DetectiveRed

Speeding up. Yeehaw. Big stuff is happening. Massive transphobia warning for shitty parents

Thanks to Trismegistus Shandy for being a fantastic editor. They are an absolute legend you absolutely should check their stuff out. Shandy's can be found here and here are the links to their other places TGstorytime and Big Closet.

This story doesn't hit the breaks for a while after this, so hold on to your butts.

James' usual routine had become: wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast and leave as fast as he could, so his mother wouldn't see him. He threw himself out of bed and began to dig through his clothes for what he needed. He had put everything he couldn’t wear anymore deep within his cupboards. He didn’t need the reminder that he couldn’t wear half his wardrobe anymore.

Everything he did wear was laid out on the floor where he had thrown it after getting home from school. He dug through the pile of jeans and hoodies on the floor to try and find the most important and uncomfortable thing he had ever worn. He was starting to get used to wearing the bra, at least when it wasn’t trying to kill him. He didn't like it, of course; he didn't see how anyone could like wearing those things, but he had made it a part of his routine to put it on. Even the pain it had caused him yesterday wouldn't stop him from trying to hide his new breasts. He had to have put it somewhere. He searched his floors, his drawers and everywhere he might have stuffed it to keep it hidden, but he still couldn't find it. He remembered wearing it yesterday; it was hard to forget the damn thing after it had caused him so much pain and humiliation, but he didn't remember where he had put it afterwards.  

"James, we need to talk!" his mum shouted from across the house. Her voice seemed shaky. It wasn’t the usual calm tone his mum usually took.

He couldn't leave without his bra. How was he meant to keep them under control? The first night he’d had the damn things, they’d only barely poked out from under his clothes. How was he meant to hide them now that they might have grown?

"Now!" she said louder.

"I'm just looking for something, Mum, I'll be out in a second!" he replied. He kept digging. It had to be in the pile. It had to be somewhere. 

"Now!" she yelled. It sounded like she was panicked.

He needed to put on whatever might be able to hide his body. Any of the baggy old clothes that were laid out on the floor would do. He had looked up some methods of minimizing his chest without a bra and decided now was likely the best time to put them to the test. He tried to put on an extra shirt under his baggy hoodie. It didn’t eliminate the issues, but it did minimize them a little bit. He hoped it would be enough to keep her from noticing. His mum wouldn't be looking at his chest. What reason would she have for doing so? He tried to reassure himself it would be fine.

It was not. Upon coming out to the lounge room he had a heart attack. There his mother was, holding the bra he had been looking for.

"James, can you please explain this?” She looked at him with disgust, concern and fear. She held the bra like it was a contaminated object she didn’t know what to do with. He could tell her eyes were scanning his body. She had almost definitely noticed the two lumps on his chest. “What is it for? And why are you wearing one so early in the morning?"

He was done for. The only thing going through James' head was different ways he could escape, none of which were possible. 

"It's not what you think," was all he was able to get out. There was no getting out of this. He could guess where she was going. He’d heard her talk about LGBT people. He didn’t want to know what his mum thought of him. 

"Well, I think it looks like you have been wearing a bra.” The way she had said ‘you’ was so accusatory it made him want to shrink. “I knew I should have gotten you away from that Kieran kid, or something like this might happen." She sounded so disappointed in him. Like he had spit in her face by being like this. 

He felt a small need to stand up for his friend; after all, until yesterday she was the only person in his corner. She had suffered through his arseholery as he tried to figure out everything just because she knew he was hurting. He knew how hypocritical it would be, though. He was the one who had been tormenting her, maybe this was his punishment. He knew he couldn’t stand up to his mum. He just watched as his mother kept spiralling as he stood there unable to talk. He deserved this. 

"What is going on, James? Why were you wearing this thing?" Her eyes seemed to beg for an answer. She seemed so scared like she was begging for any explanation that wasn’t related to him being a crossdresser or gay. 

It hurt to know she was disappointed and saddened by him. It made him want to cry. It hurt so much. He wanted to tell her he hadn’t chosen this. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to tell her he was just a normal teenage boy and it was all a mistake. 

There was a small part of him that just wanted to disappear. His life was ruined from this point on. He had to tell her the truth and brace himself for whatever consequences the universe had in store for him.

He took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself. He needed to steady his voice if she was going to believe him.

"Mum, I'm not wearing a bra," he said. His voice was quivering despite his best efforts. This was the first time he had intentionally come out to someone since he went to the doctor. "Something, we don't know what, changed my body." 

"Are you trying to mess with me? Right now that is the last thing you should do, James Alan Wright. You’re scaring me. You can't go to school wearing one of these things. Everyone will think you are a sissy or something," she berated him. 

He felt bad for putting her through what he was about to do. He couldn’t handle being belittled by her, or her not believing him. He knew he couldn’t get through to her with words.

"I'll show you I'm not wearing a bra then." He hadn’t done this since the doctors either.

He lifted his shirt and looked away; he didn't want to see the look on her face.

"What… What are those?"

"Unfortunately, they are exactly what they look like."

He was lucky the GP was able to fit them in.  After she’d seen his chest, he told her to call the doctor. Dr Finnegan had all the evidence on his condition and he knew she would lay it all out for his mother to see. He had mixed feelings about that; she would know everything he had tried to hide for the last week, but on the other hand, she might be able to help him figure out this new body.

They sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours. He wanted to explain everything, but she just sat there, silently. Waiting for the doctor to come out and tell her exactly what was wrong with her son. He wanted to cry, but in front of her, there was no way he could do that.

The doctor came out and waved James and his mother into her office.

“It’s good to see you again, James. You look a lot better than you did last week, I assume you have been eating enough?” She looked him in the face, likely noticing the softness in his cheeks that he had only noticed yesterday. He needed the doctor to address the elephant in the room. 

“Mum found out about it. I need you to confirm it for her.” 

The doctor told James’ mum about the results of last week’s appointment. Dr Finnegan confirmed that his body was that of a girl. 

“We did a pelvic ultrasound; she seems to have a functioning reproductive system. Whatever caused this seemed to prioritize that.” He remembered the fear as the doctor had smeared the ultrasound gel on him. He remembered being told about the uterus and ovaries he now had. “We checked her for any potential abnormalities or issues, but as far as we can see, she is perfectly healthy.” Every time James was called ‘she’, it made him want to evaporate into thin air, never to be seen again.  

“So he -- I mean she might be able to have kids?” his mother said. She seemed to perk up a lot after that. Even though she had referred to him as a girl, he was glad to see her disgust and sadness disappear. 

“She should be able to,” Dr Finnegan replied.

“That’s good to hear, at least she can still be normal.” Again his mother called him she. It was starting to sting. He had to clear this up soon. He wasn’t a girl and he wasn’t normal. How could he be normal when he was a guy trapped in a girls body.

“There was one abnormality though, in the chromosome analysis.” The doctor seemed like she was preparing to tell them the bad news. He wasn’t sure what could be wrong with his chromosomes. "Those tests take a little while, so we only got them back today, this could be good or bad news. I am not sure how you will feel about this, James."

There were too many and so few words to describe what he was feeling. Apprehension. Fear. Discomfort. Wrongness. Nothing the doctor said could make that worse. 

"You still have XY chromosomes," she said.

It was comforting to hear at least some part of him was still male. On the other hand, it made him feel more like a freak.  

"Don't worry about your health, James, your body should still function like that of a normal girl. Sex chromosomes aren't incredibly important after birth, but it still might be worth doing more tests if you're okay with that." Of course, the only thing left of his maleness was something so useless, something so insignificant it may as well not exist. It felt like the universe was taunting him. 

While James tried to keep his frustration contained. Dr Finnegan turned back to his mother. 

"Now I can't imagine how this must be for you; I have never seen anything like it before. Having your son suddenly become your daughter must be so difficult on you. If you would let me, I would like to continue providing care to you and your daughter," she said with a caring smile. James tuned back into what the doctor was saying as soon as he heard the word daughter. He became more confused every time he heard it. He was Mary Wright’s son, not her daughter. He couldn’t stand it. He wanted to cry, but he knew it would only reinforce the idea that he was a girl. It wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t he express emotions without reinforcing what everyone was saying? 

He grew a metaphorical pair. He had to try and speak up for himself. Even in that body, he was James. James Alan Wright. 

"I want to be me; I don't want to be a girl. I am a man," he said as confidently as he could. Hearing the high pitch of his voice made him want to tear his throat out, but he was still able to get it out.  He didn’t know how to argue for his own identity. 

It was his mother who replied.

"I don't think you have a choice sweetie; you are one now."

Just an hour ago she was distressed about her little boy wearing a bra and now she was actively encouraging him to be a girl.

"If whatever cosmic forces made you a girl, then you should honour them and live as they say."

He missed her outburst from earlier.

"Your mother is right; for now you are a girl. I'd say whatever it is will help you get used to it as you go on. You have only been like this for a week; I'd say you'll grow into it.” James knew he wouldn’t grow into it. He couldn’t imagine himself as a girl. The look on his face must have given away what he was thinking. “If you still want to be a boy in six months, I’ll talk to some people I know, about the possibility of getting you diagnosed with gender dysphoria. We might be able to start you on some treatments and-- "

“She will grow into it. I’m not going to allow my child to mutilate her body,” James’ mother interrupted. “She will learn to live with it. She is a Wright, after all.”

His mother had always looked down on Katie’s mums. She talked about how since no man was helping to raise her, of course, Katie would think she was trans. She would talk on and on about how they were mutilating their poor precious child. He hadn't even thought about treatments. Mum would never let him do it. He was jealous of Katie. Her parents had been so supportive. How would Katie have survived with his mum? 

"What do you think I should do for her, doctor?"

"I think you should tell the school about it soon, maybe today if you can. He's going to need time to adjust, but I don't think you should put it off too long, he needs to start learning about his body as soon as he can." He silently thanked the doctor for switching back to ‘he and him’. It might have just been temporary, but it felt so much better. 

"How about I take her shopping for some new clothes to start with?" his mother asked. James still couldn’t believe the “her” she was talking about was him. Nick and Katie, they kept calling him by his name and with the right pronouns after they had found out. He hated the way "her" made him feel.

"That might be a good step for him," the doctor replied. "Just make sure to take care of him during this process." He wished more than ever this would go away and he'd wake up with his old body back.

DetectiveRed

Weird thing but I want to thank some people have provided some hugely valuable feedback. My friends Maelissa and Gress, who have been reading my stuff to make sure it makes sense before I post it, and Blaycon who came over to here from Wattpad and has given me some amazing feedback that has at times influenced what I wanted to do. So thanks.