I retired to my room as it started to get dark, and I most definitely needed to check on Colin. He’d been alone since the morning and was probably a fair bit hungry. I closed the door behind me and walked over to his enclosure, he had ample amounts of water still, which was good. I walk to the cupboard and grab a lettuce from the cupboard, Guy regularly drops these off as I can’t go fetch them myself.

I grab a knife and begin tearing it apart, keeping two thirds of it for the next couple of days. I couldn’t wait for winter to be over so I could go picking Dandelions for him to eat. I took the chopping board and dumped the lettuce into a pile in his bowl, whilst clearly not as quickly as most animals would, he picks up the scent and slowly stumbles his way to the bowl to begin eating.

Watching Colin nowadays tended to give me an awfully retrospective mood, of times before I had that fateful encounter with the overloaded van. One of my lasting memories was when I first got Colin. I was twelve years old and he was such a tiny thing then, My Dad got me him as a present after a particularly straining argument with my mum. He took me on a secret trip to the pet store with no holds barred and I picked him out of a bunch of different turtles they had in stock. There was just something about his specific colouration that I really liked.

We also ended up buying an entire indoor enclosure for him too, which ended up taking a decent portion of my bedroom, but I didn’t mind. He was the only pet in the house, my mum was deathly allergic to most furry creatures and she hated them, even a slow moving and most definitely not ‘slimy’ tortoise was not much to her tastes at all, but Guy also ended up taking a liking to the tortoise. And with some gentle persuasion by my father, back when he had a spine, the little reptile was allowed to stay.

I had struggled coming up with a name for him though, I hadn’t any experience with pet ownership before like, just what were you supposed to call a pet? I had thought about it for days and days before I gave in and asked some of my friends in school. Some gave joke answers but one of them, a girl called Amelia, simply said: “just name him after your hero, or just something like you find in a magazine or something” Which sure was vague, but I went with it. Well kind of.

At the time I had been playing an older game, one of my Dad’s old collection from the 90s, a game called Colin McRae Rally. My Dad used to tell me all about his achievements, and his dogged determination and passion to perform at his best. I found it inspiring and whilst looking at the cover of the game case I had my own small eureka moment. My Turtle’s name was Colin, and while he might be not quite as fast as the real deal. He’d always remind me to give it my all.

I sighed, that was oh so many years ago, even with my fifteen year absence. I stroked his carapice like I did on the first night I was back. With him slowly munching away on his food, I stand and grab a bowl and some cling film from inside one of the kitchenette’s cabinets. I lift the chopping board and slide the remaining lettuce into it before cling filming over the top and wrapping it tight. I didn’t want it to go off or anything. I placed the bowl inside another empty cupboard and went to close the curtains so I could play some games before bed.

***

The heavy rainfall pounds the tarmac around me, turning and swirling and twisting down into the drainpipe that was a few metres from where I stood. It was dark and I could only see as far as the light produced by the street lamp above me protruded.

Lightless traffic pounded along the road, almost blinding me with the spray. I couldn’t move, I wanted desperately to move, to get away, to find an escape from the wind, the rain and the dark.

To the left and right there was no way out either, just pitch darkness. Then a street lamp across the road lit up, illuminating an open gate, beyond which I could see a building, down a short path. But between me and it, a writhing dark surge of metal, nearly invisible and certainly not slowing down. I take a gulp of air, as if you were about to plunge into water and step forwards-

I wake with such a rapid reaction that I knock my controller onto the floor with a dull thud, thankfully it was soft carpet and it shouldn’t have broke. Another nightmare, I shake my head vigorously. I want to forget it. I had changed into my pajamas before hopping into bed to play games, so at least I had been comfortable and hadn’t ruined anything I was going to be seen by people in.

I sigh, That one had been too real. It was very early in the morning and still dark out. I switch a bedside lamp on and gather myself before climbing out of bed. I had made a right mess of the quilt so I probably looked like a right state. My breathing was super ragged so I went to watch Colin to calm me down. He had perched himself underneath the heat lamp, as from my understanding turtles like to bask in the early morning. His little adorable black eyes glinting in the orange light. I practised taking some deeper and slower breaths to calm myself down.

I hate nightmares. They plagued me before this as well, ranging from earthquakes and other natural disasters to being hunted by something I couldn’t see. They woke me at night in cold sweats. I needed a hug or something. I went to grab my tablet and send a message of help to Erina, but of course it wasn’t there. I doubted she was awake at this early hour anyway but I still felt really disappointed by that. I sat there and scrolled through some of my Facebook, but this couldn’t keep my brain from revisiting the nightmare over and over so I gave up and went to go turn the game console off and just watch some TV.

Once I had found a decent channel that was showing something other than the news I rolled my bed quilt up and dove into it like a tent. After a couple of moments I was already feeling drowsy again, and quickly fell into a less troubled sleep.

***

It was mid afternoon when I woke, and I was instantly thankful that it was a day off today. I threw the quilt off and went to go have a shower and dress. I wanted to see Erina and shake off the last remnants of the depressive mood the nightmare had left me in originally. Plus I wanted to see her finished room in the light. I went down the hall and knocked on her door, I heard some shuffling around inside and the door opened wide.

“Afternoon Sylvie! You slept in. What's wrong?” I guess I was letting off negative vibes. I gestured for paper and she rushed off to grab some. I closed the door behind me and made myself at home sitting at her desk. She grabs some out of her bad and hands it to me alongside a pen.

Nightmare, it felt like I was going to be hit again.

“Hit again? By your parents?”

By a car. I guess I never told you how I croaked. Hehe, ribbit.

I gave her a weak smile, trying to make light of it. She stood there, mouth agape.

“I’m so sorry Sylvie…” she embraces me, even more passionately than last night. “You’ve been through so much pain and anguish” I didn’t tell her it was pretty much painless, but anguish...that was definitely true. I had compartmentalised my actual death. I guess, it was the issues I faced in my unlife that were more pressing and more worrying to me at the time.

“I’ll protect you. I swear it again and again. Even in your nightmares remember I’m there. Please?”

I will, thank you.