There was a brisk clopping of hooves as we went along at a quick pace. In front stretched a dirt road, mostly straight, with two runs on each side from all the oxen drawn carts. We’d traveled like this for three days, seeing towns, then farmland, then towns again. Qin Fengge sat behind me, holding the reins. He carried long bow over the shoulder, figure tall and lean with sharply tapered eyes.

Introductions involved nothing more than exchanging names and conversations between us consisted of utter necessities. Our most interesting interactions were in various ‘mishaps’ –from my bad riding skills, of course— where I had to twist around and hold his waist to avoid falling off the horse. This would only invoke a vague glare from him. Either way, it seemed Qin Fengge cared little to none about my presence, which led me to believe that Zhou Liang dragging people along on a whim was not all so rare.

On the other hand, Zhou Liang often taunts me;

“Old fellow, are your legs holding up?”

“Do you long for Plum Blossom mountain already?”

“I hope the fast travel isn’t bad for your health. Would be a hassle if you passed out again.”

I had behaved under this mocking for three days with no alcohol to speak of, at that, and there couldn't be anything more miraculous and awe-inspiring to my own confidence than this. Now that it was the fourth, the monotony was enough for me to wring out a few words from this boring Qin Fengge. The time I chose to do this was also selected with care: When there was absolutely nothing to look at or do besides watch the horse plod its feet forward.

“Vice-General Qin…” I hesitated, “…General Zhou has been very kind to me. Is this usually the case?”

Qin Fengge replied, “The general keeps the people in his heart.”

This short, vague statement isn't good enough, so I’ll add a little foolish ignorance into my tone. That usually gets people talking as long as it’s a simple matter. After all, it’s a very rewarding thing to feel as though you’ve made a dumb person smarter.

“Huh, I’ve heard about his military accomplishments, but I never knew he was so soft-hearted.”

“Not soft-hearted—but upright,” Qin Fengge’s voice was smooth on the ears, but a bit toneless, “Indeed, General Zhou has extended a hand to others since he was a child. Many servants at his mansion were those who lost their homes and livelihoods from conflicts at the border. He’s converted bandits and vagrants into soldiers.”

I gave several remarks of praise.

‘But he’s more than a warmonger’ is his intended message. Officials look down on war and conflict, blaming the military branches for involving in it despite the inevitability. I never liked this ‘better than you’ mentality because it promotes fragmentation. For those like Zhou Liang, I’d heard that even though he could use the symbol of the lion at second rank military class, he purposefully choose to keep the tiger¹Different military ranks had different animals (for different periods of time), and a lion was a higher rank than tiger. So Zhou Liang keeping the tiger is kind of a humble act. for a deeper meaning, and that the Emperor himself did not stop him. This was enough to tell that his moral quality is much better than most I knew.

There were a few heavy hoof stomps as Zhou Liang slowed his horse. That horse of his is excessively surly and mean-spirited. It’s got silky fur like black jade, and would bite and kick at people other than Zhou Liang without any warning.

“Have I over spoken, General Zhou?” asked Qin Fengge.

“Nope.” Zhou Liang put on a frown. “Why don’t you call me ‘big brother’ anymore? No one is on this empty road, and this is the closest we get to a break in months. Get rid of the honorifics! Because of a certain person, I already feel as though I’ve lost any leisure time.”

“…” Just you wait, Zhou Liang.

Qin Fengge was entirely serious as he replied, “This commander your subordinate, I don’t dare.”

Zhou Liang threw up a hand in playful annoyance, then turned back to the front.

Ah, yes, the road is rather empty. There were hills and deciduous woodland, and the soil was not the best for farming. Too bad I couldn’t make my escape here. But the sparse population for the next distance did leave an opportunity. We still had half of this province before the next, then the prosperous Xi city was a little shy of the center of it. It’s a matter of time before a formidable guard will surround Zhou Liang. It was important I didn’t waste my chance and tried to find an opportunity to escape.

Later in the afternoon, we stopped to restock on food and supplies in a town. People went by in a flurry, all the sounds mashing together made for a boisterous jumble, and I could smell freshly steamed, oily meat dumpling nearby. Zhou Liang spoke as though to a child,

“Mister Fang, why don’t you go buy some food that you like?” It wasn’t a proposition. Cursorily, he looked my figure up and down. “You’re underweight.”

He never misses a chance to be patronizing. I reined in my temper and nodded as though appreciative, watching as he handed Qin Fengge a letter.

“Brother Qin, go with him. I have a matter to attend to, so meet outside the gate once you’re done.”

“Affirmative.”

Zhou Liang strode off in a hurry, people subconsciously moving out of his path. Once out of sight, Qin Fengge gave me a warning glance before opening the letter.

As though I would have interest in a military affair. Instead, I watched a little girl skip by ebulliently with a stick of candy in her hand, free and unhindered as can be. Can’t help but be jealous of that little brat.

Qin Fengge was absorbed in his letter, but not to the point where he’d let me take one step away. It was an unsavory truth that the two bastards had been watching me like a hawk day and night…I couldn’t even relieve myself without company. It came as no surprise that Zhou Liang was a man of his words, or how else would they deflect both Xin country and Tunjak khanate sovereign’s covetous desire for the Qiang river so long?

After perusing the letter Qin Fengge threw it into the nearest brazier. The corners of paper turned black and disintegrated, then his attention returned to me.

I wasn’t doing much but standing all innocent-looking, not moving an inch.

“Mister Fang.”

“Um!” I swiveled my head to him, “Yes, what is it?”

Reaching into his robe, Qin Fengge drew out a pouch, offering it without explanation. The inside was heavy with money, and I could feel the weightiness of a rich master who had been far too used to waving a hand and buying this and that with no qualms for cost. I let the money pouch sit in my hand as though I didn’t understand his intentions. If Qin Fengge stood in a manner where no one dared touch his sleeve, then I stood with vacuous eyes and slumped the shoulders, trying for the look of mentally invalid.

Qin Fengge adjusted his sword hilt and belt in impatience, but nevertheless waited along with me, not raising any objection. So we stood for a long while.

A man to bumped into me.

“Watch it!” he said.

Even the unshakable Qin Fengge couldn’t to stand around any longer. Perhaps in his kindest motion ever, he nodded at the coin pouch as if to give me a hint.

“You heard the general, find something to eat before we head out. I’ll buy other necessary supplies.”

Slowly, very slowly, I said, “I’m afraid…I…I have no appetite. Please go on without me, I’ll wait here.”

Qin Fengge’s tongue was caught in his throat. With a blunt statement like this, it was hard to judge if I was being solemn or recalcitrant. The previous days I wasn’t so wrong in the head to refuse eating, and, he couldn’t easily solve this problem by shoving food down my throat.

He seemed to be scrutinizing my expression as he replied, “You can’t be left out of sight.”

I smiled all sage-like. “All right then. I can carry some of the bags.”

Qin Fengge hesitated, but we went off and bought various supplies. It didn’t show what he was thinking, but I found it hard to believe that he wasn’t thinking about it. I hadn’t eaten anything yet today. It was easy enough to think ‘if he doesn’t want to eat, so be it’, but in this case, Zhou Liang specifically expressed that he wanted me to eat before we departed again. A serious, good subordinate like Qin Fengge was probably thinking that if it wasn’t resolved now, General Zhou would be bothered later.

We just bought a few bready dumplings. I was certain these weren’t a ‘necessity’ as mentioned. Yet Qin Fengge set the warm paper bag into my arms, and the wholesome smell hit my nose.

I really wanted to laugh but kept up my somewhat-mentally-invalid expression. Qin Fengge finally turned to me with his arms folded.

“Why not?” he asked.

Alas, the dumplings smell so good, and I gulped down my saliva despite myself. 

“Huh, what are you asking? …have I done something wrong?”

“Why don’t you eat? I find it unlikely that you have no appetite. If you feel unwell, we can visit the local clinic.”

Why this, why that, why does anyone do anything.

“Oh, so that’s what you mean.” I lowered my head. “That you were thinking about something so trivial caught me by surprise—no, I’m not sick. Thank you, but Vice-General Qin shouldn’t bother with me.”  

Qin Fengge raised his chin slightly. “No matter how high-ranking, nothing is below a person²"Below" as in no topic or matter is so insignificant a person can't be bothered to pay attention to it. Those with power should still remember what's happens on a small scale.! These past days, I know you’ve been polite, and can tell that something’s on your mind. Go on and speak.”

Despite the conviction in which he said this, I also thought that the fact he and Zhou Liang brought no servants or guards really left him no choice.

I moved my gaze from him to onto the street, watching the people pass through. “Well…my older brother, I was only of six years at the time and he seven. I don’t remember it all clearly. We went into town to play around, but, there was an incident with a carriage…I can’t help but blame myself. I kept pestering him to take me into town all the time!” When I lifted a hand, it was trembling. “It’s been so long, yet I always…never mind. I know it isn’t worth listening to. Please take it in one ear and out the other.”

“So when you see these carriages, they put you ill at ease?” Qin Fengge summarized it quite nicely and didn’t even mock me about it.   

As if on cue, a cart pulled by an ox jostled by and I created a dramatic scene as I said nothing, gluing my eyes to the ground.

I heard him sigh. “You shouldn’t carry the blame of an accident that happened when you were young.”

“I don’t know. The older I get, I can’t help but look back on my life and think of the past. And there’s many times where I should have made different decision…Vice-General Qin, you’ve never had a time like that?”

He frowned severely, drawing his hand across his sword sheath. “Even so, there’s nothing to be done about the past. Shape up. Hanging onto old matters just causes trouble for others, and if you take advantage of General Zhou’s generosity, I will get rid of you in an instant.”

Apparently, Qin Fengge has little experience consoling anyone. It’s a good thing I’m not too sensitive, but I suppose you couldn’t get him to say anything kinder and more placating with torture. There was a stalemate between us now; He gave me a threat that he wouldn’t take back, and I still wasn’t eating.

As such, I may as well become even more 'depressed'.  He said a few more things, but I pretended not hear him as I watched the traffic flow by, looking mopey, inattentive, and pale in the face, like an old demented dog. I really, really want to laugh. If I could get paid for this acting, I’d have quit my job sooner.

There was a fruit seller right next to us, apples just started to be in season. It was Qin Fengge who gave in first, turned and began picking out apples. With his back still facing me, he said,

“Once I finish purchasing, eat once we’re out of town.”

The lieutenant General was soon consumed by this task. He went and bought rice, went and bought vegetables, went and bought salt. I followed docilely, and even if he spoke to me, I would not give a single acknowledgement. What do you do with a corpse-like person? I don’t know either. Qin Fengge opted to drag me by the wrist to each stop, then let me stand behind him.

At some point, an entire cluster of people passed through the street at once, five young misses wearing fall dresses, accompanied by two young masters, servants, and a bevy of commoners behind that wished they weren’t trapped behind the rich folk’s idle walking pace. It was a dense crowd of many, many busy people.

Easily as that, I decided I’d give a shot at slipping into the crowd. It’s Qin Fengge’s own fault if he gets too invested in buying groceries.