Loogman hopped through the town he’d destroyed. He was back in his own world for a quick errand. This time, the errand didn’t involve visiting Hank’s Hardware or the well. Nope, he was hopping towards Sigl’s Corner Store, at least, what was left of it.

Jumping over the ankle-high wall that used to be…well…a wall. He hopped across the decimated storefront. In a pile of shattered glass and beef jerky, he found what he was looking for: Aviator’s brand sunglasses.

His traveling companion, Eta was typically bright-eyed and cheery, except most guys would probably overlook the latter stunned by the former. Eta was just a touch too bright-eyed, murderously so. Her insidiously black hair matched her eyes and that would be a problem in public. Even Loogman knew that.

He figured a snazzy pair of shadings would cover up her eyes quite well, and Aviator’s brand was top of the corner store line. That meant they were the best of the best; that was what all corner stores were supposed to carry. The book said so.

Snatching up a pack of beef jerky as well, Loogman returned through his portal and rejoined Eta and her…bundling…in the desert.

Right now, they were smack in the middle of the sprawling wilderness, flat as far as he could see without a feature in sight. According to Dragon, they just had to follow the setting sun to find the camp of plants he recommended.

Anything that would fix Eta. She was not doing well, not at all.

Loogman hopped over and handed her the bag of beef jerky.

“Oh! I am a little peckish,” she said through her dwindling cheek fat.

Very carefully pinching the bag with her index finger and thumb, she ripped it apart.

‘That poor bag.’

‘It never had a chance.’

‘Progress, right? At least she knows she’s strong now.’

‘Best file those nails next. Not everyone is as…tolerant as you.’

Loogman agreed with himself. Her nails were not decorations.

At least, he had his pointy stick back. Okay, it was actually a bird-feeder stand he found in Hank’s Hardware, from a time back when his world had, you know, birds. Still, it was solid metal and as tall as he was. He’d ground the top bit into the makings of a crude glaive, his weapon of choice back in the day. The knife-edge wasn’t great, but he’d be dammed if he ever needed to rely on the power of ‘horny’ again to herd bunsacks.

It was too heavy and unwieldy to carry around with him, so he left it in a convenient spot back in his world; that bird-feeder glaive was just a quick portal away should a fight ever break out.

In other news: his old leg bone was still the best choice for a prosthetic, though it took a lot of adjusting to get the clay socket right. Unfortunately, without a foot attached to the other end, his leg bone was a little short.

Not a problem, though, Loogmans simply made up the distance by stretching his socket a bit longer.

He still limped, but after stealing old man Randall’s hooked cane, he could walk a lot easier. His gimping wasn’t as efficient as hopping, but he didn’t get as tired using the cane.

And that was a good thing!

They had a long trip and Eta couldn’t carry him on account of her being crazy.

She slid her bundling to one side and popped a jerky into her mouth.

“No! No! No!,” Loogman cried. “I told you. Use the tail, stupid!”

Too late.

Eta hacked and coughed and doubled over, dropping her bundling on the desert. Loogman hopped into action, literally. They’d done this dance more times than he could count. Why did he think this time would be any different?

‘Because your an idiot.’

He agreed with himself and smacked Eta’s back, hard, at least as hard as his feeble bunsack body could manage. Whether his smackings did any good was up for debate, but it made him feel a little useful.

Eta coughed and coughed, gouging her nails deep into the hard clay pan and gasped for breath.

Finally…

She spat up a dry wad of jerky.

Her mouth had no need for saliva, Dragon said so. Instead, its only purpose was to breathe. Her throat didn’t lead to her stomach, only her lungs. The menacing tail swooshing behind her did all her eating. That tail was where the jerky should have gone, but Eta completely ignored Loogman’s advice and once again, tried forcing a meal into her lungs.

Once, Loogman tried feeding her tail directly. That nearly lost him his hand. The teeth at the end of that thing…

Yeah, he was scared of it and not too proud to admit it. Hopefully, they could figure out a way to hide it before getting to town or else their stay might be really short. Bunsacks and beasts did not get along well.

Teary-eyed, Eta sat up, gasping for breath.

“I told you,” Loogman said. “I told you, I told you: You eat with the tail, not the mouth!”

She managed a chuckle. “Then why do I have teeth?”

“Because…” Loogman didn’t have an answer. The teeth in her mouth were pointless. Then a lightbulb went off in his head.

“It’s so you don’t slurp your words!” He explained. “If Dragon hadn’t given you teeth, you’d shpeaks sh’all mush moushed.”

“Don’t be silly,” she said. “Whoever heard of chewing food with a tail?”

“Me! I did! And that’s why I’m telling you to do it.”

Eta just smiled and hugged her tail to her chest.

Loogman wasn’t sure what was going on in her head, most likely nothing. Eta wandered around like a blank slate, both accepting everything and rejecting everything at the same time. It was like everything that went into her head poured right back out without her thinking too much into it.

At least, they’d convinced her she could walk. And she seemed to understand they weren’t in Loogman’s world anymore, but beyond that, she was a walking blank slate.

“Oh dear!” Eta cried, scrambling over to the bundling she’d dropped.

Dragon wrapped it tight, which was good, Loogman didn’t like the stink. He also didn’t like to think of how much wealth Eta wasted by letting that bundling rot away, but he couldn’t even get her to eat beef jerky.

There was no way he’d convince her to eat that dead bunsack spy.

She peeled back a flap of hide covering its face. That boy’s skin had sunk deep into his cheeks and his lips already began to curl, exposing decaying gums and tall teeth. His eyes were shriveled to nearly non-existent.

But the worst part…the worst part was the stench.

As soon as she pulled that hide back, a stink bomb went off. Loogman knew death. He was very familiar with his old neighbor, but that…that was even too much for him.

Eta smiled at the decaying bunsack and flicked a maggot off its face.

“I’m so sorry, dear,” she apologized…ugh…to the corpse. “We’ll find your friends and they’ll be so happy to see you again! Won’t that be great?”

Loogman counted his bless yous that the corpse wasn’t answering her back. Yet.

‘That’d just be nuts.’

‘Right?’