DetectiveRed

Guess who was an idiot and didn't get this chapter ready on time because she has no time management and has been writing other stuff. This chapter hasn't been properly proofread read. I'm sorry. Still, thanks for Trismegistus Shandy who has been proofing everything up until now. I wasn't able to send it to them before I uploaded. They are so freaking helpful. Check out their work on TGstorytime here and Big Closet here. They have been uploading a story called "The Mural and the Cabinet" that I need to check out.

Sorry, everyone. I've been writing a couple of other stories, a trans guy, trans girl body swap, and an egg isekai. I'm really sorry.

James wanted to light his body on fire. He'd been touched from head to toe by doctors, all because of that thing; that new female body. He hated them knowing what had happened to him. He hated that they had seen this body and touched this body. Every touch and every look, made him feel like a freak. He was something that needed to be studied and analysed. It all reminded him that he wasn't himself anymore; he was a girl. He wanted to remove every new part of himself. Starting with his chest. It hurt and it was making his shirts feel uncomfortable. It was a constant reminder of the changes. He wanted his body back. He needed it back. The small amount of facial hair that he was proud of. The small amount of muscle he had. The greasy and rough skin. It was all better than this. Would he always feel like this? Like an alien in his own body?

He stood up ready to leave. He needed to get out of there. If the doctors weren’t going to help him get back to masculinity, he would get there himself.

"James before you go. What happened to you will stay between the doctors you have seen today, you, and Katie. I don’t have a reason to believe you are a danger to yourself or others. I don’t need to tell your mum."  

James breathed a sigh of relief. At least no one else would find out.

"Thank you," he responded. 

"But you need to tell your mum about this, as soon as possible. She should be able to help you with some--" she cleared her throat "stuff. Eventually, she will help you become a beautiful young woman"

He refused to let himself imagine that; his mother would be horrified. The way she reacted to K coming out was terrible. She had ranted for an hour about how it was all their mum’s fault, and how their child was going to be mutilated. If she found out about his body, he couldn't imagine how she'd react. It wouldn’t be pretty, he thought. The idea of her being receptive to the idea was equally as terrifying. The thought of being a girl made him want to be sick. He decided he would rather die than let her find out. 

The doctor looked over at K.

"Katie, James is going to need a lot of support. You were such a good girlfriend today. Keep that up and you'll make this so much easier on her," the doctor said calmly. 

James' heart sank as he realised the "her" the doctor referred to was him. He didn't ask for that. He wasn't ready for that. Someone referred to him as a girl and he hated it so much. On top of that, K wasn't his girlfriend! He held her hand through this whole process because it was terrifying. It didn't mean they were dating. James’ face turned a full-blown crimson colour when he saw that K was blushing.

"I'll take care of him, miss," they said.

K still at least saw him as a man. He remembered the way they had called him handsome last night. Hearing “him” was a relief. He hoped K would never treat him like a girl.

"You are a good friend Katie. James if you need anything surrounding this come back and I will try my best to help you through whatever you need. Be that for paperwork or if there are any more changes."

K's mum agreed to take the pair back to his place. He could see her eyes in the mirror. She looked at him, scrutinized him. ‘Maybe I deserve this,’ he thought. K's mum was looking at him trying to see what he was thinking. They finally pulled up to his house after 10 minutes of him being analysed.

“Katie let me know when you need to be picked up. James, remember what I said earlier.”

Never leaving his house again had never been so tempting. His bed was so comfortable, and if he never left it no one could find out any more. Three more people had found out about his condition and, if he left his room, it probably wouldn’t be too long until others found out as well. He needed something to distract him, while Katie talked to her mum. Checking his phone hadn't been a priority over the last day, but it was as good a distraction as any. No one could see him through his phone and he might be able to talk with the boys. He saw that he had a couple of messages from the group chat. Mostly @everyone notifications about games they wanted to play together, as much as he liked playing games, he hadn’t been able to since this had started. He only had one direct message, from Nick.

Nick: hey are you all g, you usually play all day on Saturday

He wasn't up to responding. He didn’t have the energy to lie to Nick right now. Whatever he said would come out half baked and confusing. Lying was never his strong suit.

"So how are you feeling?" they said. They sat down next to where he was laying. He supposed it was an obvious question they would ask; he had just spent the last two hours being felt up in private areas that he didn't even feel like belonged to him. K had been there the whole time, with their hand being squeezed. They knew he wasn’t feeling the best. How could they not?

"I'm fine K," He lied. "We should probably start getting me looking like a guy again right?"

They looked away.

"Yeah, we should," They seemed different, more confident maybe? "But first you have to be honest, how do you feel?” 

He didn’t know how he felt, or why he felt it and he didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of K again. They had already seen too much. Dealt with the things he was meant to be able to handle. 

“Should I get my hair cut? I’d rather not wear a man bun to school,” he asked, hoping they would drop the subject.

“You’re not getting out of this, that easily, James.”

“Dude, I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling. Can we just go?” he asked. He didn’t want to start talking any more about what he had been feeling the last two days. He felt like he’d already said too much.

“Remember when I said last night that you don’t have to be a girl, even in that body?” 

He nodded. Maybe they did know something he didn’t.

“Yeah, does it feel like your body is just wrong?”

“Obviously, it would feel wrong, I was a guy up until yesterday.”

“What your feeling is probably dysphoria. Trans people feel it. Your experience is probably similar to a trans guy’s.” 

“I just want my body back. That’s normal!” he asserted. “I’m not trans.” He wasn’t like K. He knew that his mum would never let him. 

“Okay, just remember what I said.” They rolled their eyes at what he said. “Do you have money for a haircut?” It was good they could get back on topic. This hair was frustrating. Cutting it all off would be such a relief.

"I've got like 100 bucks I've been saving" He replied.

"Okay, are you okay if we go out in public? Are you sure you don't need more time?" K seemed at least a little concerned about him. It would have been touching if it didn’t make him feel useless. At least those glares from his nightmare weren’t likely to appear anytime soon.

"I need to get it over with," he said, as he tried to put on a brave face.

Walking to the hairdresser took longer than expected. He was sure every person they passed was looking at him, scrutinizing him. He hoped that no one would recognise him. Most of his friends weren’t the type to leave the house ever.  As they arrived James pulled the hair of his hood. He’d have to show this huge mass of hair that needed to be removed.

"Hi, how can I help you?" the lady behind the desk asked.

K spoke before he could say anything.

"Hi my friend wants to get his hair cut"

It was weird seeing them be so assertive. They had changed from when they were younger. They always seemed so quiet in class. That was probably his fault, he thought.

He was sat down in a chair. It was a relief to know that all that hair would soon be gone. That he wouldn't have to feel his hair scratching him underneath his hood. It wouldn’t be getting in the way while eating anymore either.

"How much do want cut, hun?" the hairdresser asked.

James wasn't one for selfies, but he was glad he had a recent picture of himself. 

"Can you give me something similar to this?" He realised why K had decided to speak for him earlier. His voice was pretty, and he felt like screaming until it was raw. That might make it less feminine.

"Are you sure you want to cut that much off? People would kill for your hair."

"Yes, I'm sure, please cut it." He tried to lower his voice and speak more strongly. His tone hadn't changed it couldn't be too hard to sound like himself again

"That would look fine. So similar to a pixie cut?"

What was so hard about just giving him the haircut he wanted. He just wanted to look like a guy, without having to endure being treated like a girl. He didn’t want a pixie cut.

"Just what's in the photo," Even when trying to sound like a guy he failed.

An hour later, he could recognise himself in the mirror. No pixie cut and no feminine changes to his hair cut. Just the same hair he always had. It made him smile, knowing that maybe his hair wouldn't be a problem going forward. He looked at K expecting a smile. He hoped that they would look happy that he seemed back to normal. Instead, they looked like they were about to cry. He hated that he recognised that look.