Meanwhile, back in Luna land…

 

A flamingo stood on one leg in a cubicle with a cute little headset on her head. A pink crystal sat on a desk in front of the office-worker bird.  Her shift just started.  The nameplate on the edge of the cubicle said ‘Mufi’.  Several scroll cases, parchments and other documents were put in a reciprocal on her desk. A pink-feathered quill and inkwell were placed next to them.  Mufi regarded the documents.  

She worked in the magical girl relations department.  When a magical girl went off on a quest, sometimes she was placed in the awkward position of not being able to handle things back up.  Rather than stress out magical girls with mundane things, the relations department would take care of stuff on their behalf.  This included: responding to correspondence, paying bills, and property management.

Mufi opened a scroll with her beak and read it.  A local lord was requesting a marriage interview with a magical girl who had been ported to another world.  Mufi pulled out a blank parchment, penned an answer that she would not be able to attend in the cutest,most polite manner possible.  She then placed it in the outgoing box hanging from the cubicle.  It magically vanished seconds later.

“That one was easy.” Mufi liked an easy start to her day.

She was preparing to open the next piece of correspondence when the crystal started flashing.

“Hmm, some kind of farspeak spell?  Who is the client?” Mufi said to herself.  

Holographic words hovered over the glowing gem:  Caller- Capitol None, Recipient - Alex Parker

She answered the crystal. “Hello, you have reached the desk of Mufi on behalf of…”

A robotic voice cut her off. “This is the accounts overdue department. Your balance of $1000 with corresponding interest of late fees is past due. Please press one to be transferred to our automatic payment center.”

“Um, hello what does press one mean?” Mufi tried.

“This is the accounts overdue department…” The robotic voice repeated itself.

“You are not even a person, just a voice box.” Mufi said with annoyance.

Not wanting to deal with the rude mage who set up a farspeak spell but wouldn’t even be there to talk, she cut off the connection.

Mufi took out another scroll case and set it on her desk before the crystal activated again.

“Hello?” She said timidly.  It looked to be another call for Alex Parker.

“We are calling in regards to your vehicle’s extended warranty.” A non-human voice said.

“Are you a real person?” Mufi said, but the call kept talking over her.  She disconnected that one as well.

Another call came minutes later. “This is Jeep vehicle finance calling in regards to your overdue account, press one to be transferred or stay on the line to talk to an agent.”

“I guess this one is a golem as well but maybe I’ll get a real person after this.” Mufi waited.

“Jeep vehicle finance to whom am I speaking?” A female voice asked.

“Finally, a real person. I’m Mufi.” The flamingo said.

“Miss Mufi, do you have the account number?  I don’t have anyone with that name in our records.” The lady said in a bored tone.

“Um, no?  I’m not really sure what this is about.  You called me.” Mufi sounded frustrated.

“Hmm, the system says that this call went to Alex Parker.  Is this not his number?” The lady said, voice devoid of emotion.

“Yes, he’s my client.” Mufi hoped she was getting somewhere.

“Is he there can you give him the phone?  There is no one else on the account so I can’t disclose any information.” She continued, sounding lifeless.

“No, he is not taking any calls right now but I can help with settling his debts.” She tried to not be annoyed.

“I’m afraid if you are not on the account I can’t disclose any information.  Can I help you with anything else?” It didn’t sound like a question.

“I’d like to pay on his behalf, how can I do that?” Mufi tried.

“That cannot be done unless he adds you to the account.  He can do that by calling customer service, or using our online portal.  Is there anything else I can help with?” She monotoned.

“Look, I just want to pay on his behalf?  Why are you making this so difficult?” Mufi said, exasperation in her voice.

“Thank you for choosing Jeep finance.” *CLICK*

“Ugh, so rude.  Where is Alex even from?” Mufi pecked the crystal, bringing up Alex’s information.  Apparently he was from a country called Canada on a planet called Earth.  Mufi had never heard of that planet before.

The crystal rang again.  “Hello, this is first canuck mortgage calling in regards to your past due balance…”

Mufi hung up.  She threw up her wings and walked over to her manager’s cubicle.

“Why am I getting all of these really rude farspeaks?” She demanded.

“Oh, so you are the one they gave the Parker account to.” Manager-flamingo regarded Mufi.

“What does that have to do with anything?  And the question?” Mufi stomped.

“Well, the last person who had the Parker account threatened to quit so I transferred it over to you.” Manger said, not acting like it was a big deal.

“Dealing with them is impossible.  How am I even supposed to do my job?” She fumed.

The Manager sighed.  “That is exactly what the last person who had the account said.”

“And you thought it would be different if you just gave it to me?” She demanded.

“Well, it seemed like the quickest way to solve the problem.  I don’t want to lose a good employee.”  Manager said.

“You are the boss, find a way to fix this!” She squawked. The fact that the crystal a few cubicles down at her desk kept flashing and beeping didn’t help with her mood.

“Fine, I but I’m doing you a favor.  I hate dealing with the escalation department.” Manger waved her away with a wing.

Some time later…

A magical girl with a space-themed outfit sat down with the manager bird.  “So you can’t actually communicate to pay the fees?  This place Alex is from is called earth?”

The manager nodded.

“What have we done on Earth in the past to support magical girls who come from there?” She asked.

“Well that is the thing.  Alex is the first magical girl from earth.  His familiar Fufi opted for the randomized portal program and ended up on that planet.” Manager explained.

“Ugh, this is going to be one of those cases where we have to deal with the local divinity isn’t it?  You know I hate doing that.  Why do you have to ruin my day?”  She looked at a case file and furrowed her brow.

“Miss cosmos, I don’t want to deal with this anymore than you do.” Manager said.

Magical girl Cosmos shot him a glare.

“I’ll be back after going to earth and seeing what kind of an arrangement can be made so we can knock this all out at once and not offend any of the locals.  We already got an approval from the local deity to take Alex but the only stipulation was that no mind control could be involved.  It lacks details about acceptable ways to deal with his debts.” She groaned and pointed at the offending paper.

Magical girl Cosmos was able to come up with a compromise. Plan, quick and dirty, was acceptable.  

Back on Earth…

“This is new channel 3 with breaking news.”  A new anchor was on TV with a smoldering heap in the background. “Eye witnesses report a meteor strike destroyed the house of Alex Parker and left a crater that took out a dozen acres including the cabin he lived in.”

The shot shifted to a Mountie. “Do you know if Alex Parker was in the cabin when the meteor struck? Was anyone inside?”

“Our rescue crews are checking out the scene but no one seems to be there.  We pulled the phone records of Alex and he hasn’t been around for two months.  We talked to his coworkers and they haven’t seen him.” The mountie said.

“So is Alex Parker a missing person?” The journalist thrust the mic back at him.

“Unclear, some people say his phone is still active but we haven’t been able to get in contact with him.” The mountie said.

One of the firefighters sprayed down the fire enough to get a closer look at the meteor.  “Is that whole thing gold?!  What is with the shape?  That meteor looks like a giant heart?!”

The journalist and cameraman rushed right next to the police line.  A giant golden heart sat in the bottom of the crater.

“Whoa we could be rich with this.” One greedy firefighter said….on camera.

The mountie yelled loudly. “Don’t anyone get any ideas.  This is private property and that golden heart belongs to the property owner.”

It wasn’t long before all kinds of lawyers and anyone who Alex Parker owned money started to go nuts.  The golden heart case caught the eyes of the public.  It made the national news.

Back on Terre…

“Lets see, 20,000 feet that should be low enough to keep it from hitting any mountains but high enough to keep flyers away.  Create atmosphere, anti gravity… check”  The magical girl waved her wand around and the chunk of rock and dirt had a nice low altitude orbit. On the floating island sat a log cabin, a large metal shed, and a jeep. “It got rattled a little bit.  But if the dishes broke it was because they were not secured for zero gravity so it can’t be helped.  It was enough to fetch that odd metal carriage when it tried to float off into the void.”

“I’m supposed to be retired.  They said this was a desk job.  Anyway, I’ll tell the manager to just cut off any collectors.  They can take their share of the gold and Alex can just come back to his cabin when she gets a chance.”  She nodded and portaled back to the moon.