The commentators' voices echoed through the auditorium. "But how do you think they will do in the finals? Claw Esports is no joke."

"Well, if they keep this up, with the amazing plays they showed in this last game, I think Team Undercover has a good shot to come out on top. If they play together, their map movements are quick and coordinated. They can catch any enemy off guard, even Claw Esports," the other commentator answered.

I would never admit it, but hearing them talk about us like that felt good. The way they reviewed our performances in such a positive light didn’t happen often. As soon as I got home, I knew I would download today’s broadcasts and watch them all the way through. It might sound vain, but I loved it.

"So," Kelsey said as she walked through the doors connecting the auditorium to the foyer. She stepped up to me and took a pause to slurp down on her milkshake a little more. "He really didn’t show up?"

"Nope." I rolled my eyes and pushed myself off the wall I had been leaning against. I had honestly given up on my dad showing up. Who knew what was going on. All I knew for sure was that both of my parents turned out unreliable today. One of them caring too much, and the other one caring too little, I had really hit the lottery.

"That sucks, Emily. I’m sure something important must have come up."

I shook my head. "I doubt it, it’s just— Whatever, don’t worry about it," I said, trying to keep my focus on the tournament.

"Okay…" Kelsey was silent for a second, her lips curled inward. "Different topic. Claw Esports, what is your history with them?"

It was weird. I wanted to tell her because I knew it would lighten my burden. But I couldn’t tell her because I didn’t want her to know about my background. Not right now at least. Who knew how she would react? Obviously, Rachel took it incredibly well, but she knows what it’s like. I mean, not exactly, but there was a reason why both of us were under the rainbow umbrella. Maybe if I framed it in a slightly different way, I didn’t have to reveal too much? I still hated Bree’s guts, even without the potential of her recognizing me and potentially spilling all my secrets.

"It’s their carry player, her name is Bree. We went to middle school together, and some stuff happened between her and Riley. She was kind of— Her— bi awakening, I guess? Anyhow, Bree didn’t mind the flattery and attention, even though she had no real interest in Riley. And while I quickly figured out Bree was just using her, Riley’s stubborn ass could never quite accept the idea. I felt I was losing my only friend, and Riley felt like I wasn’t accepting her. Those were some rough months for us. If Bree didn’t end up going to a different high school, I don’t know if we could have ever healed that rift."

"Wow," Kelsey scrunched her nose. "Makes sense that she makes your blood boil." She tilted her head. "I am curious about one thing, though, something I’ve been wondering all day. Why isn’t Riley here?"

I felt a shiver travel down my spine. I had been trying to keep her out of my mind, blocked her number, and even asked Rachel to keep her away for the weekend. She just needed to understand that for the first time in our friendship, I would be setting the rules. And clearly, she did not understand that yet. I still didn’t want to lose her, or our friendship. But if she was going to learn, this was the only way.

"It’s… complicated. Some stuff happened; I just can’t really have her around right now. It’s probably for the better. Because if she saw Bree here? I don’t really want to know what would happen."

Kelsey nodded. "I get it, sounds like you've been through quite the emotional rollercoaster."

I bit back a smile. If only you knew Kelsey, if only.

"But know that I'm a great listener if you need someone to vent to," she beamed.

"I know, if it wasn’t for the fact that we are playing the finals in—" I paused to retrieve my phone. While I checked the time, I also noticed a message from an unknown number. "—15 minutes," I said slowly, trying to mask the overwhelming terror emanating from the message I had just opened.

Unknown Number: Congrats on reaching the finals, Emily. Or should I say… Jason?

"Never mind. I’m going to take a leak, see you in the lounge in a bit?" I quickly told Kelsey before running away. I thought she nodded, but I wasn’t sure. I felt the blood rushing into my head, terror bouncing through my brain. I ran into the toilet, not paying attention to the people I brushed by. Both my mind and body were racing. I slammed the stall door closed, sat down on the toilet seat, and took out my phone.

You: Who is this?

Unknown Number: Just somebody who cares about integrity.

Unknown Number: It’s a women’s tournament after all.

You: Please

You: Don’t tell anybody

You: It’s not what you think

Unknown Number: Don’t worry.

Unknown Number: I’m not heartless, I won’t tell anybody.

It was like I crossed into the eye of the storm. The winds of worry momentarily dissipated, replaced with a feeling of relief. This was only short-lived, however, as the next message thrust me right back into the storm.

Unknown Number: On one condition that is.

Unknown Number: You throw your next match.

Unknown Number: Can’t have a guy go home with the trophy of course 😉

I was shivering, but not because of the cold. Because I was trapped and had nowhere to go. I didn’t even know who this was. Who could even have found out about this? What was I to do? Whatever option I chose, the result would be a disaster. My teammates had been so amazing; I couldn’t throw; they didn’t deserve that. But they hadn’t deserved me either, this lying mess of a person.

I was breathing more and more rapidly, the panic slowly consuming my body. Vivid visions flashed across my eyes. Standing on one of the floorboards, in front of a giant audience, the voices of the commentators booming through the air.

"For the heinous act of lying about their identity, Noblin will be banned from the competition. And with that, Team Undercover will be disqualified. Unbelievable, to see that there are people in this world that care so little about the integrity of our tournament and the Dota community as a whole."

While the audience was booing me off the stage, I could see a mix of anger and disappointment written on my teammates’ faces. Unable to bear their looks, I looked out over the audience, the auditorium now completely empty, except for two people. The room was suddenly silent, it was just my parents standing in the front row. They looked at me; they were shaking their heads at the exact same pace. After ten seconds, they looked at each other, turned away from each other, and walked away. Both leaving the theater on opposite sides. They left me, all alone, standing there on the stage, the one I wanted to be on so much, but now, all alone.

I heard knocking on the stall door, jolting me away from my imagined future. I heard Lizzy’s voice on the other side.

"Emily? Are you coming?"

I took a deep breath, flushed the toilet to cover my lies, and yelled, "Almost done!"

After a few more seconds, I opened the door. In the mirror, the face of an imposter looked back. I didn’t have time to dwell on that face, though. As I felt Lizzy grabbing hold of my arm while she attempted to drag me away from the bathroom.

"Come on! Everybody is waiting for you; it’s time for the finals, bud!"

Bud. She said bud. While my body was being dragged through the concrete corridors, I couldn’t help but think about her. About our fight, that look in her eyes. How she was so sad to see my anger but couldn’t help defending herself. If she were here, I could have shown her the message. She could have helped me; she would have helped me, without judgment. I didn’t want to admit it, but at moments like this, I needed her. But because of me, she wasn’t here.

We had arrived in the player lounge; the match was about to start, and Rachel was about to give a last speech to hype us up.

"I want all of you to think about the worst thing that could happen during this match. We could go up there, get outdrafted, outplayed, and lose the series within an hour. It wouldn’t be pretty, but it could happen. But there is this thing. If it did happen, I wouldn’t feel bad about it. Because standing here with you guys, having reached the finals of our first offline tournament, it’s more than I could ever have hoped for. A week ago, I was convinced we would bomb out with the first game, that we didn’t have a shot. But today we have already proven our worth, that we can win games. So don’t be afraid to take risks. We know what we are doing. If we keep our heads together and play some good dotes, we can beat anybody. That is the only thing I care about. That all of you give it your all, and that even if we do go out, we go out our way. As a team."

Her words were real, her conviction was true. She was saying exactly what we needed to hear right now. It wasn’t about the result; it was about the intent. And while her methods were flawed, Riley’s intent was always to help me. To see me succeed.

We grabbed our stuff from the locker; Kelsey, Lizzy, and Jade ran off toward the stage right away. But I was still trying to settle my mind, and Rachel could see that.

"It’s just a game, Emmy. All I need from you is to try your best."

"I know, it’s just—" I paused, trying to gather the mental strength to continue. "Somebody—"

I felt like a roller compactor was slowly driving over my chest, the pressure almost heavy enough to break some ribs. I wasn’t going to let her down; I wasn’t going to let the team down, but she deserved the truth. My mouth was open, but no sound came out. I couldn’t find the words.

Instead of saying any words, I pulled out my phone and showed her the messages. Her brows furrowed slightly as she read it, but I found it hard to read any profound emotion.

"Damn. You weren’t planning on— you know?"

I shook my head. "No, I couldn’t do that to you. But if they tell the referees, they might—disqualify the team. We would lose because of me."

Her voice sounded warm and comforting, not a hint of agitation to be detected. "That’s where you’re wrong. If they disqualify us, it’s because they don’t understand who you really are, Emily."

I felt the pressure sink down from my chest into my stomach. The anxiety now making room for something else. A feeling I couldn’t quite describe, but it felt good. The support from Rachel caused me to tear up a little bit. But unlike the tears from two nights ago, these were happy tears. For I knew that whatever happened, I still had somebody who was there for me, unconditionally.

Unable to form words again, I just nodded. I took my stuff from the locker, ready to make my way toward the stage. This was going to be it, the final showdown. Right before I stepped away, I looked at Rachel one more time.

She hadn’t grabbed her stuff yet; her eyes were glued to her phone. Narrowing my eyes, I tried to look at what she was doing. I could see she was typing a message.

She needs you, here, right now.

Gwenington

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