Giant trees, smoothly sculpted homes, red and beige shingles, bright glows raining down from above and warm lights shining from inside homes.

Leaves carpeting the ground everywhere aside from well-worn paths.

People unlike any I had ever seen, long ears, outworldly dresses and outfits both stylish and practical—

‘Though. Strange and unfamiliar to me, the outlier, but commonplace for them…’ I thought forlornly.

The first things I saw.

 

The perfume of flowers, lavender on sun-bathed cloth.

metal with a tint of oil, smoke of some sort of wood, dry leather.

…Baked pie? A fruit I don’t recognize

Everything accented by the light smell of earth.

The first things I smelled.

 

The song of birds, insects buzzing.

The soft chime of little bells, clothes ruffling.

The shifting winds on tall blades of grass, the far clinking of steel on steel.

Heartbeats, mine and others’, the white noise of blood flowing through my ears.

A shout, footsteps, running footsteps…

The first things I heard.

 

…The noise of dozens of people, the noise of dozens of people running towards me?—

Dozens of people were already charging towards here before I could notice them. They came from all directions, the trees, the bushes, the houses, one even literally popping out from inside a mountain of fallen leaves while tossing a broom aside with disconcerted amounts of unbridled glee.

‘Oh god –what?!– so many people –why are they coming here?!– How-who-Wait-wait—’.

 

Spooked, I doubled back and the first thing that came to mind was to hide behind the (still unnamed) Elf uncle. I quickly latch into his legs –’short, acting like a little kid’– and make myself as small as I can. I quietly note to myself that there’s a gash in his pants as I spot his bare skin underneath it.

The people, elves, of varying shapes, sizes and colors, are buzzing and speaking and talking around the three that are a little ahead of us.

My breath is caught up on my throat, I feel the uncomfortable warmth of sweat running up my neck.

I can feel their gazes slowly turning towards me.

Not understanding anything they say was already frustrating to me, but now how we are being loudly prodded and poked for answers to questions I simply cannot register amidst the noise…

 

I don’t like it. I’m nervous. Make them go away…

 

…I hide myself a little more.

 

Until it all could be over, I spent the whole time like this.

 

——— –– –– -- - -

 

I’m ushered forward while in a daze. The world a blurring haze around me as I tightly clutch a hand bigger than mine.

 

‘I would think that my years of experience would be a boon to have while in another world in… a younger body –this is not my skin, take it off. | You can’t.– I feel like I have only gotten worse. Anxiety? Shyness? Communication disorder? They are just some strangers hounding me with confusing words, there’s nothing wrong, it’s –should?– safe here. Was it the forest? The weeks of high strung stress and snapping insanity? The new body? The new world? Losing everything I had ever had and been?... –I want to go home. | Where is home?–’ My thoughts, confused and in disarray, go astray…

 

‘Have I already said this before? I don’t remember, it doesn’t matter anyway.’ My head stings. My tired eyes blur.

 

‘I am –who am I? | who will I be?– not well…’ I unclench my teeth, I hadn’t noticed I was grinding them, my jaw aches.

 

By the time I escape my spiral of negativity, I suddenly notice a hand being extended towards me, I instinctively place my hand on top of it without thinking.

 

There’s a moment of silence, I tilt my head.

 

My vision lapses ‘...Mom? —Wait, no this isn’t her, what am I doing?.’ I sigh internally, swallowing my tears. Where did this woman come from? I feel like I should be jumping away, surprised by her sudden appearance, but she feels like welcoming warmth and summer rain.

 

I see we’re finally gone and away from that swarm of people, the woman and the Elf uncle trade some words, their faces twisting and turning with expressions, is it good news? Bad news? I can’t tell, never was good with faces.

 

The trio behind me share some hushed banter from what I could guess from their tone of voice, whispers and short exclamations.

 

We’re promptly brought inside the… tent? Hut? Hollow? It looks both lived in and neatly assorted like an office, across the interwoven architecture of the roof and along a wall in the back was hundreds of glowing crystals, gems, and shiny things hanging down, tied together in a web of shimmering string that pulsed in a way I could only describe was with life.

 

‘...Pretty’.

 

The elfs had gotten over a whole report and heated discussion while I was distracted looking away.

 

I see the androgynous one of the trio raise his hand. “Cain. @#$███¨%$*⨊⫷⫸■■⨬#$%¨*⩗████████⩅■⫔” Was that his name?

 

“Gaviel, ⨬⩗!@██⫷⫸████#$$■■⨊$%¨*⩅██████⫷⫸██■⫔██████” My ears perk up. And I see the uncle responding to the call.

 

‘Gaviel…’ I don’t know what it means and it’s unfamiliarity further ascertained my thoughts on my ‘otherworlder’ status.

 

‘It’s… I see, it’s nice to meet you, even if this isn’t exactly a proper introduction between us’. Now that I think about it, I too, never had given him my name did I?

 

…Is it even proper to use my old name now? It isn’t［ me ］anymore.

 

——— –– –– -- - -

 

I squeeze my weird stick tightly, of all my ‘possessions’, aside the oversized shirt, it’s the only thing I could really call mine, that belonged to me. I brought it along with me during our travels, the elves didn’t question it much, but after bashing… god knows what and how many things around, it’s gotten a murky red sheen with hints of a silvery-gray over time, it’s gotten harder too, ‘Magic? Maybe? Who knows.’

 

‘We are crossing the scenic village now, going somewhere, me and the elf uncle— I mean… Gaviel, that’s his name.’ I have gotten used to using nicknames for him and the others, nicknames for a lot of other things I don’t properly know the name of too, I won’t get used to calling him by his actual name anytime soon.

 

While we aren’t getting people pile on us in merry excitement like at the start anymore, I can feel the curious gazes everywhere still, ‘are we being followed?’ I keep a wary eye out for anything around me, but don’t find anything of note. I’d use my unusually superhuman hearing, like I had done so before in the forest, but all the sounds in this town that flood my head drown any pinpointing I could do. I try to ignore the swarm of noises and stick to the range of things I would hear as an ordinary human. ’I wonder when I stopped thinking of myself as one.’

We arrived by a building built near the river, –’where is this river coming from?’– looking closer I see that the water flow is being diverted towards a pool further inside the wooden structure.

Entering inside, Gaviel handed me off to an old lady that was manning the counter, saying something about “stay” and “clothes” from the few words I caught on. She’s tinkering around with what looks like… paper charms? With stamped flowers and herb looking plants.

 

Then she said something towards me, was it a question? A greeting? ‘woman, I do not speak your language.’

They both traded odd looks, and a short comment from Gaviel made her face twist similar to that woman whose hand I shook before.

They went back and forth for some time, during which I absentmindedly fiddled with Uncle’s loose holster’s straps, at some point when I wasn’t looking he had shed off the backpack and the whole assortment of gear and knick knacks, now without the heavy cloak and other things in the way, he is only wearing a simple shirt, pants and boots combo along with a harness, which I assume it’s used to firmly secure all that stuff he lugged around.

 

Eventually they finished their short talk and the old lady started to gently goad me to come with her. I looked back with a conflicted face to Gaviel. 

 

My hands shake.

 

‘B-but, I don’t want to go…’ I stop.

Thinking back, I flush, realizing how uncharacteristically clingy I became to another man, ‘like I was some kind of lost… child…’ I gulp down the sourness in my throat, what is done is done, being conflicted about the strangeness of my feelings doesn’t make them any less real.

 

‘A-ha, ahaha…’

 

‘S-since I am, outwardly apparently, a small kid already. What’s wrong with acting a little my age?’ I reason. Disregarding my anxiety-afflicted breathing and steadily crumbling psyche.

 

He gestures to me to go on with a smile on his face, I close my eyes and try to assure myself. ‘You are a grown person. Why are you scared? Where does it come from? Why does your heart ache? What is wrong?’ I think to myself…

 

I already knew the answers.

 

‘This isn’t the cold and damp forest, you don’t have to twitch at every passing sound in panic.’

‘This isn’t a road, where you can get your skull and ribcage crushed before you notice.’

‘This isn’t a city, where every step you take is dissected and put up to judgment. There is nothing in this world that holds power over you. You are free.’

‘This isn’t your world, sad as it is, nothing you have ever done or known can be reapplied here without questioning everything to its core, you are the only that is beholding yourself to standards that, as far as you are aware, do not exist here. You are unshackled.’

‘This is a town, a beautiful, peaceful, village, away from the dark places, away from the sharp fangs, away from the disgusting substances I forced myself to eat. This is where the guys that saved your sorry ass live.’

‘They protected you, carried you so far, they wouldn’t stop now all of a sudden.’

 

‘Here is safe. Here, you are not alone.’

 

My hands… are steady.

 

In a small fit of shamelessness, of honesty. I run back and give him a quick, tight, hug, turning around and away right at the next moment. He has a surprised face when he haphazardly waves at me as I walk further inside with the old lady.

 

I wave a short bye back to him. Without noticing, a smile forms on my face.

 

——— –– –– -- - -