I heard a small gasp of surprise. I turned my head towards Gwenn. She was shaking her head. Big eyes, open mouth, as if she couldn't put into words what she'd just seen. It was as if she'd just seen a strange ugly monster.

Then I noticed that she was looking at me like that. Do I look like a strange ugly monster? I suppose I'm not far off. I chuckled softly. "What is it ? What did I say? I didn't say anything wrong, did I?"

She came back to her senses and shook her head again. "No, no, not at all, it's just that..." She looked down. "Ugh. I don't really know how to say this." Then she looked back at me. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

A personal question, for me? What would I have to answer? "Go on." I tried to smile.

She sat back in her chair. "Wouldn't that make sense for you to be trans..." When she started to say my name, I cut her off.

"No, impossible." I shook my head vigorously. "For one thing, it would be an appeal to probability, and be careful, that's a slippery slope! Secondly, I'm a man, so I can't be trans. And I would now, with parents like mine." Clear, concise, nothing to add, it was really that simple.

Gwenn looked at me with a sly smile. She had moved her chair closer. I knew that look, all the lights in her head were on, every little neuron prepared to eat me. Oh, this debate’s gonna be fun. She took a breath. My trial was about to begin. 

"I know, I know. I understand, you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket." She giggled. "Just because you want to wear a dress doesn't mean you're trans, of course."

Exactly. All guys think dresses are beautiful, but the difference is that they can't wear them, but girls can.

"However!" She wiggled her finger right in front of me. "You said you couldn't be trans because you're a man." She certainly loved to scratch the air. "I think it's time we defined what gender is!"

"Defining gender? Isn't it just the cultural aspect of biological sex? Biology studies sex and sociology studies gender?" I asked, but I already knew she was going to answer no.

I love redefining a word, adding nuance to it or finding a new way of looking at it. Collecting definitions really helps you understand what people mean when they use a certain word.

"You can say that... if you're stuck at like, level one biology and sociology." Phew, she wasn't pulling any punches. But her smirk was telling me she'd said it just to tease me. It was all for good sports and I wouldn't have done less in her place. "Hypothesis: gender is the system we use to sort people into two categories, the two biological sexes." Had she really prepared a whole lesson or what?

By that time I'd totally forgotten the original question, the prospect of a debate on the definition of gender was far too appealing.

I asked her a question: "That's very different from the definition I know. What's the point of the hypothesis you're proposing?"

"To fix a big problem with your definition. The idea that we can ever really discover biological sex. It's like we were saying yesterday, remember? So I suggest we take that fact into account, humans are biased, even in science. And therefore, the very concept of sex is biased – I mean, it’s social – we don't discover anything, we construct! And gender is what constructs sexes."

Oh, that's bold. But I like it! It's certainly true that the definition of biological sex has changed over the course of history, and today it's accepted that it can't be reduced to a single characteristic, like chromosomes for example. There is a consensus that it is more a constellation of characteristics and that humans fall along a spectrum. Obviously, there are still two big poles for what we’d call the two biological sexes.

"There's still a pattern, something real we based everything on. But that's not what we should focus on" Then it clicked. "We have to take a little step back!"

"Yes!" She beamed. "Okay okay, so... There could be a world where eye colour defined your whole life. Where scientists tried to find links between eye colour and behaviour. Hell, there could be a world where Pluto is still defined as a planet! That was a choice! Nothing there would be physically different from ours, but society would be. Gender could be totally irrelevant in this world, no influence, no one gives a damn. Eye colour would be the real deal. But here? We don't care about eye colour, we care about gender." She lost a bit of excitement with that last sentence.

I tried to consider her idea and rephrase it. "So, so, no opposition like 'sex versus gender', just something else? We just invented gender first... then we came up with biological sex?" I paused, still sorting my thoughts. All of that was weirdly exciting. "And then we had- We have! We have preconceived notions of what's a woman or what's a man just because... History? We divided people in two groups and based on that we linked biological characteristics to each one. According to a pattern, certainly, but never respecting it completely."

She grinned. "Not everyone agrees with that, and that's okay, but that's what I'm going for." Then she paused and approached me. "And theeen?" She devoured me with her eyes. I could hear my heart beating.

"I'm not a guy because there's a male reality to which I belong to. I should be a guy because I've been assigned this role by people. People relying on stereotypes about my body and my behaviour for a whole bunch of historical reasons... Is that right?"

She wasn't completely satisfied. "Yes. But then, if we get back to the original question. What does all of that mean?"

I didn't like what I felt. This kind of talk shouldn't have gotten to me so bad. "It means that..." My mouth was dry, my voice was low, my tone was frail. I hesitated. 

I opened my mouth again. "It means I... I have to show you how the potion factory works. With that you should be ready for the dragon." There was an awkward silence. I could still hear my heart beating. I'd never been so uncomfortable. Why? Why? Any discussions of scientific subjects like this are usually very comfortable for me. What is happening to me? I was still as excited about the subject as ever, but there was something heavy about it.

Fortunately, Gwenn rescued me.

"Ok, ok. Sorry I pushed it a bit. I thought you had something else to say... Sorry. I have more nothing to add." I couldn't see her expression, some kind of wetness had started to block my vision. But her voice was gentle and reassured me. "So. Can you show me how to use the factory?" I tried to hide my relief, I doubt it worked. The discussion was over, she'd convinced me of the soundness of her hypothesis, so indeed, there was nothing more to add.

The rest of the evening was much more fun. Gwenn decided to go and strike the dragon. I put a chair next to hers to watch her do it. I suggested she take some beds. She told me she had one that she was going to put next to the gate. But we'd need a few more, I had a little surprise in store.

Gwenn's presence had been so much more pleasant over the last few days. It was like she was really holding back and now, not at all. And honestly, I can't deny that she's had an influence on me. I've caught myself being more in the moment. And even laughed a few times when she got kicked out by the dragon into the most unexpected corners of the boss island and survived.

That's when I suggested placing a bed next to the dragon, in a very special arrangement that would keep Gwenn from dying. She right-clicked on the bed and it exploded, inflicting a considerable amount of damage on the dragon.

"Waaw. That's so cool, I'd never thought of that." You'd have thought her eyes were filled with glitter.

A few beds later, the dragon was defeated. I clapped and cheered for my friend. She looked at me. "Thank you for this evening. It was really fun playing with you." Her gaze lowered. "I'm really sorry about earlier. Those were complicated questions and I treated it like a game."

She took my hand. I squeezed it lightly. "Don't worry, everything's fine. The talk was weird but I still enjoyed it." I smiled at her. "I was a bit stressed, I was walking on eggshells, I... I... I didn't want to hurt your feelings that's all..."

Gwenn started to laugh. "How do you do it, do you do it on purpose? Oh, it's amazing, you're really silly today.”

"What? Why? What did I say that's so funny?" I pouted.

She calmed down and looked at me a little dramatically. "I'll tell you a little later, I promise. But I assure you, it's absolutely hilarious."

Not without frustration I replied. "Okay. But you know I don't like it when I don't understand, so you'd better explain soon." I pushed myself back a little and yawned. The sound I made was frightening to be honest. I never understood how my voice could reach such low frequencies. Maybe I should ask her for some tricks about that later.

"I can't explain anything if you fall asleep. Go to bed, noodle-stack." She said, with a falsely serious look on her face.

"Y-yes ma'am. Sorry, I think I'll head home, I haven't slept much the last few days."

Querelle

Sorry if that was a bit too technical. Usually I'd say that's too much, but since they are two big nerds, I think they deserve a pass.