“Uhhh...  Hi Billy.”  Stephanie said, trying to not stare.  It was hard not to.  Billy looked like a young movie star - charming, attractive, rugged, and healthy.  She finally was able to look away, and all the while Billy watched her, with a sly smirk on his face.  

 

“Who’s your new friend, sweetie?”  Andrew called out, looking a bit miffed.  His five tree sprites were sitting on his head and shoulders, and riding him about like a great behemoth.  

 

“Yeah... Who are you, lady?”  Billy said.  “You’ve got my tags - should I assume you’re my new boss?”

 

“My... my name is Stephanie Walsh.  Nice to meet you Billy!”  She thrust out her hand as if to shake, and was surprised when Billy grabbed it in one smooth motion and brought it to his lips, and kissed it. 

 

“My pleasure.”   He let Stephanie’s hand go, and stood at something approximating attention.  “Ma’am, I’m to be a guide and teacher for you, as well as your follower - to fight for you and die for you when necessary.”  He waited a moment, then he looked her up and down as if assessing her. 

 

Stephanie was surprised to find herself blushing.  Assessing her?  More like checking her out!  It wasn’t a feeling she was used to...  It was kind of nice.  “Hey Billy, uh... at ease I guess.”

 

“Thanks boss lady.”  Billy said, relaxing.  “Where the hell are we?”

 

“Were in OUR hotel room in St Catherines.”  Andrew said, a little defensively.  “Stephanie is my girlfriend.”

 

Billy looked Andrew up and down, nodding - probably assessing him as well.  “Okay.  Who the hell are you?  I assume you’re special due to your fairy posse there.”

 

“I’m Andrew Kincaid.  I’m Stephanie’s friend of over 14 years and recently her boyfriend.  And they’re not fairies exactly – they’re tree sprites.  I’m apparently the son of Danu.”

 

“Cool.  I’m an Einherjar - a warrior of Valhalla.  That must make this beautiful woman here Stephanie, the Daughter of Sif.”  He paused a moment and asked furtively  “You ARE a woman, right?”

 

Stephanie’s ardor suddenly cooled, and she scowled.  “Shut up Billy.  You don’t have to be an asshole about it.  I’m aware of how I look.”

 

“I’m not trying to be an asshole, ma’am.  Some of my best friends were trannies, before they got kicked out of the armed forces - I was just trying to make sure I was addressing you properly.  Sorry if I offended you.  I tend to joke a bunch sometimes - and it doesn’t always go well, ma’am.”

 

“Humph.”  Andrew said.  “I already don’t like you.”

 

“I suppose that’s your prerogative, Andy.  I don’t really much care.  I’m here to teach her, not you.”  Billy said.

 

Billy obviously had his dander up a bit - and it was equally obvious Andrew was more than a bit jealous of Billy’s good looks - and the affect those looks had on Stephanie.  I have to stop this before it escalates any further, Stephanie thought.  “First, stop it, both of you.  We’re going to be working together for a long time, so let’s start over and try to be friends and not seeing who’s the toughest guy in the room, okay?”

 

Andrew looked a bit surprised, but also pleased.  “Sure honey.  Sorry Billy - I just got out of a major argument with her folks and I was pretty pissed off and in a bad mood.  Sorry.”

 

“No worries, Andy.  Sorry if I got a little pissy ma’am – I’m just not sure if this assignment is a promotion or a demotion yet and I’m trying to sort it out.”

 

Thorn and the other sprites looked appalled.  “Being a follower of a scion is a great honor, you Einherjar lout!”  Thorn said.  “You should be ashamed of your poor attitude.”

 

“No offence, Tinkerbell, but I give honor and respect where it’s earned, not just because I’m told to.  I’m going to reserve judgement until I know if she’s worth it.”

 

“The name is Thorn!”  Thorn put his hand on his blade, inching it out of its sheath - and the other Wood Sprites did the same, eager to back up the honor of their captain.  

 

“Billy, SHUT UP!”  Stephanie yelled.  Billy, quite surprised at the outburst, did so.  “Andrew, please keep the little guys back for a minute, okay?”

 

“Sure thing, Steph.  Stand down guys.”  Andrew said.  The sprites growled in anger at the disrespect shown them, but did as he asked.  Thorn whispered in Andrews ear...  “I don’t like him, master Andrew.  He’s trouble.”

 

“Maybe, Thorn - but for now let’s let Stephanie deal with him – he’s her headache - I mean follower, not ours.”

 

“As you wish, master Andrew.”   Thorn looked at the other sprites, then addressed Billy.  “We will be in the other part of the room, ignoring you.”  And with that, they flew over to the couch to glare across the room at Billy and whisper silently amongst themselves.

 

“Gaah.  No wonder I was told you were trouble.  Mom thought we’d be a good fit?  What on earth was she thinking?  I barely know you and I want to slap you silly.”  Billy just waited, and Stephanie sighed with exasperation.   “What exactly is an Einherjar, Billy?  Some sort of warrior?”

 

Billy looked her up and down, judging her this time - not checking her out - and simply started talking.  “An Einherjar is a soldier who died on the battlefield, whose spirit was found worthy and claimed by a Valkyrie, and who was taken to Valhalla to eternally train and fight in battle until the coming of Ragnarok, where we will fight and die for Asgard.  Until then, we are immortal.  We can be killed, but we rise up each night to feast and drink with the Valkyries until the next day, when we fight again.   There are no finer soldiers in all the nine worlds, ma’am.”

 

Hrrmm.  We could use that, Stephanie thought.  “Okay. So you can fight really well. What else can you do? You’re wearing a Canadian uniform - did you serve in Canada?”

 

Billy sat on the edge of a chair, sighing.  “Yeah, ma’am I did.  I was serving in Afghanistan, with the Canadian and American forces working against Al Qaeda.  We were in a ten unit op that went bad - and a sloppy lieutenant evacuated the nine other units, and forgot mine.  Eight really good people died that day due to his stupidity - including me - and what pisses me off is that he wasn’t even reprimanded...  It was chalked up to Fog of War.  Fog of war, my ass - fucker was playing Sudoku instead of watching his comm.”

 

“Geez, that sucks.”  Andrew said from across the room.  “So you’ve been to Valhalla?  What’s it like?”

 

“Technically I’m not supposed to tell people who are still alive, but I think I can make an exception with you two.  Valhalla is a great magical hall - that somehow holds all the millions of Einherjar - and it is our home and mead hall.  We head out to the plains of Asgard each day - beautiful green hills and fields, ripe with grain and long grasses.  The air is cool and clear, and the wind carries sweet incense to ones nose.   Here and there amongst the city the Halls of the gods reside - each hall unique and beyond compare, and amongst them the halls and homes of the lesser spirits and allies of the Aesir.”  Billy said.  “So it’s basically like living in a medieval village in Skyrim, - which is pretty awesome.  The place is crawling with gods, goddesses, spirits, valkyries and other creatures.  I suppose as afterlife’s go its pretty good.”

 

 

Stephanie looked curious.  “So you worshipped the Norse when you were alive?”

 

“Hell no!”  Billy laughed.  “My dad would skin me if he thought I went for that pagan stuff.  No - I was raised Christian - Anglican to be exact.  I don’t really know how or why I ended up in Asgard - but I did hear some stuff about God - you know, Jehovah?  Apparently there’s a rumor going about that God is real, you know - but it’s just that he’s sick, which is why his faith is splintered into three parts.  I heard some of the other gods are taking care of him till he gets better.   His son’s running the Christian Heaven while he’s gone.  I don’t know if it’s true, but that’s the rumor.”

 

“Wow.”  Andrew said.  “That’s a bit of a bomb to drop.”

 

“Imagine showing up in Heaven and they’re all speaking Norwegian!  I was a mite confused for the first few weeks, let me tell you.”  Billy said, laughing at the memory.  “Here I am in my military fatigues, blood all over me, not knowing what happened - and some beautiful woman picks me up off the battlefield, tosses me onto her flying wolf, and flies me to another dimension, where I can’t understand a damn thing for weeks.  It was pretty messed up.   Apparently they weren’t exactly ready for me either - for some reason there haven’t been many new Einherjar for decades.  No one seems to be sure why.  I know I was the only one I knew who knew about the internet.”

 

“Does it bother you that you ended up in Asgard, and not Heaven?”  Steph asked. 

 

“I don’t know.”  Billy said.  “At first, I was all upset - but then I realized that I had it pretty good.  I only had to fight all day, and eat and drink and make love all night. Where’s the downside?  Besides, what am I gonna do - sit on a cloud and play harp music?  I don’t think so.  I will miss seeing Gramps there, and dad when he goes, though.”

 

“Your grandpa passed away?”  Steph asked.  “I’m sorry.”

 

“Yeah - he disappeared in world war two somewhere in the Pacific.  He was one of the soldiers who landed on all those islands to clear them of the Japanese.  He never came back, and was assumed dead.  I didn’t see him in Valhalla either, so I suppose he went to Heaven.  I hope he’s okay.”

 

Andrew and Steph looked at each other, and were a bit ashamed.  Billy had his life snatched away from him by professional incompetence, and might never see his loved ones again, even in the afterlife.   Even in a magical world, it seemed, life wasn’t very fair.   Andrew spoke first.  “Sorry to hear that man.  If we can ever find out, we’ll let you know.”

 

“Thanks, Andy.”

 

Stephanie agreed with the sentiment.  “Billy, I think I need to send you away for now - Andrew and I need to decompress for a while after the fight with my folks - and I might be arrested shortly anyway.   When I summon you again, do you think you could teach us both how to fight - no offense Thorn, I know you can fight, it’s just we might learn faster with a human sized teacher instead of a sprite sized teacher.”

 

Thorn nodded, seeing the wisdom in that.  “It makes sense ma’am.”

 

“Ma’am, could I stay here for a bit?  I’ve been missing TV and normal North American food for months now.  If you guys want privacy, I could leave, grab a cheeseburger, and come back in an hour or two.  Is that okay?”  Billy obviously didn’t want to go, now that he was here.

 

“Sure I guess so.  Try to stay out of trouble, okay - and come right back when you leave the restaurant.”  Stephanie didn’t want to try and imagine what kind of trouble Billy could get up to on his own.  

 

“Thanks ma’am...  Umm. Can I have some money?  They don’t exactly pay us in Valhalla.”

 

“Money?”  Steph replied, a little surprised.   “I guess so...  She peeled of 50$ for Billy from the stack her mom had given her.   Is this going to happen often?”

 

“Well, technically it’s a Scions responsibility to feed, clothe and care for the needs of his followers, ma’am.  So if I have any needs that need filled, I’ll let you know.”   Billy was obviously leering a bit, and not so subtly hinting at something Stephanie would rather not think about with Andrew watching over her.

 

“Billy... nevermind.  I won’t be filling any kind of needs beyond food and clothing for the foreseeable future, plus maybe hotel rooms.  Your other needs can see to themselves.”

 

“Fair enough, ma’am.  You two want anything while I’m out?”

 

“Pick us up some dinner too - and get something for the sprites to eat too.”  Andrew gave him another 50$.  “We kinda skipped dinner once Steph punched her mom out.”

 

“THIS sounds like a story I’d like to hear... Later.”  Billy said.  “See you two in a few hours.”  He left his weapons on the floor near the couch, except for a survival knife, and left the apartment, whistling.

 

“Do you ever feel like you just made a really big mistake?”  Steph asked.

 

“Yeah, I kinda do.”  Andrew answered.  “What trouble can he get into in two hours?  He’ll be fine... right?”

 

*              *              *

 

Billy walked out of the hotel, and onto the cool October streets of St. Catherines.  It was good to breath real air, in the real world again.  The overworld was almost too real, too vibrant.  The mortal world felt right.   He stopped at a corner store, and bought a Kit Kat bar, to break one of the fifties Steph and Andrew gave him.   That should be about enough. He thought.   Looking around the store, he saw what he wanted.   The coins slid into the payphone, and he tapped his foot nervously while the phone rang. Maybe this was a bad idea... he wondered, but it was too late for second thoughts.

 

The phone picked up - and a voice on the other end said “Hello?”  Billy tried to talk, but for a moment was speechless. 

 

The voice continued.  “Who is this?  I’m hanging up now.”

 

Shit!  Billy thought.  Say something, stupid!  “No... wait!  It’s me, dad.  It’s Billy... your son.”

 

The other line was silent a full minute and a half.  Billy was more nervous that time when he fought six berserkers simultaneously and almost won.  “Say something dad.  Please.”

 

“I...I missed you Billy.  Where have you been?  The army said you were MIA.  Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah dad, I’m good...  I missed you too.  I was MIA, and it’s a long story.  I can’t come home right now... I’ve got this thing I need to do before I can visit.  I just wanted to hear your voice.”

 

“Good to hear son.  I’m glad you’re okay.  Promise me you’ll visit as soon as you can, okay?”  Billy’s dad asked.

 

“Sure. First thing, dad.” Billy said, as tears started to roll down his cheeks.  “I love you.”  He said it because he might not get another chance to.  Because it might be his last chance to say goodbye.

 

“I love you too, son.  See you soon.”

 

Billy hung up, and walked out into the night, not particularly caring where he went.  His tears didn’t go away for quite some time.