A heavy bamboo stick was hoisted above me. Even though my head was shoved towards the ground, I could see it from the afternoon shadow cast on the ground. Stomach overflowing with butterflies, I tried to calm my heart. To be honest, I only half thought he’d punish this harshly. I made sure my tongue was not between my teeth and tensed my muscles, but for one who’d never experienced agonizing suffering, I could not be prepared for that first stroke.

When it landed, the notches seemed to burrow into the skin through my clothes, and my eyes teared up as I involuntarily cried out.

A welt was forming, the skin on my back felt as though a ravine had been carved into it with knives and spikes and searing heat. I wouldn’t know if blood was gathering under the skin or if the wound was open, but it was excruciating…I now knew why those beaten could die, even if they received a low number of strikes.

The people viewing covered their mouths in horror, scratched their chins and shook their heads.

Before I could recover, the second strike landed directly on top of the first, then the third on my shoulder blade. I wasn’t so stoic to keep my mouth shut…just enough willpower to avoid biting my tongue. Icy sweat rolled down my pale skin, landing onto the drab stone ground and leaving a pattern of stippling.

After each sharp crack it burned with more intensity, as though worms were boring though the flesh of my back, I lost focus in my eyes and every sound turned into unrecognizable, garbled rubbish. I was counting each stroke…

…four…five…six….

…seven…eight…

Father was often frustrated. Servants being dragged into the courtyard to be flogged was a common sight. Mother wasn’t like that. She rarely complained or had any servants punished, even pleaded with her husband for leniency for them at times. They adored her, I never heard a word in disparagement…but she had her own ways of venting.

…nine….ten…

This was the first time I had ever been beaten. Back when I was young, I wish I had put a word in for those servants even though I was terrified of speaking out. Compared to my mother and father, I could have…

...been better. 

“Why are you smiling?” Li Jishen raised his hand to stop the guard. I could not answer, trapped in a stupor and confined by pain. Yet in this uncanny smile of mine, one could see all of my teeth around bloodied lips.

Li Jishen shouted, “You’re insane!”

Haha…I know.

I took a few laborious breaths, staring at the bamboo cane, dripping with red along the notches.

In next moment, an arrow pierced through it.

An arrow that tore it out of the guard’s hand, sending it flying through the air with a whistle until it lodged into a beam of the first main hall¹basically a guest hall or for meetings. Main hall would be Zhou Liang's personal residence/office. It was a long arrow, red string tied beneath the thin head and mottled brown feathers. The guard skittered backwards as a surge of panicked exclamations went off in the crowd.

After seeing it briefly, my head dropped down again. Many shoes, near and far, scattered off or stepped about nervously. If the arrow could pierce a thin pole from this distance, a head is nothing.

Li Jishen had drawn his saber, pointing in the direction of the arrow, but then it dropped to the ground in a clatter.

“General Zhou? …V-vice-General Qin?” he stammered.

With dark robes and tall leather boots, Zhou Liang strode forward , his mere figure from afar exuding more confidence than Li Jishen could muster with all his rage the entire day. Qin Fengge tossed his longbow back over his shoulder while soldiers and servants followed behind the two, marching inside while carrying luggage.

Li Jishen turned to his guard rabidly. “Why has the General has returned?!”

The guy shrugged. “Officer Li, we heard it was tomorrow morning…”

“I heard it from Fu’er,” said another.

“And he heard it from Man Yue!"

"Then he heard it from..."

Seeing that Zhou Liang was drawing close, they shut their mouths.

At this point I could finally pay a little attention to my environment.

Aiming a loathing glare at me, Li Jishen used his sleeve to wipe sweat off his brow compulsorily, clearly aware that whatever confusion there was over the general’s return, it was my fault. It was too bad Zhou Liang couldn’t have arrived a little bit ago, when Shen Jiu was first dragged out, but at least this way I avoided some of the remaining lashes.

Perhaps it could even be called fortuitous²ye LOL cheesy plot device pls forgive author.

Zhou Liang’s brown was furrowed. With dark hair spilling over his shoulders, golden sword at his waist with a vividly carved tiger baring its fangs, and dark, red-lined vest, he created the incredibly cruel and chilling in mood of a displeased regal Lord.

It was the same as Li Jishen being caught in an affair, because disregarding justification, no one wanted to set it up so that the General viewed an ugly scene the moment he returned home.

“Let him go,” said Zhou Liang. His eyes roamed the scene as though trying to piece together what happened.

The two hands that had been pressing each of my shoulders with a cruel firmness disappeared in a hurry. Unfortunately, this was akin to the pillars holding up a building crumbling away, and I toppled over, only partially catching myself with my palms. There was no strength left to sit up, let alone stand, I was as good as a corpse.

I wanted to sigh, but instead a shaky wheeze came out.

To think, for thirty years, I rarely got sick, never seriously injured. These recent days were awful! Just as I was mulling this over I heard the footsteps quicken, and kneeling next to me, Zhou Liang spoke in a low tone, 

“Fang Shuren?”

I could not manage to get a reply from my lips for a while, undoubtedly like a pathetic, broken kite on the ground.

Finally, I said, “…good…afternoon.”

Zhou Liang said no more, instead I was lifted up with not a single finger pressing against my raw and aching back. There were marks of crimson left on the ground…strangely, it was hard to comprehend that it was my blood. Something soft and smooth brushed against my face, causing me to flinch in surprise; Without my knowing Zhou Liang had begun using his sleeve to wipe the sweat and dirt off my face.

I was momentarily stunned by his care, this…it’s clearly different compared to the last time we interacted.

On the trip to Zhou Liang's mansion, he would tolerate me and certainly not raise a hand against me, but there was subtle jeering in his all actions and words. He would never go as far as to tenderly wipe the filth from my face. I couldn’t wrap my head around this change, this bizarre case of what I could see as nothing else but a mother bear protecting a cub.

“Are you lightheaded? Any bones broken?” Zhou Liang asked. 

Each time he spoke, his chest vibrated in a way that was sort of soothing.

He pinched my cheek. Ah, I had forgotten to reply, and thus nodded once…lethargically. I doubted it was reassuring.

Well, whatever reason it is, I’ll definitely take advantage of it.

That being the case, this occasion was one where I would lay over Zhou Liang’s chest shamelessly, glancing at Li Jishen’s crumpling face with satisfaction. As for how I, a grown man, was happily carried by Zhou Liang, it was simply because I didn’t have any honor to preserve at this point in my life, moreover, standing up on my own would be too painful!

Everyone who ran off regathered like flies to a corpse, they were watching with eagerness for the General’s reaction and hoping for Officer Li’s doom. 

Li Jishen was only as tall as Zhou Liang’s shoulders. 

The general looked down at him coldly as he asked, “Li Jishen, what crime had Fang Shuren committed that you think to punish him?”

Li Jishen bowed deeply. “That…this Officer learned he was causing disorder. Furthermore, he spoke down to superiors, spread rumors and lies…”

“Lies and disorder?” Zhou Liang scowled, “Be clear. Did he injure someone, damage property, steal—what exactly did he do?”

Li Jishen went silent. Explaining my actions was condemning himself at the same time, so at this point he had nothing more to say. Next, Qin Fengge stepped forward.

“Are you the General’s subordinate?” he asked Li Jishen.

“Affirmative!”

“Then you do exactly as ordered, nothing more, nothing less. You were told that he is not allowed to leave the mansion—that’s all. Your standing is not so high that you can fit General Zhou’s orders to your own agenda.”

In fact, wasn’t Qin Fengge the one who told him I was a liar…Li Jishen kneeled with haste, his knees scratching the stone.

“This officer has made a mistake…”

Just as Li Jishen was starting to show a good appearance by groveling, I had mustered up a little energy. I spoke while hiding my sneer with my dirtied robe sleeve,

“Li Jishen, you were going to punish Shen Jiu, so I was only trying to explain that you might be misjudging and overlooking a few matters. As the Head of Guards, it’s necessary you act impartially and to get the root of problems. I never expected you’d disagree with my words to the extent of silencing me with violence…”

Li Jishen’s eyes turned bloodshot, “Bastard! Flogging isn’t enough to fix your—”

With his unoccupied fist, Zhou Liang hit Li Jishen so hard in the face he was punted into the stone ground. It goes without saying that the rest of the insults were prevented from leaving his mouth. Zhou Liang appeared nothing less than an executioner, a real look of apathetic amorality.

Gasps came from the surrounding crowd and one panicky boy even let out a short yelp. Finding them all a nuisance, Qin Fengge shot them a fierce glare that could startle a baby to death.

“You all, don’t gather! Attend to your duties.”

Not a soul was left in the courtyard, I think even the sparrows that chirped all day long were scared off. Li Jishen lost his brash courage all at once and kneeled again, but this time with blood ominously dribbling out his mouth. 

“This useless officer apologizes for his insolence…”

“Don’t speak if you can’t be civil,”  Zhou Liang glanced at Qin Fengge. “Gather the involved servants and guards, find out about the matter.”

Qin Fengge cups his hands in affirmation then slid his eyes to me warily, clearly predicting I was the root of trouble.

But once the matter was investigated, it would be clear that Li Jishen was the one hassling others for no good reason, not me. Shen Jiu, for one. It doesn’t matter if he’s a stutterer, a horse expert is a horse expert, it was not acceptable he would be treated with disrespect. That and the other unfavorable opinions that would come out from the servants, it couldn’t be good for him.

I started snickering.

Zhou Liang was tepid, “You sound so lively. It seems you don’t need my assistance—I’ll put you down.”

I immediately cried out softly and gripped Zhou Liang’s shoulder, cooing like a dove.

“Ouch, ouch...it hurts so much I could die…”

Zhou closed his eyes in forbearance as he began to carry me off.

The physician’s room was located in the third courtyard, suitably large room and regard for the profession. I liked the place a lot, for it always smelled a mix of three-parts ginger and sage, seven-parts medicinal liquor. The space was filled with tall hardwood cabinets edge to edge, each with fifty small drawers containing every herb and mineral that it may as well be opened as a medicine shop.

Last week I sat in there for a whole day to curb boredom, but the ancient physician, Chen Ge, got so wound-up he chased me out by sunset. Tang Su said he was renowned back in the day, an imperial physician until he left the palace some twenty-seven years ago, but Chen Ge’s grouchy and horrid temperament reminded me more of a side-peddling apothecary or herbalist quack.

Zhou Liang plopped me down onto the seated examining table³just like a stone slab table patients could lie down on, then crossed his arms to watch by the side. Old Chen paused from his grinding of bark into powder and hobbled over, eyeing me up and down, then reached up his warped cane and poked my back without kind warning.

I sucked in a breath of air sharply, stiffening.  

Old Chen harrumphed. “I said I don’t wanna see your face unless you’re a corpse! To these old eyes, you look plenty alive!”

Zhou Liang frowned.

I pleaded, “Doctor, I was bullied…please treat me…”

Old Chen poked me again, making me tear up for real, he scoffed with a bad crackle in his throat,

“Weasels like you don’t get bullied, they get what they deserve! Look at you, trying to steal my dried foxglove⁴ then crawling back when it’s convenient. Unscrupulous…”

“…” I was ousted right in front of the worst person. To be honest, this old geezer was so ancient, but his memory sharp. At least he didn’t realize I stole a whole bunch of other things beforehand. Old Chen grumbled unintelligibly while Zhou Liang put on a hollow smile,

“Fang Shuren…this general was naive, you need special attention at all times.”

The old doctor was too gruff and senile for courtesy around Zhou Liang, he interrupted. “Well? You want treatment but you’ve still got your all those damn layers on. Do you want me to help or not!”

“Yes, yes…” I hurried, stripped down my vest, outer robe and inner in one fell swoop, whimpering from the stinging pain of tearing my clothes from the wounds.

Doctor Chen got even angrier at me for it. “Well! Lie down already!”

“Yes, yes, yes…” I replied, lying down in a heartbeat. The stone seated table was cold, I felt a chill spreading.

I didn’t know when doctor Chen took the time to fill a medicine bowl with ointment, but a bowl of light green paste was sitting in his hand as though it materialized out of the air. He keenly stroked his long scraggly beard as he observed the condition of my back then glanced at Zhou Liang, remarking,

“Can’t remember the last time I saw a good and thorough flogging.”

Zhou Liang replied in a stiff manner, “It isn’t often allowed.”

Oh, I wondered how awful my back looked? I strained my head around to see it, but my face was harshly shoved into the table.

“Stop moving!” Doctor Chen spat, “You’re a real piece of work!”

“…” Beggars can’t be choosers. This mansion only has one live-in, ancient physician.

The next moment I shouted in pain when I felt a hand wrinkly as a dried date slam ointment onto my back and rub along the wound roughly and as the ointment met the raw flesh, it stung and burned. I curled inwards, hearing Old Chen cursing me for not laying still but too pained to listen. I shivered unconsciously and held back another pained groan.

Zhou Liang said to old Chen, “I can do it.”

The bowl was transferred over, and old Chen puttered away to grab something else. Now the fingers on my back were extremely gentle, the pain not even a third as much. I couldn’t help but sigh, relaxing from my curled position slightly. It was a little astounding that this hand could be the General’s …but, I suppose…

“Is the general going to watch over me again, like when I was ill?” I started laughing softly, and even this slight movement was felt very clearly on my back.  

Zhou Liang hand’s paused. “Hold still.”

Memories would sometimes come back in jolts.

On the trip from the capital to Xi’an city I was sick as any old dog, but I recalled one particular inn room along the way. I was staying in the general’s sleeping quarters even when the other servants and guards arrived. Even if Zhou Liang didn’t personally care for me, he would still see my face and condition every day. Then, the person who spoke reassurances and grasped my hand, who else could it be? Servants are only meant for meticulous care, never such tenderness, it wouldn’t have been one of them.

I added, “No one else had done that for me before. Although, that was also the first time I was gravely ill. I’ve been very healthy for most of my life, you see.”

“I hope that holds true.” Zhou Liang’s fingers lightly rubbed the ointment on another wound. “Once I take care of some matters, I’ll come visit. So, rest quiet in your room after this.”

I was momentarily stunned by this response, I meant to open my mouth to brush over it, but instead I was smiling into the stone table. I couldn’t help but feel genuine gratitude for a fleeting moment. I sighed.

“It’s impossible to comprehend, General Zhou is unbelievably benevolent.”

Zhou Liang said, “Is it so hard to believe there are kind people in this world? If people can envision and worship Guanyin⁵A Goddess of mercy in chinese mythology (particularly for fishermen but shifted to others as well), then couldn’t there be a person as merciful?”

“…” I didn’t think people could be so merciful. After all, everyone wants their own happiness and it will often come at the expense of someone else. Too much mercy meant you would be taken advantage of with no gain to yourself.

Zhou Liang spoke wryly, “How about this; I found a weasel. The weasel is clever but difficult to manage. The more work you put into something the harder it is to abandon, and the more attached you become…”

It dawned on me. I asked, “Is…is it true I was delirious when I was ill?”

Being ill is one thing, but being delirious and ill is entirely another.

“Oh? You want to know?”

I’d rather not know, but if it keeps becoming relevant, then it’s to my disadvantage to not know it!

“If I didn’t want to know why would I ask?”

“Firstly,” Zhou Liang started in good spirits, “you always tried to wander out of bed. You were nearly tripping over your own feet, regardless, you’d go out, making everyone scatter in fear as you talked to yourself about irrelevant topics. I’d have to pick you up and bring you back. For some reason, you liked me the most…”

I frowned. Even for myself, it was a little embarrassing to hear…

“It’s all right, I wasn’t offended,” Zhou Liang said. “No one knew if you’d live to see the next day, anyway, so what point was there to minding some deliriousness. Lastly, at night…”

I sucked in a breath; his finger had put that burning medicine over another cut.

“…you must have felt lonely, you always stuck to me. Once you even clung onto a servant and wouldn’t let go until someone helped pry you away. You’d whimper at me and ask where you were. From there, you’d only settle back down if coaxed.”

Unable to prevent it, my entire face flushed red, the cheek that was pressed against the cool seated table smoldering like coal. So that’s why he held my hand and spoke sweet words?

Zhou Liang started laughing.

“Did I…” I said, fumbling words, “did I say anything specific—”

“Enough! So noisy…bunch of mandarin ducks⁶Ducks form pairs and mate for life so it's kind of like saying they're being 'lovebirds'.” Old Chen harrumphed, reappearing out of who knows where.

I sat up as he started wrapping bandages around my chest and back, and as soon as it was done he shoved a packet of medicine into my hand and waved his hand at me as though shooing an insect, rambling off instructions on how to take care of the wound. Then he poked me hard with his cane, finishing,

“Now scram!”

“Thank you…Physician Chen.” I said blandly, walking to the door like a crippled man.

“Don’t come back unless something changes colors!”  

Before I stepped out, Zhou Liang picked me up again. I froze for a moment, but quickly my mouth turned up into a sneer and I wrapped my hands around his neck,

“General Zhou thinks this I'm so charming, right?”

Zhou Liang gave a short laugh.

Carried through the long hall, I was once again able to put my eyes on the white chrysanthemums in the garden past the railing, soft and tapering white petals fluttering in the breeze. Alike to a ghost’s pale appendages, the slender and fair fingers of young maidens, or the snowbird’s downy cream breast. For some reason I could relax, half closing my eyes and listening to Zhou Liang’s steps.

Back in my room, I was put on the bed and even had a blanket thrown over me. I put on an innocuous expression and said,

“Aren’t you going to ask what happened?”

Zhou Liang snorted. “How can I ask you? I won't learn the truth that way.” With a glint of sunlight catching on his gold edged sleeves, he turned to leave.

I let out a sigh when I was by myself, then groaned and turned on the bed. So sore…whether or not I had other ways to cause trouble, it was too much effort to consider right now.