A dirty minded slime

You’ve read enough of these silly otherworld stories, so, this should be no real surprise to you.

I’m very surprised! I didn’t think I’d be chosen for another world! Heck, I was an atheist! How can I not be surprised to meet a god?

You know what I mean! *ahem* Here, a basic rule book, and race guide. Along with some basic setting information. This should be plenty for you to decide what you want your next life to be.

What? Tabletop RPG style rule books? Huh, I was expecting something fancier.

Well, the world you’re going to doesn’t have computers, so you’d better get used to it.

*sigh* That sucks… why are you doing this, anyway? Why me? Why anyone?

You’re weird… and not famous enough to have already been claimed by someone else, like the other people I was hoping to snatch.

So, this is entertainment?

Yup! It’s fun to take weird people and put them in a world to see what they do. With luck, they won’t even break it! Well, not too badly. Even the good outcomes tend to break it a little.

You think I’m gonna break the world.

Well, you’re weird, and I’m offering you a lot of power. 

Huh, you’re giving me one thousand points! The rules say the norm is one hundred points for a starting character!

That’s correct. Whether you bring about a new age of prosperity or ruin is up to you. 

…

Hey, are you sure you got these rules balanced right? Slimes get a massive discount on abilities.

Slimes are super weak. Of course they cost less. Even if you can get ten times as many skills, their base stats are too weak for it to work out well.

I’m not so sure about that, there’s some powerful synergies.

*hmph* well, if you think you can make a powerful slime, go ahead and try! I look forward to laughing at your frustration later.

Alright! Challenge accepted!

…

So, you’re ready huh? Sure took your time. Let’s see… you chose to start in a big city? Why would you want to start there? That’s one of the most dangerous starting places for a monster!

Don’t worry, I’ve got a plan!

Hmmm… these skills, oh, I think I see what you’re planning. You clever little shit.

Oh? Think you’ve figured me out, huh?

You’ve got the cleaning skill maxed out, and your starting location is gonna be a city’s sewers. Cleaning with the cleaning skill gives xp. It’s meant for maids and servants so they can gain a few levels without having to fight. You plan to clean the sewers. Still, I don’t think that’s enough on its own.

Keep reading.

Colony Queen? That’s not something I expected. It hadn’t even occurred to me that a slime could take that. Normally it’s insects that form colonies with queens. Still, even with all these skills to make your workers better, just cleaning up the sewers won’t really get you much xp, even if you are cleaning them thoroughly every day. 

Keep reading.

Human Transformation is expected. Except it doesn’t improve your stats. You and your worker spawn will all be very weak by human standards. You didn’t get the option to make warriors, only workers. Insect colonies normally have warriors to provide power.

Keep reading.

What’s this? Xp drain? That’s a succubus trick, and hardly helpful. Your stats are so low that anything could resist it. Wait… the cleaning skill treats unclean objects as enemies. Xp drain would actually increase the xp gained from cleaning. Okay, that’s a neat exploit. Not enough to impress me though.

Still don’t know what I’m thinking of trying to do?

Nope. Even with All For One making your entire colony count as part of you, all you’ve done is make yourself an army of maids. You realize they’ll all look like you too, right? Human Transformation doesn’t offer custom forms, and since they are all so closely related to you, your entire army will look like near identical clones of you when using it.

That shouldn’t be a problem.

Well, since I don’t get what it is you think is so great about this setup, I’ll just let you get started so you can show me. Oh, and I’m giving you one more thing, here.

A book?

A journal. Write about what you’re doing in there. Just think about trying to add words, and they will appear. I might add some comments in there too. Eventually it’ll be a record of your idiocy for the other gods to read and laugh at.

You really think I’m making a mistake, huh?

You’ll be the queen of the sewers at best. What good is that? Besides, you won’t even be able to conquer the sewers in any kind of reasonable time frame. You and your army will be too weak. A slime colony is ridiculous. Trying to compensate for weakness with numbers just won’t work well. You need warriors and elites. Yet all you have chosen to unlock are workers. Go on then, show me what your great plan.

Conquering the Sewers

Okay, so it’s a bit arrogant to title my first entry like that, but this is my story, so I’ll do what I want!

You’re not the only one writing in here lass.

Rude. I’m not done yet. First, I want to explain a few things; I was very careful when selecting abilities for my reproduction ability. They are basically mindless clones that do as I tell them, and offer some basic sense sharing.

Your army is no smarter than the lowest of the undead, and they are weaker. The only advantage you have is better control than most army making monsters. If you at least made them smaller and gave them stealth bonuses you could be a spy master, but no, you didn’t.

What I want to explain is that I was deliberately making them not people. They are basically robots.

Why do you want that? Is this some sort of ethics thing? Trying to avoid any hint of slavery?

Yes. That’s exactly it. Well, there’s more than just avoiding hints of slavery. These workers are going to be given tasks I’d be uncomfortable with making even criminals do. They will be doing things that are highly dangerous and likely to get them killed. I can’t ask that of people. I wouldn’t even want to ask that of a dog. So I made them mindless automatons. 

That’s not much different from what slimes normally are. Not much smarter than a normal plant.

Slimes can’t normally handle complex instructions though. These can. 

Is that it for your introduction?

Oh, I guess it is. Sorry. I probably shouldn’t have titled the first page like that since I’ve not even gotten started doing anything yet. Sorry.

Being a slut

You changed into human form and took advantage of a newbie adventurer’s pity. 

It was the fastest way to get my plan started! He got me a room, and I then convinced him to keep a slime with him for cleaning purposes. Not only can it help him clean up the sewers to make it less unpleasant, it can clean up his gear too! Part of the key synergy here is that for slimes, eating and cleaning are the same thing. Having both the servant cleaning skill and the slime cleaning skill causes them to mix up and apply both effects at the same time, making them amazing cleaners that get both food and xp from cleaning things! Plus maxed out cleaning skill is freaking amazing! No stain fighting tool can compare! It can even clean bad smells from the air!

Are you just trying to become a sanitizing company? I expected more from you.

And I expected you to have the courtesy to not start entries on your own. You even wrote a horribly inaccurate journal entry title!

Well, you weren’t writing enough! You don’t need to write down everything you do, but this is supposed to be a record of your adventures here.

Bah, I’m no writer. 

Yeah, you’re a maid. You are paying for your room by washing dishes and cleaning tables.

And I’m the fastest and best they’ve ever seen!

… have I mentioned you’re weird? ‘Cause you are. You had a thousand points to spend, and you’re bragging about how good you are at cleaning.

Be more patient! My plan takes time! It’s not like I can spawn an army of thousands overnight!

Conquered the Sewers

Ha! The sewers are mine now! It only took me a year! My slimes keep the entire place clean, and the Sewer King now serves me!

I didn’t realize you could seduce a rat king.

Well, the succubus xp drain skill, also includes their sex related skills and traits, like the one that makes them feel really good to fuck, even if they aren’t trying. When my slimes take human form, they are basically really well made fuckdolls. Fuckdolls with traits that make any sexual party cum very easily, and I gain xp from it!

Right, I didn’t think about that use of the succubus xp drain, because it is so rarely used. Succubi normally only appear in places normal humans don’t go to, and adventurers are normally well enough prepared that seduction tricks don’t work on them. Plus, your slimes aren’t really capable of seduction.

They seduced the rat king.

They were lying on the ground naked in human form, and offered no resistance when the rat king decided to fuck them. That’s like claiming someone got seduced by a glory hole. No, the king was just horny, and saw something available to use. You are the one who seduced the rat king by visiting him. I still find it amazing your flattery and cleaning skills could sway him so.

It wasn’t that hard. I just pointed out how I was helping him by cleaning him up and cleaning the sewers. His consorts helped me convince him too. Since they really appreciated the cleaning and beautification services I offered.

Beautification? What do you mean? You don’t have any alchemy skills or transformative spells.

Did you forget what all you put in the category of cleaning skills? I maxed out the entire category. It includes grooming skills, because servants are expected to be able to help a noble get dressed and look good. In fact, all forms of personal hygiene are included. This is a big part of why my sale of cleaning slimes has gone so well. They can allow people to remain perfectly clean and beautiful even when travelling with few supplies. It was a bit difficult to convince the noble ladies at first, but once they saw how beautiful their maids became after the maids brought one back to aid in cleaning, the adoption went pretty quickly.

I admit, I had not been paying attention to how much you’d managed to infiltrate the noble houses. Perhaps I should pay more attention to that. You do have a lot of points spent on intelligence and knowledge skills, so you are probably collecting a lot of information if you have slimes in noble houses.

Are you beginning to see my plan now?

It does look like you might become a spymaster after all.

Oh, my plans go a bit beyond that. You’ll see.

Where are the slaves?

I notice there slave market seems to be gone in your city.

I may have convinced a few nobles to outlaw slavery.

That’s been done before. It never actually got rid of slavery.

Well, I may have also provided some tips to the enforcers on where to look.

Yeah, but usually the dirty nobles just find ways to import them. Wait… where are all the dirty nobles?

I cleaned up the nobility! Cleaned up the corruption!

There is no cleaning skill for cleaning people’s hearts of corruption!

I made one!

What do you mean, you made one? You don’t have admin rights! Ugh, you’re gonna make me go over your skills again, aren’t you. Let’s see… you spent points from leveling to give your minions the succubus corruption ability? How does that… oh. To limit the power of it, it shifts a person’s corruption level based on the corruption level of the succubus, so the amount of corruption a succubus can inflict is limited by their own corruption. Except there’s nothing to prevent the effect from reducing corruption if the succubus has very low corruption. Your minions are mindless, making them completely pure.

That’s right! I’m selling fuckdolls and everytime someone fucks one, their heart is cleansed a little! Some people actually fuck the slimes, they too get cleansed. Plus, a lot of the corrupt people tend to be interested in living dolls, which helps me learn of them and get rid of them if they don’t get purified by the dolls themselves.

Wait… what effect did this have on the rat king? Oh my. He’s negotiated a peace treaty with the kingdom, and manages the sewers for them in exchange for tasty food. That place was a dungeon. A place for beginners to learn the basics. Now adventurers have no reason to go there. You really are breaking things. 

Conquering the World

Now that I’ve conquered a kingdom, it’s time to conquer the rest of the world!

The only thing you’ve conquered is the underworld of one tiny kingdom. You run the gambling dens, brothels, and loans.

I think you underestimate my influence here. Thanks to me, this kingdom is turning into a very prosperous and wonderful place for people to live.

Okay, I admit it, this kingdom of yours is now like something out of a fairy tale or a movie. One of those places where everything is unrealistically clean, and evil is almost non-existent. 

Without corruption, it’s much easier to get rid of criminals and ensure the welfare of all is taken care of!

So what, you plan to convince your king to conquer the neighboring kingdoms?

What? No! I’m infiltrating them like I did this one. I’m already selling lots of cleaning slimes in other kingdoms, and I’ve begun destroying their slave markets and selling my fuckdolls. I’ve got at least one cleaning slime in every house in this kingdom, and I’m working on the others now. The kingdoms aren’t actually my biggest concern, the dungeons are.

I really hope you don’t think your slimes can conquer a dungeon other than the one you started in. You only beat that one because you and your slimes were considered part of the dungeon, so you were not attacked.

Have you paid any attention to my xp gain rate?

What? Why would that… oh… I suppose when you’ve got thousands of slimes getting xp for you, even if they are weak, that’s still a lot of xp. Even so, you are still not that strong despite being so high in level.

That’s why I’m going to become an Adventurer! If I can gather a proper party together, it should be feasible to reach the bosses!

You don’t have combat skills. How exactly will you convince adventurers to join your party? Are you planning to sell your body?

Geh! I forgot. I’ll have to find another way.

Deaths are Down

This is something you did, isn’t it? You’ve begun polluting the dungeons.

Hey, the clean skill doesn’t get rid of it, so it clearly isn’t pollution!

Your slimes are using more succubus skills to make everything aroused in dungeons.

It’s the best way to keep them from getting killed! Besides, it’s saving lives since the monsters become more interested in sex than killing now.

And you are collecting even more xp by draining monsters in addition to extra cleaning. While I knew you were weird, I didn’t expect you to be someone who’d actually be trying to get everyone to fuck living dolls that look just like you.

It’s an easy way to get xp.

Only a dirty mind would think of this method.

Well, seducing dungeon monsters is a lot easier than killing them. Even if it does take a while.

The World is Mine!

Ha! I did it! I conquered the world!

I question whether or not this really qualifies. You don’t officially rule anything. You just seduced the rulers of every dungeon, eliminated corruption, created lasting peace between all kingdoms, and stayed a virgin, despite collecting a record amount of xp through sex. Maybe in my next world I should be more cautious about what creatures can gain what skills. I probably don’t even need succubi. They were just part of the default demon package.

I’m only a virgin because I haven’t found the right guy yet!

And how exactly do you intend to do that?

… I guess I don’t… am I stuck here forever?

Slimes don’t have an age limit. Unless you get killed, you’ll live a very long life.

Guess I’ll just watch over this world then. At least there’s still plenty to enjoy watching, and I can probably help speed up development a little. At least without all the killing and dying, it should be easier for people to concentrate on development.

Hehe. Have fun. I’m gonna go get back to work on my newest world.

Are you just dumping the responsibility of watching over this world on me?

Yup! No take-backs! You won!

Damn you. 

Advancements

I guess I’ll keep writing, even though I’ve won the contest already. 

Farming advancements are going well. Crop yields are up. This should help a lot with the growing population. 

Monsters are still enough of a problem (can’t stop dungeons from spawning them) that Adventurers are still needed to cull them, which has helped prevent that from becoming a dead job. However, deaths are down a lot, which is pretty great. When adventurers are overwhelmed, they are much more likely to survive than in the past, since most monsters are now more interested in sex than killing. That succubus skill proved more effective than I had expected. Though I suppose it doesn’t actually incapacitate, it just messes with people’s and monster’s priorities. 

Meanwhile I’m wealthy as fuck from selling cleaning slimes and fuckdolls. I even managed to improve the living dolls I make so they can do some very rudimentary actions in response to commands. Probably less smart than a smartphone. There is rarely an ‘app for that’ regardless of how simple something might seem.

As for love? Frankly, I don’t think I want a lover. It’s been a few decades now, and I’m afraid. It’s not just the usual fears of starting a relationship, it’s fears of ending one too. Knowing I’ll outlive everyone kinda makes me wary of getting too close. I still make friends and I suppose I can’t be sure I won’t end up with someone someday, but so far, I’ve not fallen for anyone, and I’m not inclined to look for someone. Making new friends and having fun conversations is enough. I’ve got a long time to figure things out.

***Author Note***

An experiment in writing style. Keeping the way a story is told simple, makes it easier to write the story. Though it also makes the story much smaller. Other methods of storytelling would’ve spent many more pages telling this story. However, I’d not be able to write it. I was actively aiming for something easy to write this time around, so I didn’t worry much about how much is lost when the story is confined like this. It’s nice to actually complete a story.