Ranma stared at his surroundings. 

Claw marks covered the walls. Above him on the ceiling, a single hole crossed by iron bars let a sliver of light into his concrete prison.

Why was he here again?

He felt an arm wrap itself around his. Turning to his left, he saw his girl counterpart, his doppelganger, shaking on her feet, holding onto him tight, as she stared into a dark corner of the room. “Ranko?” he asked, looking her up and down. “Where’s your fish tail?”

“I’m… I’m scared,” she stammered out, huge tears falling down her cheeks. He was too, but had to keep it together, for her sake.

A growl turned his attention to where her eyes were pointed. A grating sound, like metal grinding on stone, overtook the room. Ranma stood his ground, quickly taking a stance and protecting his other self with his arm.

…His other self? No, that doesn’t sound right…?

He looked behind him and there was just a ball of light there. Wavering, flickering in and out. “Scared. Scared. Scared,” it said in an indistinct voice, until the words faded and became a feeling.

There was nothing behind him. 

He was alone.

The ground shook again.

He snapped his head back towards the darkness. It produced a guttural growl, it grumbled. Like a bad memory playing over, a giant paw crawled its way under the ray of light.

Two slitted eyes, off yellow, lit up and gazed into him.

His breath caught in his throat. His heart stopped beating. He fell backwards, screaming… and then disappeared.

 

Shampoo… didn’t understand.

One moment, she was happily enjoying her reunion with her beloved, hugging her like she always did, but then the next…

The next was heartbreak. 

She’d been told the world outside the Amazon village could be quite cruel to people like her, of course, but… She hadn’t expected this… this outright mockery. And coming from Ranko, no less. 

She already felt self-conscious enough about her misadventure at Jusenkyo, and now, here was her crush down on all fours, hissing, pawing, growling, acting like… like a cat? How could this be anything but Ranko insulting her?

How did this happen?

 

Akane felt cold sweat trickle down her forehead. Something about the energy emanating from Ranma felt extremely strange and abnormal — even for him that is.

Ryoga slid in between them, umbrella open and pointed at Ranma. “I’ve seen this from him before. We need to get out of here fast.”

Confused, but racking her brains, she suddenly recalled the words from the forbidden techniques leaflet. “It will work, but only with a receptive soul…” she quoted, muttering. “Is that what Cat-Fu is!?”

Ranma arched his back and hissed. Ryoga, keeping his eyes well on him, pressed one of the buttons on his umbrella’s handle. On the opposite end of the weapon popped out a toy mouse on a spring, the sound of a bell jingling inside. Ranma’s eyes narrowed, then widened. “I have designed this umbrella as a Ranma beating tool. I’d be a fool not to have prepared for this,” Ryoga smugly explained.

Akane heard hurried footsteps behind her. She turned just in time to catch Shampoo jumping out the window, sobbing loudly. “Shampoo, wait!” she shouted too late.

Ranma rushed right past them at near-inhumane speed, stopping just a quarter of a second at the windowsill, holding the toy mouse in his mouth. Ryoga stared at it and then at the mangled tip of his umbrella. “When did— get back here!!” 

With a “Meow meow!”, Ranma jumped out after Shampoo and Ryoga gave chase, stomping down the sloped roofs of the Kuno residence and soaring away above the garden walls. Akane stopped at the window, watching all three of them run far away. 

She blinked a couple times then grumbled. “Doors, people! I swear! What’s with you all and window-hopping!?”

And just like that, the atmosphere was gone. Akane stood in a desolate battleground, the leftover ruin that trailed behind their group at their worst: property damage. The Kuno office was in chaos, and the unfortunate doctor — who Akane quickly checked was still breathing — was out of commission.

And on top of that, she had no idea where Shampoo was even heading. No chance to catch up to any of them now.

The door rattled for a second and then opened. Kodachi, dressed impeccably in a furisode, was staring down at a rotary phone in her hand as she spoke. “Will you all be staying for the evening? There is word of a new restaurant offering Chinese delicacies, I am sure they would be more than happy to deliver—” She lifted her eyes up to Akane, and finally noticed the state of the room. “…Huh.”

Akane ran to her and grabbed her by the shoulders. “The restaurant! What’s the address!?”

 

No, no no no no. Ryoga could just not lose track of Ranma and Shampoo right now, it was of the highest importance. He was hot on their tails, about a dozen or so meters behind them. Shampoo was doing her best to swing her oversized club at Ranma, which he knew was futile — what was already a mastery of dodging became superhuman when coupled with the agility of a cat. Speaking of, more and more street cats started running by the two’s sides, apparently intrigued by their human brethren.

Point was, he had to focus on them as much as he could. As long as he kept staring, kept thinking about them, he could stay on their trail as long as necessary. But that was a challenge, for one as directionally challenged as him. The same problems as ever continued to crop up: the more he ran, the more the air resistance whipped his clothes against his chest, the more something unexplainable started clouding his mind until he felt like he wanted to be anywhere but there. And the next thing he’d know, he would’ve walked a thousand steps without even feeling anything.

Argh! No, focus, Hibiki! Think not of yourself, but of Shampoo just ahead of you! Yes, it was vital that he stayed in the moment and not missed anything important happening ahead. Hence continuing his chase of the Chinese girl wailing her heart out —rubbing her eyes as fountains of tears jetted out of their corners— as well as the horde of cats, and the strangely empty spot in the formation.

Do not think about the distracting feeling. Do not think about your body. Think about Shampoo, think about her being in front of you, leading you somewhere. Yes, she… she knew something, didn’t she? About you. She’d said something peculiar, and… you’d suddenly agreed to help her, and felt like she was a nice girl. What had it been again…? What had she called you that felt so right…?

…

Ryoga’s feet skidded to a stop. He was in the middle of a crossroad, staring down pedestrian crowds in every direction. His eyes turned to search for any signage around. Damn it, where the hell was he this time?

 

Let it be known that 96 years was never too old to open a new restaurant in a completely different country. So was the sentiment Cologne felt on that waning afternoon, give or take a few decades to the age. Storing the last emptied cardboard box in the attic, Nekohanten now had everything installed for the official opening tomorrow, with tonight serving as more of a test drive of sorts. From atop her cane, she surveyed her dutiful work one last time, and she had to say: it looked like the perfect culinary tourist trap. Even better than expected, really! Idly, she opened up the topmost menu on the counter’s pile, and mused whether she could sneak in an extra zero at the end of the current price tags.

Ring, ring! The restaurant’s phone started to sound, promising the milestone of the first delivery order. What luck they’d snuck in their number on the last day of submission for the yellow pages! Cologne hopped to it —quite literally, from atop of her cane— and brought the handset to her head. “Ni Hao, valued customer! What can the Nekohanten cook up for you today?” To the old woman’s surprise, she actually recognized the voice on the other end. “Oh, why if it isn’t the little neighbor! I wasn’t expecting your call this soon! 

… 

Yes, we’ve just finished setting up, in fact.

… 

Oh, she went out for the afternoon. Yes. 

… 

Yes, yes. I’ll let her know as soon as she’s home. But don’t expect too much, you know how she is with phone calls…” She ought not let it show to her granddaughter, but she still worried about her every now and again. Her little angel didn’t always have it easy.

Speaking of, her acute hearing identified what she thought sounded like Shampoo’s footsteps approaching. “Oh, I do believe that’s her right now. You’re quite lucky.”

The little bell in front of the door cried out in agony from the brutish strength that tore it off its hanging point, but it was nothing compared to the wailing that instantly followed. “WAAAAAH-HAA-HAAAA-HAAAAAA! GRANMAMAAAAAAA!!!”

Cologne stared wearily at the puddle of tears that started pooling under her granddaughter’s feet. “Bǎobèi, what happened?”

“RANKO HURT MEEEE!!” Shampoo cried out in between sobs.

Cologne paused for a moment, wondering whether some miscommunication had happened, or if her little treasure’s girlfriend truly had done something awful. She didn’t have enough time to settle on a position as the voice at the other end of the line started speaking again, and she raised the handset back to her head. 

“… 

Yes, it seems— No, no, no, no, please. ” They started speaking over one another. “I assure you, whatever is happening— You don’t need to— No! No— Mousse! …Mousse!!”  The line died, leaving an empty tone ringing in Cologne’s ear. 

With a sigh, she hung up the phone and decided to focus on one problem at a time. “What did my daughter-in-law do?”

One problem immediately turned into many. Bursting through the open door, a veritable torrent of cats started pouring into the overwhelmed restaurant, pouncing from table to counter and back. Cologne’s eyes jutted out of their sockets with a gasp. To the cacophony of mewls were quickly added the sounds of fine china being pushed off shelves and crashing to the floor, chairs being used as makeshift scratching posts, curtains being torn to ribbons, only adding to poor Shampoo’s renewed sobbing. “OUT! ALL OF YOU ANIMALS OUT!!” Cologne futilely growled from atop her cane, which had just become another implement in the cats’ impromptu obstacle course.

 

There was no possibly mistaking that Akane had arrived at the right street. Confused shop owners and bystanders had started poking their heads out of their doors and their windows to look at the curious mass of fur that had engulfed the new, inconceivably well named restaurant.

“Bless my ribbons,” Kodachi expleted. “This looks even worse than dear Father’s office.”

“‘Give, even if you only have a little.’” Tatewaki added, arms crossed. “The Buddha, Dhammapada. Let us help with this situation.”

Kodachi nodded, and they jumped into the fray in unison. “Wait, isn’t she the brute who sent you to the hospital?” 

“No insulting those in need of our help, sister!” The animals started being ousted by any available opening, dashing out of the Nekohanten a handful at a time.

Akane quickly spotted Shampoo inside the restaurant. But scanning the scene… Where were Ranma and Ryoga? She had no doubt the latter would somehow turn up at some point, but Ranma… His absence was more worrisome. With no lead to follow, she jogged to the nekohanten’s entrance and poked her head in. “Shampoo, where’s Ranma?”

A thick wooden branch immediately nailed itself to the doorframe with a twang, mere inches away from her face. A grumpy looking, imp-like creature followed, landing right atop it. “I suppose you must be Akane, isn’t it so?”

“I— erm, uh—” Akane stammered, her brain struggling to process that unlike what her first glimpse told her, this was in fact an elderly woman.

“Might you want to explain to this poor, old soul,” a vein popped amidst the wrinkles, “WHY MY RESTAURANT IS BEING TURNED INTO A FELINE CIRCUS AND MY GRANDDAUGHTER IS INCONSOLABLE!?”

“Granddaughter? You’re Shampoo’s… grandmother?”

“Quite obviously so, child. Don’t you see the family resemblance?”

Akane turned her gaze between the spade-mouthed dried raisin in pajamas and the petite, breathtaking ice goddess by her side. “Q-quite.”

Three little kittens ran past Akane’s legs, chased off by the Tatewaki siblings.

“Well?” The grandmother said, getting back to the point.

“Oh, how to explain this…” Akane hung her head low, pinching the bridge of her nose. “We thought Ranma had a simple fear of cats, but it’s… more complicated than that.”

“A fear of cats!” The old woman exclaimed, seeming understanding. “My poor treasure couldn’t have known…” With a single, impressive jump, she landed on Shampoo’s shoulder, and started hugging and caressing her. “There, there, my sweet angel… We will get everything cleared up, your betrothed didn’t mean to hurt you. Understand?”

Betrothed… So that would be how it’s going to go, Akane realized, sighing.

Shampoo slowly wiped her tears with the back of her hands. “Grandmama promise…?” The elder nodded, pulling out an oversized handkerchief. “Okay…” Shampoo took it, blowing her nose loudly.

“What else is there to know about my daughter-in-law’s phobia?” Cologne asked.

Of that, she wished she had a better explanation. “I’m not sure… It’s like he just snapped, and… started to act like a cat. I think his father called it the forbidden technique of the Cat Fist?”

“The Cat Fist? What kind of addle-brained fool would—” Cologne’s reply was interrupted by a loud thud coming from the restaurant’s roof.

Akane rushed outside, with Cologne hopping behind her, Shampoo following them, and Kodachi and Kuno carrying out a dozen cats in their arms.

 

Where was everyone? Where was anyone!? Damn his birthborne curse! If Ryoga had to hazard any guess, he likely was somewhere in Paris. That unmistakable white and red tower over the horizon was certain proof of that. He was such an idiot, an imbecile, a worthless nuisance… Even as Ranma needed him most, he still couldn’t be arsed to get over himself. What was wrong with him? What was wrong with himself that he couldn’t stay focused for thirty seconds straight…?

Ryoga balled up his fists until his nails dug into their palms. Enough was enough with the self-pity. He needed to track down Ranma? Then he now knew just the thing. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes. He did his best to empty his mind. Each time the unexplainable feeling of standing in an ill fitted suit arose, he forced it back down as calmly as he could. He took a step, then another, then started to run at full speed. He reopened his eyes, jumped onto the nearest roof, then continued in a straight line towards where he felt his destination to be.

“—nma! Talk to me!” Akane’s voice started to sound closer and closer. For the second time today, this had somehow done the trick.

With another leap, Ryoga landed by the cohort’s side, brandishing his umbrella in the same stroke. Ranma was standing atop the restaurant’s roof, calmly grooming himself — and seeming prone for an overdue beating.

 

Ah, good, Ryoga had finally met up with them. Akane hoped he would be of help. “Ryoga, did you ever manage to get him out of this state before—”

“RANMAAAA! DIEE!!” And just like that, Akane’s hopes for a savior were dashed, as their recipient himself dashed right into the fray once more, swinging his weapon like a fly swatter, that Ranma had no ounce of trouble evading.

“Ranko don’t explain… No more crying! Shampoo very angry!” The other girl joined in, having produced her massive clubs from… somewhere, apparently.

“The tiling! Do not damage the tiling!” Her concerns exclaimed, Cologne left Akane the sole member of the stay-on-the-street group, scrambling to prevent her restaurant’s status as a collateral victim from worsening.

“Urgh…” Akane exhaled, slamming her face in her hand. “This is like trying to herd cats…”

The Kuno siblings ousted the last of the cats from the restaurant in an orderly single file line, baffling her into defeated silence.

 “I’m afraid fighting will not bring Ranma to his senses.” Akane recognized that voice — it was Genma, a sack tied around his neck, and accompanied by her dad. The two of them stared solemnly at the battle above. “My premonition was fulfilled, how unfortunate.”

Maybe she had given hope too early. “What can we do?”

“When Ranma falls prey to his enmity for cats, he himself becomes one to escape it all. As long as this ailed him, only one person in the world ever managed to cut short these episodes: a former neighbor of ours — an old lady who would come and calm his troubled mind with a comfortable lap and a warm cup of milk.” Genma hefted his sack off his head and started rummaging through it. “Thinking back, it was quite lucky she was blind as a bat.”

Then there was a way, Akane hung to that small comfort. She looked back up at the rooftop battle, watching Ranma effortlessly outmaneuver Ryoga and Shampoo like it was a game to him. “Does she live far?”

“I’m afraid she’s already passed on,” Genma stated.

“What!” She turned her head. “But then what can we do—aaah!” Akane jumped back in surprise, finding Ranma’s dad in drag, a cheap wig replacing his usual headwear. Unexpectedly, the costume was eerily competent, at least by usual Genma standards. 

“What is a father meant to do, if not swallow his pride and fix his mistakes!?” Brandishing a stalk of catnip, Genma took off for the sky. “HERE, KITTY KITTY KITTY! WHO’S A GOOD KITTY!?” He shouted on his way up, swaying the herb from side to side.

More expectedly, Ranma took the addition to his list of playmates incredibly poorly. His eyes shone red and he bared his fangs. 

The sight in front of Akane was one she would wish she could forget. “Argh! No! Aiie! Oww! Not the face! Not the faaace!!!! Ranma, Stop!! It’s me!! It’s your ‘pa!!! NOOO, WHY IS IT GETTING WORSE!!!?? Help meeeeeeeeee!!!!!!” Genma’s desperate plea was bloodcurdling.

“That idiot is just adding fuel to the fire…” Akane’s dad gulped, muttering a prayer for his safety. “Oh, is there more catnip in there?” He added, spotting the remaining contents of the bag Genma had brought.

One by one, every fighter was thrown off the building by a tornado of claws. Genma landed through the aquarium of a nearby seafood restaurant, Ryoga and Shampoo were catapulted back to ground level, and Cologne stepped back on land for her own safety, still holding the shredded remains of her walking stick. With a grunt, she discarded them and pulled another one from under her robes.

Ranma’s own leap down was as if on padded feet, silent as a predator. With an arched back and his pigtail lifting straight up, he stared Akane down with an intense expression. 

Akane gulped, readying herself for impact. She was now their last chance — if she couldn’t stop Ranma, when would he get back to his senses? Her eyes stopped on the contents of the bag at her feet for just one instant and a plan formulated in her head. She dove into the pile of catnip and rubbed the plant all over her hands, before stepping back and readying a grappling stance.

Coming at her in one spectacular jump, Ranma’s whole body stretched out to its full length, fingers splaying, a long battlemeow accompanying his pounce!

Akane fell to the ground, tackled by the pure strength on display, she desperately latched onto her opponent! The two tumbled together, rolling against the cemented street…!

…

“Purr… Purr…”

Akane tentatively opened one eye. Standing upon her, the cutest redhead was rubbing herself against her fingers, pushing her head into them and demanding more. Akane raised her hand, and Ranma chased after it, stretching high up with a contented look on her face, all the while purring up a storm that resonated into Akane’s body. “Ha… ha… Good… kitty, you like that… don’t you…?” She muttered, out of breath.

“That’s incredible, Akane!” Her dad celebrated. “You did it! That’s my girl!”

A round of applause started from the impromptu audience, who no doubt mistook this situation for guerilla marketing from the new restaurant. Not one to miss out on an opportunity, Cologne hopped onto her cane and started bowing. “Thank you, thank you! We hope to see you at the Nekohanten soon!”

Shampoo briskly approached Akane and Ranma, though the movement in her tail seemed to indicate an underlying feeling more akin to timidity. She stared at the one being pampered for a few seconds, before thinking aloud. “Oh, is not Ranko… Not man one either.” She squatted down and joined Akane in petting Ranma.

Ryoga sighed, setting down his umbrella and using it as a cane to lean on. “You’re always causing a heap of trouble, best buddy…”

A grouchy panda walked out into the street with a seaweed on his head and the remains of an old kimono stretched over his hips. He growled something, to an audience of but the two nearmost strangers. In a flash of recollection, the Kuno siblings bowed down in salutation.

With the situation now defused and her legs growing numb under her fiancé’s weight, Akane’s patience was thinning by the moment. Even as the crowd started to disperse, she could still feel the eyes that were on her, the uneasiness that came with being watched and judged. As the thought that a schoolmate could be in the crowd passed her mind, she found her cue to want to end this ordeal. “Ranma, please… Get off…”

“Myah!” With the caresses coming to a stop, Ranma released the tension in her body and lowered her head to be level with Akane’s. Then, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, she pressed her face against hers, nose and lips touching.

At that moment, Akane’s heart stopped beating. What? Was that… That was… Right? How could it possibly not be? She could still feel the softness of the touch, the light push into her, the short linger of the moment…

Her first kiss… was with a girl. In front of dozens of people, a crowd going wild with whispers and murmurs. No. No no no. This couldn’t be how people found out. This couldn’t be when people found out. She wasn’t ready.

Her face aflush, she balled up her fists. “RanmaaAAAAAAAAA…!!!” Before she could even process what she was doing, the uppercut she threw tossed him high up in the air, twinkling far away into the twilit sky. 

 

Following this strange set of circumstances, it was eventually decided by the present crowd that all would dine at the Nekohanten for supper. Everybody pitched in on cleaning up the restaurant, eventually being joined by Nabiki and Kasumi, and the party spread across two full tables of Chinese cuisine catered by Cologne at the counter, Shampoo waitressing, and apparently Shampoo’s dad working the kitchen, who the guests were told was a rather private man. Genma, Soun and the Kuno siblings were on one table, which left the Tendo sisters and Ryoga on the other.

“Now there’s a relaxing time,” Nabiki said amidst ongoing conversation, “Been a while since we had a family dinner that wasn’t hectic.”

Kasumi turned her attention back to the table, having finished handing a bag of homemade sweets to a very interested Shampoo. “Well, I suppose Ranma-chan’s absence helps. She ends up the lynchpin to a lot of strange things, if you think about it. Without her, there’s no bickering over food with her father, no love complications from Shampoo-chan and Akane-chan, no rivalry from Ryoga-kun… and of course, all the internal troubles.”

“Oh, didn’t know you don’t know. Hard to keep track of who knows what sometimes.” She conspiratorially whispered something to Kasumi, who went wide eyed. “Your point stands, though. It’s quite calm without them around. Say, Ryoga, does it usually take long for their Cat-fu to fade?”

Ryoga, whose mind had been elsewhere until now, stopped mid-bite to ponder the question. “Uh… I’m not sure. The couple times it happened at school, his dad came to fetch him and he was back to normal by the next morning… Maybe he went home by now.”

“Pig girl can find Beloved!” Shampoo butted in, dropping another plate of baozi. “Is useful.”

“So Shampoo knows too,” Nabiki smirked. 

“I don’t want to right now…” Ryoga grumbled, before chomping down on his food and swallowing.

Nabiki let out a chuckle. “With Akane in this state, you shouldn’t anyway. I don’t think your head would remain attached to the rest of your body for long!”

Akane didn’t acknowledge the slight, continuing to bury her phenomenal scowl under her meal. “RANMAAA…!!”

 

“‘Tsu!” On the other side of Nerima, a frigid Ranma sneezed, trembling after an impromptu night bath into that accursed Shakujii river again. He didn’t remember anything after getting to the Kunos. What had even transpired? With a sigh, and another sneeze, he knew from the bottom of his heart that whatever had happened, he probably wouldn’t hear the end of it starting tomorrow. 

“Urrgh… My head…” A little voice said inside his mind.

“Welcome back, you,” he replied back, carefully avoiding mentioning how this was his head (however that worked with a thing that lived in his thoughts).

“Hi…” It said timidly. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like having me around… You’re the real Ranma, and I’m just… there.”

Ranma held his arms behind his head, walking silently as he stared at the street lights passing by. Damn right he was the real Ranma, but somehow… he couldn’t help but pout. “Ya know what? I was feelin’ lonely right now anyways. Wanna keep me company?”

He could feel a beaming joy at the back of his head. “Sure!”