Sena pinched her cheeks in front of the mirror.

It was near sunset now and she found herself whisked into a small cliffside bar in the east district. How did she end up here? Naturally by Nicholas’ arrangement. Yesterday when he asked for compensation, she agreed to have lunch with him but the matter was pushed back when he tentatively pulled her to watch a movie. 

She made a clumsy excuse to go to the restroom when she felt her phone vibrate. After letting it ring for a good two minutes, she went out of the cubicle and walked down to the patio to answer. 

There was nothing new in it actually. Mr Luz's usual frustrated reprimand and scornful reference for her lack of respect to her elders. Then he also voiced that he wanted her to return to the house for dinner. Perhaps to play another nauseating family farce but hell, if she doesn't know what his real purpose is. In the end, Sena cut off the call indifferently. 

She was heaving a heavy breath when Nicholas found her. They were just having a light drink on the counter when her phone started ringing. Absently rolling the bottle on his hand, he watched from the corner of his eye when she looked at the caller's name. She bit her cheek and furrowed her eyebrows before deciding to receive the call. 

He followed her movement when she walked into the restroom and came out a couple of minutes later to the patio. Nicholas lost interest in his drink and walked slowly to join her. Sena didn't talk much but her shoulders were stiff, her head was bent down and her free hand was rubbing her lips. Her body language spoke of tension and impatience. Noting that, Nicholas concluded that her estranged daddy might be on a temper play once again. But the unsavoury conversation did not last long enough to give the old man more time to pester her as Sena decided to drop the call.  

"I took too long, didn't I?" 

"Not really," he smiled wryly, "I was just worried he might have harassed you enough to fling yourself over the cliffs."  

Sena snorted while looking over the scene of both Capital City and Pearl Marina from up there, "Sorry to disappoint you, I'm very much intact here."

Nicholas knows she's a tough girl. On the contrary, her father might be the poor one who might get his ass irritated to an early grave. 

"Wanna go somewhere with me?" 

Sena blinked. "Okay…" 

He held out his hand and guided her out of the patio. They passed a few rows of tables under the awning on the right side of the bar and some neatly arranged potted plants. They walked further until they reached the back of the small building facing south. There were no more tables here, just a private garden overlooking the viewing platform on the left side. From there they continue forward, towards a narrow stone step leading below the ravine. 

Sena was surprised to see the stairs, it blended so well with the railing you wouldn't be able to see it unless you came closer. With Nicholas leading in front, they descended the steps that were chiselled out of grooves on the sandstone as passage. The space was just enough for a person to fit then a simple iron hand railing was placed for safety. As they descended lower, the chilly wind blew stronger but fortunately, the late afternoon sun was there to chase the coldness away. A couple of minutes passed, and they stopped on a wide stone platform facing west. 

"We're here." 

When Sena walked over to Nicholas, she gasped in surprise. They are standing on a huge protruding rock and beneath their feet is the ground that is a long long way down. 

"Wow." 

In front of them was nothing but air and Sena was caught in the feeling of being weightlessly suspended, free from everything at the same instant. Without realizing it, she took a step closer to the edge. Nicholas's hand came just in time to keep her from making another move. He did not hinder her, instead, he stepped closer beside her letting her take in the view. In case she felt a little dizzy, he would be there to make sure she did not fall. 

"How's the feeling?" His voice was calm and low. 

"Cathartic." 

"I felt the same when I first came here too." He said after a moment. "That time there were still no stairs. I had to use a rope." 

"How many people have been in this place?" 

"Just us." She heard him say. 

The whistling wind swept up from below the plateau delivering a comfortable chill on their skin and making her long silver locks dance. As Sena's senses settled from the heady feeling the height gave her, she finally had more courage to look more closely at the surroundings. What seems to be a serpentine line below was actually a small river. Clumps and clusters of green she saw were trees. Far detached from its natural beauty is the soon to be developed Metro Hub with its straight and rigid lines designed in blueprints and graphs. 

Fortunately, she did not let go of the land and let others spoil it. Rather than a hodgepodge of poorly designed apartments and clubs, an eco-friendly city is a far better choice. 

"Thanks for bringing me here." She said, smiling up at him. "You're a very nice person, Nicholas."

The sound of her sweet voice calling his name made him pause and delivered warmth to his chest as if hearing her say it played some kind of different meaning than she usually does when addressing him.  

"You're feeling better now?" He asked with a lift of his brow. "I'm sorry I overheard your argument with your old man." 

She nodded indicating it was fine. "There was nothing to hide about it anyway. Almost all the people we're acquainted with are not strangers to the drama. Truthfully, I'm so sick of it that it keeps sticking like glue when you least want it."

The offhand way she said it made him relax. It wasn't until they had dinner and the mood was fine that things went off track. 

"Did you accidentally discover that place below?" Sena asked.

"Yes, the owner of this place is a friend of mine. Back then I came when he invited me for the opening of the bar. It was raining heavily that time and one of the flaps of the awning flew to that tree on the cliff." Nicholas pointed at the old crooked pine tree. "Anyway, as I went to reach for it, I noticed the stone platform below." 

"Your friend, the bar owner," Sena looked over her shoulder towards the dark bulky man with a scar on his left cheek that very much made him resemble a pirate in the movie she once watched. "He's quite sentimental to choose a place like this, isn't he?"

"More than that. Roger is a romantic." 

She chuckled. "That's sweet." 

"Not really, he claims to have loved half of the women he dated but left them anyway. He had been urged to settle down by his parents, big man that he is."

"Maybe he hasn't found the one." Sena shrugged nonchalantly.  

He shook his head, "He met a lot of 'the one'."

"So what about you, Nicholas?" 

"Finding the one?"

"No. What about your family?"

Startled by her question, he stopped smiling abruptly. 

"You look like you are about to choke on something." Sena pointed out bluntly but with a teasing tone. The change on his face was so obvious she could never miss it. 

"Miss Erde," Nicholas drawled as he rested his elbows on the table and looked at her, "If you want to know more about me, you are free to rummage through my profile. You're very welcome to do that."

Then he gave her a very charming wink.  

"Well, you have a point." She said but there was a hint of chagrin and forbearance that had mixed into her voice that gave Nicholas a distinct feeling that for some reason any of his answers will determine if the gap between them closes or widens. 

Sena took her glass of cranberry juice. "Favorite colour?"

"Blue," Nicholas replied. 

"Favorite sports? Hobbies?"

"Tennis and basketball. Riding motorcycles." 

Sena gave out a small laugh that sounded a little too forced and artificial in his ears. 

"Relatives?"

He shrugged. "I have them like any ordinary family. Grandparents, parents as well as aunts and uncles."  

Sena no longer made further queries. Finished with dinner, the bar owner Roger came and greeted them. He was a huge man that made Sena feel small when he enveloped her into a tight bear hug. The first time he saw Sena he had to rub his eyes a few times then gave Nicholas a meaningful look before fixing his entire expression. 

"Good, you sneaky bastard!" He guffawed, tapping the other on the shoulder repeatedly. "Ain't she the gal you—" 

The call from his waiter inside the bar interrupted the onset of blabbering. In fact, Roger had so little time to spare when it was the busiest time so he left as quickly as he came leaving the two in awkward silence. 

"Shall we go inside?" She said, "Roger seems like a very cool guy and has been to many adventures. I would love to hear more of his stories and maybe a bit of you." 

"I think we should go back early." He said unenthusiastically, dousing her smile and excitement effectively. He did not mean to sound so rude but he was also bad at making amends that he could only clumsily add, "I mean I planned for us to visit the site. It's not far from here."  

A moment of silence passed. 

"There is a meeting I have to attend tomorrow," Sena remembered. "You should rest early yourself." 

Nicholas looked at her, searching her face for a hint that she was just making another excuse just like she did earlier. But she was not. Annoyed at the sudden drop of the mood or for whatever reason he could not explain, he raked his hand through his hair. In the end, they could only follow the trail back to where they parked the motorcycle earlier without speaking for a long time. 

It was Sena who turned to him with her face full of wonder, "You don't like it when people ask you personal things, do you?"

"Everyone is like that," he was quick to reply. "Especially when their life was already open for the public to see." 

How could she miss the thinly veiled reprimand? 

Oddly enough, he heard her chuckle. "You said your favourite colour is blue. How about black and white? As for hobbies, I don't think half a day's ride in your motorcycle would qualify for it. You like boats and anything related to the sea. You also love the thrill of high places. Not some cute and safe sports like tennis or basketball. I'm guessing a few extreme sports, right?"

She heard him let out a sigh.  

"The things you told me were things written on the surface of your profile, not the one I'm seeing right here."

Good god, he could have kissed that mouth if only he wasn't feeling so conflicted about her right now. All this time he thought he was the only one curious about her. It turns out she also… 

"You're not terminally ill, are you?"

"No." He answered amused for a moment.

"I suppose you don't have weird hobbies either. Like whips and chains in your basement. Your house doesn't have a basement, does it?"

Nicholas had to try not to laugh. 

"Serial killer… murderer?" 

He put his hands on his hips and groaned. "Sena." 

Sena stopped instantly and cast her eyes to the darkened part of the pathway. It was at this moment that she was reminded of the harsh reality of where their relationship is right now. When he took her down the cliff with the excuse of letting her see the view, she felt his genuine concern for her. A little hope reignited in her heart that maybe he wasn't as emotionally distant as he appeared to be.  

She had warned herself already, she knew yet she still insisted. The only thing Nicholas wanted to share with her was the excitement and freshness of being in a physical relationship with no strings attached. Letting things flow and see where it takes them, well she could have settled with that. As someone mentally older than him she already allowed herself to be liberated from all restraints once but then, she is also aware that letting herself be carried away in this cycle will only leave her more scarred and broken in the end. 

Coming back to fix herself, she wanted to face the future brightly and with a light heart. Not a pathetic sobbing mess just because she failed some first love the moment they split. 

Arriving at the parking lot, Nicholas unlatched the helmet off and handed it to her. 

"It's getting late." The changes in her tone were unmistakable. 

Hinting from her gestures, he knew that she wasn't happy with the perfunctory way he answered her questions. He intended to make her relax but he had unwittingly made the atmosphere between them stiff. He pushed the helmet again on her hand and coaxed softly, "Then, let's go and rest if that's what you want."

Instead of taking it, Sena took a step back and cleared her throat. "No, someone will come to pick me up." 

He tucked his hand back and let out an, "Oh."  

"Thank you for the lovely day, by the way. I adore the secret hideout you showed me. It has one of the best sunsets I have ever seen."

Her calm face suddenly roused an unease deep inside him. He was used to women throwing a tantrum and sulking at him when they were not getting what they wanted. He can manage tempers and he would rather she throw a nice one at him, not this sweet refusal that is slowly eating him.     

"Sena, are you mad at me because I didn't want to tell you anything about my life?" He speculated impassively. 

"Not really." She said softly. A wisp of silver hair floated around her cheek as the quiet breeze blew.  

He felt all the more conflicted. On one hand, he was relieved, on the other he was frustrated. Although Nicholas is not unreasonably stubborn, he is not willing to be backed into a compromise by anyone either. 

Sena looked at him with a winsome smile. At that time when they danced and got drunk on the beach, she felt a sense of closeness to this man before he awakened her desire. There was such a boyish quality to Nicholas Aiguille with his riotous shaggy hair and charming smile that gave her a strange feeling of connection. It was also the reason why she had allowed him to flirt around her as he liked. 

"There is nothing to be mad about. What we had was something we both wanted. It's just that," she trailed and bit her lip. Nicholas caught the struggle that flickered within her eyes. "It's just that I'm selfish and greedy. Remember what you told me at the Highland Lodge? I'm sorry."

"So, I am being rejected?" He said, sounding like he was sulking. 

Sena chuckled and reached to touch the side of his cheek. "You are an amazing man, Nicholas and any woman is lucky to receive such attention from you."   

"But not you. Is that it?" He couldn't hold the bitterness lacing his tone. 

Sena did not mind the bite. "Right. But you see, what you are willing to give is not enough for me. I told you I'm greedy. The person I like, naturally, I want to know more about. I would try to pry them out one way or another and I'm absolutely certain you are not someone to tolerate that when you are not willing to in the first place." So before we could clash and break each other, let's just end it. 

Caught between shock and admiration for her candor, Nicholas was left speechless for a long moment. He saw the reluctance and the loss in her eyes and he very well knew that if he put his mind to it he could coax her into agreeing on a formal relationship. He knew that the attraction he felt for her was no less than what she felt for him. It's just a matter of using his words and body. At this moment he could grab her hand and ravage that silly mouth to prove his point. 

But he didn't. 

"You're right." He replied honestly. He did not have the energy to continue hedging when being asked about his family. 

So in an attempt to liven the dreary atmosphere, he boasted shamelessly. "I'm a very good catch, you know."   

"Right, you are." She agreed instantly. 

Nicholas could hear the tremor in her voice but he chose not to point it out. Perhaps the ambiguous relationship between them is better off ending this way, he thought. Sena is a bright and special woman, she deserved more. They have a huge project on their hands and it is better if both their time and energy are concentrated on it. Come tomorrow or the day after, he can quietly appreciate her at an arm's length without disturbing her own space.

"It was my first time chasing a woman." He added. 

"I'd be very sorry to let you go." Sena's eyelashes flickered when she blinked her eyes. He had been attuned to her every expression that he was certain that she was struggling to keep her face straight. When he thought she would cry, his chest thudded and he even perversely anticipated what method to use to counter it. He is most aversive of tears, perhaps seeing her cry like the rest would dampen his interest. This way, letting go is much easier. However, when Sena raised her gaze to him, she had that jaunty heartbreaker's smile of hers that caught him off guard. "Good night, Nikki." 

Tomorrow, let's just keep the relationship purely business. 

When Sena turned away, she no longer bothered to look back. 

Standing on the pathway in a daze, Sena faced the night sky amidst the darkness. 

She did not have to pester him with questions he did not want to answer and could have agreed like anyone else out there. Even friends had their own secrets to each other, why does he have to tear down his barriers for her? Where did she pluck the audacity to assume that he would willingly do so just because she asked him to? Why can't she leave it alone and let the man keep a secret or two for himself? 

Sena had never felt so despicable and ashamed of herself. Fighting back tears, she tried to concentrate on the path where she was going before she could stumble on something. Lifting her hands, she tapped her cheeks gently then rubbed her arms to expel the night chill. When she looked ahead she realized that she had strayed farther from the parking lot and somehow ended up at the viewing terrace. From there she could see the intermittent twinkling of distant city lights and hear the noise from the bar. 

There were no guests on this side but from time to time she could hear rustling noises in the shrubberies from the guests going up. Sena did not bother to look back and was inwardly thankful for the lack of any soul in this area. Squeezing her eyes, she thoroughly immersed herself in self-loathing. 

The truth is that she is very afraid. Falling into another emotional disaster like her mother because she let her feelings lead the way for her is not something she can afford. She wasn't as brave as Paula Erde nor does she have the capital to gamble her heart to a total stranger. 

She smiled self-deprecatingly. 

Nicholas was not merely pleasing her, he was patient and sweet. She had enjoyed his care all this time. She could have just given him the chance to put his charms and gentleness at full play instead of forcefully digging at his history that he did not want to share. It was her overeagerness that had broken the chance that might have been there for both of them because she did not want to end like her mother who gave her all and lost to a man whom she thought would hold her as significant as how he is to her. 

Sena sniffed her clogged nose and felt even more bitter with her uncontrollable tears. 

Men like Nicholas had their own reservations and sometimes they put their barriers down for a woman they feel so deeply for. Knowing that she did not qualify for that made her so miserable that her eyes blurred beyond help. 

Sena shook her head and paced around slowly as if doing it can shake off the rising depression she was feeling. Looking ahead, she could vaguely make out Paragon Residence and its neighbouring buildings with her stinging eyes. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she did not hear the noisy rustling behind when two people came and crossed her line of sight. Sena was startled that she froze, it wasn't until the two guests went to the telescope on the edge of the terrace that she breathed a sigh of relief. 

Fortunately, they did not bother to stop and look at her. She looked really stupid right now. She also discovered that her phone had received two messages from uncle Jess informing her that they are now in the parking lot. 

She was hunching and tapping the keys when a shadow moved directly in front of her. She was about to say something to the person when a familiar cologne caressed her nose then, at one breathless moment her impatience was instantly replaced by surprise and disbelief as Nicholas pulled her gently into his arms and cocooned her with his warmth. His hold took a while that all she could hear was the faint rustles of shrubs and the pounding of her chest. 

"Don't cry, honey. It was my fault…" 

bananapink

It took a while doing this. Writing emotional scenes has killed a lot of my braincells but I hope I still managed to convey what the characters feel...