As time moves on, I find myself going through the applications to host a portal… turns out there’s a lot of places that want to do so.  Mostly private businesses… first guess is that while they’re officially wanting to host me freely for the greater good… what they really want to do is put an attraction in the back so folks will come through the front door, look at all their goods, and perhaps buy something on their way to my minions’ services.  There’s not really anything wrong with that, but I’m not liking the idea of someone else controlling the front door, as that could easily lead to some form of members only scenario.  I’m looking for things like city parks… but I want to set things up so nobody has to go too far to find an entry so…

I start by getting a map of the United States out, as well as some statistics.  Let’s see… 3.797 million square miles of land, so if I plant a portal at a grid intersections a hundred miles apart, I’ll need around 380 such portals, and the farthest anyone would need to go - as the crow flies - would be… square root of fifty times fifty times two is a little shy of seventy one miles.  If I instead do fifty mile grid intersections, I’ll need four times as many portals, and the farthest away anyone’s going to be is a little over thirty five miles… not that my casting capable conjuration companions actually need to get back to me regularly.  But I said portals, so portals it shall be… backed by big chunks of iron, enchanted with Eternal Steel, so only my minions equipped with Ironguard spells will get through them quickly (or more likely, “at all”).

So I go through the applications, first sorting by location type - public places and nonprofits get priority, private spaces are second pass - and start ticking off that just over fifteen hundred grid intersections… yeah, I don’t get enough of them.  I do start to notice a pattern, though: Smaller towns without their own hospitals are a lot more likely to be receptive to the idea.  Heh.  Everyone wants to live… so I set aside the applications I plan to accept, and do a second pass.

This time, I’m looking for private applications that own whatever plot of land it is, free and clear.  I don't want these things getting shut down by the landlord, you know?  That’s… a lot harder to identify, honestly.  Still, mortgages and property ownership is public record, some searches (by Conjuration Companions sent to the appropriate courthouses) actually do bring up that information.

About halfway through, I realize something important: I don't have nearly enough applications to cover things that well.  So after all the sorting work… I just toss everything that's not a private residence into the accept pile, and have a Companion send them all letters saying they are good to go with appointments for a month out. Doesn't matter if they overlap: I can have Time Clones handle the actual setup for everything but the Conjuration Companions staffing things, and record the memory of it for me. Works out to about five hundred locations for now.

And I can make the Conjuration companions in advance. I'm buffing them fully, so this may even be important if I don't want to stop time… which I don't: I'd like it if my daughters were all the same age, and while I could theoretically simply hang out in time for nine months and have the girl "now" as far as the rest of the world is concerned, that wouldn't work so well for the one Jessica is carrying. And I'm planning on around sixteen hundred portals so nobody needs to go too far… and there's no reason at all not to make the companions in advance: I can simply unsummon them once they're all buffed up, and re-summon them when they're needed.

With the laundry list of buffs I put on them, this actually takes a few hours, even with summoning Time Clones to help. These things aren't quite as durable as I am… but your average modern army is going to have trouble with even one: They require magic to stop: Simple injury won't do the job.  They're also space-capable, because the Alteration Sphere of Spheres of Power has that option, and why not?

Oh, I’m sure NASA will be interested in my services… how to advertise… ah, there we go…

I look up the most recent photos I can find online quickly from the Curiosity rover. Sadly, it's a few days old. Still, I can land on the spot, and can track pretty quickly… how many miles does the rover get in a day? I spend some time looking that up… not even one. It's rated for two hundred METERS per day, maximum, the record for how far it's gone is about half that… and it does zig-zags. Oh yes, and it's "About the size of a small SUV." So with a three day old image, I will probably be able to see it from where I land.

Well... no reason to delay, then.

Using the most recent picture I can find from Curiosity, I use Universal Teleport from the Warp sphere to visit… and yep, there it is. A leisurely walk away, moving at a snail's pace.

… and I'm the first man in history to set foot on the red planet. Huh.

I look around a bit… red rocks and sand, as far as the eye can see. Pretty… but I like Earth better.

Well, I came here for a reason… I walk over to the rover, and make a small sign saying "Call me" and giving my phone number at the end of a stiff wire. I fasten it to the rover where one of the cameras will see it, then spend some time cleaning it up with Prestidigitation and do a complete repair on it with the Memory of Function spell.

I spend some time wandering around it, admiring the engineering on a machine that's been operating continuously without maintenance for over a decade as I follow along with it, making sure to stay in view while I wait.

After a good thirty minutes, I get curious why I haven't gotten a call, and do some cursory research online… oh.  While it's only about twenty light minutes between Earth and Mars, the rover can only upload to the satellite for a time measured in minutes per Martian day, and the satellite can only see Earth for a fraction of each day, and the receiver for it isn't constantly looking. So there's no livestream to a guy monitoring.

Pity, it would have been cool to see their reactions as they watch me answer their call on a twenty minute delay.  Oh well. Mission accomplished for now, they'll get the number and call me sooner or later.

I Warp back home, and go wash the sand and dust off. Mars isn't very clean. It is sterile, though, no concerns about infection. Not that I ever have any anymore.

I continue on with my normal routine, and at three AM I get a phone call. I don't recognize the number, but I am expecting a strange call, so I pick up… just like I did with six telemarketers earlier.

"Hi, this is Chris Carlson, how may I help you?"

"Hi, my name is Jake Jacobson, and I'm with NASA. Before we go any further, did you leave that card?"

"You mean the one on the wire on Curiosity? Yes. I also polished it up a bit while I was there. I was hoping to sell you my transportation services, and figured that was the most effective way to convince you I can do the job."

"OK. Yes, I will ABSOLUTELY let the director know. But… are you aware we upload the raw images to our website the moment we get them?"

… oh. "No, I was not.  Umm… oops?" Leaving the call open, I warp off to the Rover's last location, and zip over.

The call with Jake continues while I move, "Yeah… I recalled the batch, and I am going to go ahead and edit out your number before reposting… but there were a dozen downloads before I noticed. How soon can you pull the sign?"

"I'm taking care of it now," as I remove the sign.

Jake pauses as I warp back, "Like, you're getting in your rocket and zipping off at near light speed after we hang up?"

"No, as in I'm already done. I didn't need to hang up, I went to Mars and returned with you on the line. There was no reason to pause the conversation. Check the timestamps on the pictures on the next download from the rover. Or the next time the rover uploads? Matter of perspective, I guess."

"The hardware at Mars initiates the conversation so it's uploading to us…. but yes, I will. If that lines up…."

I interrupt, "It will."

"... then you're going to be the hottest thing this agency has ever seen." He pauses, "And that's not intended as a dig at your voice or appearance, Mr. Carlson. Please don't bury me forever in snow or turn me into a woman. My wife would kill me, the director would burn me to ash, and the president would pee on my grave… if I even got one."

I sigh, "I'm not going to hurt you for words, and I know your … excitement… right now is for space."

He sighs in relief, "Oh good. I would not want to queer the deal of the epoch due to sticking my foot in my mouth."

"I'm cool. So when can I expect to talk turkey on services, pricing, and scheduling?"

"You'll be the first person on the director's agenda tomorrow. Well, later today, really. So a couple of hours."

"Sounds good. Thanks Jake."

"It's my pleasure speaking to the first man to set foot on Mars. Thank YOU."

We hang up.