Isekai’d

I was reading another fun and dumb isekai story I’d just bought. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal, but I was being foolish and reading it while walking back to my apartment from the store I’d bought it from. Even while crossing the street. 

*Honk* *Honk*

What a classic. Hit by a truck. I don’t really understand why a truck was going at high speed through a narrow alleyway, but it certainly wasn’t something I was expecting. I mean… there’s a stop sign here. There’s never a time a car or truck should be going full speed through this spot!

All I saw after that was white.

“Hello there! Welcome to the isekai factory!”

“Oh shut up! This isn’t that kind of place!”

“Well, if you’d stop trying to solve your problems by summoning strangers, I wouldn’t have any reason to call this place that!”

Twins? 

““We’re not twins!””

Mind reading divine twin ladies. Lovely.

“Look, I’m older, she’s younger, can’t you tell?”

No. Not at all. You both look beautiful. 

“Well, anyway, we’d like you to help out our world a bit. There’s a few different options for starting out though.”

“Personally, I recommend getting reborn as a baby, and growing up all over again!”

“Ugh, that takes too long. We can’t wait decades.”

I don’t much like the idea of being a baby. Being a child doesn’t sound too bad. A lot of my happiest memories are from childhood. Being an adult would likely be the easiest, but being a foreigner is gonna make things difficult. I won’t know anything about the world if I just show up as I am.

“How about we start you off as a child of a wealthy house? That should give you a good opportunity to learn all you need to know, and become strong quickly. The demons are going to invade in eight years, and I refuse to let that jerk brother of mine win this time!”

“We’ll have to mess with a few people’s memories I think.” 

“No we don’t, we can just introduce a new child, and a letter. Remember that Garland family? They still owe favors to one of my saints. I’ll just have the saint send this child to them to raise.”

“Magnolia? Just have her raise the child.”

“No, that’d be too obvious! I don’t want to tip the demons off. If they launch an attack too soon, it’ll be a problem!”

“Right, I guess we sneak the child in then? Have Maggie write a letter and put it on the child?”

“Right.”

Feels a little weird having my destiny talked about in front of me without any real input.

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine!”

“Oh, right! One final question! Are you a girl, or a boy?”

You have to ask?

“No, I don’t, I just thought it’d be polite. I’ll send you on now.”

Then, all I saw was darkness.

“Hahaha! Foolish sisters, think they can sneak in an isekai without my noticing? I’ve hijacked you and now I’ll curse you so you fail!”

Seriously? First a reincarnation, and now a cursing?

“That’s right! Since you’re taking a weak to strong path and starting as a child, all I have to do is make sure you never grow up! Hahaha! You’ll be weak forever!”

Then, I woke up.

New Life

I don’t really want to spend forever narrating my daily life. So I won’t. I’ll summarize. It’s my story after all, and you’re my victim, er, I mean, my listener, so I get to say it my way.

I basically ended up at the front gate of a large mansion in a big city. I pulled a letter out of my pocket, handed it to the guard, and quickly found myself ushered into the home. I had a new mother, and a new father, and strangely, no siblings.

“It’s such a blessing god has given us! I’d always wanted a daughter!”

“You mean a son! This is my son!”

“No! They’re my daughter!”

What? I ran away from home.

Life alone proved weirdly easy. Though once I learned how to check my status, I realized why: The curse was a status lock. While my status couldn’t get better, it couldn’t get worse either. So I never get hungry, or tired. I’m immune to injury. I never run out of mana. I might have the body of an 8 year old, but once I got the hang of magic, and learned about magical items, it hasn’t been a major issue. 

In truth: I think the gods of this world are idiots. Especially that brother who supposedly won last time. The curse he gave me breaks the world’s rules in a way that’s very exploitable. Once I managed to explain my ‘curse’ to a magic item craftsman, they eagerly hired me on to test their creations. 

While this probably wasn’t the expected route, by the time the demon armies came, they were facing something that didn’t belong in this world. A giant magical robot piloted by me.

Every childhood fantasy came to life with this collaboration between me, and my dear friend Jennifer. Homing lasers fired from shoulder pads in an arc. A laser sword, and even a shield that makes a massive force field. 

The lasers made quick work of the common demon soldiers and the sword easily cut apart all the larger foes that came forth. The shield could generate a protective field when necessary and defend against all attacks. It was even automated.

This was the culmination of research into magical items that literally could not exist if not for the ‘curse’ that god of the demons gave me. Since I never run out of mana, I can provide unlimited power to magic items. Since I am immune to injury, no amount of backlash from burnout or overdrain affects me. If anyone else tried to use this machine, they’d die.

Explanations

What? You aren’t happy with that? You want to know more? That was basically my life story. There isn’t much else to tell… oh fine. The reason I’m stuck here now, is because when invading the demon territories, I accidentally destroyed something important for the world. So now I get to live as a pillar of the world so it doesn’t fall apart. 

Just like how my unlimited power enabled me to power the mech of my dreams, it now allows me to support half the world. In exchange I get to spend my time playing video games online. It’s a bit annoying that I still sound like a child on voice chat, despite playing for decades now.

You still want to know more? You want to know if I’m a boy or a girl? Well aren’t you a nosy bastard! I’m a child, and I’m never going to grow up and don’t even need to go to the bathroom, so it doesn’t really matter to me anymore! Go bother someone else! Didn’t the gods give you some kind of mission before you came here? What, you’re done? No, you can’t use my computer. It’s mine! If you want one, you go negotiate your own deal with the gods. It shouldn’t be too hard, they’re basically kids.