Sunday morning, after groggily snoozing her alarm a couple of times, Eliza sat up in bed and felt a spike of euphoria from the sensation of her breasts wobbling. She got up and started gathering clothes to put on after her shower, and then stopped short.

What would the people at church say? She’d subconsciously avoided thinking about that over the last few days as she realized she was trans and started adjusting her body and wardrobe to what she needed. Now that she was confronted with it, she knew that a lot of people at church would not accept her as a trans girl. Either she could put on her old guy clothes, cast the fat-moving spell to move fat back from her breasts and hips to her belly, and cut her hair short again… pretending to be a man to avoid offending people… or go as herself, in one of the outfits she’d bought yesterday, and take her chances.

She didn’t want to simply not go. She was still wrestling with the implications of the things she’d learned and figured out in the last few days, but she was still a Christian and wanted to worship with other Christians.

On the other hand, she could go somewhere else. Where people didn’t know her. She passed a couple of other churches every time she drove from Cassie’s house to Boone, and there were more if she went toward Beech Mountain or Banner Elk. But unless she did research ahead of time, those churches would be just as likely to have a problem with her being trans as Crossway.

She picked out a blouse and skirt and feminine underwear and took them across the hall to the bathroom, continuing to think about what to do while she showered.

What would be the worst that could happen if she went to church and people didn’t accept her? There were some people she wasn’t sure about, but the worst she thought was likely from most of the people she knew was their being judgmental. Which would be unpleasant, but not dangerous. And losing some friends – or more accurately, acquaintances. There wasn’t anybody at her church in Boone she was as close to as she had been to a couple of members of the youth group back home in Greensboro; she hadn’t been going there all that long, and she was, as she’d often reflected over the past few weeks, bad at making friends.

But she’d lose contact with those friends or acquaintances anyway if she simply stopped going there and looked for another church. And they might pleasantly surprise her. Besides, if she came out to people at her church here, it would be a lower-stakes dry run for coming out to her family, and people at her home church in Greensboro.

By the time she had dried off and dressed, she had pretty much worked up her courage to go to church as usual. She’d overslept a little, so she didn’t take time to cook anything for breakfast, just pouring a bowl of cereal. Cassie was still asleep when she left for church.

She grew increasingly nervous during the drive to Boone, and a couple of times, as she approached one of the other churches she would pass on the way, she thought about stopping there instead. But she pushed on and reached Crossway, the church she’d been going to since shortly after she started grad school. Her heart was pounding as she got out of the car, and she paused for a moment to try to calm down before she approached the front door.

“Welcome to Crossway,” said Mike, one of the ushers, as she walked in the door. “We’re glad to have you with us this morning.”

He didn’t recognize her, apparently. She smiled and said “Good morning.”

And her voice gave her away. His face went though a rapid succession of confused and perturbed emotions, and he said, “…Elijah?” uncertainly.

“I’m trying out ‘Eliza’,” she said in a small voice, suddenly losing all her confidence in her reasoning about why it was a good idea to come here today. She could see some of the conflict playing out on Mike’s face; he probably wanted to ask her what in God’s name she thought she was doing, but didn’t want to drive her away by blowing up at her.

Finally, after spluttering for a moment, he said, “I see… Do you want to talk to Brother Greg about it?” People here, like at her grandparents’ church, referred to the pastor and deacons as “Brother.”

“Yeah, probably. For now I just want to pray and worship.”

“You’re always welcome to do that here.” Eliza nodded, not trusting herself to say anything more in her too-masculine voice, and continued through the vestibule into the sanctuary.

She didn’t get far before someone else recognized her.

“Elijah? Is that you?” Sarah asked, looking just as perturbed as Mike.

“I’m going by ‘Eliza’ for now,” Eliza replied, a little more firmly than she’d spoken to Mike.

“Oh… Are you, um, transgender?”

“Yes.”

“I’m afraid a lot of the people here are not going to be cool with that. I got in an argument with Mrs. Rhinehart a couple of months ago about LGBT people… I’ve thought about leaving, but most of the churches in easy driving distance of the university are just as down on LGBT people. And I’ve got friends here…” She looked like she felt guilty about staying there.

“I don’t know if I’ll keep coming here,” Eliza said. “I should probably go somewhere else, but I didn’t want to just assume no one here would be okay with me, or disappear and make y’all wonder what happened to me. And see, you surprised me.” She gave a small smile.

“Have you told anyone else yet? Your girlfriend – wasn’t she coming to visit at some point?”

“She did, and we broke up,” Eliza said, her expression turning somber again. “Not because I’m trans; it’s actually the other way around – I mean I figured out I was trans indirectly because of the breakup. Long story.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to –”

But they were interrupted as Jacob Glynn, a tall, heavy-set man about ten years older than Eliza or Sarah, butted in; he’d apparently overheard part of their conversation, and didn’t like it one bit.

“You’re dishonoring the Lord’s house by coming here in that dress, Elijah,” he said, too loudly. “Go home, change clothes, and wipe off that makeup, and then come back and pray for forgiveness.”

Eliza felt very small, listening to his sudden rant. But she felt a little better when Sarah put a comforting hand on her shoulder, and she rallied and defended herself.

“I-I’m not crossdressing,” she said. “I’m a girl. These are the clothes I should be wearing… And I’m not wearing makeup.” Jacob scoffed.

Just then, the music minister stepped up to the pulpit and announced the opening hymn. Everyone who was already seated stood up and opened their hymnbooks as the pianist played the opening bars.

“Come on,” Sarah said, tugging gently on Eliza’s shoulder. “Let’s sit down.”

Eliza followed Sarah to the pew where the grad students usually sat. But it seemed like everyone was staring at them now; she glanced back and saw Jacob talking to one of the ushers, who shook his head, and then both of them went to one of the front pews and leaned over to talk to Brother Allen, the oldest active deacon.

As the congregation began singing the second verse of the hymn, Brother Allen and Jacob Glynn approached the grad students’ pew.

Eliza, who was already feeling dysphoric from her failed attempts at pushing her low tenor to a low alto, was too disoriented to take in everything Brother Allen said. “…cause a disruption… appointment with Brother Greg… pray for discernment…” She didn’t actually realize he was asking her to leave until Sarah said in a low voice, “Come on, Eliza, let’s go. I’m not staying here any longer if you’re not welcome.”

Eliza broke down crying for the third time in a week as she followed Sarah back up the aisle to the vestibule. She wiped away the tears so she could see where she was going and absent-mindedly followed Sarah all the way to her car.

“You want to go out to eat?” Sarah asked. “Share some girl talk? Or try to find another church that won’t kick us out?”

It made Eliza feel a little better to hear Sarah say “us,” even though she totally could have stayed if she wanted. Though maybe people like Jacob would be mean to her for being friendly to Eliza after she came out.

“I’m not sure how fast we can figure out what churches around here are okay with trans people… and maybe their service will be over by the time we find out. But I’d like to try.”

“Okay,” Sarah said, pulling her keys out of her purse and pushing the unlock button. “Hop in and let’s get on our phones and start looking stuff up.”

Eliza got in Sarah’s passenger seat and got out her phone. Sarah got in too, cranked up the car and turned on the air-conditioning. “Let’s sit here and do our research, and then we’ll head to whichever church we pick.”

After finding a list of the churches in and around Boone, they started looking up the denominations the churches belonged to and their beliefs about LGBT people, and eventually decided to try out the Episcopal church on the north side of town. But by the time they’d decided that, the Episcopal church’s service was almost over, since it started half an hour earlier than Crossway’s.

“Next Sunday, then,” Sarah said. “You want to go get something to eat?”

“Yeah,” Eliza said.

Sarah drove them to Proper, a southern home-style restaurant. While they waited for their food, Eliza told Sarah a somewhat edited version of the last week; Monica’s visit, the breakup, Cassie coming out to her, Eliza figuring out she was trans, Cassie helping her get started on her transition.

“I’m impressed,” Sarah said. “You look really feminine for someone who just started transitioning days ago.”

“Do you know any other trans people?”

“Not well. There was a girl in my high school who came out in senior year, and a guy in undergrad who’d already started transitioning by the time I shared a class with him. Neither of them looked as good as you. And it looks like you’ve lost a lot of weight since I saw you last, too.”

“I haven’t,” she said. “Just shifted it around to where it looks better.”

“How?”

Eliza hesitated. Should she tell her about the spellbook? She wanted to, but didn’t think Sarah would believe her if she just told her without showing her a spell, and didn’t want to cast a spell here in the restaurant in front of a bunch of witnesses.

On second thought, there was one spell that would be subtle enough that no one but Sarah would notice, and hard enough to fake to convince her. “I’ll show you in a moment,” she said. “Watch my hands.” Keeping her hands near the surface of the table, she traced a spell on the back of her left hand, making the nails grow. While Sarah gasped at seeing the nails suddenly grow, no one else seemed to notice.

Sarah stared for a moment, then glanced around the restaurant. “Magic?” she whispered.

“Yeah… I don’t really want to talk about it here. I can tell you more on the way back to my car.”

“I’m going to be on pins and needles until you tell me, but I get it. You’ve got to keep it secret… so why did you tell me?”

“I’m not sure,” Eliza said. “I guess I just trust you, after what you did just now.”

They fell silent as the waitress brought their orders, and thanked her, then started eating. When the waitress was out of earshot, Sarah said, “Thank you for trusting me. I won’t tell anyone.”

They chewed their food quietly for a couple of minutes; several times, between mouthfuls, Sarah looked like she was about to say something, and didn’t. Finally, she asked, “Is it okay if I ask you more about how you figured out you’re trans?”

“It’s… kind of tied up with the other thing. So I can’t go into detail until we’re in private. But basically, I had some clues a few weeks back, but didn’t understand what they meant until a few days ago, when my employer and housemate came out to me as trans, and explained what it meant. That led to me figuring things out about myself. Cassie – that’s her name – she helped me figure myself out, and took me on a shopping trip yesterday.”

She answered a few more of Sarah’s questions during the remainder of the meal. They were almost done eating when Eliza’s phone rang. An unknown 828 number – western North Carolina. Most of the spam calls Eliza got were either from the same Greensboro-area area code as her cellphone, or from other states; she decided to take a chance on it.

“Hello?”

“Elijah, I want to apologize for what happened this morning.” Brother Greg’s voice. “Brother Allen had no business asking you to leave. Crossway is about love and compassion, not judgment. I didn’t realize what had happened until after the service, or I would have called sooner.”

Oh, yeah, the service would have just ended a few minutes ago now.

“Thank you,” Eliza said hesitantly. “I don’t know if I feel comfortable coming back, though. I’m afraid more people might feel like Brother Allen than like you.”

“I hope I can convince you to change your mind, but I can understand if you want to stay away until we can fix our internal problems. Mike told me that you said, before the service, you wanted to speak with me.”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Do you want to come back over to the church and meet right now? Or do you want me to come meet you somewhere?”

Eliza felt a momentary panic at the thought of going back. Especially now, when a bunch of the people who were at the service would still be standing around gossiping about her afterward.

“No!” she said, and backpedaled, “I mean, not now. Maybe tomorrow after work, or at lunchtime? My hours are flexible, but I should put in a full day tomorrow since my employer gave me some time off in the last few days to deal with personal issues. Right now I just need some space to think and pray.”

“You do that,” Greg said. “I’m sure if you pray honestly, God will lead you to do the right thing, whatever his plan is for you. I can’t say I understand, but I’m going to try. Jennifer and I will pray for you too.” Jennifer was his wife.

“Thank you,” Eliza said, and let out a sob. “I need to go.”

“Let me know when you want to meet. God bless you.”

“Who was that?” Sarah asked after Eliza hung up.

“Brother Greg,” she replied. “He apologized and said Brother Allen was out of line, and said he wanted to meet up – I said maybe tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I heard that part. I’m glad he’s at least sort of on your side… but do you want to go back?”

“Not for good. Probably just to talk with Brother Greg. I don’t think I want to keep going to Crossway, though; I don’t know how many people feel like Brother Allen and Jacob, but I’m afraid it’s a lot.”

“Yeah,” Sarah said.

They ate silently for a while. A couple more unidentified local numbers called, but Eliza let them go to voicemail. She was too exhausted to interact with anyone, whether they were chiming in with apologies or wanting to preach at her, and was beginning to regret her promise to tell Sarah about the magic once they were in private. Not that she didn’t trust her to keep it secret, but because she was about talked out for the day.

Finally, there was a call from a number in her contacts. “Got to fix that so it doesn’t show her old name,” she mumbled, and picked up. “Hey, Cassie.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m emotionally drained, but okay. Can we talk later?”

“Do you feel safe to drive?”

“…Um. Probably?”

“I’m coming. Where are you?”

“I’m at Proper in Boone – I went out to eat with a friend after… after stuff happened and she stood up for me.”

“Oh, good. When I woke up and saw you’d gone to church as usual, I was super worried about you. Were people mean to you?”

“Some of them, yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. Really, I’m fine to drive. I got plenty of sleep and I feel a lot better than I did right after we left the church. Just sit tight and if I start feeling bad again, I’ll ask Sarah to drive me home.” She had a fleeting moment of surprise at herself for calling Cassie’s house ‘home’, but didn’t think about it for long.

“Okay. Take care of yourself, and tell your friend thank you from me.”

Eliza felt overwhelmed with gratitude again. She was such a mess and Cassie and Sarah were being so good to her… and even Brother Greg. “Okay. Talk to you later.” She hung up and wiped away a tear.

“Was that your employer?” Sarah asked.

“Yeah. She’s great. Best boss I’ve ever worked for.” Something felt wrong about ‘employer’ and ‘boss’ with reference to Cassie, after what they’d gone through together in the last week. But she didn’t say anything about that to Sarah.

When they finished eating, Sarah asked, “Are you feeling okay to drive?”

“Yeah, I can drive. Just drop me off next to my car in the church parking lot. Hopefully everybody who was at the service has gone home by now, except maybe the staff…”

“Okay. If there’s people still around that you want to avoid, maybe we can drive around in circles until you answer all my questions about magic?” Sarah said with a grin as they got up and walked toward the cash register.

Conveniently, the spellbook was waiting for Eliza in the passenger seat of Sarah’s car. She showed it to her and started telling her about how she’d discovered it and started learning magic, and so on; she also cast a levitation spell on her car keys to show Sarah some magic that was a bit more flashy than the nail-growing spell. She hadn’t gotten very far with her explanation before they reached the church.

The parking lot was mostly deserted, with only four cars besides Eliza’s and no people standing around.

“Do you recognize those cars?” Eliza asked.

“I think that pickup truck is Brother Mark’s.” One of the deacons, not someone Eliza knew well. “And the Nissan is Mrs. Erwin’s.” The church secretary.

“The others are probably Brother Greg and Brother Allen. But no one’s nearby… they’re probably all in the church office, and it doesn’t have windows facing the street. Okay, yeah, let me out by my car.”

“All right. Please keep in touch, okay? You’ve got my number?”

“It’s in the church directory, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you so much.”

Eliza got out and waved as Sarah backed out and drove off. She kept her keys levitating close to her hand and turned to her car.

There were deep scratches in the hood. A capital T, an R, and something that might have been the start of an A that trailed off in a long line. Eliza felt numb.

Somebody here didn’t just disapprove of her being trans, but hated her enough to carve a slur into her car. But they’d been interrupted, or lost their nerve, thinking someone had seen them. Did someone see them, and report it? Was one of the calls she’d ignored from the police? She checked the hood of her car for a note, and didn’t find one.

Shaking, she unlocked her car door and sat down. She wanted to get away from here, drive to Cassie’s house faster than was safe, and crawl into bed. But if she wanted anything done about this, she needed to deal with the police. Should she? That was what they were for, right? And surely 99% of the people here, even if they disapproved of her, disapproved of vandalism just as much…

She sat in the driver’s seat, nervously glancing toward the doors of the church in case the staff meeting ended and someone came out, and checked her voicemail. Three calls, one from Stephanie Griggs, the Sunday School teacher for the grad students and other mid-twenties – she hadn’t been to Sunday School often since starting the job at Cassie’s house, since most of the class was out of town for the summer anyway, but Stephanie left a kind message apologizing for Brother Allen’s action and hoping she would come back. The other two were… less friendly. She cringed, and wondered if she should play them for the police as evidence of what had happened… she didn’t recognize the voices, but someone would.

Holding back sobs, she started to dial 911, and then shook her head, looked up the number for the Boone police department and dialed that instead. She tried to stay calm as she reported the crime. The dispatcher asked her a few basic questions and told her to wait with her car; an officer would be there to take her report and take photos of the car shortly.

That reminded her she needed to take some photos as well, to send to her insurance company. She got out, still keeping an eye on the church, and took a couple of photos of the hood damage, then walked around to car to check for any more scratches, and got back in.

It occurred to her that she ought to let Cassie know she’d be later than expected, so she dialed her landline.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, mostly… but my car was vandalized in the church parking lot while I was at the restaurant with Sarah. I’m waiting for the police to come take photos and stuff.”

“Those bastards!” Cassie cried. “Are you sure you’re safe there? It’s not a big step from vandalizing someone’s car to beating them up.”

“No one’s around except the church staff, and they’re in a meeting – whoever scratched my car probably did it right after the service, and they’re long gone. And the police will be here soon anyway, in case one of the deacons comes out of the office and gives me a hard time.”

“Don’t trust the police, either. I know you’re used to thinking they’re on your side, because you’re white and middle-class, but now that you’re out as trans, that’s not true anymore even to the extent it was.”

“What?”

Cassie briefly told her about a couple of incidents of police officers in various places hassling trans women, or even beating them up. “I’m afraid they’re going to accuse you of scratching up your own car to get attention, or something,” she concluded.

“Do you think I should, I don’t know, just call back and say I don’t want to press charges against whoever?”

“I don’t know… just be on your guard. Don’t tell them you’re trans if they don’t clock you.”

“I’m gonna need to show them my driver’s license, though.”

“Shit. Stay right there, I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

“They’ll probably be gone by the time you –” But Cassie had already hung up.

Eliza fretted herself into a tizzy by the time the police car arrived with a single officer. He parked to her left and got out, then walked around, pausing to look at her hood, and reached her window just as she finished rolling it down.

“Miss? You reported your car was vandalized?”

“Yes – you can see the scratches there on the hood. I went to lunch with a friend after church, and when she dropped me off by my car afterward I found it damaged.”

“I see. Can I see your ID?”

Trembling, Eliza got her wallet out of her purse and handed over her driver’s license. She watched the officer’s face and saw his eyes narrow, studying her face and the license photo.

“Is this your current address, Mr. Hudnall?”

“Uh, not exactly, that’s my parents’ house. I’m a grad student at the university, but I’m doing a summer internship that includes room and board…” She gave him Cassie’s address, then her own phone number and email.

“Are you a member of the church, or were you visiting with someone?”

“I’ve been a member since pretty soon after I started grad school – I think last October.”

“Do you have any idea who might have had a grudge against you?”

Eliza pursed her lips. “There are some people who disapprove of me, but I can’t think of anyone who would do this.”

“I see. All right, Mr. Hudnall, just sit tight. I’ll take some photos of the damage and then you’re free to go; we’ll be in touch. Do you know if any of the church staff is around for me to talk to?”

“Yes, I recognize the church secretary’s car and one of the deacons’, and I’m pretty sure the pastor is still here too.”

When the officer had taken his photos and started toward the church door, Eliza rolled up her window and finally relaxed. That wasn’t as bad as she’d feared, though it hurt when he switched from “Miss” to “Mr. Hudnall” after he saw her driver’s license. She’d need to talk to her insurance company tomorrow, too, and that wouldn’t be fun, but for now she could drive home and crash.

Except wait, Cassie was on her way here. If she just went, they’d pass each other and Cassie might panic if she got here and Eliza wasn’t here… Why did she insist on coming?

She tried calling Cassie’s landline, and got voicemail, then her cellphone, and got voicemail again. She picked up the spellbook and reviewed chapter four again, then tried Cassie’s cell again. She picked up after a couple of rings.

“Hey, I’m on my way. What’s going on?”

“The police officer talked to me and took photos, and now he’s talking to the church staff. He said I was free to go, but I didn’t want to leave until I talked with you.”

“Good. Was he decent to you?”

“Eh… not as bad as you warned me. He, um, misgendered me several times. And looked at me funny. But he didn’t accuse me of making it up or anything.”

“Small favors. Okay, you want to head home and I’ll just turn around and meet you there?”

“Yeah, see you at the house.”