Mother was arranging flower spikes in a tall porcelain vase. It was made by a famous craftsman in the north and had a depiction of mountain ranges with dusty fog and snow, where countless meandering rivers condensed into a ring of deep blue at the bottom.

“Mom, what’s that for?”

I was a clingy thing after my second brother and A-Yao died. It was to the point I loathed leaving my mother’s side even to relieve myself—much to her inconvenience. And I was oddly clever for a child. Even if an attendant carried me away and attempted distraction with bright toys and snacks, I would wheedle my way back to her in a matter of one incense¹Sticks of incense they would burn to tell increments of time based on the marks it had burned past.

She smiled. “It's for your grandfather, Shu-er. Your grandfather hasn’t been of good health lately, so I thought to add something pleasant for him to look at.”

The individual flowers climbed the stem like a ladder, the fullest blooms farthest down and buds at the top. Each blossom was big, elongated, and bell-shaped, a vibrant purple with dots of pollen and stamen, while the leaves were deep green and with serrated edges like a maple leaf².

“Pretty.” I reached out a little hand to touch it.

Slap!

She hit my hand so hard it flew back into my face. I sat there in a stupor with my eyes tearing up.

 “Don’t cry. If you touch, you’ll mess up what I’ve worked on," her voice was gentle, a sigh of hidden exasperation beneath. “These had to be gathered all the way up the mountain and mustn’t be wasted. The flowers are at their peak, but easily ruined...”

I made a strange whimpering noise.

My mom patted my head. “Don’t cry, don’t cry…all right, Shu-er? I was too harsh. Now, be good and go play in the courtyard.”

I was sniffling at the red mark on my hand and didn’t move a lick from that spot.

Thus, I watched my mother slowly arrange the purple flowers. She always tried to keep out a fresh cutting of flowers out for grandfather, despite the suffering in his sickness, it might have given him at least a trace of freshness and tranquility.

At the time I did not know they were monkshood flowers, nor how poisonous they were.

…..

I woke up with a jolt. Subsequently, the person right next to me also awoke.

He opened an eye. “What’s wrong?”

I held my throbbing head, it were as though a ton of rocks pressed down upon it. Blue Swallow…I drank too much yesterday, and couldn’t remember whose bed I slept in. I inched over to move around the man next to me and go about my own business, when a dizzying wave caused me to collapse right on top of him.

“Ugh…”

“I’ll get medicine and have them cook something light.”

“Mn…I want noodles…” I gave a nod then a yawn, about to dive back into the bed, then flipped my head back at him in confusion. That tone of voice was... “What? Zhou Liang?”

“You recognize me,” he noted, as though that were unusual.

I found that the chest I laid on was extremely firm from muscles, long whitish scars extending down the gap in his clothes. I blinked my eyes again in confusion, trying to clear up that cloudiness in my mind. I stared over at Zhou Liang with a pensive look, my mind weighing heavier yet as I took in my surroundings. Mulling it over carefully, both of us had clothes, and nothing in my areas below felt out of the ordinary.

I asked again, concealing my inner panic, “But why am I in your…er, the general’s bed?”

“You don’t remember what you did?” Zhou Liang’s turned sullen, tone somewhat accusatory.

I was incredibly spooked and looked the man over once more with wide-eyes. His inner robe revealed the top of his chest and the tip of his shoulders, but there were no red marks along the honey-colored skin. This was all right, however, under his eyes were faint crinkles and purple…he didn’t get enough sleep? It can’t be…!

My head spiked with pain again, but it was thanks to this I could think clearly and sighed at once.

“Impossible. General Zhou, why are you joking about such a thing?”

He laughed. “Can’t I joke?”

I clicked my tongue in annoyance. “I’m a happy fool when drunk, but I can remember bits and pieces. There’s no way I’d forget it altogether.”

“Then, do you remember what I said?”

"Things like the taste of Blue Swallow, eating a persimmon…did I offend you?”

“No.” Zhou Liang began tying up his hair and wore a dark tunic. Once his tall boots were strapped, he said, “You wait here.”

I frowned as I watched the door shut. Yesterday I never wanted to see Zhou Liang’s self-righteous face again, but he was currently waiting on me hand and foot, so it was just be outright petty if I brought up the argument from before. 

But this was the first time in many years that I woke up in a man’s bed without intimacy the night before. It was strange. Trying to pinpoint this foreign emotion in my chest and ignore my headache, I stared towards my feet. Coiled like a python, a luxurious red garment was wrapped around my lower body and legs at least four times.

“…” I felt the fabric twice between my middle and index finger. High quality. If it was treated as a blanket to hug at night rather than clothing, wrinkled to oblivion, the person who weaved it would regret selling.

I stood up shakily and unwound the robe, slipping it over my current inner clothing. The sleeves drooped over my fingers and the bottom hem trailed past my feet. Befuddled, I could only conclude this was the brilliant apparel that Zhou Liang wore so well last night.

Then I heard some noise outside.

Qin Fengge and Zhou Liang’s voices seemed to banter back and forth. I cracked open the door.

Qin Fengge was kneeling on the steps in front of Zhou Liang, his eyes darted to briefly before he continued.

“General Zhou, this officer asks you to reconsider,” Qin Fengge was gnashing out the words, “If it must be a man, so be it. However, it mustn’t be this Fang Zichen³'Zichen' His courtesy name give at adulthood. Also one that FS has abandonned!”'

Oh my...

Zhou Liang shook his head while suppressing a laugh. “Brother Qin, you actually abandoned your sword arts this morning to tell me this. You wouldn’t abandon it even when a fire broke out in the first main hall.”

Qin Fengge was not amused.

“I received a letter from an informant at the imperial court. This Fang Zichen indulged in bribery, cheated several officials into losing their government positions, and these crimes are only what’s on the surface. In short, a man without morals.”

“Yes, but he is also the one who convinced his majesty to send more supplies to Fei Xuan pass,” said Zhou Liang.

“…” I didn’t think Zhou Liang knew that was me, but I guess he did.

“Worst of all," persisted Qin Fengge, and he stood, facing me directly. "He doesn’t cherish his own parents. What reason would you have to cut off ties with your own flesh and blood?! Since you’re here, Fang Zichen, explain it.”

I wanted to slide the door shut and go back to sleep, but I also wanted to anger Qin Fengge into the grave. I stepped out quietly onto the steps alongside them, and the three of us faced each other.

Zhou Liang said to me, “You don’t have to.”

Qin Fengge glared at him. “Why not? I can see that in matters of the imperial court, competition between nobles and officials are unsavory, there’s no difference in the military. But besides breaking the law, he's even treated his own family wrongly.”

“That was what I thought,” said Zhou Liang, “but I’ve changed my mind. Sometimes right and wrong is not so easy to define.”

Now Qin Fengge was more focused on Zhou Liang. 

“Right, you changed your mind after you saw him acting pitiful once or twice. Out of the unimportant people you could have chosen to become involved with, you chose a person who was about to take the position of Minister of Revenue. No one recognized him last night, but once they know who he is, they’re going to think that you’re colluding with him!”

The third prince was plotting to take the seat of the incompetent emperor, and there were a couple of brothers he still had to get rid of or remove all power from before he could finish it. A warlord’s backing was heaven sent, who knows what they would scheme at the imperial court if they knew Zhou Liang had associated with me. They would probably think I was here for a reason when in fact it was complete chance that I were here at all.

“I can maintain my own reputation.” Zhou Liang said, tone less carefree. "So just don't worry about it."

Qin Fengge snapped, “I'm your vice-general, why shouldn't I worry?! It's dangerous to be close to a person when you don't even know if they are friend or foe, like this Fang Shuren." His anger then shifted onto me. “Are you going to attempt to explain your actions, or not?”

I twisted the red fabric in my hand. “Why should I tell you?”

“Indeed, there probably isn't anything that can explain it,” Qin Fengge agreed. “The Fang family has served as scholar-officials for decades. However, within your generation two sons and two daughters of the same mother suffered uncanny deaths. Only you seem to be unscathed. To make matters worse, you then cut off ties with parents who only had you left to rely on.”

I smiled radiantly. Oh, so that’s what he’s getting at.

“…it’s a disgrace on my part," I said, "but they didn't like that I kept putting off marriage. My parents and I could never see eye to eye, so it was best that we parted ways."

“Anyone who abandons their parents for a tryst has a bad character.”

"..."

I felt that Qin Fengge is even more vindictive than Li Jishen. After tricking him once he won’t forgive me for a lifetime, and even if I died he’d still hold a grudge in my next life.

But I just kept smiling as I replied, “Sure, I am deceitful, I am debauched, I can't argue with that. But why should I care? I wouldn’t be here if I could choose. So if you feel that I might be responsible for one disaster or another, it would actually be General Zhou who is at fault since he brought me here.”

…

Qin Fengge grabbed my shoulder violently, each finger smashing into my skin.

If he desired he could have dislocated it in one quick movement.

“Watch your mouth!” he shouted.

I only tightened my lips; my handover was turning my mood sour.

Zhou Liang immediately scowled at Qin Fengge, tone low and dark. "Let go of him." 

...Qin Fengge let go of me. He was incredulous that Zhou Liang had been listening the entire time yet still defended me.

“You really, for this Fang Zichen…you actually have…” he curled his hand into a fist. “You clearly-”

“-how much longer must this last?” I asked. I wobbled and made a heart-wrenching whimper as though a dizzy spell washed over me. “Liang, my back hurts…”

On cue, Zhou Liang held under my arm to steady me. Then he realized I was feigning it, his expression shifting.

“…”

On the other hand, Qin Fengge’s face turned ashen, perhaps turning me into human swine⁴Horrific torture where body parts of victim are removed while they are alive, until all body parts are missing and only a 'stub' remains. There is a gruesome story about this (historical) that happened to one woman. would ease his temper.

I was loosely wearing the General’s robe, appearing disheveled. That made Qin Fengge even angrier. 

I said, “Vice-general Qin, why do you interrupt our breakfast? If you are jealous, then why didn’t you join us last ni—”

Zhou Liang pinched a hand over my mouth with great exasperation.

He said to Qin Fengge, “Nothing happened. He’s trying to anger you.”

Qin Fengge grimaced. It was unknown if he believed it.

As if I’d let Zhou Liang diffuse the situation after Qin Fengge stirred my ire. I never pretended to act like a whore before, and now was enjoying it. I continued my act by leaning against the supporting beam of the main room, carved grandly with a pair of cranes*. In my silken red clothing, it was the sight of a doleful wife. Coquettishly, I spoke to Qin Fengge again.

“Ha ha! If you don't want to join us, and distrust and dislike me so much, why don’t you get rid of me yourself?”

Qin Fengge looked like he wanted to grab his sword hilt, but Zhou Liang said, “You’ve let your emotions run to your head, brother Qin. We will discuss your concerns later, so take your leave first.”

Without a word Qin Fengge turned his heels and left. His cold and estranged look made it obvious that he was in a sulk. Zhou Liang rubbed his temple, furrowing his brow even while he beckoned me back into his room.

I raised my eyebrows into the heavens and said, “You don’t get angry even if I drive a wedge between you two.”

“I am angry,” said Zhou Liang, “but not at you.”

“Hey, why not consider your brother’s advice about letting me go, then the two of you won’t have to fight-”

“Shut it.”

Fine, I can change the topic. Without any reservations, I sat down on his bed and held out my long robe sleeves.

“Why’d you give me this? It doesn’t fit.”

“You were the one who begged for it.”

I looked at it again, same as those bright poppies that bloom in summer. It was a little surprising, as I usually preferred mellow shades that didn’t stand out.

“I did?”

“Of course. You must have praised how soft it is at least three times.”

“Oh.” This made more sense.

Just then, my brain understood his last sentence. Zhou Liang giving me his expensive garment after I begged, the situation is far from good…I was about to return it and retract everything I previously said, but Zhou Liang took out a packet of hangover medicine from his sash and carefully placed a bowl of steaming noodles into my arms. Now I couldn't move my hands to return it.

“This robe…” I started, “I only said silly things last night. I will return it.”

Zhou Liang was quiet a moment. “I don’t want it back.”

“Yes, but, I really only wanted a soft blanket to sleep with. I haven’t a use for it.”

“Then use it as a blanket.”

How is returning it so difficult?

No matter, I’ll give up on it, then. I sniffed the noodles, the scent light and refreshing. No, no, after all, I can’t ignore this. Despite the fact we hadn’t done a single impure thing between the two of us…being doted on like this…even Qin Fengge can tell something’s off.

That was the main reason why Qin Fengge was so mad! This ambiguous air between Zhou Liang and I!

Goosebumps broke out all over. I was staring off into the empty room with an epiphany as Zhou Liang watched me curiously. That visit to Doctor Chen, then last night, these points were when our interactions crossed the line and became all too warm and intimate. It was one thing if Zhou Liang is too righteous to let me die, but it’s suspicious when a man takes care of another so considerately.

Not once, not twice, but three times.

However, I had to admit that the courtship of this Great General was stranger than any I had ever seen. It was like a bird’s with colors, dances, and distractions that circumvent the original purpose.

How do I turn him down?

From start to finish, and no matter what Zhou Liang wants from me, the eastern general is not a person I want to be involved with. Our worldviews aren’t compatible, moreover, he’s bound to take a wife soon enough. I was strangely filled to the brim with awkwardness.

Drinking the medicine under his vigilance, I said, “General Zhou has done too much for me. I’ll return to my room.”

The next moment, my chin was lifted up. Zhou Liang had a glint in his eyes.

“Now that you caused my brother and I to bicker, you want to leave?” He took his finger away from my chin and poked the tip of my nose. “Since you're so troublesome, why don't you stay by my side and I'll see if you still make as much trouble.”

"..."

This only solidified my previous worries. I solemnly removed his finger from poking, yet his gaze remained playful.

I coughed awkwardly. “Ahem, this Fang Shuren appreciates General Zhou’s immense fondness, however—”

“What?” Zhou Liang wouldn’t even allow me to finish. “Don’t think any strange ideas because of brother Qin’s words. As I said, the reason I do this is because you cause trouble. If you’d refrain from doing so, there would be no need.” Faintly, his lips curled upwards. “Now, what shall we do today?”

“…” Well. He's just messing with me now. "I don't really want to-"

“You still haven’t learnt about the paperwork I was thinking of handing over to you to make up your debts—Tang Su told me you were 'unwell' every time went to teach you," interrupted Zhou Liang.

Although I did not change expression, my face paled.

He finished, “Or how about we sit in the garden and enjoy the weather?”

What awful choices, what blatant manipulation, what ridiculousness. I nodded unhappily.

“Yes, the garden sounds good…”