*****

"I'm… tired…" 

It felt… suffocating. Looking at Mia's torn, dried, and dead arm. As it wobbled from her shoulders. They carried her away, to wherever she's safer, to wherever except near me. 

Aahaa~, you've gone and done it now…

A sudden familiar voice speaks to me in my mind. Mocking me, laughing at me. 

This voice… Jake?

How mean of you, to call me as Jake. Don't tell me you already forgot? I'm you! 

The voice continues to speak, it carried with it a delighted tone, contradicting the words that it was saying.

I'm sorry… I-

I was just about to respond but the voice, no, Jake interrupted me with his loud laughter.

That's just so like you! Always apologizing for the smallest shit, hahaha! How hilarious! Jake pauses. Then as if thinking, he continues. Or is it me? Well, does it matter? It doesn't, right..? Abhi?

The laughter that followed after I said my name brought chills down my spine. The coldness behind the voice, it's scary. 

Still though, you're damn pitiful! Well, as expected of me? 

…

But, pfft! To think you would be able to find us a family! So quick! And then lose it even quicker! I'm just too hilarious!

What do you mean?

Hm? Jake humms as if he doesn't understand. Ooh! That's how it is!

What is it?

You still think they'll accept you! That's hilarious! Even after all the damage you've done and caused? No way, no way!

But I… I'll fix it! I have my magic… I..! 

Give it up, Abhi… Give it up, Jake!

The sudden anger in my voice almost made my heart jump out of my chest.

Look around you! And then tell me what it is you see! Just so me, always unaware of what people around me feels…

I looked up, pulling my gaze away from the neatly wiped wooden floor that I haven't realized I've been staring at.

I looked at everyone's faces as they moved around panicking for Mia's safety. They were all frowning, angered, surprised and whenever someone would look at me they would look…

… Scared.

My eyes widen before I pulled my head back down, desperately hugging it with my thin arms. Just so I wouldn't have to look at everyone's faces. Their terrified expression makes me nauseous, it makes me want to throw up.

Was it really me that made them so…

Yes, of course it was. It was your fault. You were so desperate to show that you're worthy to stay here that you didn't even think about the consequences of everything, of anything.

I really didn't, did I?

Yes, that's right. Have you ever, huh Jake? Ever since coming into wherever the fuck this is, have you ever thought about consequences?

My thoughts brings me back to when I was kidnapped. When I was mindlessly playing with my magic despite my predicament.

I have never…

That's right, I'm Jake… I never think, I just do. And now, I've lost the place I've always dreamed of.

I've lost the right to stay, isn't that right?

Right, I shouldn't stay here anymore. I don't deserve to be here.

I stood up and took my apron off. The apron that Mia gave me, the apron that I no longer— no, that's right— it's the apron that I never deserved.

Besides, it'll be bad for business if I stayed. No one would want to be served food by a child that can burn a person alive with a single thought. 

I walked for the door, letting the terrified faces bleed beyond my vision and beelined for the door.

"Abhi? Where are you going?" 

Abhi? Right, that name… I don't deserve that too. I am no longer that, I was never her anyway. And Grand, someone like me will never deserve such a beautiful last name.

I'm just Jake, the undeserving.

Undeserving of your love, of your kindness, of your care. 

I made it to the door. Everyone was avoiding me, as expected. Even Syr, who was standing just beside the door, stepped away so she wouldn't be near me.

Their terrified whisper and mumbles, I hear them as if they're talking right next to me. 

Their hurried footsteps growing louder, their figures jogging away so that I'll maybe never bother with them.

Their shadows stretches, looking as though they're over me.

Their arms, raised towards me.

It hurts, I know I deserve this but it… still hurts…

Their pained expressions growing even more worried, scared. Of me. But I then realize. 

No… I don't deserve to feel hurt. It's only right. They're scared because of me, because of what I willingly did. I don't deserve to feel hurt. 

I opened the door, pushing away the invisible hands that held onto me, onto my shoulders, onto my hands. 

I don't deserve to feel attached to this place, so please, let go of me.

But the hands wouldn't let go. So I closed my eyes, pushing back the tears that doesn't deserve to fall out of my eyes. And ran, and finally feeling the hands letting go of me, I ran onto the streets. To wherever someone like me deserves to be.

I kept running, away from the pub. Away from the people I've wronged. Outside the gates. Pass the worried guard. Away from the concerned shouts of everyone. 

Into the woods, and into the mountains. Before I realized it, I was under the root of a tree. Hugging my legs to keep myself warm and to combat the cold that rain brought.

And there, I slept. Expecting to never open my eyes again, to just stop existing and forget about everything. Letting my forearm turn wet from the liquid that is escaping my eyes.

"I'm… tired…" 

*****