It was snowing again.
It was oddly nostalgic, really. Around the time he was first inducted as a villain, it had been winter as well. The 'Final Battle' so to speak had also been accompanied by the snowy backdrop of an ever-distant wonderland.
When All for One died.
When Yuganda Itoku died.
When... Gray died.
It had always been snowing. Always.
So much had happened in that single year; he had been broken, wrecked beyond belief until he could do nothing but hold onto a few shards, uncaring of how they cut into his palms. But he couldn't do anything else but hold on, even as it hurt, because they were all he had left.
He had learned to breathe with that fact, learned to live with it. Not just exist.
He still had bad days, still had days that threatened to swallow him whole in their unflinching anguish, but he had good days too. Days where he was able to forgive himself, if only for a few moments, and that... That felt so, so good that it brought tears to his eyes.
He was truly and genuinely okay in those moments. It wasn't just a lie he made up when the bad got worse and made him scramble for driftwood—for excuses to live just one more day—with all the desperation of a drowned man.
Learning to forgive himself, loving oneself as she had so earnestly requested... That was one of his hardest fought lessons to learn, but it was also the best one. It was one that made him melt into himself with such relief that he felt like a child again in his mother's arms, as she whispered to him that everything would be okay, and he believed it.
Dear God, he believed it.
(He could believe in something again, and wasn't that a beautiful thing? He could truly, genuinely, earnestly believe it would be okay again. He hadn't had the ability to do that since Middle School.)
It made his chest ache with a pleasant sting as he truly, genuinely smiled on those days, those days of bliss and contentment and inner peace. His mind was silent. More than anything, he savored that. Being able to just exist without anything else weighing on his conscience.
Being able to live.
(And wasn't that interesting that he liked that now? How the times change.)
Today...
Wasn't one of those days.
Because despite his recent gains in his ability to forgive, he wasn't quite alright yet. He doubted he ever truly would be. Forgiving everything he had done seemed nigh unattainable; loving himself even more so. At least at the moment.
Well... In many moments.
Alone in a snowy, soundless world of his own, Izuku Midoriya exhaled a white puff of air, green pupils like dull emeralds shining brightly nonetheless.
"She gave me a hard one, didn't she?"
He stared at the scars sashaying around his wrist, like that of a drunken artist, swishing his brush right and left without a rhyme or pattern; some thick, some thin. Some deep, some shallow. It was an immutable tale of his past, of his mistakes and moments of weakness that would never vanish as long as he lived.
While others would have flinched at it, he merely stared at it, irises dancing with mirth.
Yes, it wasn't easy.
Yes, he will never be the same.
Yes, it hurt in places humans should never hurt.
"But this is your punishment to me, after all, isn't it? It would be weird if I enjoyed it. As you said, life isn't easy. For me, it may as well be hell itself, but... I can't run away from it anymore either, huh."
The whisper of an amused sigh seemed to brush past his ears, and he smiled.
It was a thin, wane thing, but for once, it was a true one.
"Well, I'd best get back to work now, or else the interns are going to yell at me again."
Standing up, he stretched his limbs from side to side with a satisfying pop, his sudden movement having the added benefit of shaking the small layer of snow that had piled up during his stay outside. With it, the name tag on his chest became clear as well.
DR. MIDORIYA IZUKU
PSYCHIATRIST
"See ya later, Gray."
I'll be waiting.
Afterword:
It's been a long haul with as many difficulties as one can expect from such a journey, but it's not been without its joys either. One of the main things I've learned from writing this, I suppose. But gee, who expected this? I certainly didn't— I was the kid who wrote a high score of 12 chapters, got tired, and never could give their ideas the chance to be anything more than a daydream to distract myself from math class.
Even this, this (hopefully) grand little saga with lots of admittedly heavy problems, switch-a-roos, and hard-fought life lessons...
I didn't dare dream that I would actually do it.
Yet, here we are.
I won't deny that while I gradually wanted to complete something for the sake of completing something that was mine, it was all you guys who led the charge. Heck, the third chapter only came out since I got a dm from someone who simply wanted to see more.
So take pride, kiddos. This exists because of you all, and I certainly want to thank you for it as well.
I learned a lot as a person as I wrote this as well. I can't say how many times that ending of my daydreams morphed and transformed (my spot-checker friend can probably tell you; I told him so many times about this awesome new ending in mind that he stopped being surprised) because it was no longer quite right.
There are absolutely mistakes that exist in this, plot holes that need to be filled, and a few promises I failed to answer due to me having absolutely no idea how to write a long-running, entertaining novel of a fanfiction. More than a few have been turned off along the journey by character choices and perhaps choices of my own that were mistakes to some. But I find myself being proud of what it ended up in the end, and I hope you all feel proud as well.
That said, I never actually liked the MHA fandom! HAHA! One hell of a crazy bastard, that I am! Feels good to get that one off my chest though. As some of you have probably guessed with my plot points and general... 'me-ness' that seeps into my writing, I'm pretty nit-picky. To the point I got rid of the things that ranked me the most about the world-building in MHA. I'll spare going into detail about all my grievances though.
<3
Hope to see all you guys on the next adventure!
(oh, keep an eye out for RP: SS. I finally have some foreseeable time and that shall perhaps be updated. ;))
WAIT WHAT
That was unexpected, great ending, it felt concluded and inconcluded at the same time for some reason, i really enjoyed the ride, what a masterpiece, last time i cried like i did on chapter 57ish was on mushoku ending like 2 years ago lol
Happy to reset your cry counter~
Glad you enjoyed the book!
Wow honestly didn't expect that!I loved this ff thanks for keeping me entertained!
it took some time and imagine there were many difficulties to get to this point but i am so glad you were able to finish your story congratulations
Thanks for the hard work ! And thanks for going all the way! (So I say but I need to catch up what I didn't have time to read. But I know it will be nice)
See you!
A great ending delivered by a great author. Thank you for giving me such a memorable story to read and binge. I enjoyed every last bit of it. Can you belive that I started reading this early in the midnight and now I'm completed it at about the same time. Anyways I'm looking forward to the stories you will produce in the future, and I have already followed you to not miss out. Although I have read on your profile that you will be taking a break from writing, and will not be returning anytime soon, I am still hopeful for when another masterpiece of yours comes out.
That's all from me. PEACE OUT!!!
Good read I enjoyed it
I really like this fanfic and appreciate it that you author-sama, made it even though you’re not a fan of it. (I’m not really one either, don’t like Deku’s positivity which is just not my case and also the reason I liked this story so much). I don’t know much about writing, but I think you really did an amazing job with the character development and.. the despair of Deku was so well written that I could feel it. Also liked the ending with him being quirkless but…coping. I loved reading this.
I hope you’re well and have an amazing life for we’ll probably never meet again (or did you write other stories…idk just in case)
Love from Germany
PS: if you ever wondered (not that you did, but you’re gonna know anyways in case you read this) my username is the combination of the old-German meaning of my first and second name
:D
Love from the United States (I don't live anywhere interesting, unfortunately).
It's a real pleasure to hear you enjoyed it, even with how sketchy it can get at times. It's also a relief to hear you think I represented everything correctly; it was a character centric above all else, so it'd be really bad if I screwed that part up, lol. Glad to hear the ending was good (it was purposefully a circular narrative, if you're interested in the technical term).
I'm currently working on... two major projects? Yup. Lots of little side ganders to get those creative juices flowing (see alt account Aouliuo). The two I mentioned will be with the hope of being published, eventually, if at all possible. Bug me on discord at C.Sunlight#2801 if you want some more/don't mind giving opinions.
Happy to hear that. Guess I’ll stick around and wait for the the projects hehehe.
And, you know, don’t rush yourself and so on.
Bis bald
@Ancestors_Spear Oh, like. . . Genuine publication. My writing has improved a lot since this exercise in experience, so I figured I'd take a go at it. I currently don't have plans to publish it on an online platform.
Everything's on a strictly beta reader basis as things are written; discord is the medium I use to get stuff out.
C.Sunlight#2801 Was the dc right?
My dc is nyxiuss#1317
@Ancestors_Spear Ah yeah, it is o-o;;
I fell asleep right after I sent that. . .
@C.Sunlight Welp for me it’s 7:56 PM and for you it’s like… 11:56 AM?