In a complete 180 from how he was feeling earlier, Allan was now having a full-on laughing fit.

“So we… So Kat… We did a…” He could barely get any words out of Allie’s mouth.

“Yes, some sort of round-robin swap!” Jessica replied enthusiastically. “I saw it happen right in front of me, and it was incredible! The flash was so bright, I was blinded for five to seven seconds!”

Allie, Kat, and Allan were all seated on the futon once again. While he was laughing his ass off at the fact that somehow Kat got mixed up in this nonsense now, he couldn't help but observe that the other two were having very different reactions to his own.

Kat had wasted no time in feeling every part of herself up, and that meant every part. Every. Part. Allan, however, was cool with this, as she’d already felt it all before from the other side, and additionally, they'd both agreed to things like that before beginning the experiments earlier. Though, at the time, he was really expecting (and hoping) to end up in Allie’s current position…

Which was definitely an odd sight to behold. Instead of Kat’s usual expressiveness and bouncy energy, Allie made her look nervous, reserved, and withdrawn, something which Allan had rarely, if ever, seen displayed by Kat herself. She was tightly gripping the futon on either side of her with Kat’s short black nails, as if she would fly up into the outer stratosphere were she to let go. Her legs were squeezed tightly together, her face was flushed as all hell, and her eyes looked as though they were taped open as wide as they could be, staring towards the turned-off TV without really seeing it.

“Allie… you sure you’re good?” Allan asked.

She nodded and unclenched the futon for a brief second before immediately undoing said unclenching. “I-I’m okat- okay! I’m good! I’m fine! Just peachy keen, Mr. Clean!!”

Kat briefly paused her self-admiration. “Wait, holy shit, how has that never come up as a fucking nickname for him before?!”

Allan just groaned.

That's gonna stick for goddamn ever now, isn't it. Thanks a ton, Allie.

Her behavior was a stark contrast to the earlier swap, Allan noted. Where Allie had enjoyed her time as Allan, here she was just trying not to freak. And Allan could not understand why. Kat was beautiful, Kat was wonderful, Kat was dressed just the right amount of provocative-

Allan mentally facepalmed.

She was in the body of her years-long friend-crush – or at least the version of her that existed in this universe – and it was too much stimulation all at once. Allan was about to say something to try and comfort her, but Jessica jumped in first.

“There's so much new information to investigate! Why didn’t either of the initial sparks cause a swap? Why was I unable to spark with Allan, and yet Kat was involved in the swap? Can the swaps between Allie and Allan alone be replicated now that Allie is away from either body, or does the ability stick with the body and not the mind? Clearly, this demands more testing.”

“And more fucking Tylenol… the headaches you get from these are bitches…” Kat grumbled, one hand moving up to her forehead while the other continued to poke around under her shirt.

“On that note, how painful are the headaches you all have been getting post swap-event?” Jessica queried. “On a scale from 1-10. I wish we didn't have to be subjective, but I don't have access to an MRI machine.”

“They were originally like a seven when first hitting but now it’s more like a five to me,” Allan replied. “Well, can’t be sure about last night, but…”

“Seriously? Dude, it started out like a fuckin’ eight or nine, easily…” Kat complained. “Getting into migraine territory there, but thankfully without all the other shit going on on top…”

Jessica pointed her pen at Allie. “And you?”

Allie glanced at Jessica, then went back to staring off into the middle distance. “I… I dunno, like… seven sounds about right for this one, but last night with Allan was a three? Two? And earlier today was a five? Sorry, I don’t know if I’m making shit up or not now, it’s hard to remember how intense a headache was hours after it happened. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, there’s no need to apologize. This is all going to be very subjective regardless, as we have no objective way of measuring your brains… which, quite honestly, is a real shame.”

“Jeez, this is so goddamn trippy, y’all…” Kat said, staring at Allie. “Like… I’m seeing me… but it’s also very much fucking not me, y’know? And from the side in 3D, not a camera… This is freaky!” She whistled. “That corset was a good choice though, hot damn.”

“C-can we…” Allie stuttered, squeezing the futon even harder. “…run s-some more tests? I-I think I want to swap again…”

“Wait, why so soon?” Kat was insulted. “Do you not like being in my hot-ass bod?”

But Allan got what Allie was hinting at. “Kat, science isn’t about why, it’s about why not!” Kat giggled in response, a sound at odds with the baritone she had. He stood up to walk over to Allie, but Jessica held out a hand to stop him.

“Hold on, this needs to be more controlled than before,” she insisted. “First, see if you can create a spark between your fingers, like you did before.”

“Okay, sure.” Allan motioned to Allie to stand up. She did so slowly, looking like she might lose her balance at any second. “Sure you’re good?” She pursed her lips and nodded quickly, then finally looked Allan in the eyes.

It may have been the same face as his girlfriend’s, but it was just so… different. Allie was carrying herself in much the same way as she did before the party the night before, down to her timid facial expressions. And her eyes… They were still Kat’s steely blue and not his and Allie’s muddy brown, but it was somehow immediately obvious to him that there was a whole other intelligence behind them.

“Okay, I’m ready.” Jessica had positioned herself between the two, kneeling to get a more direct look at the finger-to-finger contact point. “Remember, move slowly.”

Remembering the shock they’d both felt the last time they were in this position, Allan braced himself for the worst. They got closer, closer, closer…

Poke.

Nothing.

“Oh, very interesting…” Jessica noted it down. “So maybe it’s correlated with the bodies, not the minds…”

 Kat, ever the one to take advantage of a situation, immediately reached up and poked Allan in the butt.

“Boop!”

Allan squealed and jolted away from the unexpected touch.

“That’s my ass, Kat!” Allie said, indignant.

“Well, you’re wearing my ass, and you don’t hear me complaining!”

“I’m not touching it though, am I? How would you like it if-” In the middle of her sentence, she grabbed her own – Kat’s own – ass through her leather skirt, then realized what she was doing and hid her face in her hands to hide the inevitable tomato it would become.

Kat just cackled.

“Katherine, I gave explicit instructions to only do tests in a controlled manner!” Jessica raged. “I wasn’t able to observe any data!”

“Wanna watch me do it again?” Kat said with a sly grin.

“…Yes, actually,” Jessica replied, with a completely straight face. She crouched down next to Allan’s butt, which made him feel a little uncomfortable, and Kat gave it another poke.

“Nothing! However, that was through clothes, so… what about skin-to-skin?”

Then Kat got a devilish grin. “Ooh, I know exactly what you mean!”

Before Allan could react, Kat grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled his face down to meet hers… and gave him a kiss.

A bearded kiss.

From his own mouth.

“JESUS CHRIST KAT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??” cried Allie.

Allan pushed away from her. “Yeah, the shit are you doing??”

“Juuuust initiating some skin to skin contact as was asked by our dear leader,” replied Kat, smugly. “After all, there’s still a debt to repay-”

“THAT DEBT WAS PAID. IN FULL.” Allie was seething. “Or do you not fucking remember this morning’s game of whack-a-pole you played??” She crossed her arms. “Frankly, I think even that went a bit too far, and this is far worse.”

“Dude.” Allan was incredibly conflicted about the situation. “I know you wanted to kiss while swapped, but, like… do you not see how weird it is to be doing that while in bodies that could be twins??”

“But you’re not actually twins, right? You didn’t know each other until last night, you didn’t grow up as brother and sister…” Kat crossed her arms. “Frankly, I just wanted to answer a question I had.”

…Oh dear god you have to be kidding me.

“The fucking clone sex question?? HOW WOULD KISSING HAVE ANSWERED GODDAMN ANYTHING??” Allan raged.

“I dunno, I was thinking maybe it was like in Back to the Future where Marty’s mom kissed him on the lips and she was like grossed out because somehow she fucking felt it was like kissing her brother?” She touched her lips with her fingers. “And I don’t think I felt what she did, but it was still fucking weird.”

“KATHERINE.”

This time, it was Kat’s turn to jump. “Jesus fuck!”

“I quite literally just told you! Don’t run tests without letting me watch!”

“So first you wanted to look at me poking Allan’s butt, and now you want to watch us kiss?” Kat grinned. “Perv alert!”

“No, I want to watch you two touch fingers, or bare skin in general!” Jessica was getting really worked up now. “Oh, you know what, that reminds me…” She turned back to Allan, an expression on her face like a parent who’d heard baby’s first cuss word and was not impressed.

Oh no.

“Earlier, you used the phrase ‘weird pervert stuff’ to describe a certain very sensitive topic, Allan, and I have a question for you. Do you really think the idea of men dressing up like or even wanting to be women is perverted?”

He could feel his cheeks getting red. “I don’t know. I’m just… it’s fucking weird though, right?”

“Why?” was Jessica’s terse response.

“I mean…” He struggled for a bit, grasping at straws, but came up short. “I don’t fucking know, okay? It just feels so fucking gross for someone to want that.”

Every time I accidentally see myself in the mirror wearing those clothes but not this body…

Jessica was opening her mouth to say some rebuttal, but paused with a certain look on her face. Allan had seen this look before, when she’d found a missing piece of some puzzle she was solving in her head. This suspicion was confirmed when Jessica snapped open her notebook, but was then complicated a bit when she flipped halfway through and started a third section in what was quickly becoming a very cramped space.

Another theory to work on? Jesus, isn’t there enough going on already?

Kat stood up from the futon and got in between them. “How’s about we drop the subject, maybe?” she said, with a diplomatic calmness very unlike her. “Let’s just focus on the science and get back to testing, yeah?”

Jessica seemed like she was going to argue, but opted not to. “The testing is important, of course, but so is talking about this. Can we agree to shelve it for later and not outright drop it?”

“Sounds perfectly fine to me.” Allan turned to Kat and cracked a lopsided grin. “So when do I get the portal gun, huh?”

Kat rolled her eyes and plopped a hand on his shoulder. “Right after you’ve had the cake I promised, subject name here.” Then she started leaning towards Allan to kiss again… before realizing what she was doing and very quickly plopping back down on the creaking futon in a rare display of embarrassment. “Right, fingers, looking, no kissing, sorry.” She reached out her hand and waited for Allan to connect.

…

“Nothing again?” Jessica looked puzzled as she turned back to the appropriate page in her notebook. “So it’s not the bodies, or the minds…”

“What do you mean, n-nothing?” Allie began to stutter. “We… we can get b-back, right?”

“I’m not sure at this stage…” Jessica murmured, most of her focus on her note-taking. Then she glanced up at Allie, who was staring back at her with a look of quickly growing fear. “N-no! That’s not quite what I meant to say! There absolutely must be a way back, but we only have yet to find it! More testing is required, that’s all!”

“All righty then!” Kat clapped her hands together loudly, possibly in a (successful) attempt to distract the others. “Let’s get fucking testy!”

Allan snickered. “Fucking teste.”

Allie chuckled despite herself, though she did still look a bit worried.

Kat stood back up and reached her hand out to Allie, almost as an offering. “Here, touch my finger.” She saw the look on her face and scoffed. “Once Jess’s watching, duh. I’m not dumb enough to cross her a third fucking time…”

“Fourth, actually, but who’s counting…” Jessica muttered under her breath. She bent over towards Kat’s outstretched finger. “Ready!”

And nothing happened again.

“Does it have to involve falling?” Allan asked, then immediately corrected himself. “Wait, no, the zaps happened on their own…”

Jessica nodded. “Exactly. Touching fingers alone gave us results earlier, but for whatever reason, it isn’t giving us the same effects now…”

Allan then noticed Kat scrunching her face tightly. Before he could ascertain what was up, she unscrunched with a snap of her fingers.

“Jessica, can you watch my left hand?”

She nodded, unsure. “Ready.”

Kat slowly brought her hand over until she was touching Allan’s arm, then grabbed it. No sparks, same as before.

Jessica looked up at Kat, curious. “What exactly were you wanting to test with this?”

“Just watch my right. I have an idea…” She reached over to Allie, not letting go of Allan, and Jessica’s eyes got wide with the realization of what she was doing. She stretched out towards Allie’s hand and-

SNAP!

Allan yanked his hand out of Kat’s grasp, vocalizing an unintentional little squeak.

Jesus, how did I feel that one?

Allie was shaking her hand around to get rid of the pain, but at least she looked somewhat relieved. Jessica, meanwhile, was a proud momma hen.

“Fantastic idea! It must need to involve all of the affected parties!”

Kat shrugged. “Just thought back to fuckin’ high school biology, when they carted in a big Van de Graaff generator and we all took turns shocking the hell outta each other. Except I bet…” She quickly grabbed Allie’s hand and poked Allan.

SNAP!

Allan full-on yelped at this, almost falling backwards.

“Yup, it’s like they’re both generators, almost.” Kat and Jessica both completely ignored Allan’s plight… how dare they. “Like I touch one, and everything’s fine until someone turns the fucking generator on right before I touch the other.

Jessica sighed. “I wish you would have let me see that attempt, but you do seem to be correct… But what about the final combination?”

They got in position. Allan, holding Allie’s hand with his left, reached out to poke Kat’s with his right…

“Nothing! The twins must need to be at both ends, almost like Kat is simply conduit in between…”

“Wow, rude! I’m more than just a piece of copper.”

Allan laughed, watching her expression change to one of exaggerated indignance. It was weird to see ‘himself’ act so effeminate, at least out in the open like this, but somehow… strangely alluring?

How does everyone wear my face better than I do?

He looked down at the body he was in and ran his hands over the jeans Allie had chosen the morning prior.

You know, why does she choose to hide herself underneath all this baggy shit? She looked so cute in those clothes I had…

 “Now then, the million-dollar question… how do we trigger a full-on swap?” Jessica chewed on the end of her pen, making Allan gag a bit.

“Maybe that requires us to fall all over each other!” Kat suggested. “Gravity-assist body swaps! It could be a thing!”

Allan shrugged. “Worth a shot.”

After pulling over the yoga mat and placing the futon pillows on top to cushion their fall (good thinking, Jess!), they all lined up approximately like they had been when the earlier swap happened: Allan-as-Allie in front, Kat-as-Allan just behind, and Allie-as-Kat at the back.

“Ready, set… fall!” Jessica chanted.

Allie leaned over onto Kat, who leaned onto Allan, who leaned onto absolutely nothing-

SNAP!

-and fell face-first onto a somewhat softer landing than before. There was still the matter of the goddamn combined weight of the bodies on top of him, and he began yelling muffled screams to hopefully give them a hint and get them to ROLL OFF.

“No swap, I assume…?”

Allie was now laying on the floor, hair a mess and fishnetted limbs splayed everywhere. “Nope.”

“Not even any sparks you could feel?”

“Actually…” Kat moaned, clutching her crotch. “I think my netherregion made contact with Allan before the rest of me…”

Allan snorted, rubbing his ass-cheek.

“What? I was surrounded by two beautiful women, what’s a red-blooded male like me to do?” Oddly, she seemed to falter near the end of her joke.

“Nice one, Narcissus,” quipped Allie.

“So it doesn’t need to be skin to skin…” Jessica mused.

“Y’know, getting serious for a second…” Kat sat back up. “I may be making the funnies, but I think I might be… well, getting kinda tired of this? Like, it was fun at first, but…” She gestured down at her tented pants. “Everything just feels… wrong, somehow. Kissing Allan, cute as he looks, just felt wrong. And like, I’m actively bothered by the fact that I have this stiffy now. Like my brain just knows it shouldn’t fuckin’ be there.” She scratched her beard. “And this stupid thing is so itchy! Allan, how the hell do you stand it in here 24/7?”

I don’t. I just would rather not have to see my ugly gross-ass chin every time I accidentally happen to glance in the direction of any goddamn vaguely reflective surface.

…is what he wanted to say. But he just shrugged. “I dunno. Used to it, I guess.”

He paused.

…Hold on, is the brain adjustment thing not affecting Kat?

This was concerning. If she wasn’t getting adjusted to his body like Allie was, what did that mean…? Could there maybe be no adjustment-

He shook his head violently, willing those thoughts back into a deep, dark corner of his mind.

Nonononono. Distraction. Need a distraction.

He quickly turned to Jessica, who was back at it, writing furiously into her notebook. “Hey, so… Jess? Any thoughts on what we should do next?”

She didn’t answer.

He snapped his fingers in front of her face a few times. “Hello? Earth to Jess…? Experiments, science, data, other Jess buzzwords…?”

Damn, she must be really in the zone.

“Guess we’ll have to think of some on our own, then…” He picked himself up off the floor and sat on the futon once again.

Okay, so… Electricity. Generators. Circuits. Conduits…

He squinted.

Damn, now I wish I paid more attention in high school physics… But like, I know the basics of how electricity moves in a circuit, right? Don’t need to know all that shit about resistors or capacitors or transistors or the Pointer Sisters for this.

He blinked.

Wait, hold on, circuits? Don’t they require an unbroken connection from positive to negative? Or from hot to… neutral? Ground? Whatever, fuck alternating current, it can suck my ass because it shouldn’t matter here.

He tried to rouse Jessica, but she was immovable, going through ink like a squid on the run from the law. To the others, he whispered, “I have an idea, and I don’t want to wait around for Dr. Gertie Fremont over here to finish whatever the hell she’s writing. Y’all down?”

They both nodded.

He motioned for them to stand up quietly, then reached over the crouching Jessica to hold Kat’s left hand with his right.

Hold his own gross, hairy, disgusting man hand.

Allan, focus. If you’re right about this, then that won’t even be a problem.

He grabbed Allie’s considerably smaller hand without a spark occurring, same as before. They both looked at him, expectantly.

“Now what?” Allie whispered.

“Now… complete the circuit,” he grinned.

Their eyes lit up.

“Oh shit, do you think…?” Kat murmured.

Allie reached her finger out, and Kat did the same.

Just before they were about to touch, Jessica looked up and saw what they were doing. “No, wait-”

Floating.

Just a ball of tapioca.

Not waiting.

Just being.

No thoughts.

Head empty.

Still floating.

On and on.

Into the abyss…

Then the straw.

And suddenly-

“-wake up, oh my god, please wake up!”

He had another headache, par for the course by this point.

Not as strong as before though, which was nice.

He slowly sat up, narrowly avoiding hitting his head on the edge of the futon armrest.

“You wouldn’t think you could get used to swapping bodies, but…” he quipped, eyes still struggling to take in the ambient light.

He heard a gasp. “Kat? Or Allie? Allan?! Whoever you are, thank God you’re okay!” Out of nowhere, he felt a body collide with his and arms wrap around him, squeezing him.

Making him notice the feeling of pressure on some very large… expanses of acreage… attached to his person.

“Jess, Jess, chill! It’s Allan. What’s going on?” he said, in a voice unmistakably different from the two others he’d used that day.

She started whimpering. “You… you all did the thing, the flash happened, and you passed out… f-for like a good minute before you woke up, at least! I was s-scared that something bad had happened, that you’d hit your heads on the way down or something and… and…”

The others.

Allan struggled to bring his eyes into focus. Thankfully, he could see his own body starting to stir while awkwardly slumped over the front of the futon, and Allie’s was on the yoga mat and holding her stomach.

“They look fine to me.”

Jessica turned around, still tearing up, and gasped. She let go of Allan and waddled over on her knees to help them.

“My goddamn head…” Allan’s body mumbled. “Fuck!” With Jessica’s help, they pulled themselves fully onto the futon and laid down properly, clutching the source of their pain.

“Who are you?” Jessica asked.

“Allie…” she groaned.

Makes sense, because I’m over here with these…

He smiled despite himself.

I mean, not like Allie was lacking in this department, but hot DAMN this corset’s doing some heavy lifting.

Jessica turned away from Allie. “So that leaves…”

It left the girl lying on the floor, who suddenly stumbled to her feet and dashed to the bedroom as quickly as she could under the circumstances, disappearing inside. A retching sound reverberated out into the living room.

“Don’t worry, Jess, I got her. You stay here with Allie.” He stood up, still somewhat unsteady himself, then gingerly stepped over to the bathroom, trying not to slip on the surprisingly slippery bottoms of the fishnet stockings he now wore.

Flicking on the light switch revealed a familiar scene: Allie’s body hunched over the toilet bowl, which contained a whole bunch of puke. Or brunch, in this case.

“Heya, Kit Kat, are you okay…?”

She dry heaved. “N-no… *burp* Oh god… we can’t do that again. I can’t do that again. This is very much in migraine territory now.”

Allan chuckled. “Well, we’re gonna have to, at least once…” He glanced at himself in the mirror.

Now… that was a trip. Even more so than when he saw Allie there.

Kat’s visage looked back at him. Her makeup was a bit smeared, and her hair messier than usual, but it was her.

Or rather, he was her.

This is somehow both the weirdest thing and the hottest thing ever.

But now was not the time to ogle at his girlfriend-self! He had to take care of his twin-girlfriend!

She was breathing heavily now, but not dry heaving or burping anymore, which he took as a good sign.

“Wha…” she panted. “What do you mean by that…?”

Has she still not noticed?

“I mean… have you seen yourself lately?”

She wiped her mouth off with some toilet paper and slowly turned to look at him. It seemed to take her a second to process, but finally, she gave him a weak chuckle.

“Oh… Now I have.”

Allan went over to help her stand up and brought her to the sink. They looked at each other in the mirror.

“Now, where have I seen this one before…” Kat croaked. She grabbed the cup Allan kept by the sink for rinsing his mouth, filling it with water to swish around her mouth, and he couldn’t bring himself to object like he normally would.

It’s fine, it’s Kat… she’s probably used it before without telling me.

He frowned.

But wait… no, it’s Allie’s germs. Which… I guess are the same as mine? Maybe? Whatever, I’ll fucking wash it later, who cares?

She spit the (nasty) contents of her mouth out into the sink, then wiped her mouth with another square of toilet paper… better than a towel, for sure.

Uh, did I… try to eat a towel last night? Christ, Allie, drink responsibly…

Kat tried to do some silly poses in the mirror but stopped quickly after her face turned green once again. “Maybe… maybe we can enjoy this later. Not now though…” She ripped open his medicine cabinet and started knocking stuff down into the sink. “Shit dude, any Tylenol in here? Alka-Seltzer? Pepto-Bismol?”

“Yeah, you just poured it all into the sink!” He fished around and pulled out two brand-color-coded bottles of pills. “I coulda just grabbed them for you, you know?”

“Don’t think you can reach the top shelf though, with those puny little arms and legs…”

Allan glared at her. “What do you mean? I’m taller than…” He trailed off as Kat, with some effort, stood up straight and easily dwarfed him. “…Holy shit, how short are you?”

“You’re four foot eleven, if that’s what you mean. I think I’m more like…” She squinted at herself in the mirror. “Five three? Five four? Have to measure that later… when my eyes are working correctly… and I’m not getting ready to barf all over your medical supplies…”

He shoved the two medicine bottles he’d rescued at her, then started cleaning up the mess in the sink. “If you barf, it better fucking be in the toilet.”

It was not.