Chapter 4: Braindances

AN: Art generated with Cutout.pro/ai-art-generation

That's our little protagonist :) Cover art 

…

I woke up to find myself curled up into a ball. My knees tucked in and my arms (one organic, one chrome) hugged around a pillow. The blankets kicked away into the corner of the bed and the duvet suffering a similar fate. I uncurled myself from the tangled mess, trying to get my hair untangled to no avail. I wasn’t sure if I even had a comb in the house but hopefully a quick path would solve that issue.

A dreamless sleep was a blessing. I would have gone back to sleep despite the time if not for the aching in…everywhere. Trauma Team (The Night City Medical Center) had done a good job at ensuring that I wasn’t going to die or get worse. In fact, they had offered to treat my remaining injuries and re-sculpting process to cover the damages but I had refused.

I had the doctors pass their baton to a Biotechnica owned clinic for the bio-sculpting and the remaining treatment. It was quite a strange sensation to realize that something like this was possible. That humanity has reached a stage of plastic surgery so advanced that it was so easy change who you were. Well…it wasn’t that easy if you were to rewrite your entire genetic makeup to entirely change identities, but looks were easy. Very  easy. In fact, there were a number of backstreet alley doctors who offered bio sculpting as part of their services like a ripperdoc; they had varying levels of quality and dangers, of course.

The way I looked right now, I couldn’t bare to see myself in the mirror. The girl who looked back at me was the face of someone who I knew wasn’t. It was the face which had faced the worst and had been broken. It wasn’t someone who I could be.

Disassociating myself with that look would be healthier for me. Even my path agreed. Thankfully in this day and age, all it would take is a couple of days at a clinic, a whole bunch of eddies, and I could have a face and figure I would love to see in the mirror.

I stood up from the bed as I slipped my feet into the already prepared slippers, wincing slightly as the blisters on the soles of my feet made themselves known. Still, I endured through the pain as I made my way downstairs. Carefully holding onto the railing as I took each step slowly until I was on the first floor of the penthouse.

It was an incredibly cozy place. That was my impression. Despite the overall size of the house, the house didn’t feel overwhelming in neither scale nor color. The warm colors, the full interior, and the furnishing placed just right to make someone feel as if they were home rather than an incredibly over the top luxury Hotel room.

It was perfect. 

Using the knowledge I had glimpsed through a short path, I made my way to the coffee machine as I started up the device to get myself a cup of morning coffee. Placing a pre-warmed mug in place, I leaned by the counter as I stared out over my courtyard and into the morning sun.

Taking the steaming cup by the handle and grabbing the other side with my metal hand, I made my way to under the stairs where a cozy little beanbag was. I sat down with a little *poof* as I continued to stare out the window, trying my best to not think of anything,

Emptying my thoughts. No paths, no worries, nothing.

Just my cup of coffee, my warm hands, and my comfy butt.

It only lasted a moment as good things tend to be, but for that short while I could almost believe that things were good, and they always have been.

… …

“Miss Comtesse, may I remind you that this level of deviation may re-” The doctor restated the warning on the terms and conditions form I had to digitally sign. I understood her worries but I had every confidence that it would be alright.

I had seen years down the line and this change wouldn’t influence my psyche in a negative sense in any way. If anything, this was beneficial to me. This was the fastest and most effective way of establishing myself, the me in this head right now, as a true and separate entity from whoever had once lived inside this head.

“I understand doctor.” I responded. “However, you must understand mine as well.” It was the most awkward stage of the path but I dropped the patient gown I was wearing as I stood in front of the doctor completely bare, showing everything.

Every burn, every rip, every cut and bruise, everything that they’ve done to me laid clear before her eyes as she examined them. 

“I can’t see this any longer doctor.” I looked straight into her eyes. “Do you know what that’s like? To look at yourself and hate it? To not recognize it as yourself?” She had the decency to look back into mine. “When I look in the mirror, it’s a stranger looking back at me.”

“Still, the effects of essentially becoming an entirely different person is”

“-Minimal, compared to losing myself. I understand that this is not a request you often receive but I am willing to go through with it despite the risks.”

The doctor looked down at her tablet where my signature glowed slightly. With a sigh, she relented as she led me to another room where a 3D scan of my current body appeared. To the right, a hologram of my desired body appeared.

“Personality and identity dissociation disorder-”

“I am well aware of the risks.” I snapped back at the doctor. To my response, she simply raised both her hands as she backed off. 

… …

72 Hours Later…

I woke up to a respirator and an IV stuck in my arm. Upon waking up, I had at least several different kinds of immune system booster injected into my systems as well as vaccine shots. My skin…it felt weird. As if the entire thing had been changed into play-dough, shaped to my wishes, and formed…which it was. 

I didn’t really remember the time in the Vac-Tank (laying and floating in a solution of bacteria and nanobots as they reworked my body), but a quick thought to the path gave me a rundown of what exactly had happened.

I held off on looking myself into the mirror or asking myself what I looked like. All I knew was that I was going to like it (according to my path). In a way of keeping a secret until later, I had avoided any reflection during the few hours I would remain awake after the operation.

I took the pills the nurse provided me with before another injection into my neck put me under again to re-attach me to some of the cyberware that I had requested. Prior to the Bioscuplting operating I had three major cyberware installed.

My optics, my deep dive port (and cyberdeck), and my new silver arm. I had requested that all three be replaced. For my optics, I had chosen a new Kiroshi model whereas I had asked that the Deep Dive port (the  interface plug on the back of my head) be replaced with the newer Arasaka Model whereas my chrome arm was replaced with a gemini arm which almost looked and felt organic despite keeping the strength of steel.

As the Doctor finished the last touches on my arm, I was brought to a full body mirror where I was able to see myself for the first time. My first thought upon seeing the girl in the mirror was that she, or rather I, was adorable. A pixie cut with soft white hair with the smallest hint of blue or pink depending of the light. Large doe eyes accenting my beautifully blueish green Kiroshi Optics crowned with delicate sharp facial features. I playfully went through the colors before I settled back on my original choice.

I hid a laugh internally as I thought to myself that I was continuing the tradition of talented net runners getting a full biosculpt treatment (cough cough Alt Cunningham).

As I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t recognize myself at all. Every burn, bruise, and cut was gone and erased as if by magic. The very skin tone, shape, and even voice had been warped completely. As I looked into the cute girl looking back into my eyes, I cupped her…no, my…cheeks as I marveled at its softness. A small smile, looking so adorable, adorned her face as I admired the work.

Already the image of the girl I was previously began to fade into dust as I focused on the girl in the mirror. I let my gemini arm cup my other cheek as I gave a full teeth smile. The teeth, previously knocked out, had been recreated installed into place in my mouth.

I loved it. 

Another step complete.

… …

-I cuddle between her arms as her lips kiss the top of my head. Arms wrap around me as they gently pat my back in a soothing rhythm.

Warm, loving, words are whispered into my ear as I curl deeper into her embrace. There is this feeling…a feeling of utter joy, safety, assurance.

I let out a sigh of contentment a-s the simulation ends.

I remove the braindance rig from my head as I stare out blankly out the night skyline across the city. I was in a loose bathrobe, leaning back on the beanbag under the stairs…

The braindance I had just experienced wasn’t one in which the doctor gave but one in which I had acquired through the help of the path. One in which stated was one that I would greatly enjoy.

It was right. So soft and cuddly even for softcore. Barely erotic, if any. It was perfect. I just wished it was more. More real.

It’s not real

But it felt so real.

I tried to ignore the whispers in my mind. Just one wish, just one sentence, and I could find the actors. Just one mere thought and I could get the actress around my pinky finger as I snuggled into her embrace. I could have her whisper those same words into my ears as she fell madly in love.

Just a single thought would be all it would take.

I tossed the rig gently to the side as I shook the thoughts out of my head. I tried to do it literally, accenting my movements, as I gently grabbed both sides of my head as I swayed my head left and right. 

It wasn’t right. 

[Path to knowing why this isn’t right]

I checked my work as I scrolled to the bottom as I got the answer I wanted. It was so obvious that this was wrong. It was stupid to even entertain that thought.

I looked over at the other scrolls I had left in a neat pile. I felt a little guilty about scrolling the previous one as technically it wasn’t the one that the doctor had prescribed me, but it was the one that my Path to Mental Health had told me to get, so I had purchased it off of storeowner.

I wrinkled my nose slightly as I thought about the remaining brain dances. To be honest, those were incredibly boring. Mostly just sessions of a patient sitting in a room (or laying down on one of those therapeutic chairs) and have my actor just talk on and on and have my emotions manipulated in such an obvious way.

Despite the feeling, it still managed to not feel real.

[Path to knowing if watching the remaining brain dances will help me]

Yes

[Path to knowing if there is a better way]

Also yes

Oh, ok… wait, no.

[Edit Path: Without murder, torture, retaliation in proportion, assassinating key political figures, conquering Soviet Union via Geroy, or binge eating unhealthy foods]

I scrolled through the path again to ensure that I had filtered out the aspects of excessive violence of other over the top means. Still, it was too much effort for right now. I dropped the path.

Something I had often noticed with the paths I had created and thus required me to go over them with a fine tooth comb (unless I was merely looking for information). Too much potential for danger if I simply went along with a given path without checking over it first.

The path was incredible. That I knew. What the path offered was a limited insight into omniscience itself. If this was not the case and true omniscience did exist, then I highly doubted that I would be able to tell the difference anyway.

As much as it was incredible, the path was equally lacking in any sort of moral code or guideline. Every path required an end goal. This was the reason why I was constantly asking for way to find the answer rather than give me the answer. As the path would function very differently with the two different inputs.

Whereas the first would provide me with ways to find the answers or information I am looking for through various means, the second would most likely find ways to create the answer in physical form before having the world erupt into political and cultural chaos and unrest.

I could scroll through the first path until the end and find the answers I am looking for before cancelling the path. The second path may very well end with me never finding out what I am looking for, but rather simply in possession of it.

The path was also incredibly effective. Too effective.

[Path to make the world a better place.

Specification: Make the people of this world kinder and more peaceful, and inclined to help each other]

[9,352,832 Steps Remaining. Time estimation: 4 months]

Summary: World domination, mandatory lobotomy for all, control education with excessive amounts of propaganda, controlled nuclear warfare.

She had immediately shut down the path as she began breathing heavily. Too much information, too many visions, a future opposite of one she envisioned when she requested the path.

[Path to ending world hunger]

Summary: Genetic modification. Biotechnica. Human cloning. Meal packages. 

[Edit Path: No human experimentation or cloning]

Summary: A civilization in cages, food shoveled down their throats like geese from France. Cages as far as the eye could see as people wither from disease and pollution as fried matter is stuffed into their system.

She clenched her eyes shut.

[Path to ending poverty]

Summary: A caste system of extreme control. Every citizen capable of feeding oneself. Every citizen required to meet a quota of production. Privacy, free will, and monetary units stripped…

I shut out my ears with my hands as I heard the screams of millions, billions, toiling away.

[Path to world peace]

I saw the flames of nuclear fire rise over the horizon as countless souls joined the afterlife. Missiles and rockets burning the atmosphere, turning skywards as their hunger for blood wasn’t sated with life on Earth. Predators of iron leaving earth behind to head for the moon, the star structures, and mars itself. A solar system bathed in fire leaving behind no human soul.

I ran to the toilet as I threw up what little I had ate. Bits of fruit, yogurt, and a protein bar all blended together in a greenish sludge. My knees on the ground as I gripped the sides of the porcelain throne as I hurled once again.

Every path achieved exactly what I asked for.

To the letter.

In the most effective, fastest, way possible.

And that was exactly the problem.

After wiping my mouth out I dragged myself back to the beanbag as I collapsed on top of it. Feeling comfort in the familiar sensation, I grabbed the braindance rig again as I booted up the same program. Immediately my nerves relaxed as I felt the nonexistent hands wrap around my form, words from lips what weren’t there, and my heart beating in such a soothing pattern.

And once again, it was too short.

The darkness at the end of the scroll followed by the sudden chill as my senses returned to my body.

… I sat in silence for a minute.

[Path to acquiring more brain dances like this or better]

[Edit Path: Within Night City borders, within today’s time]

…

[Edit Path: Without killing anyone]

I scrolled through the new path. Taking me a few blocks across to Megabuilding 8 to talk (flirt) to a techie into convincing her to selling me some special BDs. 

Oh. Wow.

That’s hot.