I curled up on my bedroom floor as a myriad of thoughts prowled through my mind.I couldn't just help but imagine how my mom would react after she got my mediocre results. 

To add fuel to the fire, I wasn't qualified to graduate. I sank my head in between my knees as a deep sob escaped me. The education system was definitely rigged and I was clueless about it.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize mom's arrival. I could hear the patter of her bare feet as she slapped across the kitchen floor followed by the rattling of dishes. Unexpectedly, she called me to have my supper. Her voice was surprisingly calm and judging by her tone she didn't even seem angry. 

"Maybe she doesn't know yet," or at least that's what I thought until I got there and saw her frail face.

She had already served the food but hadn't even attempted to hold her spoon. I sat opposite to her and watched her for a while sitting there emotionless. 

The awkward silence that had evaded the room was deafening. Somebody had to get rid of the elephant in the room.

"Mom I...

"No, it's not your fault, you did your best," she said as she forced a smile. "If anything, I am more disappointed with myself for not giving you and your brother a better life," she added,her voice almost toneless. She blamed herself for everything just like she always had.

She dragged her feet across the floor then stood up and headed to her room leaving her food untouched.

"Mom," I called her but she completely ignored me. This behavior...it wasn't something I hadn't seen before. It was as if fate was trying to mock me by replaying the very scene that had occurred twelve years ago. The very memories I thought I had buried came flooding in my mind.

It was back then when I was only six years old. That was the first time I had ever seen mom in this state. It was when dad abandoned us and ran away with another woman. Furthermore, all the debts he owed were now accounted to us since no one knew of his whereabouts. Our house was a mess and mom couldn't bear seeing us suffer. She worked so freaking hard that she got herself hospitalized for a month.

Because of this, I despised my excuse of a father so much that I got rid of any trace of him in the house. Sadly, I couldn't destroy the memories and pain he had inflicted on us. I could still remember his deep voice echoing through the house as he called us failures just because we hadn't reached his expectations. And somehow, mom still grieved over him for a month.

But that...that wasn't even the worst moment in my lifetime. That was just a tip of the iceberg compared to what happened later. I felt cold tears stream down my face as I recalled that cursed day when I lost him. The only other person who gave me a reason to live apart from my mom. It was my brother, Cole.

Faint pictures formed in my mind as I recalled those days when we were only so young to give a care about the world. An involuntary whimper escaped my lips. 

I remembered how happy he was when he graduated with his first class honors and secured a job at a large tech company. It was the first time I had seen my mom genuinely smile after so many years. He had revived our hope and ambitions and I was willing to work even harder to surpass him.

We thought our lives would change for the better now. But...those only remained to be mere thoughts when the universe snatched him away from us. We lost everything and had to pick ourselves up again from zero. It was like a cycle with no end to it. "What's the point of living if we are all going to die anyway?" I asked myself that question every night but never found the answer to it.

Now the only one left was me and my mom. I was obviously my mom's last hope for a better future but I let her down.

Looking back, I had always aspired to be just like Cole but forgotten that I wasn't him. All the empty promises I had made came back to haunt me. I lay my head on the dining table and let my tears gush down my face. With my eyes swollen and my aching head, I drifted to sleep in no time.