Time passes for everyone and on a planet far away from where Bastian was, in the mortal realm, on a very peculiar planet, nestled in an area of lush green forest, surrounded by two towering mountains to the north, located on a vast continent, there was a village within a large forest. As you approached the village, you would be greeted with the sight of traditional wooden houses, each with a sloping roof and intricate wooden carvings. These houses were characterized by the simplicity, elegance, and functionality of the building style, made of natural materials such as wood, bamboo, and paper to blend seamlessly into the surrounding environment.
The village was organized around family clans, with each family clan having its section of the village, creating a sense of community and togetherness. The village was located in a serene forest area with large wooded areas where tall trees provided shade and protection from the sun. The air was cool and fresh, and the sound of birds singing and leaves rustling in the wind created a peaceful and serene atmosphere, surrounded by two tall and impressive mountains that provided a stunning backdrop to the already picturesque landscape.
The mountains were covered with dense forests and their peaks were often shrouded in mist or snow, adding to the mystical and enchanting atmosphere of the village, and as you explored the village, you realized that it had been designed to be in harmony with nature. The houses were built around large central courtyards filled with lush vegetation and beautiful lakes. The streets were wide and flanked by cherry blossoms that bloomed in the spring, creating a breathtaking landscape.
At night, the village was illuminated by magic stones and lanterns, casting a warm and inviting glow over the wooden houses and streets. The sound of traditional music could be heard in the distance, adding to the magical and enchanting atmosphere of the village. The beauty and tranquility of this village of wooden houses are specially designed to bring peace and inspiration to its serene surroundings.
The village was organized under the family clan system. The village was led by a family clan chief from the most prominent family, who was responsible for the welfare of the entire clan territory. The village itself was usually organized around a central common area where residents gathered for important events and ceremonies. This area was usually surrounded by each clan's compound, which was built in the traditional style with sliding doors and "tatami" mats.
Each family in the village has its own designated area that is passed down from generation to generation. These areas are usually marked by a small shrine with small woods or some other symbol of the family's heritage. These families are responsible for many aspects of village life, including agriculture, trade, and defense. Each family has its own designated role to play in these activities, developed based on their skills and resources.
In addition to their practical responsibilities, families have a strong sense of cultural identity and tradition. They often hold festivals and other events to celebrate their heritage and honor their ancestors. In general, the family clan system was a fundamental part of life in many villages during their period of development and growth. It provided a sense of community and belonging, as well as a structure for organizing daily life and maintaining cultural traditions.
In this beautiful village, the head of the family clan was a middle-aged Supreme Mage named Thorem, tall and middle-aged, with fair skin, a long face, deep gray eyes, and a muscular and defined body. His long silver hair, tied in a ponytail, accentuated his long-pointed ears, traits of his race.
In the heart of the land of this ancient village stood a large estate, a testament to the prowess of a respected family clan. Thorem, the lord of this domain, was wise and formidable, commanding the respect and loyalty of all who served under the black and gold banners. These banners were adorned with the emblem of a fierce dragon intertwined with a resolute phoenix, symbolizing the perfect harmony of power and wisdom. They fluttered in the wind, casting their imposing shadows across the vast landscape, a constant reminder of the clan's dominance.
The estate itself, a fortress of strength and elegance, stood tall amidst lush gardens and tranquil ponds. Its walls, built with the finest materials and craftsmanship, had withstood the test of time and the relentless assaults of envious rivals. Within these magnificent halls of residence, the family's clan master strategized and ruled with the wisdom of a thousand sages. Guided by the teachings of the ancients, the master navigated the treacherous waters of politics and warfare, always adapting and evolving like water flowing through the cracks of a mighty rock.
The influence of the Family Clan extended far and wide, their name whispered in awe and reverence as they mastered the art of war and secured their place in the annals of history. In the words of Sun Tzu, "Victorious warriors first win and then go to war, while defeated warriors first go to war and then try to win". The master of this clan, a living embodiment of this principle, should forever be remembered as an exemplar of wisdom, power, and dominance.
The tallest was Julya, a young woman in her thirties and Thorem's wife, and while she served tea and cookies, they spent family time with their two daughters and niece, chatting about the hunt for a dangerous beast.
The tall woman who served them was a very beautiful woman, with a long curtain of blonde hair, her body firm and fit, her skin pale and smooth like snowflakes, and her beauty flawless. Surely everyone would say that her body was like an instrument tuned like a temple of eroticism, with a clean and long face with distinctive features, her deep golden eyes that could mesmerize even a snake, long and pointed ears, and a body covered by a pale and silky skin that were also characteristics of her race, her curves, and contours only enhanced a superb and seductive silhouette of a voluptuous adult body.
She had a figure of pleasing proportions, with a narrow waist and large, firm hips, with soft, plump buttocks. The mere sight of her body could drive a man mad, and her sway could bring an empire and its people to ruin. Conscious of her beauty or not, she walked into the small kitchen to serve her daughters, and as she did the simple act of serving food, her hips exquisitely moved in a mesmerizing rhythm.
Her long black and gold dress covered her from neck to knees, hugging her full and developed breasts and leaving her back open to the curves of her round and plump buttocks. Her long gown had an opening at the side that revealed a seductive view of a pair of long, shapely legs, making her a sight to behold from any angle. Julya had recently reached the level of High Mage and, like all of her race, understood that love had no limits and that there was nothing one could do to escape love and lust. They were experts at going all the way and their boundless and exciting sexuality would surely leave anyone breathless and gasping for air.
Julya looked at Renee, her older daughter, with hints and winks as she peeled a Mantier fruit for her youngest daughter, Maleen. Who could tell that this exquisite beauty was a mother of three? She did not appear to be more than twenty years old, and there was no sign of age on her soft, silky skin.
Her three children were Renee, who sat next to Julya, the eldest sister, an exact copy of her mother, a creature of grace and beauty, with delicate features and pointed ears. Her skin was pale and flawless, and her golden eyes were large and sparkling bright, with a hint of mischief and curiosity in younger years, she was 12 years old, a head smaller in stature than Julya and a similar silhouette body frame, no different from her mother, only her slightly smaller chest that was beginning to blossom into a peachy soft and round shape. Her hair was a vibrant, shiny blonde, with a black and gold silk ribbon tied into a single ponytail at the top of her head.
She was dressed in a flowing gown of shimmering silk adorned with intricate embroidery and delicate lace. The dress was a deep shade of black with gold trim that perfectly complemented her hair and skin tone. Her feet were in delicate sandals made of soft leather and decorated with small gold beads. The elf girl had a demeanor similar to that of her mother, she moved with a fluid grace and her movements were as light as a feather. She was sharp and intelligent, with a keen mind and a playful spirit. She was always eager to explore and never afraid to take risks or try new things.
Despite her mischievous nature, the elf girl was also kind and compassionate, deeply loving her beautiful brother, nature, and all its creatures. She learned to control magic from her mother and was a skilled healer, often spending her time caring for injured animals and plants. She deeply respected nature and always tried to protect and preserve it. In short, Renee was a creature of beauty and grace with a touch of mischief.
Sitting across from Renee and Julya was a petite, beautiful young woman named Aleena, with very long silky black hair tied back in two ponytails that reached her knees, dressed in a short silky black skirt and a white button-down shirt with long sleeves, her back open from waist to neck, with a small tie around her neck showing off her red and pointed ears and cheeks, a distinct characteristic of her very shy nature. She was about the same height as Renee but showed signs of a mature woman with her full, rounded breasts, silky skin, and shapely ass. Aleena was indeed Duran's daughter and was also Bastian's promised bride. If I could give a better description, she was the embodiment of the "Gyaru" dress style with Lolita's face.
Maleen, the one sitting next to Aleena, is an innocent creature who, after learning magic from her mother, discovered that she had a young spirit and a curious mind. The youngest had the same appearance as her mother, with long hair of a shimmering "silver blue," combed into two ponytails tied in the family's characteristic colors of black and gold. Her beautiful silhouette is only slightly smaller than Renee's at age 8, and those tiny nipples began to pierce her tight dress. It is safe to say that apples do not fall far from their trees and that elves are some of the most beautiful and seductive creatures in the world. They were graceful and slender, their skin soft as velvet and their eyes bright and sparkling. Elves were generally very shy, reserving their affection for those to whom they were especially close.
Maleen moved with a light and carefree grace, her movements were as playful as those of a butterfly. She was curious and adventurous, with a thirst for knowledge and an extreme love of her brother and exploration. She was always eager to learn new things and discover new places, and like her older sister, she was never afraid to take risks or try new things. Despite her young spirit, she was also wise beyond her years, with a deep understanding of the natural world and its mysteries, deeply respected for the balance of nature, and always eager to protect and preserve it. Her character was exploited by her mother and sister because she was in love with her older brother.
Author's note: "It should be made clear that love is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can manifest itself in different ways depending on the individual and the situation. However, I will only attempt to give a general description of her behavior without knowing her true feelings.
Elves are known for their intense and passionate emotions, and when an elf falls in love, they are completely consumed by their feelings. They may become more emotional and expressive than usual and spend a great deal of time thinking about the object of their affection. An elf in love may become more thoughtful and affectionate toward his or her partner, showering them with gifts and compliments. They may also become more protective and possessive, wanting to keep their partner close and safe from harm.
At the same time, an elf in love would also become more vulnerable and open, sharing their deepest thoughts and feelings with their partner. They may be more willing to take risks and try new things because they want to experience everything with their loved ones. Overall, an Elf in love would exhibit a range of behaviors, from intense passion to vulnerability and openness. They would be completely devoted to their partner and willing to do whatever it took to make them happy, and that was Maleen's behavior towards her older brother Bastian, and that brings us to what they were doing.
They were talking about Bastian, their middle child, a ten-year-old boy, quite mature for his age, showing mature behavior faster than humans. His long, silky black hair, tied in a ponytail, cascaded down to his waist, giving him a distinctive look, and his elfin features would probably be quite striking, with a mischievous gleam in his deep golden eyes, as many elf children have. He was curious and adventurous, always eager to learn and explore the world around him. At the same time, he is quite intelligent and perceptive, with a deep understanding of his surroundings.
All in all, he is a fascinating child to get to know. His unique appearance and elfin nature made him stand out from the crowd, and from an early age, he was extremely handsome and polite, while his intelligence and curiosity made him a valuable ally in any adventure. He was known to be brave and the one with the most promising future, having recently been taken on a journey to hunt a magical Venomous Snake Dragon with his father and his mentor in a small village. Anxious as every kid her age, Maleen questioned Julya:
-Mom, is it going to take too long for brother to be back?
Fully aware of her youngest daughter’s feelings Julya started answering Maleen with a questioning tone imbue with mockery to poke the jealous and shy reactions from the shiny red Aleena, a sight to behold.
- I do not know how long will take for them to hunt that Venomous Snake Dragon, Maleen, but are you not too anxious about that? May it be that you are worried about Bastian?
- Humph! Who would be worried about that stupid brother? Turning aside her head, pouting her lips, and crossing her arms in front of her small chest Maleen exclaimed in an annoyed tone.
Smiling and giggling, sounding like bells at full blast, Julya and Renee could not stay put without covering their mouths with their slender little hands, and as they continued to chat, Julya could not resist the idea of teasing her youngest...and behold a sight on Aleena. What she surely missed was some kind of jealous look from Renee.
- You know honey, it is the responsibility of the Family Clan Chief to ensure the safety of the villages and villagers in our Clan territory. And if you are going to stay by your brother’s “side” you must understand his responsibilities for the future.
Aleena was aware of her aunt's mockery, but she was not worried because she knew from a very young age that her future husband was the Young Master of the family clan and as such would have several wives and it would be fine if it was her cousin or cousins. Aleena smiled and looked at Julya who had just hinted that Maleen would be her son's wife and giggled, but Maleen was not happy at all in her innocence and just answered without giving a single thought to what her mother had just hinted at.
- But mom, my brother is too young and he is not the Family Clan Chief yet…
On her side at the table, Renee mumbled stuttering with eyes wide open:
- Do-do not think he is only yours! H-he is mine too! Do you know that?
Julya who could not resist her daughter’s jealous behavior displaying a hint of jealousy and indignity holding on a motherly posture stood up to embrace both her daughters… What they did not know was the fact of a simple hunt was going to bring calamity to the family.
This is difficult to digest, you have too many shortcomings as a writer. You should investigate how to write and tell a story.
You have very tough rookie mistakes here.
*Introduce too many characters in the first chapters.
*Explain and explain and EXPLAIN, everything, when you could easily reduce everything in a couple of dialogues. Writing also lives by the magical universal advice, “Show, don't tell.”
*Characters Gary Stu, I didn't read much, but from what you said in the premise, together with the audacity to report that the protagonist is already killing dragons at 10 years old haha, this already seems like a self-projection of a horny teenager.
Hello, good day back to you. Come on, indigested already? I believe is something you ate, after all, dude, you've read 2 chapters of more than a hundred...but ok, I always welcome good suggestions from my faithful readers, so, let's talk about it:
* you said that I took too many shortcomings as a writer, and about the investigation, dude I won't comment at all. I have read probably too many, and believe, that some things that real readers like are good and full descriptions, for us a full description helps us to "imagine" the progress of the story, and against your advice, we already know what is on someone's mind, and for a good understanding, a black point is a picture, but I do not imagine you as someone like us readers or believers.
*You've said I took tough rookie mistakes, You are correct, I am a rookie. Thanks for your acknowledgment.
Too many characters, ok, good descriptions of himself came in first, following his background, ( according to some good writers around )
...If the character is not OP, you would have called me a fraud, he intends to become a God...right?
"Geniuses are born!"
did you read the title? or the summary, the prologue, or the first chapter?
ok. I swear I accept your teachings, once you have made your point, so tell me the name of your Bestseller, already anime, to read to be based on... right.
Mamma used to say "Haters is gonna hate, while the doers is gonna do!" Gotcha?
Kisses for all of you...
@LewdDao4All No, I don't hate your work. Perhaps I was too scathing, but the intent is to highlight the points that drove me away and my reasons for giving up on continuing to read your novel.
Too many characters: Introducing numerous characters in the first few chapters can be overwhelming for readers. Consider introducing them gradually so readers can connect more organically with each one.
Narrative: "Show, Don't Tell" Using dialogue and actions to reveal information can generate greater narrative impact. This can help keep the reader's interest and avoid over-explanation. Try using Control + F and highlight the ["quotation marks"], On a visual level here, we are reading a bible and not a novel. Characters are the movers and shakers and should drive the story, lengthy descriptions slow down the narrative.
Character Development: Ensuring that characters have significant depth and development is critical to maintaining the credibility of the story. Avoiding falling into the "Gary Stu" archetype can enrich the readers' experience. The only well-done "Gary Stu" character that gets to me now is Saitama from "One Punch Man", although I err on the side of only reading 2 chapters of your novel, the background you convey here is over the top and breaks disbelief, no matter how talented a character is, it's his flaws that shine the brightest.
I guess the word "Newbie" sounds like a tremendous insult here on this page haha, my bad.
If your last point is not a jibe, the best example of an Author of good writing and storytelling, that I remember right now is "Brandon Sanderson", he is a Character writer, they can tell you 10 paragraphs of explanations and intentions with 1 or 2 dialogues. Direct and fascinating. He has several sagas, but if you want to get an idea of how he started, you can read "Elantris" which is self-conclusive. Its first chapter can give you an example of almost everything that I'm wondering here... if I don't remember it wrong of course.
I didn't notice how many chapters you have written here, you have tremendous resilience with your novel, I admire that.
@Berserking let me call you dude, as for us "Brazilian" serves all genres, nah that it matters for me, but let's go on.
First: I do not know if you read the prologue or the summary, but if you did, you would read there that I have no intention to "follow" any of the common { novel } styles, first, I write about a Spiritual Journey. I am not writing to became a Famous Author, nor I aspire to see it become a manga, hehee... just to tell a story, I was used to write reports, so I put my mind to write this Spiritual Journey down on paper.
Second: Have your heard of a book called "The Mists of Avalon" (by Marion Eleanor Zimmer Bradley), well dude, my first report was about that book, about ten years after it gained a Best Seller. That one is my favorite book, as well, and from it I learned everything I understand about literature, believe-me, if you do not like my writing style, you would hate this book. You know why: It is simple, she explains that 50 percent of the success of a book do not depend on the book itself, it depend entirely of the people who reads it, and she also stated that she wrote for intelligent people, capable of reading her book and imagine the picture, the action, based entirely on her explanations, if you watch the movie, you will notice the "lack"of dialogues, because she believed that a dot would tell more than a long dialogue.
Third: I am "Brazilian" ( I believe you have already noticed by now ), Portuguese is my native language, not English, and I used English to write, it is not a translated story. Sorry.
Well, as I said, the message is clear, more love for everyone from the Lewd_Dao_4_All
If people used to do as I do and put an audio book to hear during all day long while working, they would learn a lot, and work better. Hear my call brothers: Have you already put your books to the test and hear someone listening for them?