The distressed lady ambled aimlessly, her steps mincing lightly in the gardens of green, surrounded by exotic flora yet unseeing, unknowing, underachieving.

...or so Mother Lily's second favorite high society romance novel went. I... was probably remembering it slightly wrong, though.

That was the scene where the lady, a delightful maiden of small height and owlish eyes, her face framed with the shining gold of a dragon's hoard (no, really, I could probably repeat that entire book word for word by now), had seen her beloved in the embrace of her rival, another lady (who was known for having a piercing gaze embroiled in jealousy towards her superiors and dismissive contempt for her inferiors), not knowing that the lady had thrown herself at the man. And the man, being the perfect gentleman, had no choice but to catch her so that her dress was not muddied.

Good for him. Those dresses were probably top tier quality.

The story had been a nice one to hear maybe the first two times I'd heard it, but after Mother Lily brought it out for the sixtieth time (I wasn't counting), I was sort of... well, sort of over it by then.

Ah, but why was I remembering all of this now, you ask? A distressed yet delightful maiden with blonde hair-- why would that matter in my situation right now?

It didn't.

But right now I was 'ambling aimlessly,' and when I thought of that phrase, it reminded me of that one line in the book.

After taking a nap, I'd woken up sweaty and groggy and more depressed than ever, so Mom had suggested I take a nice walk outside. With nothing better to do, I'd agreed... but now what?

What did nice walks mean? Did people just... walk? With no reason? No destination? Just... just strollin' along, enjoying the breeze?

I took a deep breath, trying to enjoy the breeze, except there was no breeze. I looked around me to see if there was a view I could enjoy, but I knew this street too well. I mean, that was Gramps's house, that was the corner I had hidden from Mother Lily when I was caught ripping up her curtains for fun, that was where the vegetable stall lady lived...

Now, I mused, where should I go? (or more like, a small voice whispered in the back of my mind, what will you do? With Rosa?)

"You come back here!" yelled an elderly woman behind me. I looked back-- a grandma was waving her cane in the air, while a small boy ran past me.

I smoothly turned forward and continued on. Where was I? Right. Where should I go? Maybe the farmer's market? Maybe the bakery? Or I could go see--

Someone zoomed past me so quickly that I couldn't even jump to the side. "Ueck!" I yelled a beat later, flinching back. I gasped. "Lindent?"

Sure enough, Lindent looked up at me from where he was crouched, the little boy scooped up and now secured in no time. He looked surprised to see me as well. Probably.

"Lindent! I didn't expect to see you here."

He nodded hesitantly to me, then stood up with the little boy thrashing and yelling incoherently tucked under his arm. He blinked, then trotted over to the old woman past me and handed the boy over.

"Thank you lad," the old woman sighed. She gave one stinging smack on the boy's head, who sullenly rubbed at his bump in silence. "This boy here is my grandson, but he just don't listen sometime..."

I watched from the side as Lindent stood there, just letting the grandma go on and on about the boy (whose name was apparently Richie) and all the trouble he was making for her.

"Oh!" said a deep voice behind me. I turned to find Dan¹The creator of apple bread and cousin of the baker owner, Claire. Buff guy jogging towards me, a cheerful smile on his face. "Whatcha doing over here?"

I tried to smile back at him, though it kind of fell short. "I, uh, just taking a walk."

"Cool," he nodded, stopping next to me. He looked over at where Lindent was, still listening silently to the grandma's complaints. "Waiting on Lindent?"

"I ran into him just now."

"Ah. Hey grandma!" Dan called, waving his hand.

My eyebrows went up. "You know her?"

"I know her grandson," he corrected with a smile. Lindent looked up at us, and I gave him a tiny wave. Dan raised his voice again. "Did Richie make trouble again?"

"Danny!" Richie scrambled out from under his grandmother's hand and ran towards us. He jumped at Dan, and the two of them began rolling in the dirt, and I kind of backed away. 

When I returned my gaze to where Lindent was, he was now crouched on the ground, his elbow propped up on his knee, watching Richie and Dan laughing and rolling while nodding along to what the grandmother was saying. I chuckled a little-- that was so like Lindent. If anything, he was a good listener.

"Okay," Dan said after a while, "that's enough. And stop making trouble for your granny, alright?"

"Alright!" chirped the little boy, his entire body now completely covered in dirt. After giving him a big, toothy grin, Richie ran back to his grandmother and tried to give her a hug, except the grandma yelped and held him at a cane's length, barking at him to wash up first.

Lindent politely bowed a goodbye to the grandmother and walked back to us, while Dan brushed himself off the best he could. "Whew, that was a lot of energy," he huffed. He looked between the two of us expectantly. "So? What are you guys up to?"

I exchanged a glance with Lindent, then shook my head. "I wasn't doing anything, but I'm not sure if Lindent was." He shook his head, too, so I turned back to Dan and shrugged. "Guess we're both free."

"Well, I was on my way to go check out my auntie's blueberry jam. Claire's ma. Wanna come with?"

I looked at Lindent. He shrugged. "Uh... sure?"

"Great! Come along!" He began jogging off into the distance, while Lindent and I trailed behind. I saw Lindent glance at me a couple times out of the corner of my eye, but I was too tired to ask why.

After a while, Dan noticed that we weren't keeping up and jogged in place, waiting for us, then slowed down enough so that we were walking together. "You guys sure are slow today."

"No, I think we're pretty normal," I replied, a half-hearted smile in place. "You seem very energetic today."

He chuckled. "You noticed? I'm in the middle of making new bread, that's why. I was stuck on it for the longest time, and now I'm finally making some progress! It's pretty exciting."

"Oh, that sounds good."

"Yeah, I haven't had such a good idea since that time you threw an apple at me." He snorted. "Claire is pretty annoyed with me for using up all her supplies for my new bread ideas."

I raised an eyebrow. "Claire? But she's, like, the most motherly person I know." And that was true-- she'd saved, well, she'd saved me and Rosa a bunch of times by taking us in and hiding us from people we had angered. She barely got angry at us because of it, too.

Dan hummed. "She's a pretty determined shop owner, though."

I thought about it. "True," I conceded. "That she is."

He continued into a narrative about how Claire had once gotten mad at him for accidentally burning a batch of bread because he'd been so focused on making a little bread sculpture on the side as we walked along. He was so enthusiastic about describing Claire's anger that I had to chuckle a few times, but I was really not feeling up to laughing at the moment. 

I exhaled slowly, trying to disperse my sigh so it seemed like a normal breath and not a sigh. I didn't want Dan to misunderstand I was sighing because of him, but I was also kind of tired. Maybe I shouldn't have said yes and just let myself keep ambling aimlessly until I could really think about what Rosa had said?

But a part of me was also wanting to avoid that confrontation of myself. I felt like a tangled mess-- like a bunch of strings had bunched up together into this giant ball of feelings and thoughts and questions, and I couldn't figure out which part belonged to what.

"...well, we're different people anyway," Dan concluded, an easy grin lightly tugging up his lips. "She's a great cousin, and I couldn't ask for a better boss to work under."

"...mmm," I said, feeling my chest throb again at those words. I took a deep breath, trying to blow out all the heaviness in my chest. The firm trust that Dan had in Claire reminded me way too much of Rosa and me, before this entire conversation had taken place. "Mm."

"Ah! We're here. Let me just..." Dan jogged into the open door of a cottage, calling out for his aunt.

Soon, a woman with flour up to her elbows came out, and the two began chatting amiably. I watched them in silence with Lindent, their words floating past me in a flutter of lilts and tones. It sounded like the auntie was asking Dan some questions, and Dan was answering them in the easy way he usually spoke.

Maybe I needed to do that: ask myself some questions. After all, if I was looking for answers, I needed to ask the questions. I chewed on my lips in frustration, clenching my fists without meaning to. But I didn't know what questions I had, much less what I needed to ask. Then what? Then think up some questions, a snide voice said inside of me.

All of a sudden, rage flared up inside of me. I narrowed my eyes, glaring at nothing. Why should I? Why should I think up some questions, huh? Then, what, answer them? Ya think it's as easy as that? Ha!?

"...Filian?"

I blinked back to reality. I turned to Lindent, unclenching my fists and trying to clear my mind. "Sorry, I was thinking of something else. Yes?"

He was sort of half-squinting at me, though that could've been because of the sun. Who knew? Not me. I don't know anything. I never knew anything. Yes, that was exactly who I was-- a not-knowing-er! Doesn't know anything! Doesn't even know herself!

Helpless laughter bubbled up my throat, and I only barely managed to hold it down. I was on the verge of insanity now, and nothing could stop me. Maybe I should start ripping out my hair so I also look the part, not only feel it. Gaahh! If only I could, I would start yelling at everything around me! Or something! See! I don't even know what I want to even do!!!

"You okay?" he asked, tilting his head and trying to look into my face.

I gritted my teeth and forced myself to smile, though I felt like baring my teeth more. I took a few deep breaths discreetly. "I'm fine," I managed to say lightly, though everything inside me was screaming.

Lindent furrowed his eyebrows, then shook his head. "Wait here."

He jogged up to the chatting duo, said something to them shortly, to which Dan nodded, looking a little confused. He then nodded at me, and Lindent came back and jerked his head to the side, his body positioned to go. 

I blinked. "Huh?"

He impatiently waved at me to follow him, and when I began trailing after him, he gave me one firm nod and faced forward, and determinedly marched towards who-knew-where.

I sighed, the anger both rising and deflating inside me at the same time. See? I thought miserably. I didn't even know where. 

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A/N: Happy Chapter 72! 72 is such an aesthetically pleasing number so I'm happy :)