and Umeso has only ever talked to each individual once. Aside from Ruem, who has stubbornly remained at Umeso’s side, all the spirits seem to have a strong wanderlust, so Umeso has never seen the same one more than once.

This prompts you to ask if Ruem was so clingy with Umeso before she lost her body, the answer to which is a firm “no.” They were apparently not friends before, and claim to not be friends now, either.

“Like I would be friends with a dweeb like them.”

Choosing not to interrogate that hornet’s nest further, you wonder aloud how Umeso is able to talk to people from so many different worlds, curious if perhaps the spirits just magically know how to speak the Idrestian language. Shaking their head, Umeso tells you that the spirits actually don’t speak the native language at all, Umeso just uses a translation spell. Actually in awe for once, Ruem remarks that translation magic is “real hard”, and Umeso proudly states that they learned directly from Professor Spakle themself.

Outside of learning magic, there proves to be one major roadblock to the progression of your week. On the fifth day of your existence as Ruem, a mousy kid with a loud mouth sidles up to you in the afternoon and gives you a verbal message.

“Radestro wants ta know where ya’ve been. Hasn’t seen ya for days, thinks maybe ya’re hurt or somethin’. Says he’ll break inta the school ta rescue ya if ya don’t meet him outside the gate.” Looking you in the eyes for the first time, the kid says, “That’ll be five quardnem.”

Trying to ignore the pit that’s formed in your stomach, and assuming that’s a form of currency, you say, “Really? He expects me to pay that?”

“...Uh, yeah. Sure,” the kid says, breaking eye contact.

“I’m not giving you anything.”

“Can’t blame a guy for tryin’! Bye, toots!” he says, scurrying away.

Even that mystifying final word choice can’t distract you from the wave of doom that crashes over you. Part of you had hoped you could ignore the problem forever, but deep down you knew that would never work. Sighing, you stand up straight and march toward the gate, determined. To do what, exactly? You still aren’t quite sure. Break up with him? Ruem will hate you for it. But then again, she doesn’t exactly love you as it is, and the feeling is mutual. So does it really matter what she wants, as long as you’re the one stuck in her body? You sigh and slump, coming to a stop. Kinda, yeah. Even with as nasty as Ruem is, there’s a part of you deep down that desperately wants every person you come into contact with to like you. That includes Ruem. It even includes Radestro, to an extent. Oh, shit you were kinda mean to that kid a moment ago, huh? Does he hate you now? Should you go find him and apolo— You shake your head. You don’t even have whatever it was he wanted. But if you did…

You sigh. That’s the thing that really has you scared — your people-pleasing nature. Despite how much you personally detest Radestro, you don’t actually want him to detest you. It isn’t even about how him hating “you” would hurt Ruem, since he would think it was her. It’s that it would be, on some level, a rejection of you, since without you in the picture it sounds like Radestro and Ruem would continue getting along just fine. And you can’t handle that rejection. You would do… you don’t know what you would do to avoid it. And that terrifies you, because there are a great many things you do not want to do with Radestro, and yet, can you trust that you won’t?

Shaking your head, you slap your cheeks, straighten your back and press onward. If you can’t handle the thought of rejection and you also can’t handle being physically intimate with a man, you’ll just have to find a middle ground. You’ll make him like you even if he can’t have what he wants. Somehow. Surely.

The gate looms as you approach it. Radestro isn’t visible yet; maybe he’s around the corner or something. You arrive at the large iron bars, and take a deep breath. Reaching out, you press your palm against the cold metal and push. With a creak, the gate swings fully open, despite the small amount of pressure you applied. Probably magic. You take a step out and immediately wince as someone nearby yells.

“My dear! You are alive!!” Radestro is approaching at a jog from your right, arms open wide. You turn and hold up your hand in a wave and also, you hope, a subtle sign that you’d rather not embrace. But you should have known that Radestro is incapable of noticing subtlety. He wraps his arm around you and squeezes tight, pressing you against his partially-bare chest. Why does he wear such low-cut tops beneath his vests??  Hair touches your face and you try not to gag. You’ve always hated chest hair, for some reason. Always shaved the stuff off, even if it was short and wispy. You wish all men did, frankly, especially this one.

He finally sets you down, and you take another full breath. This is already proving difficult.

“So my messenger found you! Excellent!” Radestro says, beaming. Then a look of worry overtakes him. It feels fake, but so does everything else he says and does. “But whatever has kept you from my side, dear girl? What foul fiend hast kept these two star-crossed lovers apart?”

Hast? Also you’re pretty sure “star-crossed” doesn’t mean whatever he thinks it means. But you can’t get caught up in his tryhard word choices. He expects an answer, and you have yet to think of one. Trying to answer quickly, you go with what you told Kittpey: “Well, I’ve been busy, but also… someone was nasty to me the other day. It kinda messed me up.”

“Messed you up? What did they say?” He seems more confused than concerned, head tilting slightly to the side.

“They called me a pervert.”

“Hah!” You stare, incredulous, trying to wrap your head around the fact that he just literally laughed in your face. Raising a brow, he smirks and says, “Well aren’t you, really? Aren’t we both?” He waggles his eyebrows, but when you don’t return his good humor, he affects a minutely more somber expression. “I mean, it was rude of this person, certainly. I suppose I just didn’t expect it to… bother you so?”

Right. If you were actually Ruem, it probably wouldn’t, huh? Already you’re blowing this! He can see right through you, he knows something is wrong, and he’s going to hate you if you can’t get it together. Noticing your breath has caught, you force yourself to breathe normally, trying desperately to calm your inner turmoil. It takes a few seconds, but once you’re thinking more clearly, you realize: Ruem would still have been bothered if someone said that to her, wouldn’t she. You’ve been around her enough lately to know. But she wouldn’t be bothered for the same reasons as you.

“Ugh, it’s just, the audacity of the bitch! Talking that way to me?” You cross your arms, doing your best impression of what you imagine Ruem’s sneers would look like if there were more facial features involved. A glance at Radestro tells you this attempt to act the part is working swimmingly, so you press on. “I punched her in the nose for it, of course, and then I got in trouble for it. That’s where I’ve been.”

With a deep, resounding laugh, Radestro claps hands to the sides of your arms. “Hah, of course you did! My wild wonder of a woman. I’m sure you taught her a lesson she’ll never forget!” He leans in to kiss you, and despite how much you’d rather pull away, you let his lips meet yours. You even try to push back into it a little, to show some enthusiasm rather than the revulsion that’s actually washing over you. He pulls back after what was probably a few seconds but felt like hours, still grinning. You force yourself to grin back. There has to be a way you can stop him from doing that again, though. “It’s a tragedy that your triumph kept us apart for so long, but I imagine such sweet victory was almost worth it.”

“Almost!” you say with a laugh you hope is believable. A thought flits through your head, one that might free you from the threat of further kissing, and you leap upon it. “As much as I hate it, tho, we probably shouldn’t do much more of that. Think I’m coming down with something, wouldn’t want you to get it.”

A strange look passes over his face, but is soon replaced by a smirk. “Ah, yes, wouldn’t want to share your sick with me again, hm? The first few times were enough to satisfy your devious little heart?”

How does Ruem’s unpleasantness still manage to surprise you? “Hah, yeah, I figure you’ve finally had enough.”

“Your thoughtfulness is appreciated,” he says, with a bow that you think is supposed to be over-the-top this time. He straightens back up, then says, “But you are free of whatever punishment has kept you away now, yes?”

“Yeah, but…” His smile drops away into a pout. You’re nearly certain he was going to try to ask you to go do something with him, but there is no way you’re going to allow that to happen. “I’ve gotta go back. Kittpey’s been getting on my ass about studying lately, which you know I’d usually blow off—” He nods. “—but if I don’t pass next week’s test, I might flunk, and I don’t wanna get kicked out of here, you know?”

Though he’s clearly not happy about it, Radestro nods his head. “Yes, I suppose that’s fair. And if you were just recently in trouble, too, best not give them more reasons to cast you aside.”

“You get it. Knew you would, babe, you’re so fuckin’ smart.” Though you could have easily made that sentence drip with sarcasm, you think you did an excellent job making it sound sincere. The return of Radestro’s ever-present grin seems to agree.

“Flattery will get you everywhere, my dear. Such a shame you’re under the weather, or I’d prove it to you.” He winks.

Via herculean effort, your smile never falters. “Yes, a shame.”

“Well, if you must go, you must go,” he says, with a dramatic sigh. “When will I be able to gaze upon your gorgeous visage once more, my queen?”

If someone like Kittpey or Umeso or even Ruem called you that, you think you would have liked it. Which is weird, right? Shouldn’t you want to be called ‘king?’ Pushing the thought aside, you say, “Hopefully in a couple of days? It’s hard to escape Kittpey’s grasp.”

“The girl has always been clingy, it’s true.” With a shrug, he moves forward and wraps his arms around you again. You put your arms around him too, giving a soft squeeze. Hugging is much easier to manage than kissing. Pulling back, he gazes into your eyes. “Until next we meet, my dear.” Then he takes your hand, kisses it, and walks away.

Well you were right, the encounter was difficult, and not accomplished without sacrifice. The feeling of his bristles around your mouth still lingers, prompting you to wipe at the area to remove it. Doesn’t work as well as you hoped. Turning, you walk back onto campus, relieved that the more distance you put between yourself and Radestro, the easier he is not to think about. Instead your mind starts to drift to a different problem you’ve been having, albeit a much more pleasant one. Your dreams.

Though you’d started off barely remembering them, at this point you clearly remember every dream you have of the mysterious red-eyed woman. They sit in your mind more like memories than dreams, and despite them always ending in a strange sort of dissolution of self, you think of these memories as pleasant. There are other, far less pleasant dreams that you also keep having, but they leave you with only vague impressions of terror and light. Blinding light. You’d rather not dwell on those. Instead you reflect on your experiences with the red-eyed goddess as you head back to your dorm, a soft smile creasing your lips.

Each dream starts more or less the same. You stand or hover somewhere far away from the woman, observing her as she goes about her day. Eventually, she notices you, looks your way, and you disintegrate and wake up. Only… after the first few times, something changes. The woman starts to notice you, but instead of directly looking your way, she sees you out of the corner of her eye and then doesn’t look directly at you. She continues whatever she is doing, now aware of your presence, but seemingly unbothered by it. The idea that this gorgeous woman would welcome your presence even the tiniest amount makes you feel like you could walk on air even outside the dreamworld.

There’s been a problem, though. Your dream woman has seemed more and more distressed and unhappy each time you’ve seen her. Aside from her eyes, she’s always been too far away for you to make out the rest of her face, but her feelings are clear from her body language. More and more you’ve witnessed her slouching, or gripping the sides of her arms, or, when alone, curled up in the corner of the room. It’s distressing, but try as you might you’ve proven incapable of speaking to her. And you think it goes both ways. Though you can never see them, you’re able to feel when other people are in the room. But more than once when the woman has been alone and notices you there, she’s started bobbing her head, like she does when she talks. You’ve been unable to hear a word, but you can tell your presence, for some reason, lifts her mood. Though you can do little but float and stare at her, she… appreciates it, somehow. The thought confuses and delights you in equal measure.

Pushing open the door to your room, you enter, close it, and plop down in bed. Though you were never much of a napper in your previous body, you’ve been napping at least once a day in Ruem’s. Have you actually been so sleepy? Not really. You just want to see the dream woman again. Plus it’s a good way to pass the time between your afternoon classes and Umeso’s training sessions.

Snuggling under the covers, you eagerly drift off to sleep.

~~~

The woman is crying. It tears your heart apart to see, but she is curled up in a ball on her tiny bed and sobbing. Despite knowing you can’t move, you reach out, wanting to do something, anything to stymie the tears. Your arm muscles burn from the strain as you reach, reach reeeaaach… but no, you can’t move. You can’t do anything. Despair floods your mind, and you futilely flail, holding back tears of your own.

Her head pops up, turning your way, and— she stops. But she’s noticed you, you’re sure of it. Sitting up a little straighter, she wipes at her face, no doubt covering her long white sleeves with tears and snot. Then she holds her hands up, facing them toward you more directly than her face. Dropping one, she moves the other in a repeating pattern, like she’s…

You gasp. She’s signing something at you!! But… but you don’t know sign language! Shit! You stare at her hand, willing yourself to understand despite your lack of knowledge. It’s a simplistic movement, so probably a simplistic idea? Palm flat, she touches her chin, then extends her hand out and down. Rinse and repeat.

She… wants to speak? She wants you to speak? If only you could. Or maybe she wants you to appreciate her chin? You can hardly see it from here, unfortunately. Ugh, you just don’t know what she’s saying. You should’ve learned some basic sign back on your own world.

Frustrated, you give an exaggerated shrug. Her hand movements stop, and she looks at you more directly. As your body once more dissolves to nothing, she waves.

~~~

You wake up with one thought on your mind: it’s time to learn sign language.